NEW GALACTIC SOLUTIONS

Chapter 2 'Bad Patient' or 'Rogues' Gallery'

DISCLAIMER: How do you do, my friends? Allow me to introduce myself. I am your worst nightmare, a vampire who is a demon as well! Master! Miss Prydonia and Miss Van Helsing both told you not to scare anyone while we are on this space vessel! Perhaps I should perform these announcements, Master? Go and have some refreshment. Lord Nightroad has just repped up some nice fresh blood for us.

Sorry about that, folks. My Master, Lord Alucard, can be quite a handful at times. Pardon me, I am Seras Victoria although my Master does prefer to call me his 'Police Girl' because he knows it irks me, I think. Ah! Mr D (Walter is my pilot on the 'Nova Hellsing' which is back home at the Academy) has taken Master in tow so I may as well get on with this for him.

First off, we wish to thank all of the kind people whose creations we are using and we reciprocate in kind by allowing them or anyone else to use our own creations. We would appreciate it though if the users of our works would give us credit for them in a similar Disclaimer. A big thanks very much goes to Mr Takachiho for allowing us to use his Lovely Angelic creations and for allowing us the writer's license to name the 3WA 'Academy' on 'Shimougou' after him. A belated happy birthday, Mr Haruka-Chan, sir! Mr T celebrated his own natal day last month on 7 November and NO! I will NOT tell anyone his age! Some things should be private, Sir Integra Wingate Van Helsing! Any comm relay messages, mum? No. Thanks. Miss Van Helsing is our comm relays officer aboard both the 'Nova Hellsing' and the 'Daedalus' where we are now.

Now as to the story thus far. Chapter 2 which is really Chapter 1, oh, read the previous chapter's disclaimer for that story! OK, our leader, Miss Prydonia (I think she's a subaltern but I am not entirely certain of this fact) had had a small accident and was now on the mend.

She had sent out three teams to search 'Lazarus City' on the small moon of 'Seti' in the 'Bad Lands' of 'Corrallian' space for the rogue time lord, Azarog. He had escaped from our 'Matrix' on 'Gallifrey' and his intention was to regress the area of the 'Neutral Zone' back in time and prevent the war betwixt the 'Romulans' and the 'Federation' thus making the Zone non-existent and playing merry 'Rachma' ('Gallifrey's name for the bad place beginning with an 'H') with Miss P's home world!

Miss P had just mused to herself that Dr Mike and Nurse McCall would give her heck for not staying in her bunk until she had fully recovered and she had thought it within range of Miss Zoe Morton, one of our navigators who is also a Beta Zoid meaning she can read minds too!

Without further ado, here is our Commander herself.

"Did you say something, Lt Morton, mum?" I asked and Zoe Morton looked embarrassed.

"Sorry, Suba. Sometimes I forget that other folks don't realize that I can read minds because I'm a Beta Zoid. Please accept my apology, mum. I was merely observing that since you're the Commander, why should you have to obey Dr Morton or Miss McCall? How are you feeling now?" asked Zoe and I winced at a twinge of pain in my legs.

"Super. I am feeling much better now, Lt." I lied blissfully but Zoe did not miss the tears in my eyes.

"Allison Victorine Prydonia! What the Hell are you doing out of bed? Sorry, Honey. You look like you need another shot of 'Axileine 30X'. I'll get Mike. I'll be right back. Don't go anywhere, Alley. Dr Morton!" said Dixie McCall, our resident nurse and she took off down the hallway at a dead run towards 'sick bay' and Dr Mike Morton. In a few seconds, they were back.

I was still sitting on my bunk with Lt Zoe Morton keeping me there. For a small lady, Zoe was incredibly strong! She did not relax her grip on my arms until Dr Mike' autohypo had hit home and I had felt the pain begin to lessen.

"Not to worry, Miss P. I didn't give you enough to knock you out, just to kill the pain. Dix, better change or rather replace those bandages. Our Commander has been a naughty little girl. Shame on you! We put those bandages on those wounds to keep them clean and sterile.

"OK. If you're a good girl, I'll let you return to the bridge so you can keep in contact with your away teams. However, those heavy boots have got to go! Your legs cannot handle dragging that much weight around just yet. Dix, get her some normal shoes to wear, please. If you need me, I will be in sick bay. Captain Unohana and I are conducting examinations today for the soul reapers. Whitey! Give me that autohypo right now! Good boy. I have no idea what that stuff does if it's taken internally! I'll see you back in the bay, Dixie. With your permission, madam? Good morning." said the Terran doctor, the only real medical man we had aboard.

Dixie McCall tied my sneakers' laces into double bows after she had finished taping and bandaging my legs. Then she helped me into a fresh flightsuit. I had, ahem. 'soiled' the other one! I was so ashamed of myself! I had not wet the bed since I had been a child of 29! OK, outwardly I looked like I was 4 year old girl!

"Yuck! Who messed themselves, Miss McCall? The suba? Maybe she should be put into nappies again?" chuckled Fllaysie Allster. A stern look from our nurse and Fllaysie grabbed my old coveralls and tossed them down the recycle chute. She wasted no time in leaving us.

"Nothing to be ashamed about, Honey. Happens to all of us at one time or another. You must remember that you are still only a child even if you are old enough to be one of my ancestral greats. You have breakfast yet? (I shook my head because if truth be told, I could not remember.) OK. First stop, the dining room. Let's get you into the anti-grav chair. No walking!" said Dixie.

"Doctor's orders?" I asked with a giggle.

"Nurse's orders, Miss P. Lean on me and shift your weight around. Gimme a hand here, Caggie!" called Dixie and Cagalli Yula Athna sat up in her bunk and rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.

"Somebody call me?" she asked. Then she saw me half out of my bunk and half of me almost on the floor! The brunette leaped from her bunk, naked as a jaybird and dashed over to help Dixie. As soon as I was settled into the chair, Dixie trundled me down the hallway.

"Wait for me!" yelped Caggie before she realized her own state of undress and blushed crimson.

"Save me a place! I'll be ready in two shakes, mums." replied my gunner's mate extraordinaire as the portal swished shut behind us. I had forgotten that Caggie and Fllaysie had insisted on staying with me after the accident but I was darn grateful nonetheless.

After a hurried breakfast in which I only had four of everything (I am getting to be quite the piggy you know!), I was trundled to the bridge where already Lt Van Helsing was fouling the atmosphere with her horrid cigars! To my query, Integra replied that there had been no further comm relays from the teams since Brilliant D Neon had reported a successful landing at Lazarus City on Seti.

"Brill sent the Texan's group to the North end of town and the old man's buch to the South end. He split his team up and sent O'Malley's gang East while he's leading his guys West. No word from anyone since then and that was at 0800 (8 AM) hours, mum. If Azarog's there, they'll flush him out. Especially since I sent my 'lap dog' and his trained seal down after them." chortled my comm relay officer and my pilot (Walter Dohmner) was staring at his boss lady in shock!

"Madam Integra! You didn't? Please tell me that you did not send him and Seras down there too. All Hell will break loose if you did, mum! Well? Miss Van H.?" he demanded and I must have looked like a fish out of its natural element!

"Solo, Starwind and BDN are OK in a pinch I suppose but nothing is as good in a fight as my Alucard and his own 'Police Girl'. Not to worry, Walter. Both of them are armed although you know as well as I do that neither of them really need weapons, now do they?" she replied with a mischievous wink. My pilot turned to face my chair which was hovering above him.

"Alucard and Seras Victoria are both agents of Miss Van Helsing's 'Hellsing' organization. They are both vampires, mum." he explained to me and I stared back at him like a moron.

"On 'Gallifrey', you would call them 'Wurdelaks', my dear girl." supplied Lt Van Helsing, blowing cigar smoke into my face. Do not these Terrans have any manners at all? Then the word she had used hit me like a dwarf star alloy!

"Did you say 'Wurdelaks'? The creatures whom are suckers of the life forces?" I shouted worriedly.

"Our vampires live on blood. Well, Seras does anyway. Alucard lives off blood and life itself because he is also part demon." explained Walter, avoiding a small asteroid as he glided in effortlessly to a perfect touchdown on the 'Moon of Chronos' where we would be unobserved by anyone on Seti or the main world whose name I have forgotten or so we all hoped anyhow.

"Madam Prydonia? We have made moonfall. Orders?" said my pilot.

"We wait until we hear back from Alucard and Seras, of course." snapped Sir Integra Wingate Van Helsing. I had been told that she was a direct descendant of Wilhelm Van Helsing, the thing hunter from Terran's Transylvania.

"I was not talking to you, mum." he replied in a frosty tone and I realized that Walter had been speaking to me!

"Nothing. I trust our away team leaders, Mr Dohmer, sir. As long as someone is here to man the comm relays, the rest of the bridge crew can take a break. Advise me if anything comes in. I will be in the 'star room'." I answered. I winced a bit when my right leg banged into the console.

"How very uncivil of me, Madam P.! You must be in pain! Alain! Take our Commander upstairs to the 'star room' and stay with her." ordered Walter.

"Sorry, my dear child. Does it still hurt you? Smoke?" asked Integra and I managed a wan smile and a shake of my head before the tall mercenary soldier from Terran France picked me and my AG chair up and began carrying it and me towards the lift stations.

"You just guide the damned thing, Frenchie. Use the remote thing. You don't have to carry it ya know!" yelped Integra.

Somehow we made it to the 'star room' where my escort insisted on regaling me with tales of heroics and derring-do that he and his 'Wild Geese' mercenary soldiers had performed back on Terra. These guys had even defended Terran Europe from a crazed maniac major and his trained soldier vampire ghouls! I hate to admit it but I fell sound asleep in the middle of 'Police Girl's classic gun battle!

"Ho! Ho! Ho! What do YOU want for Christmas, little girl?" asked some tall gentleman with a beard! He was wearing a red suit trimmed in white fur! Beside him on either side stood a girl with funny ears wearing a very brief micro-miniskirt! One looked a lot like a certain nekomata/trill/human/neko girl I knew very well while teh other one was a slightly taller blonde with a mischievous grin on her face!

I awakened slowly and I realized that I was seated on the older gentleman's lap in my pajamas! I glanced over to Alain or 'Frenchie' as Integra Van Helsing had called the devil-may-care mercenary assassin from ancient Terra. He was grinning and smoking one of Integra's foul smelling cigars.

"Santa asked you what you really want for Christmas, Allison. Why don't ya answer him, little girl?" giggled the blonde 'elf'.

"Yes, do answer him, Commander, I mean Allison Prydonia." said the brunette and I finally recognized this 'elf' as being my chief gunner's mate, Neko Olson!

"How about a nice Teddy bear, my dear child?" asked 'Santa Claus' in a gruff voice.

"Ask him for a bigger 'stasis' pistol, Alley." chuckled the blonde.

