ShadowSpirit: I must say, I appreciate all the support I'm getting. It makes writing fun! Not that is isn't fun in of itself, but hey...

Kaiba: (strides in with a bag of King Wah and chucks lo mien and egg rolls at various people) You guys better relish this rare moment of courtesy.

ShadowSpirit: (catches a little box of lo mien) Mmm, I live off this stuff! Thanks Seto!

Kaiba: Don't call me that. (Props feet up on a table and opens a newspaper) Whoa, hey check this out! "Last Tuesday, ten graves were dug up and the corpses were stolen from their coffins. Police are now on the lookout for the perpetrators."

Yami Bakura: (under his breath) Ah shit...

Marik: (pokes Yami-B in the side and whispers) Hey, let's stealthily sneak away before they find out.

Yami-B: Good idea (they slink off).

Amber: (notices them, shoots a look towards Jess)

Jess: (shrugs and with a goofy grin,) Don't eat the Soilent Green.

ShadowSpirit: (oblivious, as always) Okay, so... It's time forrrr...SCENE TWO!!! YAY! I actually have nothing to do, but I figure it's more fun to leave you people alone and laugh at your incompetence when this is all done. See ya in a couple hours! Heheheh...(uses Authoress Powers to disappear)

Joey: So who do we need?

Amber: (whips out script book) Okies, we need you, Rex and Weevil unfortunately, Yami and Yugi but not right now, Tristan, Mai, and...Pegasus?

Pegasus: (too happily) Heeeeeere I am!

Everyone else: (stares)

Amber: (studies script) Who the hell put Pegsy in here?

Kaiba: Probably the same person who put Rex and Weevil in.

Jess: Well, Shadow needed to give some people the real crappy parts, and she liked everyone else too much.

Kaiba: I'm strangely flattered...

Amber: That's nice. Okay, so, places!

(Most of the aforementioned people take their places)

Amber: Actually, what the hey, one last thing: roll in mud.

Everyone else: SAY WHAT?

Amber: Sorry, but you guys need to be dirt-encrusted peasants!

Jess: I'll take care of it. (shoves EVERYONE into the mud pit) Heheh...

Mai & Pegasus: AHHHHH MY BEATIFUL HAIR!

Everyone else: (double take)

Pegasus: Whaaaat?

Amber: JESS! I DON'T HAVE TO BE MUDDY!

Jess: Heheh, my bad. (is obviously not sorry)

Bakura: Whoa this stuff dries fast...


The scene is a cute (yeah, right) little village, coated in mud, with grass clippings scattered on top. Muddy people mill about, coughing and, in Mai's case, whimpering and clawing futilely at the mud in their hair. A shoddy ole cart, followed by Joey, pulled by Rex and Weevil (who are having great difficulties), and heaped with decaying old people rolls past. Kind of.

"Dammit, the wheels keep getting stuck! Faster, you two!" Joey yells.

Rex answers, panting. "I'm pulling as hard as I can! This cart is too damn heavy!"

"Can we puh-LEASE either lose some of the dead guys or get some macho-man like Bandit Keith??" whines Weevil, in his annoying-as-all-hell squeaky voice. Kaiba winces visibly at it.

Yami Bakura sticks his head out from under a fake bush. "No! Marik and I worked long and hard into the night to get those! And Keith's still...somewhere. I dunno or care where, though." He pulls his head back under. "Move your hand, will ya Marik? You're touching my butt."

Weevil grumbles but subsides, and as he bows his head to pull harder, his stupid gold glasses fall off. "AHHHH MY GLASSES! I'M BLIND!!!!"

"Glasses? You mean these glasses?" Rex casually reaches out and steps with one foot. There is a crunching noise...

"GAHHHHH! YOU BROKE MY #$ING GLASSES!!!!" Weevil screeches.

"Oops. Heheh."

Amber sighs in exasperation. "Let's try this again... You guys want to drag the cart over there while Joey gives his lines. She points to a giant red "X" in the mud.

"Mush, puppies!" Joey says, cracking a whip. "Ahem. Bring out da dead!" He hits his triangle with a chicken leg bone.

DING!

Amber leans over to whisper to Yami Marik, as he happens to be the only one within whispering distance. "Where the hell did he get that whip?"

"Oh that was mine. I haven't been using it as much as I used to so I lent it to him," Yami Marik says with a shrug.

