Exercises in Smut

Chapter 2 ~ Non Sequitur

"Boo!"

"Oh shit Malfoy! Don't do that to people."

"Do what exactly?"

"Er … jump out at them from behind pillars. Exact enough?"

"Not nearly. Is it all pillars or just this one? Does it restrict my actions to jumping, or may I leap or gallop or charge instead if the mood strikes me?"

"Oh God, here we go again."

"Is it only from behind pillars that I am forbidden or is it fine to be in front of them, or to the side? Because really, depending on perspective it could be seen as either."

"You know what, just ignore that. It doesn't matter anymore."

"Aw no. You stopped me Harry. Just before I could reach the best bit."

"Which is?"

"Oh, never mind. It doesn't matter anymore."

"No, go on. You were saying?"

"No I wasn't."

"…"

*smiles*

"Fine. Whatever. What are you doing up this end of the castle anyway?"

"You. Hahahahahahahahah."

"Oh, you're so funny."

"I know I am."

"Serious answer?"

"Was that a serious question?"

"You are an expert at giving me a headache."

"Which head?"

"What?"

"What?"

"God. STOP DOING THAT!"

"Doing what Harry? You have to be more specific."

"Says who?"

"Why, me of course."

"When did you become the be all and end all of grammatical etiquette?"

"When you ask? Why, just now."

"…Just…now?"

"Whenever I hear the call for sentence structural justice, that is when I … I forgot."

"You forgot?"

"What was I saying again?"

"You were telling me what you were doing in this part of the castle."

"Oh. You. Hahahahahahahah."

"Ha … ha… ha."

"Oh cheer up!"

"Cheer up?"

"Cheer up."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Because?"

"Because. That's why."

"Oh my god."

"Oh Harry. Guess what?"

"…What?"

"I'm hot."

"God! Draco!"

"Guess why."

"No! I'm not playing this stupid game again!"

"Guess why."

"I'm not playing. You can play with yourself."

"I don't need permission for that."

"Did you just -?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you really just say that?"

"Harry, Harry!"

"What? Wait, you can't change the topic like that."

"Oh?"

"Yeah."

"Oh, I just thought you wanted to know."

"Know what?"

"What you asked me a while ago."

"What? The hair care thing?"

"What the - ? No! Not the 'hair care thing'! Honestly!"

"Well it doesn't seem that unreasonable."

"I don't believe this."

"Admit it! Admit that you style it or whatever!"

"No."

"No potions? No gel? No hour and a half in front of the mirror every day with a straightening charm?"

"No."

"It can't be natural."

"Oh, it is."

"Just tell me! You can tell me. I won't tell anybody."

"Ha! As if.'

"Hey, I'll keep my word. I'm Harry Potter."

"Oh, 'I'm Harry Potter'. No. I'm not falling for that again."

"Aw Dracoooooooooo!"

"No. I remember the last time I fell for that line."

"Which was?"

"I don't know. Did you promise me a favour?"

"Ha, not likely."

"A sexual favour?"

"No, that's your job."

"Oh! The claws are coming out now! Ouch!"

"Oh, as if that's offensive to you."

"Well you did say sexual favours were my job. My area of expertise if you will."

"So? That doesn't offend you. You're proud of it if anything. You're like, the sexual favour shop."

"I know right. Hey, you wanna go?"

"Huh?"

"You asked me what I was doing up this end of the castle right? I'm doing my job."

"No, you're – Draco! Not in the corridor!"

"You said I can't 'jump out' at people, but you didn't say I can't jump you."

"Not in the corridor! Not in the corridor!"

"That still doesn't sound like a 'no'."

"God! You're insatiable. Just – get in the classroom at least!"

"Oh, but that classroom's full. That's a bit kinky Harry. I didn't know you had an exhibitionist streak."

"No, not -!"

"Oh well. Anything for you Harry. CLEAR THE ROOM FIRST YEARS, HAR – mmmph mmmph mnmphm!"

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Mmmmph mmmnph mmmphn mmmmphnm."

"Ah. I see. Move it."

"Mmmnph mmmmnph mnnnph."

"No, I like you better on mute. Room of Requirement – lets go."

"Mmmmmnnph mmnnnph – ahhhhh!"

"Geez Malfoy! What the hell? You bit me!"

"Yes I did. You were smothering me. And not in a nice way."

"You could have licked my hand or something else. Ow!"

"Ow?"

"That really hurt. What sort of teeth do you have there?"

"Did you just ask me to lick your hand?"

"… No? I will ask for an apology though."

"Ha!"

"Come on. Just one little 'I'm sorry'. You have taste of Harry Potter on your teeth."

"I'm not sorry for that."

*Sigh* "This is going nowhere."

"I tell you what. How about, instead of an apology, to make it up to you I'll lick your hand again."

"You bit my hand before."

"Yes, well I'll lick it now. How does that sound?"

"Uh … weird and kinky?"

"And …?"

"And what?"

"And? Would you like weird and kinky?"

"You just burst in on a class of first years with your –"

"Fine Harry. We can go back if you really want. Satisfy your kinks. One kink, that's all."

"You are such a bastard."

"We can go back –"

"Just lick the damn hand!"

*Draco grins and takes his time licking Harry's hand.*

"Oh fuck. Take your time why don't you?"

"I like licking you." *Draco grins again, his eyes flicker to meet Harry's*

"Where the hell is that fucking room?"

"Well, don't you have a dirty mouth?"

"Hurry up, hurry up!"

"What, me or the room?"

"Both. The room first. Aha! There it is! Get in!"

"Wah!"

"Let's go!"

"You pushed me."

"Now you can push me. Come on, let's go."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I have my hand back?"

"Tch, no."

"Can I have my hand back?"

"Just wait a bit."

"I'd really like my hand back."

"Wait."

"If I don't have my hand back I can't do … this."

"Oh shit Malfoy! "

"Oh yeah, Harry?"

"Shut up."

"Tch, no."

"Occupy your mouth elsewhere."

"Fine. I will, just because the offer is so tempting. But you should know that you can never shut a Malfoy up."

"Whatever."

"It's true. I don't even have to stop talking."

"Of course you have to – whoa!"

"Mmmph mphh mmmnnnmph."

"Oh shit!"

"… Mmmmmmm."

"Christ Malfoy. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"Ha!"

"God."

"Hey Harry."

"Yeah?"

"Do you know what I was saying earlier, about how you stopped me before I reached the best part?"

"That was the best part?"

"Tch, clearly you underestimate me."

"We'll see."

AN: The rest is up to the imaginations of the reader. Non sequitur is a writing technique referring to nonsensical dialogue that does not need to follow logically the dialogue before it. I thought it would be fun to experiment with writing styles, and it was fun. I hope it was fun to read too. Reviews welcome for this writing experiment.