"Stop teasing her, Rosette! Are you feeling OK, Al?" said Neko. Suddenly I felt very embarrassed and a little strange. After all, I had fallen asleep listening to Alain yakking about a gun battle against Neo-Nazi vampires on ancient Terra in my AG chair and I recalled that I been in uniform. However, I had awakened on this guy's lap with these two 'elves' standing beside him and I had somehow ended up in my jammies!

"Santa? Elves? Where am I, sir? 'Neverland', 'Wonderland' or 'Oz'? OK, I will play along. What I would like most for Christmas is to have Lord Azarog safely confined to my 'zero room' on 'Maggie', my new TARDIS. Now will somebody please tell me what this is all about? Who is this other girl, Lt Olson? Well? Is someone going to answer me?" I replied, a trifle miffed.

"Old Azzy's down below, kiddo. He's in some kind of 'time corridor' or 'time loop' thingamajig in that there 'zero room' o' yours. He's been there ever since Brill and Han brought him aboard last night, Honey. Gene's still in 'Lazarus City' on 'Seti'. He's trying to track down the rest of his team who went bar-hoppin' yesterday." explained Alain the big Frenchman.

"Last night? I went to sleep before lunch right after I had seen the teams off in the skysleds. Now it's (I glanced at the wall chromo) only 1407 (Seven minutes past two in the afternoon) so I've only been asleep an hour or two." I said and they all began to laugh, even the big dude in red!

"You went to beddy-bye four days ago, Sweetheart. I took the liberty o' tellin' Zoe to change course and get us outta these here 'Bad Lands' tout sweet. We're headin' back to 'Gallifrey' as fast as this tub can get us there. I dunno what this Azarog character done but that Beta Zoid babe Troi (Deanna was aboard 'Maggie'?) said that the 'Neutral Zone' was fadin' away!

"Then this guy comes aboard in a funny lookin' blue phone booth that said 'London Police' on its doors. He told us that he was Santy Claus and he was here to check his list twice to make sure we'd all been good little boys and girls. Looky here, Boss. Dr Mike came in after ya fell asleep after I'd bored ya to tears with my 'war stories' and he hit ya with another jolt o' that 'Axy Lane 30 X' junk in yer jacksie!

"He brung along the blonde chick and Neko here insisted on dressin' up too. Near as I can make out from the bridge crew, we're about halfway home making good time at Warp 40, whatever the Hell that means, girlie. Oh yeah, it was Blondie here what put ya into yer jammies. Sorta like a joke, she said. Now-" explained the big Frenchman until 'Santa' interrupted him.

"Now I think this lil girlie needs some lunch, Alain duPrez so let's get her back down to her cabin to change into something warmer than those darling 'Ralphie' bunny pajamas and then we can-" said Santa.

"Put on the old feed bags, guys! I'm hungry as a Tryglordian rhino-dog!" interrupted the big Ice Roader, Mr Hugh. Gadzooks! Was the whole ship up here in my 'star room' I wondered?

That was when I hopped down off Santy's lap and found that I could now stand and move without pain! Four days? Had I really been asleep that long? First things first.

"I will meet all of you in the dining room after I have made myself more presentable for mixed company, ladies and gentlemen. If you will all excuse me- has anyone seen my 'Whitey'?" I asked just before the puppy in question leaped into my arms and almost bowled me over!

"Whitey! Hi there, boy. I sure missed you, Sweetie! Let's get us some lunch." I cooed to him and we rode the lift down to my cabin. Since everyone aboard seemed to think this wa sone of those ancient Twerran 'Casual Fridays' as far as dress was concerned, who was I to argue?

I threw on a big XXXL green sweatshirt, dark cut-off jeans, socks, white sneakers and and my new NFL Saints' warm-up jacket that the Boss Lady herself had given to me for a birthday prezzie. As an afterthought, I did slide 'Sharon' into my waistband in the small of my abck under the jacket.

I took the vidTV remote control away from Whitey and tossed it on one of the divans. Then I scooped him up and took the lift downstairs to the dining room and lunch. I was really feeling empty! Not surprising since I had not eaten for four whole days!

"Ten-Hutt! Commander's here!" snapped the blonde whom I later discovered was a real Catholic nun named Rosette Christopher. Beside her was a grinning kid of about sixteen Terran summers. He introduced himself as 'Chrono'. He seemed nice enough until someone whispered that he was a real devil! Literally!

"At ease and please sit down, my friends. What is on the menu today? Oh. Jamie? Could you please feed Whitey for me? Thanks." I said when the big gangling Scotsman guy scooped up my puppy and headed for the kitchens.

"And where ha' ye been, ye wee skurlie doggie? OK. I'll feed ye." chortled Jamie MacCrimmon and I laughed a bit.

Roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, green creamy peas, mashed potatoes, milk gravy and blackberry cobbler for dessert with my favourite minty mocha java for lunch. I had an extra helping for each day that I had been in Slumberland! I am becoming quite a big a pig as the Demons and Saiyaans it seemed!

"Steady as she goes, Zoe lass. We do want to get home in one piece, girlie. Hullo there, Alley! Excuse me. Nami! Anything on them scans, Honey? No? OK. Carry on and keep a weather eye open for trouble. Sit down, Sweetheart! You look as green as a sick gopher. Make too much of a pig o' yerself? Hey! Somebody 'rep up' a chair for the lady! I know she looks like an Apache slob but she's our boss all the same, guys!" said Alain duPrez and I stifled a giggle. I wasn't that lucky when 'Santa' walked onto the bridge. I laughed aloud. He did not seem to mind in the least!

I had a haunting feeling that I had seen this tall chubby guy somewhere but I just could not remember whom he was nor where I had last seen him. Very annoying not to recall simple memories you know? Ah well, it will come to me I told myself as I sat down in the chair shoved under my nether regions while two firm hands pushed me down onto the seat.

"Ho! Ho! Ho! Little Allison does not seem to remember her 'Uncle Nick', does she?" chuckled the guy in red and all i could do was smile and shake my head like a moron! I glanced up at the exterior vidscreen which showed us what was outside 'Maggie' and I frowned.

So depressing just to see inky black emptiness as far as the vidcams could reach. Sister Trish swooped down and delivered a tray of goodies with a big urn of hot java which she placed on the console beside me. Everyone helped themselves while I poured out a mug of java for myself and nibbled on a blueberry muffin.

"How's my little patient today? Better check those bandages, Dix. I don't think she'll need any more painkillers." said Captain Dr Mike Morton who was once third surgeon at 'Rampart Energency Hospital' in downtown Los Angeles, California on ancient Terra once upon a time.

Warrant Officer First Class Nurse Dixie McCall obediently knelt down and began to unwrap the sticky bandages on my legs. Yuck! I thought I was going to be ill! She smiled at me and began to sponge off the blood and adhesives. Then she quickly and quite efficiently rebandaged both legs. Strangely the pain was all gone although even I could see that the wounds were far from being healed!

"That last booster shot of 'Axileine 30X' that Mike gave you after you fell asleep did the trick, Al. You don't feel any more pain, do you? (I shook my head.) Well, you keep those bandages on there for at least another few days anyway. Understand, young lady? (I managed an 'Unh hunh'.) Good. Back home on Earth, you'd have been in the ICU for at least three months. However, up here-" Dixie left the thought unfinished and I realized how lucky I had been to have injured myself in deep space rather than on a world's surface. Wounds heal much more quickly in deep space.

Weight gain is almost impossible up here even though down there I would have been the size of a TARDIS with all the goodies I had been shoveling into my maw! Zoe yawned and stretched. It was almost three by my wrist chromo when Alain and the others began a game of 'Duel Monsters' at a small table that someone had 'repped up' on the other side of the bridge.

I dozed off a little and came to abruptly when I felt a heavy thud against the bulkhead wall behind me!

"Asteroids? Where the Hell'd they come from, dammit? Alley? Are there any fields around 'Gallifrey'? Were heading SouthWest and we are almost to the 'Dead Lands'. I can just espy Rathie's 'Tower' on the scans' perimeter." Zoe was maneuvering us expertly through what I belatedly realized must be the 'GekiGangar Dai Gurren' belt!

"Those are not asteroids, Zoe! They are chunks of 'dwarf stars'! Shields up, girl! Waht's our shield strength, dammit? Answer me!" I howled like a banshee. Everyone was staring at me. I had stood and I was leaning over poor Zoe Morton's shoulders and straining to see into the murky depths of the belt.

"Ninety-seven point twelve per cent, mum." she replied worriedly. 'Dwarf star' has that effect on most people.

"That's good. When the 'Daedalus' hit this thing on the way out, I had to transfer power from the back shields. Blast that thing, Olson! Blondie! Set yer keester down there beside her and man those quad guns! If even a pice of that junk the size of a pack o' smokes hits 'Maggie', we are history!" I shouted.

"Mon Dieu! What are those things?" yelped Alain but I shoved him roughly aside and grabbed my vidmike to the PA system.

"Sit down and strap in tight! It is going to be a bit of a bumpy ride! Any sign of Mr Starwind yet?" I demanded.

"Gene arrived ten minutes ago. He's on his way up here, Al." answered 'Santa'. Damn! Who was this guy? I had more on my plate than my poor memory at the moment! Just then Captain Starwind rushed in.

"Fire a photon torpedo salvo into the centre o' that mess somebody! Cut us a path through it! I know a shortcut!" yelled Gene Starwind, taking the command seat behind us. I did not object of course! He had the experience while I was still a novice pilot.

FOOM! FOOM! FOOM! The photons lit up the darkness like tracer rounds fired from an ancient machine gun! Then I saw light, real light at the end of a tunnel from one of our several suns above 'Gallifrey'! Hooray! Safety was in sight!

"Captain Starwind? Would you care to pilot us through this mess, sir?" asked Zoe and she vacated her pilot's chair for the grizzled old veteran who immediately slipped into it and began barking orders like am amcient Terran US Marines' drill sergeant.

"Sonic blast to port! Quads to starboard! Now Honey, not tomorrow! More photons directly in front of us! Hundred K kilo fuses! Fire! Two more, dammit to Hell! Hold on! That last photon missed by a whole centimetre! I'm gonna have to ram her through, folks! Hang onto yer undies! Here we go!" shouted Gene. Han was beside him reading off gauges like crazy.

Then we felt the shockwave caused by Mr Starwind's near miss of a small chunk of 'dwarf star alloy' about the size of 'Neptune'!

Whoosh! Sister Patricia's flight was stopped short when she hit the far bulkhead wall- almost! At the very last possible nano-second, Alain's huge mitts yanked her to the deck, almost depantsing her in the process! However, our 'flying nun' was safe albeit a bit bruised and in an undignified and unladylike position with her jeans halfway down her legs!

"We're through the belt! Ya can all relax now." drawled Major Solo with his familiar Texas twang. No voice had ever sounded so good to me before! Gene turned to me.