Amber shifts uneasily. "Eh...I see...unfortunately..."

Joey continues with his lines. "Bring out da dead!"

DING!

"Bring out da dead!"

DING!

"Bring out da dead!"

DING!

"Ohhhh my beautiful hair..." Mai groans as she beats a cat against a wall.

"Mrow!" goes the cat.

"Um, that's supposed to be a fake cat..." Amber points out, wincing.

Mai grimaces. "Uh oh. Well, it's not my fault! Yami-B gave it to me!"

From under the fake bush comes, "Never liked cats."

"What is it with you people not liking to use props?" Amber sighs.

Kaiba shrugs. "It's a chronic disorder."

She sighs again.

Joey resumes his lines. "Bring out da dead!"

DING!

"Bring out da dead!"

DING!

"Bring out da dead!"

Amber frowns, confused. "Joey, sorry to interrupt, but I thought I gave you a whole chicken leg..."

"Uh...(shifty eyes) nope. Nope, nope. Dis is all I got!" Joey furtively picks a piece of chicken out of his teeth. "Um, yeah. Bring out da dead!"

DING!

Tristan is waiting off to the side, with Pegasus who is chugging out of a wine bottle. Weevil and Rex completely miss the red "X" and pull the cart past them.

Amber sighs. "Try again, you guys."

--67 attempts later--

"WHAT IS SO HARD ABOUT PULLING A CART AND STOPPING ON THE GIANT RED "X"?!?!?" she yells, waving her arms.

"Well, Weevil is lacking his glasses and Rex has the IQ of a spud, but I'm sure that has nothing to do with it," Kaiba answers with a small grin. Mokuba and Pegasus are meanwhile making mud pies as an exasperated and slightly disgusted Tristan watches.

"Agh..." Amber massages her temples.

--The 71st attempt--

"YAY WE GOT IT RIGHT!! WHOOPEE!" Weevil and Rex cry triumphantly. They begin to square dance.

Jess makes a face. "Now that's freaky..."

Tristan comes running up to the cart with a rather drunk Pegasus (holding his rather large wine bottle) slung over his shoulder like a rag doll. Tristan slips in mud. "ACK!" Sliding everywhere, he eventually regains his balance and tries to hand Pegsy to Joey. "Here's one! Take him! Pleaaaase..."

"It's not my fault you're (hic) too weak to carry me!" Pegasus slurs.

Tristan swats him. "Shut up! You're dead!"

Joey holds out his hand. "Ninepence."

"I'm not dead!" Pegasus insists, taking a giant swig out of the wine bottle.

"Then what the hell happened at DK?" Tristan demands.

Pegasus cocks his head in remembrance. "Well, Yami Bakura kinda killed (hic) me but I guess I don't die...permanently."

"What?" Joey asks.

Tristan waves his hand disdainfully. "Nothing. Here's your ninepence."

"I'm not (hic) dead!" Pegasus insists.

Joey decides to state the obvious. What else is new? "He says he's not dead!"

"Yes he is!" Tristan says firmly

"I'm not!" Pegsy whines.

Joey frowns stupidly. "He isn't?"

Tristan sighs, giving up. "Well, he will be soon. He's very ill. Well, mentally ill at least."

Pegasus flails halfheartedly in Tristan's arms. "I'm getting better!"

"Oof!" Tristan crumples a bit under Pegsy's weight. "No you aren't! You'll be stone dead in a moment."

"Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations," Joey claims, flipping through a book entitled The Cart-of-the-Dead Puller's Complete Rulebook.

"What regulations? There are regulations?"

"Intoxication. And I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate that wine bottle." The blond grabs bottle and takes a swig.

"I don't wanna (hic) go on the cart!" Pegasus whines, then wraps his arms around Tristan's neck. "I wanna (hic) stay home and bake cookies with youuuu..."

Tristan tries to shake him off. "Let go of me you stupid fruitcake!! Stop being such a baby!"

"Well, I can't take him. I don't want to, either," Joey states bluntly.

"I feel fine!" Pegasus interjects.

"Well, can you hang around a couple of minutes? He won't be long," Tristan practically pleads.

Joey sort of grimaces. "No, I've got to go to the Robinson's. They've lost nine today."

From off set, Yami Marik calls out, "Well at least I'm no longer in a bad mood!" Everybody cringes.

