A/N: Hello again! That fight sure was terrible, wasn't it? It hurt me to write it. Why do I do this to myself?
megt83, what you asked for is actually in this chapter. I already had planned on it :D
Enough talk. Here's more pain!
He felt nothing, but yet everything on Arthur's body hurt. The light from the sun was fading and he wondered how much longer Merlin had planned to keep him in these earthen chains. They dug into him in all the wrong ways. The rough texture of the roots rubbed against his skin, making him raw on the places where he had struggled against them. He hadn't been as mournful since his father died. He may have even been even more hurt now at the loss of the person he was closest to, besides Guinevere. But nevermind that, the king was hungry. Proper hungry, where his stomach growled and threatened to devour him from the inside out. That morning, Merlin had forgotten his breakfast, which is what made Arthur suspicious of the man's irritation at him. When Merlin was nowhere to be found at lunchtime, he followed directions from the knights that had seen the direction he had gone. His footprints weren't hard to find in the mud that the recent rain had conjured, which led right to a scrawny man with raven hair. Whose hands were lifted in the air directing flying water, sticks, and leaves to do his bidding in the shape of dragons.
Arthur couldn't help himself. He gasped, making Merlin turn around defensively, dropping the flying creatures to the ground. Shock was his initial reaction, followed by betrayal and hurt. Sadness was his current knife in his gut, stabbing repeatedly in his chest at each thought of Merlin. Every memory, every tear that forced its way down his face against his will. He was crying over a servant. Damn it, he was a king. He took deep breaths to calm himself, but only managed to suck in shaky gulps of air as he began to sob. The last light of sun disappeared, surrounding the king in darkness. The roots around his body loosened and Arthur fell to his knees. He dropped his sword and looked to the stars, tears flowing down his cheeks.
Merlin wasn't dead, but he might as well be.
The guards greeted him at the gate, offering him worried expressions. Arthur didn't care what had transpired in his absence, shockingly. He had to get to Gaius. He should know that his ward-that he had treated like a son-had lied to everyone. He deserved to know and not in the way Arthur had found out, catching Merlin in the act. Threatening to arrest him. His regret threatened to retreat from his stomach and up through his mouth.
I just have to get to the castle. Tell Gaius.
Arthur ignored everyone that greeted him down the streets, the kind smiles and emotionless hellos, only giving them a vacant expression upon his face in return. His best friend was gone and it was his fault. The way he treated Merlin was wrong and he regretted it. If the chance arose, he would apologize, but he doubted he'd ever see Merlin again. He could not, would not, throw up in front of his people.
Arthur walked through the door of the castle and breathed out, realizing he had been holding his breath for a long while. He leaned against the door, closing his eyes, and regained his composure before remembering he needed to seek out the court physician. When he opened them, the first thing he saw was a cup flying at his face. The cup narrowly missed him, hitting the wall directly to the left of his face. The thrower, who happened to be Sir Gwaine, was fastly approaching Arthur.
"What did you do?" He said with a terrifying calm. Arthur was confused. He couldn't know about Merlin yet, could he?
"What are you talking about, Gwaine?" Arthur groaned, fatigue lining his voice. He pinched the bridge of nose, a headache beginning to form alongside his nausea. All he wanted was a warm bath and to curl up in his bed.
"Merlin came by a few hours ago," Gwaine declared, anger dripping in his tone. "I reckoned you'd know why he was practically boiling over with rage and left with a bag without saying where he was going."
"You didn't follow him?"
"I asked you a question, Arthur," Gwaine practically yelled. He calmed himself a bit then answered disgruntledly, "Don't think I didn't want to, but Gaius practically had me by the collar."
"Merlin-uh…" Arthur choked on his words as the conversation with Merlin flooded back to him.
I was afraid this would be your reaction, he had said
"Merlin…" Gwaine prompted.
I only use magic to help you. Arthur could feel bile at the back of his throat, threatening to break loose again.
"He's gone," Arthur whispered, too sorrowful to explain further. Gwaine picked up on it, realizing the king regretted his actions, whatever they were. He wasn't one to stay angry long, but he was overly protective of Merlin.
"I can see you're sorry, Arthur," Gwaine's anger had almost evaporated, but was still present, remaining just below the surface. He clasped Arthur's shoulder and looked him in the eye. "But what did you do, mate?"
"Merlin has magic," Arthur grumbled. "We had a...a disagreement."
