Continuation of Delayed Tea. Thanks to Laura, whose fault this is, and to Penumbra, who said something I had to include. ;)
"Will you walk into my parlor?" said the spider to the fly.
-Mary Howitt
"So he was standing there in an undershirt- well built fellow, I grant you that- and he had that awful wound on his side-"
"So what did you do?"
"I'm getting there, Rushka, I'm getting there!" Pause. "I felt his liver."
"WHAT?!"
"I felt his liver. What? This is unusual?"
"Katya, it's his liver. You don't just go around groping other peoples' internal organs!"
Elena sighed as she prepared dinner on the counter, despairing at the wilted leaves on the lettuce and the bickering of her siblings. "She had a valid reason, Irina. He could have been bleeding internally."
"I don't care!" Irina spat, slamming a palm onto the tabletop. "She touched his liver! She's not allowed to do that!"
"I just wanted to make sure he was going to live," Katya muttered, snapping open a magazine. "Tch."
Irina scowled, and sat back in her chair. "Is that all you touched?"
"The only internal organ, yes. Unless you count the back of his throat." She peered cautiously over the top of her magazine, eyes sparkling.
Irina seethed. "That's all?"
"No, Rina. We made mad passionate love on your daughter's kitchen table as well." She threw down her magazine with a sigh. "Of course that was all! Idiot."
"Careful, Katya," Irina gritted between her teeth. "Careful."
"You have such a youngest-child complex, Rushka," Katya said, sighing, and snatched her glass.
"This could easily resolve itself with knives in the middle of the night, Katya," Irina warned, eyes narrowed as she watched her tea disappear.
"I'm pretty sure that's what tipped him off," Katya murmured thoughtfully. "The table/knife trick has always been a bit of a family trait…"
"You used that? On who?"
"An informant." Katya shrugged.
Elena paused and turned around. "I've never used that trick," she pointed out, leaning carefully against the counter.
"It was my trick originally; Katya stole it," Irina replied, and tried to grab her cup back. Katya held it out of her reach.
"Well, normally I would have done something different, but I wanted to pay homage to you, little sister. I even wore leopard for the event." Katya grinned, and tossed back the rest of the tea. "I thought he'd appreciate it, after your performance in Bangkok."
Irina stood, tapping a foot loudly on the floor. "And you say I have a complex. You are the epitome of the middle-child."
She left the room, resisting the urge to cuff Katya on the head as she passed her.
It was difficult.
Elena gave up on being the mature, adult older sister, and filled a small glass with vodka. She immediately swallowed the liquid, wincing. "The two of you… what is this now, the House of Hellions? God forbid we get a visitor."
Katya smiled menacingly, displaying her sharp teeth. "Such a shame, when I am so hungry."
Elena stared at her.
And refilled her glass. She left the room with a shake of her head, leaving the ingredients scattered across the counter.
Katya drummed her fingers against the table with a low sigh.
Now she was bored.
She considered refilling Irina's cup, only to remember the bitterly cold walk that she had taken only a few short hours ago to the privy, and decided against it. She was just about to hunt down Irina- not hard to do, in such a small building- to say something infuriating, when she heard a metallic beep.
She glanced, startled, at the small counter across from the stove. The blanketed bundle beeped again.
Irina's computer sounded pissed.
Doubtless her brother-in-law was trying to get in contact with his wife. Again.
She paused and considered what would happen if she unwrapped the computer and happened to type a reply… an Irina-like reply… and neglected to tell her little sister that her husband was online.
Katya could think of better ways to die, but she was very bored.
She unwrapped the laptop and quickly opened it, scanning the bold red words as they appeared.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
IRINA?
HELLO?
She smiled quietly, and checked the door. No raging Russian sibling.
Yet.
I'm here.
Nothing.
Are you still there, or have you decided not to speak with me after all?
I'M STILL HERE.
What do you have to tell me?
Nothing.
Jack?
Nothing.
She played a hunch.
Feeling guilty?
WHY WOULD I FEEL GUILTY?
Indeed. I never feel guilty after kissing my in-laws.