"Where's the spaceport, Alley? Where do I make planetfall, Honey?" asked Mr Starwind.

"That is a very good question indeed." said 'Santa'.

"And what's the answer, Commander?" demanded Gene. We were descended much too rapidly to land in the 'Dead Lands' I soon came to realize. I began to panic I am ashamed to admit!

"What about that lovely meadow where you and your grandfather used to ave those picnics, Allison? That would easily accommodate 'Maggie'." suggested 'Santa'. What had happened to my 'Daedalus' shuttle ship was all I could think of for some idiotic reason! Then his words sunk in!

"Gene! Turn her about ninety degrees Nor'Nor'East and point 'Maggie's doors (She still resembled a tavern you will recall) at that big 'Elmarondaoak' tree. There is a small glen just beyond it on the hillside. Put us down in that ravine. Zoe! Cut the speed to nil or we will be plastered all across the grasslands! Change course at once! That is an order!" I yelled and I felt 'maggie' turning on her side as Gene maneuvered us into landing position. A soft 'clump' and we were down and safe. I think that I was not the only one of us that breathed a big sigh of relief!

"Allison Prydonia! Do you or do you not know how to pilot this TARDIS? That last jolt spilled my sackful of toys for the good little kiddies all over the floor in the rec room! Really! You simply must be more careful, tiny poppet!" scolded 'Santa' and suddenly I knew whom this big galloot was for real!

"I apologize for that last big jolt, old Mr Know-All. Not to worry. I will not give away your game, cousin." I whispered into 'Santa's ear and he grinned that big toothy grin that always brought back fond memories of my childhood.

No, I will not be letting the neko out of Santa's sack just yet, dear readers! However, there is no way that I can halt you from deducing and guessing, is there? You have all the clues and any Gallifreyan would need no further hints to identify this fine fellow! Even Galaxia would know whom this 'Santy Claus' really was, that she most certain surely would!

I stood up and cleared my throat.

"Yo! Pay attention! Commander P wants to tell us something! Shut up and sit down somewhere! That's an order!" shouted the ever alert Mr Poporo. I favoured him with a grateful smile and cleared my pipes again.

"Anyone accompanying us to the 'Citadel' to turn Lord Azarog to the 'High Council' by necessity must be armed. However, be advised that upon entering the presence of our Gallifreyan Councilors, you will be required to surrender your arms to our sergeant-at-arms for the duration of your stay in Council chambers.

"Anyone who is not comfortable with being unarmed and trusting their security to our 'Imperial Guard' would be better off remaining behind. As a junior councillor, my TARDIS is not permitted inside Council chambers. Therefore, we will travel to the 'Citadel' via skysleds. 'Beaming' or 'Transporting' directly to the 'Citadel' is no longer permitted. Poor Lord Nagorian and Lady Glorianus almost had hearts attacks (Galli Time Lords and Time Ladies have two hearts you may recall) the last time the 'Angels' used that improper method of arrival.

"Is there anyone here who is not willing to surrender all of their weapons when so ordered? A show of hands if you please?" I announced and several hands shot up. Amongst them were Major Edwards and both of her 'Archangel' 'gunners', Cagalli Yula Athna and Fllay Allster. Of course, Kome Sawaguchi and Neko Olson objected and had raised both hands!

"If it please the court, mum? I have a question." said Captain Seras Victoria, Lord Alucard's 'police girl' and I nodded for her to continue.

"My Master and I would be more than willing to surrender our weapons at the door. However, we are vampires, mum. What about our 'natural' weapons such as magic and sorcery? Master can shapeshift and destroy at will. We would both like to visit your 'Citadel', mum but it will be quite impossible for us to completely disarm ourselves." explained the commander of the 'Nova Hellsing' starship cruiser.

"If both yourself and your Master and the rest of your 'Hellsing' party (Walter Doehm, Sir Integra Wingate Van Helsing, Alain duPrez and his 'Wild Geese' mercenary group) will give me their words that everyone will surrender their 'material' arms and swear on their honour (Lord Alucard laughed aloud and so did the 'Wild Geese') that they will cause no person on Gallifrey any harm, you may all enter our 'Citadel'." I replied. For what followed, I was not prepared!

"Count me out, little girl! A Van Helsing never surrenders arms to anyone! I never even appeared before our own Queen of Britain unarmed and I will certainly not bow down to a group of old fuddy-duddies! I will be remaining aboard. Walter, Alain and his men may do as they wish." snapped Sir Integra and she dashed her lighted foul-smelling stogie cigar onto my nice clean TARDIS's deck floor!

"Since my 'Wild Geese' and I were hired to assist and protect Seras, Al and Walter, our place is by their sides. We will accede to your Councillors' request." said Alain duPrez quietly.

"Madam Van Helsing? With your kind permission, I too wish to accompany milord Alucard and young Lady Seras to this 'Citadel' of yours. I will, of course, disarm myself when requested. I too give you my solemn oath not to use my own 'extra' powers against anyone on your planet." said Walter. Sir Integra nodded curtly and he clicked his heels together and bowed first to her and than to me.

"Very well. Anyone who wishes to visit our 'Citadel' go and pack up your kits and meet me in the afterdeck bays in twenty minutes. Warrant Officer Vash the Stampede and Captain Nicholas D Wolfwood will be in charge of transporting our prisoner. Do not be late. We will be leaving at 1530 hours exactly. That is half past three PM if you do not understand military time.

"Our own guard mount unit have received permission to enter the 'Citadel' armed. However, they will be permitted to carry non-lethal 'stasis' weapons only. They will, of course, be required to surrender any other arms before entering our Council chambers.

"That will be all unless there are further questions? No? Thank you for your attention. You are dismissed." I said and I sure as the Dickens sounded pretty darned important even if I do say so myself!

"How did that nitwit time lord manage to get himself captured? You couldn't find his Type 40 anywhere on 'Seti', O'Hara?" complained a tall and ominous looking evil fellow who was hiding behind some boxes in one of 'Maggie's storerooms. The big Irishman beside him looked glum while he was shaking his head in the negative.

"We looked ever'where, yer honour. That thing jest warn't nowheres to be seen." added Jock McMurdo, another evil-doer.

"I even used that locator thingamabob that you forced that damend blue-haired bimbo to build for you, sir. If that TARDIS had been anywhere on that moon, we would have found it no matter what it looked like!" said the megalomaniac from Remus.

OK! OK! Then the stupid thing must be aboard this tub since Finn (MacChumail was another baddie henchman) reports that it ain't aboard her 'Daedalus' ship. Better tell him to take the 'Dae' back to 'Andvari VI' along with the 'Lady Foucault', O'Hara." said their leader who was not a very happy camper today.

"As soon as they take off with old Azzy in tow in those sleds, we'll search this tub for his TARDIS! Had he not betrayed me, he could have remained hidden on 'Gysymeo' until the spring! Betray Khan, will he? He had better hope that the Council confines him to their Matrix again! If I get a hold of him-" fumed the most evil of all space pirates.

"They won't do that, sir! After he has been judged here at Galli, he's to be taken to Kurestan which is ruled by Solo's old lady!" shouted Lord Zoron Oakenshield whose ongoing quest was to rule the Universes from Remus and Romulan.

"If I may suggest, Lord Khan? Perhaps he has 'cloaked' his TARDIS? Why not have Lord Oakenshield use Miss Brief's 'locator' to scan this vessel?" asked an oily-voiced elderly villain from the shadows.

"Doesn't that old fool know that there's an 'energy damper' activated on all 3WA ships and now that includes this TARDIS we are aboard?" snapped an impatient McMurdo.

"TARDISes cannot 'cloak', my friends. Nor can they be easily detected using any kind of devices. However, this 'key' which I took the liberty of lifting from Azarog many years ago should be all we meed to find his TARDIS." explained a hooded figure who had just materialized in the darkness.

"Hush up, all of ya! I jest heared that big dumbarse Scots kid! Him and that wee lassie navvygater is right ootside the door!" whispered Hamish Campbell-Stuart who had only recently left the employ of the 'Emerald Queen' at the request of her skipper, Emma 'Queen' Emeraldas.

"What is it, Jamie?" asked Leila the 'Seva Team' jungle girl. She and the big Scotsman were hurrying to grab their gear so as not to miss one of the skysleds which were taking anyone who wanted 'liberty' to the 'Citadel' or the outer Gallifreyan districts. Jamie MacCrimmon and his pal Leila were eager to explore the latter since daggers were legal to carry outside the capitol and both of them were not carrying any other weapons.

"Och! I thought sartain sure I heared me summat but noo it be gone. Must be that me ears be a-playin' wee tricks on old Jamie Mac today, lassie! Let's be a goo-in', Love. We dinna wanna miss our ride noo, do we?" replied Jamie.

"Fine. I didn't hear anything which is unusual since I have exceptional hearing and intuition. Never mind though and stop calling me 'Lassie'! I am not your pet Collie dog, boyo!" she snapped and Jamies almost laughed but held his tongue.

"OK. They musta left, Cap. Leastaways I don't hear 'em out there no more. Want I should take a look, Chief?" asked Hamish.

"Nah. Give 'em a few more minutes to clear outta those bays. It's a quarter past 1500 (3:15 PM) and the Commander chick said they'd be leaving sharp at 1530 (3:30 PM) and she never says something she doesn't mean, Khan. Best wait until a quarter to four just to be on the safe side, huh?" suggested Zoron Oakenshield and Khan nodded.

"Yeah. That should give 'em enough time to head for the 'Cit' and almost everyone jumped at the chance of a 'liberty' from this tub! Did ya know that ootside it looks like a gin mill under repairs?" chuckled McMurdo.

We had best be silent while we wait, gentlemen." whispered Ming. Everyone took the hint and shut up.

"Everyone gone now, Walter?" asked the chain-smoking blonde Van Helsing descendant.

"Her Nibs just lifted off in the last sled, mum. Where have Seras and her 'Master' gotten to, I wonder? We are the only ones left aboard this 'flying box', you know?" said Walter Doehm cautiously. Sir Itegra Wingate Van Helsing caught the slight hesitancy in the pilot's speech.

"You think that we are not alone, Walter? (He nodded grimly) I had the same feeling. That is why I ahve sent Alucard and his 'Police Girl' to take a turn on the decks and look for any stragglers. (Walter looked upset) Calm down. I told him to apprehend, not kill. Seras has more sense so I did not see any reason to give her the same orders. Hullo! What's this?

"Yes? Suba I mean First Leftenant Van Helsing here. Whom is comm relaying, sir? Ah, so it is you, Mr Garner. No, I am afraid that most of the crew and passengers including the Commander, Subaltern Prydonia, have already left for the 'Citadel', sir. I have been ordered to maintain comm relay silence, Mr Garner.

"Yes, we did manage to ensnare Lord Azarog and he has been taken to the Gallis for 'judgment'. Then we have orders to transport the fool to Kurestan before we return back home. Eh? What do you mean, sir? His TARDIS? That is to be left with Acting Lord President Barusa, sir? That, sir, is an impossibility.

