I had no idea how to upload my first chapter and what to do, so the label is wrong it is meant to be. Day 1 - And it was over. This story will be set into i think three parts. The first part is, Day 1 and that has four chapters. Oh and this story has alot of flashbacks. They are in italics. Sorry for any confusion. Lol!
Chapter Two – Can I Move On?
Shakily I stood up and walked along the beach, towards the road. I clutched my hand to my shoulder to stop it bleeding. But that didn't help; the blood seeped between my fingers and ran over them in lines. I could feel my cheek sting as I walked because the skin was pulling the wound further apart. I hissed through my teeth. I could hear the cars zooming down the main road through La-push. God what were they going to think I must look a mess. I was shaking like a leaf, the image of Jake morphing into a wolf and sinking his fangs into me, would not leave my mind. I shuddered. There was no way I could stay like this; I had lost far too much blood already.
I had to find Billy and maybe Leah, Leah could drive me to hospital and Billy could talk to Jacob when he got home. Jacob just turned into a wolf, oh my god! Jacob, my boyfriend was a wolf. The road seemed daunting as I approached it, my ears were ringing and I had trouble concentrating on the road. I stumbled half way across and waited. Cars zoomed past at a ferocious speed. A red BMW convertible nearly knocked me over and the girl driving didn't even look back. She simply brushed out her hair behind her and smiled at the gorgeous boy sat beside her. Mind you they were both beautiful. The girl far more than the boy. The boy looked behind at me with a grim expression on his face, contrasting with the happy one from earlier. He tapped the girl driving and she looked back. It was like they knew me which was weird. I definitely didn't know them. They must go to the high school in forks. They seemed about my age.
Finally I made it to the other side, having no idea how I managed it. I felt dizzy.
"Billy" I cried hoarsely as I got closer to there house, it was right on the edge of the lake just on the other side of the road.
I stumbled along the path and knocked on the door, leaving a bloody knuckle print. I prayed Billy was in the house and not at sues. Or fishing with Charlie.
Billy's wheel chair skidded along the linoleum and the door opened. He gasped,
"Jacob," he mumbled, I nodded weakly.
"Why did know one tell me my boyfriend morphed into a giant dog." I croaked it was meant to sound angry but I couldn't find the strength for that. My ears rang louder and I slumped against the door frame.
"I don't know, I guess Sam told him not to tell," Billy muttered and picked up the phone. I felt faint the blood from my wounds was making a large puddle on the floor and my head swirled from the smell of it. Rust and salt.
"Hello, we need and ambulance in La-push," Billy gave the address just as I toppled to the floor. Jacob's face was imprinted behind my eyelids and I tried desperately to force it away. I hated him. Jake remained there and I sighed.
"Please be quick this is urgent," he yelled desperately and hung up. He was stroking my hair.
"Bella I will talk to Jacob, please don't hate him." He said. I did hate him, he hurt me, he didn't tell me he could morph into a wolf and he attacked me. I despised him. All I wanted to do was run as far away as I could and forget about him for the rest of my life. I was terrified of what he could become. I was terrified of him.
I shuddered at the thought, how could I hate him now, after he drowned in the lake when he was cliff diving and it was hot, the water was still no one understands it there was no danger that day. The divers say his leg was caught in a fishing net at the bottom that was weighed down with some sort of boat engine. So now I hated the sun, it was sad and evil. It was death. It ruined everything. Jacob died on a sunny day, a harmless day.
My own personal sun went out, was extinguished by the same ocean we played in, the same ocean that we kissed in, the same ocean that we . . . I sobbed, oh god I missed Jake, I missed him so much. There was no way I hated him. I got over that. I stroked a finger down my scar which was stinging a little from the tears it still hurt sometimes. Jake never got over it, hurting me. He tried his best to hide it but. . . I could see right through him. As clear as glass, like looking at you but from another perspective because we were the same in many respects. So a part of me went with him and now I was half a person. But the person left behind wasn't much of a picnic to be around anymore.
"Bella!" Charlie shouted, I flinched I knew what he wanted. I didn't want to move. I wanted to disappear into the ground and forget everything. No! Leave me alone don't make me go in there, please. Please don't make me Charlie. Not when he meant for me to say goodbye. I didn't want to do that but he would force me if he had too.