She grinned, imagining him sitting in his car and jerking back from the screen.
That's right. Irina knows all. So, did you enjoy it?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
Yes, you do.
Pause.
FINE.
IT WAS AWFUL.
She considered this. Irina would be pleased at the response.
Katya, however, felt like digging out her knives again.
Bastard.
THE-
HELLO, KATYA.
Hello, Jack. I'm heart-broken, I hope you know that.
I CAN TELL. IS SHE THERE, OR IS SHE OUT PILLAGING?
Sure you don't want me? Or Elena, I'm sure she'd be happy to talk with you.
"What kind of havoc are you wreaking now?" Elena asked, walking back into the room warily. She looked at the screen, and her jaw dropped. "She is going to kill you."
Katya shrugged. "Irina! Jack wants to talk to you."
Irina's footsteps thumped across the floors at rapid speed until she reached the table in the kitchen. Irina scanned the lines as Katya stood and moved quickly around the table, watching as her sister's face grew livid with rage.
"You were busy," Katya said innocently, rolling empty Irina's cup in her palms. "I just wanted to help." She batted her eyelashes dramatically.
Irina, torn between committing murder and ripping her husband a new one, decided to prioritize.
So many people to kill, so little time.
HELLO, DEAR.
You're just trying to make me forget what you did.
WELL.
You kissed her.
TECHNICALLY, SHE KISSED ME.
And she touched your liver.
I DIDN'T REALIZE THAT IT WAS OFF-LIMITS, AS WELL. IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, I HAVE RESOLVED TO NEVER LET ANYONE TOUCH MY LIVER AGAIN.
I'm going to rip it out.
YOU'LL HAVE TO COME SEE ME TO DO THAT.
It can be arranged.
Katya examined her nails. "What is she telling him?" she asked Elena, curious.
"That's she's going to rip out his liver," she replied, reading over Irina's shoulder.
"Can I watch?" Katya asked, feigning interest.
"Shut up, Katya," Irina replied, glaring.
SO YOU'LL JUST TURN UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, IS THAT IT?
When you least expect it, my bullets will come screaming through your window.
SOMETHING TO REALLY LOOK FORWARD TO.
I always am. Goodbye.
I'M NOT DONE YET.
So?
She stood up in a snit, tossed a ferocious look at Katya, and left the room.
IRINA.Elena sighed, and plopped down in the chair.
My apologies. Rushka has yet to learn the most basic of common courtesies.
AND WHO DO I HAVE THE HONOR OF SPEAKING WITH NOW?
Elena.
THE THIRD IN AN UNHOLY TRIO.
Aw. You really are sweet.
DEREVKO WOMEN CERTAINLY SEEM TO THINK SO.
No wonder she loves you. Your sense of humor is comparable.
YES. WE BOTH ENJOY TRADING BLOWS. IT'S OUR VERSION OF FOREPLAY.
No wonder she always looks so happy after running into you on a mission. How nice of you to keep her on her toes.
I DO TRY.
She paused and pondered the situation. Katya looked startled when a wicked grin spread across her face.
"Lena?"
No answer.
"Elena?"
I think it's time you came to dinner, Jack.
DO YOU?
Come into my parlor, said the spider to the fly.
I'LL TAKE THAT AS AN ENGRAVED INVITATION INTO THE SACRED REALM OF THE DEREVKOS. WHERE CAN I FIND YOU?
Where is it cold, windy, and always snowing?
THE ALPS?
Funny. You have thirty-eight hours to make your way to the steppes. I'm sure you can find us if you really try.
handel4me has signed off
Katya rounded the table and read the last few lines.
"Oh my God," she muttered, and smacked Elena's shoulder. "Are you insane?"
Elena crossed her arms in front of her chest smugly, and leaned back in her chair. "Quite possibly," she replied. "I am, after all, your sister."
Katya shook her head, stunned. "Rina will die."
Elena shrugged. "Hazard of the trade." She stood and sauntered out of the room, calling for her other sister as she went. "Irina! We're going to have a visitor…"