"I said we nabbed him, Azarog! They found no traces of one of those idiot 'travel boxes'! No, I did not realize that 'it' can resemble whatever it likes on the outside, sir. If that is so, why do the Doctors' always look like blue police call boxes from my Britain on Earth?

"Oh, I see! Defective 'chameleon circuitry', eh? Makes sense I suppose. Yes, that does mean that 'it' might be somewhere on this vessel. Sir, have you ever seen the inside of a TARDIS? Well, it's infinite! Not even Alucard could wander around this thing without getting lost!

"He and Seras Victoria are checking the ship for strays, sir. Yes, as soon as they return, the four of us will look for anything that should not be here. If we find something, I will be certain to comm relay you on Alderaan, sir. Yeah, that sounds plausible. I will have 'Nikita' do a scan for any extra 'stowaways'. Yes, I do realize the havoc that any of those idiots could wreak if they managed to lay hands on one of those Type 40's or Mark V's. Bad connection, sir. We will be in touch soon. Van Helsing out."

"Gad! Does that fool ever shut the Hell up, Walter? Now we have to take Alucard and Seras and split up into teams. We are to search this tub for a TARDIS and it can look like anything. How we are to be expected to find something with that kind of a description makes absolutely no sense to me." said Integra, slamming down her vidmike.

"He means that we look for something unusual and it may be this TARDIS thing. By the by mum, we happen to be aboard one of those TARDIS things, you know?" replied Walter quietly. This guy hardly ever raises his voice! The other trio? They are another kettle o' fish entirely!

"Walter? (Integra had lowered her voice to a whisper) 'Nikita' reports that she has found several heat traces in one of the aft storerooms near the bays downstairs. Ah, Alucard and Seras have returned! Get up here, Walter. Now!" snapped Integra.

"I am here, my Master. What are your orders, mum?" asked Alucard anxiously.

"Command us, Milady!" shouted an overly eager 'Police Girl' and, like her 'master', she too was feeling the blood lust.

"The storeroom downstairs closest to the launching bays. Bring back whoever you find in there and do not kill anyone. Is that understood, Alucard? That goes for you as well, Seras." ordered Al's 'Master' and her 'pet doggie' campire laughed aloud.

"As you wish, my Master! No killing! However, you have said nothing about harming them a mite, Madam?" replied Al.

"As long as they are still breathing when you bring them up here, I do not care what you do to the bastards! Now go! That is an order, Alucard!" snapped Integra. Seras Victoria turned towards the lift stations.

"Where are you off to, young lady?" demanded Walter.

"To get my new assault rifle, of course." she answered.

"Did you not hear your 'Mistress', Seras? No killing. That means no weapons. Have you not yet learned that you need no weapons against mere human beings? Your 'Master' prefers to attack without weapons, do you not, my Lord?" chuckled Walter and Al laughed again.

"Come, 'Police Girl'! Before they decide to make a run for it and deprive us of our fun!" shouted Alucard and his eyes were ravenous with hunder for human flesh. Seras unbuckled her gunsash and tossed it and her weapons aside. Then she hitched up her jeans and raced for the gantryway stairs. Her 'Master' had simply leaped the three floors down to the lowest deck. Poor Seras had yet to learn how to fly without her rocket boots and jet pack! These lessons would come very soon.

"I hear summat ootside, sair!" whispered Hamish just a nano-second before the portal shattered in his face!

"Peek-A-Boo! I see you! Will you come quietly and deny my 'Master' his pleasures or can we have our fun, sir?" snapped out a wild-eyed blonde girl with eyes as red as blood. She was dwarfed by the monster beside her! Alucard seemed to be made of nothing but eyes and every one of them was wide open and a deep crimson while the mouth looked to be as wide as the room and then some!

"Holy Mother o' God Almighty! What be that thing, lass?" breathed Hamish Campbell-Stuart in wonderment and fear.

"Your worst nightmare if you try and oppose us, sir." replied Seras, holding up her clawed right hand which began to drip blood all over the deck! Hamish's cutlass and pistols rang on the Kelvinite floor as did Jock McMurdo's and Ming's quill pens! Oakbrain was trying to hide behind Khan.

Khan alone stood unbowed and fearless before these two holy terrors. He slowly lit a cigarette and offered one to Seras who declined as did 'it'. He lit up and blew out a smoke ring which encircled Seras like a wreath. Then he laughed.

"I thought that Hall-o-we'en ended months ago? What's he supposed to be, Shenron, the Eternal Dragon, Missy? Careful with those talons, kid. Don't want to cut yourself with 'em, do ya?" chuckled the tall and fearsome space pirate.

"Damn you, vermin! You are fortunate that I am under orders from my 'Master' not to kill any of you dogs of animals! However, we can do anything else we like to you, you foolish braggart! Your friends have all surrendered to us! You seem intelligent so why not prove it to me? Do you yield to the mighty Alucard or can I have my jollies with you, Lord Khan?" roared out Alucard and he seemed to have now filled almost all of the room! Khan's eyebrows raised a fraction of a centimetre.

"Seras! Take those other prize specimens back to your 'Mistress'! I will deal with this remaining fool! Go! Leave us, girl!" Alucard's voice was a clap of thunder in the small confines of the storeroom.

"You idiots heard my 'Master', didn't ya? Get moving! While I am still in a good mood, dammit!" snapped out the small blonde girl whom none of the tough guys seemed to be inclined to disobey! Ming cringed and ran for the doorway. McMurdo and Hamish followed him and the others brought up the rear. Seras took a quck count on her gloved fingers.

"I seem to be missing one, my 'Master'." she said and Khan hurled Zoron Oakenshield straight at her.

"You forgot this pig, Milady! Take him and go! I mean to test this fine fellow's meddle. Go!" said Khan and he smiled.

"Your move, Lord Khan." invited Alucard after Seras Victoria had departed with her haul. Khan grinned evilly and drew his brace of pistols or rather disruptor blasters and in the same fluid movement, he began peppering the monster with energy blasts. An evil sounding laugh answered him and Khan seized up a Mark XXXV long-barrelled ion sonic energy cannon which he fired at and through Alucard!

"Is that all you have, foolish mortal? I have lived even longer than the time lords' founders themselves! It will take more than the likes of you to bring down the King of the Vampires!" screamed a frenzied Alucard and with one mighty swing of his arm, he cut the Mark in half! Another swipe and Khan screamed in pain and clutched his left arm which had been all but severed from his body!

Khan's right hand flashed down and ignited a laser sword which he plunged into and through the roaring demonic vampire! Khan screamed in agony when his right fingers began to burn when they came into contact with Alucard's flaming body! The sword was absorbed into the demon thing! Khan dropped to his knees, screaming in sheer terror.

"Enough! Enough! I yield, my Lord Alucard, sir! No more! Please! I surrender!" screamed the space pirate while Alucard laughed and laughed. Finally, the demonic vampire tired of his game and returned to his more or less 'normal' human form. He grabbed the cringing crime lord and tucked him over his shoulder and flew back up three levels to his 'Master'.

The others had been clapped in 'force beam cuffs' and clapped into the 'zero room' since 'Maggie' sported no 'brigs' yet. Al slammed the still screaming Khan into his 'Police Girl's waiting arms. The starved for blood Seras began to lick his wounds and savour the fresh sweet blood of the pirate king until-

"Seras! Behave yourself! I know that you are a vampiress but you are still English so watch your damned manners! Proper English ladies do not suck blood from their guests! Alucard! Leave that fellow alone! That goes for you as well! Walter! Help Seras to lock him up in that blasted 'zero room' back there! If these hounds are aboard, then so must Azarog's TARDIS! Otherwise, why take such a risk in sneaking aboard 'Maggie'?" snapped Integra angrily. She knew that she had to call Territorial Sector Chief Garner and she was not relishing the comm relay call at all.

"If it is any help, Madam Van Helsing, Vicious did not find it aboard the 'Daedalus'. Hence, our visit to you. Ouch! That stings, little doggie!" complained Khan.

"That means that it is doing you some good, Mr Khan. Hold still while I cauterize those nasty wounds." said Mr Peabody who was performing first aid in the absence of Dixie McCall and Dr Mike who had both opted for shore leave. A good wallop of 'Axileine 30X' would have killed all the pain in an instant but perhaps the white doggie did not know about it, but, then again, maybe he did! Khan had yelled at his boy, Sherman a lot during their last encounter and turnabout is fair play, ya know?

"Van Helsing to Garner. Come in please? Ah. Yes, sir. No, we did not find the TARDIS. However, it must be here somewhere. We found and arrested Khan and a number of his villainous henchmen who were hiding on 'Maggie'. He did tell us that Vicious searched the 'Dae' and found nothing. That means the 'Dae' must be under his control so a rescue may be in order? No, we do not know anything about piloting this 'flying box', sir. No. We have had no time to search this vessel for it. Yes. As soon as I have something to report, you will be the first one to know. Van Helsing out." snapped Integra and slammed down her vidmike.

"Walter! Take Al and Seras and meet me in the Commander's 'ready room'. No, the force beam barriers should be enough to hold them inside that 'time corridor' within that 'time loop' inside that 'zero room'. Mr Garner still wants us to find that TARDIS! Why? Do you want to ask him, Walter? No? I thought not. Five minutes. Thanks." smapped Integra into her comm badge.

"Walter and I will search this level and the level below us. Alucard and Seras will search the two levels below that. Be careful and don't get lost. We are looking for anything that does not look like it should be there. According to Doctor #4 who is already searching the rest of 'Maggie's many levels, a TARDIS can look like anything on the outside.

"Brill Neon said that there was no key found on Azarog so the Doctor thinks that, in all likelihood, he didn't get a chance to lock up behind himself. Anything you find, try and open it. If it won't open, it is not a TARDIS. If it opens and it is bigger on the inside than it is on the outside, you have found the TARDIS.

"Off you go. Come along, Walter. I trust we are all armed? Excellent. We will meet back here in an hour. Good hunting" said Integra and Walter loped along in her wake.

"Shall we go, 'Police Girl'? Fine job for vampires, eh? Looking for a damned box on another damned box!" snarled Alucard.

"Ours is not to reason why, my 'Master'. We have our orders. Come." said Seras Victoria. Alucard grumbled but led the way belowdecks.

"Closet. Storeroom. Ladies' boudoirs. Bathroom. How many rooms does this thing have, Milady?" asked an astonished Walter.

"Who knows? We will search this deck and the one below. Some sort of extra control room. Another bedroom. Huh? Nothing in here but all kinds of clothes from other time eras and other worlds, Walter. This is asinine!" snapped Integra, slamming back portal after portal.

"Old junk. Paintings. Hullo! That's the Mona Lisa or I am an orangatang, Seras! Think that Allison would miss-" chortled the tall vampire demon and his ward frowned at him.