"Bells its about to start," he yelled, he meant the funeral, he meant Jacob's funeral. Shakily I stood up and brushed the sand off of my clothes, I was wearing a tiny black dress and a shrug, I had a black ribbon in my hair and I was wearing my boots the boots Jacob had bought for me after the accident. Also somewhat out of character I was wearing make up. I had lined my eyes with liquid eyeliner, thinly. With tiny points on my top lids. Jake thought it looked good on me, when I wore it once before. To Quil's house party.
"Hello Bella, my name is Carlisle," My doctor said brightly, I was staring at him and not because, he was a doctor and I didn't like them but because he was the most beautiful person I had ever seen in my life. Apart from the blonde girl I had seen earlier today.
"Hi," I croaked, my head throbbed.
"Looks like you've had a serious dog bite." He said, I just nodded.
"Okay, we stitched your face when you first came in and we've stopped the bleeding in your shoulder, now this bite is going to need a lot of stitches and a skin graft as it will scar badly," He explained.
"What about my face?" I asked, he frowned a little,
"If you wish to have a skin graft on that you can but your insurance won't cover it as it is not that serious," He said. I nodded I could live with that, having a massive scar going down my face wouldn't be so bad. From my room I could see the forest and knew that Jacob would be out there some where, I shivered. I hoped he would not come to visit. I'd rather have them cut off my arm. At least that might stop me from stabbing him with a scalpel and as much as I hated him. I wasn't feeling so warm to the idea of committing murder. Charlie would have to arrest me.
And hopefully he might lock me up for good then Jake would never see me again.
"Dr. Carlisle. Are you related to someone who owns a red BMW?" I asked suddenly thinking that he reminded me a lot of her. He smiled.
"Yes she is my daughter, Rosalie. Did she have long blonde hair and was there a guy with dark hair with her?" he asked brightly. I nodded a little surprised at his exuberance.
"That was Emmett; all of my children are adopted so technically there not my children but I've had Rosalie since she was eight. Emmett is her boyfriend," he said happily. And he must be loving and not hurt her. And not morph into a giant dog and not lie to you.
I smiled, Jacob had hated my scar every time he saw it, it reminded him of what he had done. I wasn't so fond of it either but I couldn't get rid of it now, it was part of Jacob no matter how bad the memory. And it wasn't so ugly. Just a pink line. Not puckered at all. Jake had cut me cleanly, so it healed cleanly. Sometimes I liked it. I mean now Carlisle was always my doctor I requested him whenever I had to go in for an injury. Maybe that was the good that came from it. Yes I was slightly deformed but I had an awesome doctor now. So that was a plus.
Charlie had told me that he would transfer me to forks high. I had requested it that. There was no possible way I could survive at La push high. It would seriously screw with my sanity. So in almost two days time I would be starting at a new school. Meeting new people and making new friends. Jake had died two weeks ago. And he would have expected me to be happy by now. So I would make an effort for him. Not that it would work but I would try. But trying to hard would be painful. Things were bound to spring up that reminded me of Jake. Maybe I should just choose the numbness and leave the pain, torture behind. Maybe then I could move on in a way.
Carlisle began to stitch up my shoulder and I hissed through my teeth it hurt, even though I was drugged up with pain killers. He stitched fast but it still hurt a lot, because the bite was so big he had to really pull the skin together and it felt uncomfortable.
When he finished, I sighed. He really was beautiful and my mind blanked just looking at him.
"Bella you have some visitors, shall I send them in?" he asked I nodded absent minded and he walked out. About a second later, three of Jacobs's friends, Billy and my dad walked in. I smiled and then winced because it pulled at my stitches.
"Hey Bella" Quil mumbled, he looked nervous.
"Awe Bells you look a state," Paul yelled jokingly.
"Yeah Paul I know it's all down to the damn secret Jakes been keeping from me. Stupid, smelly dog," I screeched. Paul backed away from me like I was a psycho wielding a syringe at them. Yep let's go with the hospital theme.
"Bella, Jacob is here he wants to see you," I flinched at his words. Jacob, Jacob, Jacob. Did I want to see him, no, yes, NO! Definitely not. Well . . . shut up Bella. I sighed, damn it.
"Okay send him in," I mumbled gruffly. Jacob walked into the room and I gasped, he looked distraught and agonised he was carrying a shopping bag. From one of the shoe shops in Port Angeles. His eyes locked with mine and his eyes welled.