"That's not new," he smiled despite everything. Then grew serious again. "Did you tell him to leave?"
"Are you ignoring the fact that Merlin of all people has magic?!" Arthur voiced. Gwaine chuckled to himself.
"I've known that since I met you two," Gwaine said with a proud smile. "You were just too dumb to see Merlin throwing plates at people."
"What's so incredible about that?"
"He never physically touched the plates." Arthur laughed at the prospect, then his face reverted back to the downcast expression it had taken for the past several hours. How many other times had Merlin used his magic to help in sticky situations like that one in the tavern?
It has been magic that has saved your life countless times. Oh, Merlin. Arthur ran his hand down his face.
"I'm a bloody idiot. I've made a huge mistake."
"Just now coming to that realization, Princess?"
"I have to get to Gaius. See you at training tomorrow, Gwaine." Gwaine just laughed and walked in the other direction of Arthur, who went in the direction of the court physician. Knocking on Gaius' door, King Arthur couldn't help but wonder if the physician had already known about Merlin's magic. Five hours ago, he might have taken personally. Five hours ago, he had switched from his anger and betrayal to just straight sadness. Ten hours ago, he had lost his best friend.
Gaius opened the door to a king who looked-and felt-like he'd been through hell. It calmed Gaius' well hidden rage at the man for what he had done to Merlin who had collapsed in his arms earlier that day. His ward had walked in, the door hitting the wall and bouncing shut again as he stormed straight to his room, the rage and pain radiating off of him. Saying Gaius had been startled was an understatement, especially when Merlin told him the full story. He had hoped that Arthur would be more accepting now that his father was gone. He guessed that he had judged the man too kindly.
"What do you need, sire?" He asked, a bit too coldly by the king's reaction. It intensified the pain on his face. He looked like he had swallowed a bitter potion.
"I've made a mistake, Gaius," he choked out. People just kept surprising Gaius today. He opened his door wider and ushered the man in, the rage leaving him at the king's confession. He hoped that was what he meant by mistake. Gaius decided to hear the king out before forgiving him.
"Mistake, sire?"
"You know that Merlin has magic, I assume?"
Gaius frowned but then decided it was safe, "Yes."
"I caught him doing magic out in the field today," Arthur said bitterly, sitting down in a chair as his legs threatened to give out. "I acted rashly and harshly towards him."
Agreeing with the king would probably only make him feel worse, but disagreeing would mean lying. He didn't want the king to think Merlin hadn't been hurt, so Gaius was silent until the king continued
"Merlin mentioned that magic had saved my life many times. Is that true?" Arthur looked to Gaius, who gave him a small smile, before sitting across from him. He began mess with the binding of a book that sat on the table for a moment, thinking about what he should tell Arthur.
"Once upon a time there was a boy that thought he was a monster."
"Merlin?" Arthur breathed. Gaius' smile turned sad as he nodded.
"His first day in Camelot, he saved an foolish old man's life by slowing down time…" Gaius told Arthur of all he had done from him. From the first time he saved his life with magic, ending with Gwen's cure. He left out the part about Freya and Balinor.
"I KNEW I RECOGNIZED THE SORCERESS." Arthur proclaimed. His head felt back laughing at what lengths Merlin had gone to keep his secret. It also wiped the smile off of his face. He looked back at a tired Gaius, who had been talking for hours about Merlin's bravery. Then he asked on a more serious note, "Why did he never tell me?"
"He knows magic is outlawed. He was afraid you'd chop his head off. Merlin didn't want to put you in that position."
Arthur sighed and put his head in his hands. His image of Merlin kept changing and making his head hurt.
"Thank you for telling me, Gaius."
"Of course, sire." Arthur stood up, nodded and began to leave. At the door he stopped, remembering something Merlin had said.
You are not the only one who has lost.
"Gaius, what has Merlin sacrificed for me? In our-in our argument he mentioned that he had lost, like I had. What was he referring to?"
"Do you remember the Dragonlord, Balinor?"
"The one who we sought out to take down the Great Dragon? How could I forget? I nearly failed my father and the people of Camelot."
"He was Merlin's father," Gaius said darkly. Arthur just stared at him, in shock.
"I told h-" he put his fist over his mouth. He clenched his teeth together, hard, at the memory of what he had told Merlin. "I told him that no man was worth his tears that day. It was his father. How could Merlin stand me?"
"He was your friend."