"We are here to search, not pilfer, 'Master'. Put that back right now!" admonished the former police constable and Alucard reluctantly laid down an old grimoire book of magic spells.

"Have a heart, girl! So you know how many centuries I have been seeking the 'Necronomicon' in the original Latin?" wailed her 'Master' and he slammed shut the portal he had just opened.

"My 'Master'! Come and help me with this portal behind this bookcase. It's stuck." complained Vickie and the taller demon vampire king easily shoved aside a case of books, causing them all to topple to the deck with a resounding crash! Seras jumped involuntarily and glared daggers at him.

"Thank you. Next time just move the damned thing, don't break it!" she shouted. Alucard paid her no heed and, reaching the hidden portal, he pulled and pulled to no avail. Then he had a brainstorm and shoved instead and the 'door' receded into the bulkhead wall!

"Seras! Come here! Look!" he yelled excitedly and she slipped inside with him. They both did a double take.

"It's the size of 'Wemnley Football Stadium', my 'Master'! This must be Lord Azarog's TARDIS!" shouted Seras just as excitedly.

"Ooh! Look at that silver sable white fox fur coat! Think the Commander would get mad if I just- tried it on for size?" cooed his young vampiress ward and he chuckled.

"Why the Hell not? This ain't her 'Maggie', this is Azzy's pad. Probably stolen from some poor female human who has a whole closetful of the damned things, kiddo. Hey! That looks stunning on you, my dear child. Keep it! I say! An original manuscript! This is one of Willy Shakespeare's unpublished plays! No! I cannot mess up history! There it will stay for all time.

"Best let my 'Master' and your 'Mistress' know she can call off the search. My 'Master', are you reading me? Good. We are on Level Three, two floors below the control room deck. We found it! Looks like an ordinary hidden room's door. How can you find us, mum?" reported Alucard and Seras grinned and shouted.

"Just follow the trail of damage down here, my 'Mistress'. The trail's pretty easy to find, mum." she giggled and now it was her 'Master's turn to glower at his young ward.

"Lord Alucard! This is no way to treat treasures from Alexander's great library! Integra! Some of these manuscripts have been lost for thousands of years! Oho! So there you are! Seras Alicia Victoria Grunewald! Where on Earth did you find that fur coat? In here, Miss Van Helsing! Mind the books on the floor!" trilled Walter through his comm badge.

"Alucard! You and Seras help Walter to pick up those books and papers! Yes, you may keep it, Seras. Walter! Put that right back where you found it! We are protectors, not vandals and thieves! Yes, it is a lovely Rembrandt but Azarog more than likely stole it from the Louvre Museum! Lucky for us that Lupin III and his gang stayed behind on the 'Daedalus'! Seras! Stop shopping for jewelry to match the coat! We had best be thinking about dinner. It's almost 1800 (6 PM) and I'm famished!" said the cigar smoking chief of the 'Hellsing Group'.

"Yes, Mr Garner. We did find the damned box. (Integra covered her vidmike with a gloved hand) Seras! Put that fur away somewhere in your room! Mr Garner is furious because some idiot was asleep at the switch and allowed Vicious to take over the 'Daedalus'! It's OK now. Commander Raven of the 'ISSP' has arrested him and his thugs and sent them to Seto Kaiba. What's that, sir? It's on Level Three behind the works from the Great Library of Alexandria in Egypt on Terra. How the Hell would I know how Azarog managed to swipe something lost for centuries?

"We cannot move it to the 'Citadel'! Why? Because it's somehow part of this TARDIS, that's why! Permission to lift comm relay silence, sir? So I can get Suba Prydonia back here with her gramps, of course! Betwixt the pair of 'em, maybe they can get the damned box thing off of 'Maggie' and into the capitol. What? You are coming here to take charge personally, sir? Very well. We'll be waiting for you, sir. Van Helsing out." snapped an angry Integra, slamming down her vidmike.

"I hid it under the pretty tapestries in my footlocker, mum." said Seras and Integra glared at her own assistant.

"What pretty tapestries? Alucard! What did I just tell you about swiping stuff from history?" howled Miss Van Helsing.

"It will go quite nicely on that are wall in your bedchamber back at the manor house, mum. I made certain that it's really just an imitation piece before I 'borrowed' it from the TARDIS. It's a fake." explained Walter and his 'Mistress' sighed.

"OK. I suppose that, in that case, it's OK to keep it. Thank you, Walter. What have you got in that sack, Alucard?" replied the chief of the vampire hunter-slayers.

"Some old cookery books is all, mum. Walter said they were forgeries made by Christopher Morley from some of Anne Hathaway's receipts, recipes I guess you call them now." answered the smug vampire demon king.

"Fine but that is IT! No more treasure hunting! Put all that junk away before Mr Garner arrives and takes it away from us! Hark! I just heard a tap at the tavern door. Scoot! Just a moment, Chief. I'm new with these controls, sir. There! Try the door again, please. Welcome aboard the 'Maggie', Mr Garner. Curtsey to the gentleman, girl! Ten-Hutt!" snapped Integra but the 'gentleman' waved away the rituals from merrie old England.

"At ease, everyone. Well done, all of you. Now where is this TARDIS you've found, Captain?" asked Garner quietly.

"You have made a mistake, sir. My 'Mistress' is only a first leftenant, sir." corrected Seras Victoria. He smiled and chuckled.

"She Who WILL Be Obeyed is not the only one in the 3WA who is permitted to promote underlings, my dear child. 'God' (Vittorio Xavier Galadriel was the self styled 'God' of the 3WA and Garner's boss) himself all but ordered me to promote you, dear lady and it's high time as well for you to be a captain. Lt. Grunewald? (Seras brightened up when she heard that because her ranking was only Warrant Officer One) Pin these 'railroad tracks' on your 'Mistress', please and here are your own new silver bars (First Leftenant). Sorry but nothing was said about Lord Alucard and Pilot Doehm by Mr Galadriel." said Territorial Sector Chief Charles Augustus Milverton Garner who had sat down beside the pile-driver console.

Seras pinned on Integra's new bars and then her 'Mistress' did her the same honours. Pointing to the lifts, Integra lit another of her foul-smelling 'stogies' and handed one to Garner while Walter lit it for him. Then the unlikely quintet rode down to see the hidden treasure room.

"Good Kami in Heaven! Did this idiot steal anything in sight from wherever and whenever he happened to be?" asked Garner incredulously.

"Did any of you happen to find a key anywhere? Aha! Thank you, Leftenant. We will lock the portals and await the 'Casterlein' and the Subaltern. I trust they are on their way back here, Captain Van Helsing?" he added.

"Yes, sir. However, there's a snowstorm threatening the capitol so the going will be slow for the skysleds. Acting Lord President Barusa has already given Azarog a good dressing down and then he turned him over to the Commander. He is being transported under heavy guard back here. Their ETA is twenty hundred hours, eight o'clock this evening. If you are quite satisfied, sir, we were just about to have dinner. You must be hungry after such a long voyage?" invited Integra and Garner beamed at her.

"Capital! Permit me to escort you two lovely ladies upstairs to the dining room. Coming, Lord Alucard, Pilot Doehm?" replied their boss from Alderaan. Walter clicked his heels together.

"Sir! Yes, sir!" cried Walter, saluting smartly.

"Smartass." breathed Alucard and he too followed the rest of them to the lift stations.

After a 'repped' dinner where Mr Garner had insisted he 'wasn't very hungry' but had still had four helpings of everything including dessert and a gallon of liquor, Integra answered a rap on the 'tavern door' and admitted the Commander and her 'gramps', the Casterlein.

"I took the liberty of having our errant time lord brought through the TARDIS's 'emergency' entrance. No, Madam Van Helsing, I will not tell you where it is located. By now, Lord Azarog should be safely tucked away in Allison's 'zero room'. Do not ask. I know what you will be wanting to know, Lord Alucard.

"The answer is simplicity itself. I will pilot Lord Azarog's TARDIS myself. I will dematerialize it and fly it to the capitol where I will rematerialize it again. Lord Barusa has commanded that it be placed under heavy guard at the Tower of Rathelon while all of Lord Azarog's 'treasures' are sorted out and arrangements made to return them to their proper spaces and time eras in the various Universes from which they were 'borrowed' by him.

"You need not be concerned about the fur coat and tapestry that Miss Grunewald and Lord Doehm have appropriated already. (Mr Garner's eyebrows raised a fraction of a millimetre) The tapestry is a cheap copy from Terra's Italy. The fur coat is part of Lady Millicent Mayover's collection and she has already been reimbursed for it by Lloyd's of London Insurance Company in Victorian Britain. I personally visited both places and times. I have been reassured by Her Ladyship and the original weavers that neither item is necessary to be returned.

"Of course, Mr Garner will be shortly receiving two very small invoices for both of these items. However, the 'High Council of Gallifrey' insists on reimbursing the 3WA, sir." explained 'Grandfather' Casterlein. In reality, he was the original founder of the Order of the Knights Templar from 9th Century Terran Britain. He and the other eight co-founders were time lords. The only known surviving descendant was Subaltern Angela Theresa de Roncesvalles, our own Angie.

"Thank Kami for that, milord! I just got through paying off the mess made at 'Sharvelan' (Shar-veh-lon) by 'you know whom'! Mr Galadriel is pretty sore at me and at Chief Gooley for that one, I can tell you! Suffice it to say that the Great Cathedral in that small moon's capitol city will soon have a beautiful stained-glass window in its belfry! A hundred thousand credits for a church window? They used to be a damned bit less expensive! Pardon my French, ladies.

"You will not have to make the entire trip back to Kurestan on Alderaan. The 'Maggie' will be flown back to the 'Daedalus' where your prisoner will be transferred to a waiting starship, the 'Zargon' under the command of Johnny Raven. He's been transferred from Ganymede to Alderaan for a few months. He just happened to be in the area of the 'Neutral Zone' so I asked him to wait for us there.

"He will ferry Azarog back to Kurestan and I will tag along as an extra passenger. As soon as you offload your cargo to him, the 'Maggie' and the 'Dae' will return home to Shimougou. Hopefully, that firebrand Hellcat Amazon and that dipstick minx vixen will have arrived with the 'Lovely Angel 2'. Allison, where are the rest of your crew and passengers?" demanded Garner.

"She gave everybody else 'shore leave', Chief. Good luck in rounding up that lot anytime soon." chuckled Integra. I began to cough. Would I ever get used to those darned stogies of hers? Then I realized that Mr Garner was waiting for an answer.

"Come along, 'Police Girl'. Do not worry, my dear children. We will find everyone and bring them back here. May I assume that you do not wish to depart this world until the morrow, Uncle Chuck?" asked Alucard and now it was Mr Garner's turn to start coughing. Alucard did not usually crack jokes.