"Oh my god," he mumbled, I just stared at him wanting to jump out of bed and hug him until his expression changed and he smiled my smile. But I couldn't he did this, he destroyed me.
"Bells, I'm so sorry, I'm oh god," Jakes voice cracked, tears slipped from his eyes and he rushed forward to hug me. I flinched away from the monster, the big russet wolf that was all I saw when he came at me like that. Jake stretched his arms out towards me, one of his warm hands rested lightly on my shoulder.
I screamed, Quil, Jared and Paul all winced and I scratched at his hand trying to push him away. What right did he have to touch me after, after everything? I was going to hit him if he didn't get away from me that moment.
"Get away from me you . . . you monster." I yelled hysterical tears streaming down my face. Jake stepped back. He handed Quil the bag.
"Give this to her, please?" He said and walked out. My chest clenched, I couldn't help it he got to close, I felt scared of him now. Quil handed me the bag and I opened it, inside was a shoe box but it was huge, I pulled it out and threw off the lid. I didn't want a gift from him but Jared would be upset with me if I didn't at least see what it was.
"Ouch," Jared yelled, it had hit him in the face, inside were a pair of boots really, really long soft leather boots which went all the way to my thighs. I laughed, thigh boots, two weeks ago we had seen them whilst walking in Port Angeles and I had said you couldn't pay me a $1000 bucks to wear them.
But I wore them now. I loved them, even then I loved them but they were ridiculous and sultry. Now they were from Jacob and Jacob was gone. I sobbed and wiped at my face, Charlie wouldn't want to see me crying again. I had been crying too much. I walked behind Charlie as we made our way into the chapel. I could see the back of Billy where he was sat at the front beside him were two empty spaces. For me and Charlie. Jakes sisters were sitting on Billy's other side. Rachel was clutching Paul's hand desperately.
I walked around slowly, numb. Rachel's face was laced with pain. She had already lost her mum and now her brother. It seemed so unfair. Billy grabbed my hand as I stood beside him he was sitting on the seats as his wheelchair was two big.
"He loved you Bella, he was sorry for hurting you," Billy croaked his voice was different now the life it once held was gone, It was flat and lifeless.
"I forgave him Billy; we were together again before it happened." I said confused.
"I know but you never knew just how sorry he was. Everyday he would look at you and feel disgusted with himself, your scar . . ." he trailed off and I sobbed. I squeezed Billy's hand and he squeezed back.
Goodbye Jake. Ha that sounded fake, I'm never going to truly be able to say goodbye to you. Everyone's here and when I say every one I mean everyone. Your two sisters and Rebecca's husband are here. All of the pack and there girlfriends. Leah and Seth are here. The chapel is packed there are even people outside. I'm wearing the boots Jake, remember. The ones you bought me from Port Angeles. I swore Id never wore them but it seemed horrible not to wear them today.
Oh god I miss you, I want you to come back, and I know that it's impossible but I would do anything for you to come back. My sun has been extinguished. Everything is dark. I've been so numb Jake I can't feel anything anymore. I haven't been in the lake yet Jake; I don't think I will ever go in it again. You remember that the council were going to clear away the broken bit of the jetty, I wouldn't let them Jake, it's a memory. They can't take it away.
You would laugh at us if you could see us; everyone is dressed in black, with those silly hats and tragic blouses. I wore black too. But you probably didn't want that, you probably wanted us to wear whatever we wanted and be happy. Everyone else might have been able to do that to put on a brave face and a fake smile. But I can't I wore what I wanted; I wore the boots because they are part of you. The rest is part of me, my mood, and my feelings. It's like everything is over Jake. Like the whole world is continuing to move and everyone here is moving on but I'm staying put stuck in a time loop of memories. Our memories, even the most painful ones. The ones I try my hardest to lock away but they continue to spring up like a bad dream. Bad dream is right; you seem like a dream Jacob, like you were never here. It's surreal. I'm sorry, I shouted at you, well not you at everything that day on the cliff. When they pulled you out of the water, it wasn't right. It wasn't your fault and I damned you. Billy says I never knew how sorry you were, it doesn't matter how sorry you were, I forgive you, and I would forgive everything and everyone who has ever upset me if you came back Jake. But you won't will you, you're where you're supposed to be, that's what Sam says and Billy and Charlie. But of course I'm selfish so I don't listen to them. I need you Jake.