Tristan, still looking disturber, picks up where he left off. "Er... Well, when's your next round?"

"Thursday," Joey answers, checking his calendar.

Pegasus begins to flail again. "I think I'll go for a walk!"

Tristan smacks him. "You're not fooling anyone you know." He turns to Joey. "Look, isn't there something you can do?"

"I feel happy... I feel happy..." Pegasus sings, waving his arms. Joey grins evilly.

Whack!

Pegasus appears to be unfazed. He scowls in offense. "Oh, hitting your elders with (hic) chicken bones, why don't you! Why, when I was younger—"

"Will you die already!?"

Whack!

Pegasus is still ranting. "When I was younger, we respected our elders!"

Joey starts to freak out. "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP!!!"

Whack whack whack!!!

"We didn't throw rocks at them or ask questions like 'When are you going to die?'"

Joey's chicken bone breaks in half due to the constant beating. He yells in frustration and throws the bone to the ground. "ARGHHH!"

At that opportune moment, Kaiba strides out. "May I? He asks but doesn't wait for a reply. He swings his huge briefcase into poor Pegsy's head

WHAM!

Pegasus flops into the mud, unconscious. Joey growls and a vein pops on his forehead. Kaiba grins smugly. "No need to thank me." Still grinning, he strides backstage.

"I HOPE YOU DIE, YOU SCENE-STEALING HACK!" Joey screams.

Jess, who is working the lighting, chuckles quietly. "Just one more for the cart."

Kaiba looks over his shoulder at Joey, bemused. "Everyone dies sometime. Besides, that bastard deserved it and now I feel that content warm fuzzy feeling that comes with revenge."

Joey throws Kaiba one last dirty look before picking up Pegasus's limp body and dumping it into cart.

Amber raises an eyebrow and stares. "Fuzzy?"

Tristan, meanwhile, is continuing his part. "Ah, thanks very much. I don't like touching him."

"Don't mention it. See you on Thursday," Joey mutters dryly. He casts a glance at Kaiba, who smirks at him.

"Right. All right," Tristan say. He waits for Yami and Yugi to come trotting past but they don't. Tris taps his foot impatiently. "Where are they?"

--Cut to checkout line at Marc's--

"WHO CARES IF I DON'T HAVE A COUPON?!??"

"I'm sorry, but you can't buy a coconut for 50 cents without a coupon," the cashier lady says in a bored voice as she examines her nails.

Yami pouts angrily. "But they were 2 for $1 so it makes sense that one sells for 50 cents!"

The cashier sighs. "BUT if you don't have a coupon, I have to charge you extra."

Yami growls. "How much extra?"

"Well, altogether it adds up to $3.83 for one coconut."

Yami's eyes bug out of his skull. "WHAT?? THAT'S IT, IT'S SHADOW REALM TIME!"

Yugi tugs futilely at Yami's sleeve. "Yami, please, you're making a scene..."

"No, Yugi! This woman has trespassed into my soul!" Yami yells. A purplish cloud engulfs Marc's.

--Cut back to the studio-place-thing--

Amber is pondering. "Ya know, I haven't seen him."

Joey isn't worried. "Well, let's give him some time; he's probably taking a crap."

Kaiba makes a face. "Now there's a lovely thought..."

--2 hours later--

Yami comes striding in, carrying a grocery bag containing a solitary coconut. "I'm ba-ack!"

Yugi is still shaking head. "You are an utter embarrassment..."

"THERE YOU TWO STARFISH HEADS ARE! Get to your places, NOW!!" Jess yells, pointing her forefinger dangerously. Yami and Yugi nod meekly and comply.

Yami trots past with Yugi in tow. Yugi bangs the two coconut halves together.

Clop, clop, clop, etc...

Tristan points at them. "Who's that there?"

Joey looks. "I dunno. Must be a king."

"Why?"

Joey signals to Weevil and Rex to start pulling the cart again. "He hasn't got shit all over him."

Yami looks back at them over his shoulder. "I was a pharaoh, ya know."

Marik comes running out onto the set. "I SHOULD BE PHAROAH!!"

The cast/crew gang up and shove him back offset. "MUST WE GO THROUGH THIS AGAIN?!?"


Yay the second chappie is up!! Don't fail me, lovely reviewers! Reviews make me happy! Haaaaaaaappy...

My gerbil died. That makes me sad. Saaaaaaaad...