"Seras, please try and keep your 'Master' out of trouble." said a grim-faced Integra.

"Please leave the 'Citadel' in one piece and be sure that our great tower is still standing when you leave Gallifrey." begged the Casterlein and I giggled. From the looks I got from the others, this was not a jesting matter!

"Aren't you going to open the portals for them, Madam?" asked Mr Garner. By then, the vampire demon king and his young ward had vanished into the aether!

"No need, sir. As you can see for yourself, Alucard is no ordinary vampire or demon for that matter." said Walter Doehm.

"Seras, ask that fellow there if he can direct us to the closest tavern. I imagine we will find most of our missing away teams in one of them." laughed Alucard.

"Please sir, where is the closest pub?" asked Seras Victoria Grunewald, hastily wiping the blood from her face with a gloved hand. The poor Gallifreyan guy hesitated and then pointed.

"The 'Bloody Sparrow's that way, miss. I was about to say that it's a bit of a rough place for you but now I see that you'll fit right in there! Good evenin' to ye." he replied and then he took to his heels. Alucard and Seras have that effect on some people.

Three bars later and they had found everyone except for the guard mount that had Lord Azarog in tow and a few stragglers. Seras and Al turned their steps towards the capitol and the 'Citadel'.

"Halt! No visitors are permitted in Council Chambers after dark, sir, mum. No exceptions." said Sgt Palomar of the Imperial Guard. This poor soul had the misfortune of being the gate guard at the 'Cit' this evening. The vampire demon king flexed his talons and began to get very nasty looking indeed! Seras to the rescue.

"We are from the 3WA, sergeant. (Seras flashed her green ID vidcard and the fellow's eyes popped) We are here to collect the 'shore leave' parties from the 'Maggie', Commander Prydonia's TARDIS. If you check with Captain Tallon-Whyte, I am sure he will vouch for us. I am Leftenant Seras Grunewald and this is Captain Alucard Smith-Jones. We just want to pop in and collect our people. Then we will depart the capitol." explained the young vampiress, using a gloved hand to cover the blood on her tunic jacket. Alucard, however, was impatient.

"Either you let us in there or I will tear down the gate portals." he said quietly.

"I'd like to see you try it, pal! That gate's set in stone and Kelvinite!" laughed Tommy Palomar. Seras looked worried.

"Please do not tempt him, sir. Take my word for it. Captain Smith-Jones can easily do what he said he would do." said Seras, trying to pour oil on troubled seas.

"Aw, the Hell with it! Go ahead. You have ten minutes. Then I'll call the captain and Lord Allenby too!" snapped Tommy.

"Tell me Seras, are all humans this stupid? Perhaps a small demonstration of my power is necessary?" growled the tall vampire, grinning an evil grin.

"He said we had ten minutes, my "Master'. Let us find our wayward souls and leave this place." soothed Seras.

Eight minutes later and they had shooed along all but one of the 'shore leave' party goers.

"That's everyone but Sister Trish, 'Master'." said Seras and Alucard grumbled.

"We have looked everywhere for the brat but she is nowhere in sight, girl! I am getting hungry again, are you not feeling the same emptiness in your gut?" he snarled. His ward felt her own stomach and grimaced.

"Here comes someone. I will ask him." said Seras. The elderly Lord Kolorkang bowed to the young vampiress and then pointed behind him at a huge edifice at the end of the square. Seras thanked him and curtseyed.

"She is in that building, 'Master'. I will bring her back. You wait here." said his ward. Alucard guffawed at her.

"That I would truly love to see, 'Police Girl'! You cannot cross that threshold any more than can I do so! It is a cathedral! Our kind are not welcome there!" chortled Alucard. Seras spoke aloud into her comm badge.

"Trish? This is Seras. My 'Master' and I are out here in the square. We depart this world tomorrow. The Commander has sent us to bring you back. Please come out of that terrible place, my dear girl. Two minutes." trilled Seras.

"Be right out, mum. I'm on the toilet." trilled the 'flying nun' who could fly without rocket boots or jet pack.

"I hope the brat washes her damned hands before she leaves that horrid structure." growled Alucard and Seras giggled. The huge portals slammed open and then crashed shut again. The short nun came flying out to hover above their heads.

"God bless you both for coming to get me, sir, mum. I must have missed the last sled back home. There are no cabs in this place. I was going to walk back to 'Maggie' in the morning. God bless you both again." said the grateful nun.

"If you are so damned grateful, kid, stop blaspheming and using that forbidden name in my presence!" snapped Alucard, encircling Seras and Trish within his voluminous dark red cloak. Then he leaped straight up and flew over the gates nuch to the watching Tommy Palomar's astonishment! He waved at them and shook his fists.

"Good riddance to bad rubbish! I sure hope the Council ain't gonna make a habit outta invitin' these freaks to visit!" said Tommy to nobody in particular. A small crowd had gathered at the gates to watch the trio winging their way towards the big meadow and home.

"That's the last of them, Alley! I am starving and so is Seras! My 'Master', have you 'repped' us up any 'you know what' for our dinners?" demanded Alcucard, licking his lips greedily. Integra tossed him and Seras a glassine bag full of freshly 'repped' blood!

Seras took hers to her rooms to consume but her 'Master' had torn his open and was pouring it down his gullet!

"How disgusting!" said Diana Prince aka 'Wonder Girl'.

"Gross indeed!" agreed Allison Prydonia, trying hard not to retch.

"You'll get used to it, kids." chuckled Integra Van Helsing while Walter Doehm merely smiled. 'Uncle Chuckie' Garner had already run for the restrooms! Integra answered a trilling on her console. Then she replaced the vidmike after a soft hurried conversation.

"Lord Barusa has given us clearance for an immediate liftoff, sir and he seemed like he wants us gone as soon as possible. All hands are back aboard and we have our cargo quarry belowdecks and secured. There is no reason why we-" said the cigar-smoking blonde.

"Make it so, Captain. Pilot Doehm, please lift off and head us for home. That's an order. With your permission, Subaltern?" said Garner and I nodded quickly. The pile-driver began to go up and down while the console pulsated with power and then-

"We have departed your home world, Milady Allison. Shall I place us on 'George'?" asked my pilot and I nodded again.

"When do we eat aboard this damned tub? I ain't had nuttin' for ten whole minutes, Cap!" roared my captain of the guard, the big hanyou doggie demon-human boy, InuYasha. Wolfie Kouga was not far behind him. I sighed and asked who wanted to help rep up dinner.

"Besides the Saiyaans and the demons, I meant." I added when Dog Boy and Wolfie began fighting with Goku Son and Vegeta Brief. Finally Seras and Trish began to help while Fllay and Cagalli set the table for me.

"Has anyone seen to our charge down there?" asked Mr Garner, his mouth full of his sixth dinner helping but he 'was not very hungry tonight'! I would hate to have to feed him when he was 'very hungry'! Just then Neko Olson and Kome Sawaguchi came up in the lift and announced that they had 'fed the dog downstairs'. Whitey!

"Has anyone fed my doggie? Whitey?" I cried and Doctor #4 chuckled.

"Not to worry. Jamie and Leila fed him around 1700 (5 PM) and now he's having his 'walkies' with them on the holodecks. I say, has anyone seen my Sarah Jane Smith? She's bound to get into some sort of hot water if she's left on her own too much, you know?" chuckled the Doctor.

"She's filing for us on Level Three in that room that contained Azarog's TARDIS until 'Gramps' took it away a few hours ago. You would not believe the shambles that Khan and his cronies made of those files while they were looking for that TARDIS." said Sir Integra Wyngate Van Helsing, lighting up yet another cigar.

"Ah! That should keep her out of trouble for the nonce. Imagine the mess we would be in had Khan actually found that TARDIS, eh? Any more blueberry trifle or has the 'Mad Hatter' (Doctor #6) eaten it all? Thank you, dear lady. Sister? I don't think there is really any flying room in here. Be careful, child! Mind the chandelier! Duck!" yelled Doctor #4 and he covered me with his coat and muffler an instant before the heavy fixture crashed onto the table where I had been seated!

"You are not injured, dear cousin? No? In that case, I have a few choice words for that little scamp. Patricia DellaPorta, where are you, you naughty girl?" called the Doctor who was strolling swiftly down the corridor that led to our sleeping quarters. I was sure that a spanking was not out of the question and like Sgt Schultz on that ancient Terran war TV show 'I see nothing'!

The cleaning 'droids cleared away the broken fragments of the chandelier while Kagome Higurashi repped up a replacement. Then Doctor #6 and Dr Watson rehung the lighting unit while Mr Holmes and Doctor #3 took care of the wiring installation. Soon we had light through the gloominess of my dining room.

"This hurts me more than it is hurting you, my dear child. You simply must learn discipline, Patricia." Doctor #4's voice filtered back to us through the ventilators from Trish's rooms where an old-fashioned spanking looked to be in progress.

"God will forgive you, sir but I will not! Not ever, darn it!" sobbed the young novice nun.

"You will thank me for this one day, my dear. You have had your dinner already? Good. Off to bed with you. What? OK. I suppose I could tell you a story although you do not really deserve one, you know? Once upon a time there was a very bad time lord-" began the Doctor but then he was drowned out by Alain's bragging about the barfight he had broken up single-handedly while they had been visiting a pub in the capitol of Gallifrey.

"Alain probably started the fight in the first place, Alley." whispered Integra through a plume of acrid cigar smoke. I nodded and smiled wanly. I was tired and I really wanted my bunk but it was not yet nine of the clock so I persevered and stifled a yawn. Then Walter strolled in and signed to me to join him outside in the hallway. I excused myself to Integra and walked over to the open portals and followed my pilot back to the control room.

"I was monitoring the comm relay radio thingy and there is a call for you from a Mr John Raven, mum. 'Mistress' seemed to be enjoying herself for once and after all, Mr Raven did ask for his 'princess' so I came for you instead. Here you are. If you need ne, I will be in the galleys." said Walter Doehm and I accepted the vidmike.

"Prydonia here. Did you need something, Mr Raven? Over." I said.

"So formal, Princess Allison? Please call me Johnny like everyone else. No big deal, kiddo. I just wanted you to now that I am waiting for your TARDIS here at the Zone. The 'Daedalus' is in great shape and the entire crew is fine. I have sent Vicious and his gang to Seto Kaiba. What's your ETA? Over." replied the always humourous 'ISSP' officer.

Walter was mouthing the ETA time to me from the doorway and I waved to him. He disappeared back into the galleys.

"Midnight. Sorry but I do not know what that is in military time, Johnny. Three more hours. Over." I answered.

"We'll be here, Lovey. Keep a wary eye on that snake in your brig, kiddo. Raven out." he said, terminating our call.

"Prydonia out." I said needlessly since he had already blanked the screen. I switched off mine and yawned.

"Tired, Commander? Why not hit the hay? I will be happy to cover for you should anyone ask. Good night, my dear." said Walter and I thanked him with a smile and said good night to him. I must have been more weary than I had thought because I was asleep as soon as my head hit the pillows. The last thing I heard was the end of Trish's bedtime story filtering through the ventilator by my bunk.

"-And the good, kind time lady arrested the big, bad rogue time lord and he was put into gaol for a very long time. Th-Th-Th-That's all, folks! Go to sleep now, Poppet. See you in the morning and no more flying aboard this TARDIS. Night night." said the tall time lord and I drifted off to Dreamland. The next time I opened my eyes was when Zoe Morton was roughly shaking my shoulders.

"Will you wake up already, dammit? We have arrived at the Zone. We've offloaded Azarog and turned the pest over to Johnny but he has papers you gotta sign for him, Alley! Throw something on and meet us in the dining room! Hurry up! Just five minutes, then you can come back and finish your dream, girl. Let's go!" Zoe whispered fiercely and I mumbled something like I didn't wanna go to school today.

"I'm not your Auntie V, Lovey. Get up and get your kimono on. Now, Allison!" she yelped and I was roughly thrust into a dressing gown and slippers and then I was almost dragged down the hall to our dining room where a smiling Johnny Raven was waiting. His exec was a green-haired Eloisian named Ensign Kellmer. She told me that her sister was serving aboard the 'Liberator' for Admiral Zero.

"I marked all the places for you to sign, Suba. Sorry we had to wake you up, Sweetie but there's always gonna be paperwork and more paperwork and more red tape these days! Here. That's the last one. These are your vidcopies, mum. Now you go back and finish that dream of yours. All finished, sir." said Miss Kellmer, handing the vid-docs over to her superior. Then she saluted him and stood to attention beside the portals.

"Parting is such sweet sorrow, Your Majesty. Perhaps I'll see you in MayJuno? I will be on Shimougou by then. Maybe I'll look up you and Diana in your new digs, huh? Good night and pleasant dreams, Princess. Let's motor, Kelly baby. Farewell to all this loveliness. OK! I'm coming already! Sheesh! I thought all girls were romantic?" said Johnny and then he and Kelly were gone.

"Have someone file these vid-docs somewhere and have copies vid-faxed to Mr Gooley, Mr Galadriel and Mr Garner. I am going to take the lovely ensign's advice and go back to that dream. See all of you in the morning. That was a nifty bedtime story, #4. Good night everyone." I said with another yawn and I went back to my rooms where I collapsed onto my bunk without even bothering to remove my kimono or slippers. This time when I awakened, I felt completely refreshed and well rested.

"Where are we, Miss Allster?" I asked, zipping up my flightsuit and sitting down to a hearty breakfast in our dining room.

"I dunno. Hey stupid! Where the Hell are we? Alley Cat want to know." replied Fllaysie.

"Don't call me stupid, ya little brat! Zoe said that we passed through some 'outer markers' of 'Shimmyjamjars' at three. She said we'd spot the 'inner ones' at noon. It's eight now so we'll get there in four more hours. Hey! That was my prune Danish, Doggie Boy!" said Sarah Jane Smith, resplendent in a daring grey micro-mini-skirted suit.

"Yuck! Tastes like shit! Want it back, Sarah?" asked InuYasha, spitting out prune bits all over the table. I really must have Miss Higurashi teach them some table manners!

"No! Keep it! Stop spitting! You two are gross!" replied Sarah, her own mouth full of pancakes.

"I didn't do nuttin', did I?" asked Kouga, the wolf youkai demon who was busily swiping food from Walter's plate.

"I killed men in the war for doing things like that, animal thing." said Walter Doehm quietly. My new pilot was a lot like our own 'fearless leader'. He spoke softly when he was angry and ready to strike. Integra had told me that was also true of Lord Alucard.

I finished my breakfast and took my java mug with me up to the 'bridge' as Walter called my main control room on 'Maggie'. I hit the 'exterior view' toggle and stared out into inky blackness with a tiny winking star far, far away in the distance.

"What is that, Mr D?" I asked and Walter Doehm grunted.

"According to Miss Morton, those are the 'inner markers' for some world she called 'Shimougou', mum." he replied.

"That's your new home, Honey. You'll be stationed in Furool (Foo-Lon) City with us. That's on the Eastern side of the planet. Raven's gonna be stationed at Elenore City in the West when he gets there in MayJuno, Alley. We'll be there in a few more hours or so I was told by Solo and Starwind when they went offduty at six." explained Integra, another cigar in her mouth and more ashes on my clean deck floor.

"Can I have fun when we get home, my 'Master'?" Lord Alucard was champing at the bit for something. His 'Master' frowned and shook her blonde head at her 'pet dog'.

"No. I told you that before, Alucard. We are only going after enemies of our new homeland until we can get back home ourselves. What have you done with Seras this morning?" replied Integra.

"Stuffing herself in the dining room. She will be sick all day again. How much longer will it be before she realizes that vampiresses like her can only digest the 'water of life' as you wish me to call our sustenance fluid?" growled Alucard.

Before Integra could frame a reply to him, the young ward in question streaked past the doorway, retching and desperately trying to be ladylike and not upchuck in the corridors!

"Serves ya right, Grunewald! Making a pig of yourself again!" shouted her 'Master' down the hallways or should I say bellowed?

"A field of stars ahead. Should I go around it, Miss Zoe?" called Walter when 'Bjorn Corners' hove into view.

"Roger that, Walt. Yaw hard a-starboard (steer to the right) for three clicks (300 thousand kilometres) and then put us back on your present course. Not to fet. That's 'Bjorn Corners', a squared off asteroid belt. It does drift but it's so bloody slow that we don't gotta worry about it. Can somebody please bring me a Jidelian Latte with lots of whipped cream on it? Some blueberry muffins would be yummy too." Zoe Morton almost always seemed to be thinking of her tummy but she still managed to stay trim and svelte. I told ya that it's really hard to gain weight in space, did I not?

"Almost home now. Empty space all the way once we leave 'Bjorn' behind us, Commander." advised Kome Sawaguchi from beside my chair where she was standing. She and Neko Olson were as quiet as neko (cats) when they wanted to be. They were two of our best 'guerilla fighter' warriors but Leila was our very best jungle style warrior by far!

"Ahem! May I speak with you and Miss Prince in my office, Madam Prydonia?" asked Mr Peabody. I was not yet used to talking doggies especially this male Chauvinist mutt! I wondered where his 'office' was on 'Maggie'? I soon discovered that his 'office' was really my 'ready room'! I fumed but said nothing. Diana 'Wonder Girl' Prince' was sitting at the huge oval conference table and Mr P pulled out a chair for me beside her. I sat and he walked around the room and took his seat at my desk!

"I won't keep you ladies very long. I was aked by Mr Garner to set up a few things for you ladies in Furool City. This is your five years' lease for a small flat in 'Greenhalgh Acres' and the first three months' security deposit rents of 900 credits has been paid by Mr Galadriel for you.

"Of course, beginning in MarAprio, you two will be responsible for the 300 credits a month rental payments. This is a three years' sales agreement for a used AD 2251 'Galaxy 4' air speeder. We got you a good deal on it. 500 credits payable in monthly installments of 55 credits and 15 sondemes per month.

"The power, water and other utilities will be activated by your own vidcode keys (He held up two odd-looking pencils!) when you move in. The flat is furnished and as there will be two of you, the owners are fitting it out with two 'replicator' units in all of the rooms for you.

"You each have accounts set up in most of the malls and shopping complexes, beauty parlours, pizzerias, etc. and all of those details are in this vidfolder I will be handing over to you just as soon as you have signed the necessary forms. If there are no questions, we will begin." said the smug white doggie and Diana glared at him.

An hour later, the 'very few' vid-documents had been signed in triplicate, we had been given a 'small' vid-folder which was almost as thick as my own 'Galactic Compendium' directory and we each had one of the 'sonic pencils' as I called our new flat 'keys' which very closely resembled the Doctor's 'sonic screwdriver'!

Diana and I 'high-fived' each other as she called this strange human ritual which she said was used to denote a successful venture's conclusion. I lugged the vid-folder back to our suite of rooms and began to read everything in it much to Di's amazement. It seems that on Terra such details were always ignored!

I read the vid-documents through a few times and they did not seem all that complicated to me! Diana read the lease over and tossed it down in frustration.

"I still say it's all gobbledeygook, Allison! If you're that concerned about 'em, how come ya signed 'em all before ya read through 'em, huh? As soon as we signed 'em, we agreed with everything in the damned things, ya know?" giggled Diana.

I frowned at my soon to be new roomie and then I shrugged my shoulders and tossed down the vid-folder.

"Fine. We signed them and so we are bound by them, right? (Di nodded) No use sobbing over upturned mead goblets, eh?" I chortled, confusing the heck out of poor 'Wonder Girl'! OK, so I am not used to non-Gallifreyan expressions yet! Blast me with an ion cannon, OK?

At noon, while I was pigging out yet again, Zoe announced that we had just sighted Shim's 'inner markers'. I dashed to the 'bridge' fully prepared to land 'Maggie'. I was a little miffed when Mr Solo told me that all planetfall landings were auto-controlled from the Furool City's spaceport tower!

"Relax, Alley. We just sit back and wait our turn to be landed. They'll let us know when we are down and safe. If you like, you can change our outward appearance. The sight of a taproom from Lazarus City suddenly appearing out of the stars might be a little unnerving. Might I suggest a 3WA K-Class patrol starship named the 'Maggie'?" suggested Han with his adorable Texas drawl and I manipulated my 'chameleon circuitry unit'.

"You mean something like this, Mr Solo?" I asked and pointed to the ship I had drawn an outline of on the vidscreen. Zoe nodded her approval and made the three ring OK sign to me. I activated the 'change' controls.

"Thanks. Go and finish your lunch, Alley. Better change your pants first though unless you want everyone thinking that you had an accident." joked Zoe, pointing at the spilled java on my trousers. I blushed a little and took my leave. For some idiotic reason, I decided to try on my new dress 3WA subaltern's uniform.

"Ten-Hutt! Admiral in the room!" shouted Mr Popo (Chief Poporo's cute nickname we had given the poor guy) when I walked back into the dining room to resume my lunch. Of course nobody moved but InuYasha and Kouga looked up and grinned at Mr Popo.

"Admiral huh? It's just our Alley Cat in her new fancy threads, Dumbass. Pass the mashed taters afore Vegeta gets 'em!" burped the big inu dog hanyou half demon/half human teenaged boy.

"Kouga! Stop throwing dinner rolls at Sango! Watch that hand or lose it, Miroku! Language, InuYasha! Do you want me to use the word again? You look very distinguished and dignified, Commander Prydonia." said Kagome, slapping Shippou's paw when the young kitsune youkai fox demon stuck his fist into the bowl of candied yams!

"Didn't the Boss and the Duchess warn you about the 'pig squad' at mealtimes, Princess?" chuckled Gene Starwind.

Suddenly the table shook and then we felt a soft thump.

"Sorry about that, folks. We just landed and they have a new girl handling the landings down there. Sit tight for now. We have to remain aboard until we are cleared by FC spaceport's security. I can't wait to see their faces when they beam aboard us." chortled Mr Solo. I wiped my mouth daintily with my napkin causing everyone to stare at me!

"Huh? Something wrong with the tablecloth, Al?" Goku Son wanted to know. Really! These people were something else! I stood up and announced that I would be on the 'bridge' if I was needed. I strolled swiftly up the corridor to my control room where my appearance was greeted by whistles and catcalls. Honestly! Did not these 3WA personnel ever wear clean uniforms?

"We're waitin' on a Major Stryker to do a tour of 'Maggie' and check for contraband items, Commander." said Walter and I nodded my thanks. I sat down in my command seat and sipped the java handed to me by Nami Richards who was scanning officer for this shift.

"Ten-Hutt! Major Stryker has arrived. Someone open the portals for him and his party." said Integra, laying down her vidmike. Walter hit the portals release toggle switch and the outer and inner 'doors' opened.

I snapped to attention as did Diana Prince but the rest of the bridge crew remained seated. Walter saluted the major and apologized because he had been unable to 'beam' him aboard. 'Maggie's transport controls were not yet tied into this new planet's power systems!

"At ease! Apology excepted, Captain Doehm. Greetings, Subaltern Prydonia. I trust you had no difficulties on your voyage home?" barked out Major Stryker.

"Sir! No, sir! Thank you, sir!" I barked right back at him. Did not all officers yell at one another I wondered? I was still a novice at being a liaison officer.

"Relax, Love. We aren't really that damned formal around here. Captain Myles? Conduct your search and report back here. Understood?" snapped the major and a shorter Klingon officer saluted him and departed with a few other guys and girls in strange uniforms.

"Do be careful not to get lost, please. 'Maggie' is much bigger on the inside than she is on the outside!" I called to the searchers.

"This then is a 'TARDIS', Suba?" asked the major's exec, a very tall blonde girl whose hair was streaked with red and green highlights. Ensign Rogers had once been a member of a certain John Berringer's crew aboard his 'Starcrusher' starship according to Neko Olson who was whispering into my ear.

"Yes it is, mum. Sorry, I meant Ensign Rogers. You have never been aboard a Type 40 or a Mark V before, sir?" I asked, turning to the major who shook his head.

"Nope. I was not allowed aboard the Doctor's blue police box phone booth, Commander." replied the tall officer.

"Where are my manners? Would anyone like some refreshments? Trish? A tray of pastries and some java and tea for our guests." ordered my chief navigator, Zoe Morton. Our 'flying nun' started to 'lift off', saw #4's frown and thought better of it. Instead, she scooted off as fast as she could jog. She was back in record time with goodies for all of us.

Han 'repped up' some chairs and the major and his ensign sat down to enjoy their repast. She assured me that Captain Myles was an alchemist as well as a Klingon and he had been aboard the 'police boxes' many times in the past. He was here at 3WA Eastern HQ to attend the Academy for a refresher course in computers. Until his term started in JanFeb, however, he had been assigned as a security officer for the spaceport tower.

"Nothing illegal aboard, sir. We searched her from stem to stern on the top four decks. No sense in getting lost, what? Ah, thank you, Harry. I could use a nice strong cup of tea and a bagel." said Myles.

"Harry?" asked Gene Starwind. The ensign laughed.

"Harriet Rogers at your service, sir. Harry for short. More java, sir?" asked the svelte officer.

Meanwhile, having been off duty for less than two short hours, both Rally 'Cat' Vincent and her partner Minnie Mae 'Kitten'/'Blonde Bomber' Hopkins who were affectionately known as the 'Gunsmith Cats' owing to their origins as ancient Terran 'bounty hunters' in the American metropolis of Chicago in the state of Illinois were sleeping fitfully in their bunks.

Suddenly 'Cat' shot bolt upright and whacked her brunette noggin on the underside of 'Kitten's bunk.

"OW! Dammit! That bloody dream I just had was so real! Dream? More like a nightmare! Hey! Mae! Kitten? You awake up there?" shouted the older (By a few years only- Mae was 15 and Rally was all of 18 summers) 'Gunsmith Cat', kicking the underside of her blonde partner's bed with her bare feet.

"I'm awake now, Rally! Ooh! I was having such a nice dreamy dream too. Ichigo had just swept me up into his arms and Rukie was off on an assignment-" Mae Hopkins was an incureable romantic. Their third 'GC' girl, Becky Smith, was bunking in with Sarah Jane Smith and Gina Phillips so she could be closer to her filing workplace.

"Can it, shrimpie! I just deamed that Natasha Radowitz was standing right beside me in this very room and-" stammered Rally until a raucous laugh cut her off in mid-sentence!

"And it was no dream, Rally Vincent. Hello there, little one. We have unfinished business, children. You and Natasha." said the shadowy figure wrapped in a voluminous black cloak who had twin .45 calibre automatic pistols levelled on the two bunkies. Rally's mouth was open in shock while Mae was hiding under her blankets. If you can't see something, it isn't there and it won't hurt ya! At least that was what Becky had told her about the boogey man in the closet back home!

"Y-Y-You're dead, dammit! I k-k-killed you myself, Radowitz! I damned well emptied a full clip into your black heart, dammit!" screamed the brunette, plunging her hand under her pillow for the pistol that- was not there! Natasha laughed and fished a small Mark IV blaster cannon out of her pocket.

"Looking for this, perhaps? I took the liberty of taking it before you awakened, girl. I have also purloined Mae's 'toys' for good measure. To answer your question, Vincent- Yes, you did indeed kill me that day on those courthouse steps so long, long ago. What am I doing back from the dead? That I cannot tell you. It is as much a mystery to you as it was to me, children. I have heard that restless spirits cannot rest until they have finished something that they failed to finish before their deaths.

"I certainly qualify for that category, do I not, Rally Vincent? A pity that I was forced to kill Mr Black and that I missed on Phil Collins. I heard that former Senator Haines did get a very long prison term for his part in that mess. However, I also heard that he was elected representative of his prison's cell block. And now- to business." said the tall former KGB Russian killer for hire and she cocked the hammers on both of her automatics.

Suddenly someone behind her began clapping their hands!

"Bravo, Madame Radowitz. Bravo. A very pretty speech indeed. Relax, kiddies. You have forgotten all about our 'energy dampener circuitry nets'. Just because this is a TARDIS and not a starship does not mean that we neglected to take the usual 3WA precautions ya know.

"Those ancient hand cannons will not operate here nor will Natasha's 'blade launcher' pneumatic knives. However, this is a Mark XIII hand held sonic beam ion cannon and it will function quite well, Miss Radowitz so I suggest that you stand down. Mae! Get your keester up and reclaim your 'toys' while Rally disarms Natasha! Now, not tomorrow, girls!" snarled an angry Angela de Roncesvalles who had entered the room quietly to inform the 'Cats' that the 'Maggie' had just docked at the 'FC' Tower spaceport and they would be disembarking after lunch.

"I hate to burst your bubble, Honey but you were not 'brought back to life' to finish your assignment. Your 'body' mysteriously 'vanished' from the gurney it was on in the Chicago Police Morgue back on 20th Century Terra. You simply traveled through another space/time continuum 'rift' and got dumped off here.

"Why? Your strongest thoughts at the point of your own death were apparently concentrated on both Rally and Mae here so you were auto routed to their bedsides. You should be thanking me, Natasha. Had I not shown up when I did, these two would probably have torn you apart when those guns of yours failed to fire. The last fellow they tangled with we just offloaded to 'Huntley Emergency Hospital' where he'll stay for a few weeks before we send him to Seto Kaiba, a penal colony in the Libram Galaxy.

"As long as you two are awake, wrap up your prize here and get yourselves dressed. As soon as Alley has all the red tape taken care of, we will be going to the debriefing sessions. Then I guess you two will be given a few days off. I strongly suggest you use them to rest up at home because I have a gut feeling that we will be sent out again very soon. It is close to lunchtime so you three had better have some food before we go. See you in ten minutes, kiddies." said the last human descendant of the Knights Templar.

Rally was sorely tempted but held her temper and force-deam cuffed Natasha while Mae settled for kicking the tall Russian in the shins with her stockinged feet until Natasha pointed out to them that the pair of them were still in their 'skivvies'. Rally shackled Natasha's left foot to the heavy chiffonier leg and then the two 'Cats' pulled on flightsuits and deck boots, not forgetting their cannons and mae's exploding 'toys'. Rally smiled at the Russian while pulling on her deck boots.

"Up here they let Mae play with real bombs, not just the kind that make smoke like she used back home. Count yourself lucky that Mae didn't use the ones she was holding in her hot little fists all of this time." chuckled Rally and the Russian's face was turning a ghastly grey colour.

Mae finished dressing and waited impatiently while Rally unshackled Natasha Radowitz and then propelled her out the door by administering a boot to the older woman's rear end. Lunch was a cross betwixt 'Animal House' and a 'Three Stooges' comedic short from ancient Terra's early 20th Century. Natasha ate with alacrity as befitted a doomed convict. Angie was almost certain sure that the Russian assassin would be given a choice betwixt being returned to her own time era and last location in which case she would almost surely either die or be executed for murder or receive a long prison term, perhaps even a life term or she would be retrained by the 3WA and used as an intergalactic agent whenever we needed her expertise.

Lunch over, I ordered all hands to report to the huge auditorium hall at Takachiho Academy for the debriefing sessions. Mae held up her hand when I asked if there were any questions. Did she think we were running a schoolroom here? Anyway she wanted to know what they should do with 'Dumbass' Natasha'Ratbag'? I told her to turn the Russian over to Vash and InuYasha and Kouga who would escort her to 3WA HQ. There the big cheeses like Mr Garner would decide her fate. Natasha remained smiling throughout the entire discourse. Perhaps she really did understand only Russian? No, Rally had said that she only pretended not to understand Universal or English. I suppose she was hoping for what Mr Mason had called 'plea bargaining' at her trial. If so, she was in for a rude awakening!

If she was charged with multiple offworld nurders, she would face the same penalties as if she had committed murder up here! No plea bargaining meaning no pleading guilty to a lesser offense for Ms Radowitz I fear. Angela whispered to her that if Mr Galadriel was in a good mood and offered her a deal (work for the 3WA) the foolish woman should accept it. The alternative was too dire to think about she assured her.

Natasha did not believe us so she asked an authority figure instead.

"Well, if you get the death nod, it won't be pretty nor will it be painless, Sweetheart. You could be dropped into Mt Ziggauraut on Pluto, an active volcano; you could be marooned on an ice world like Gysymeo forever; you could be strapped into a pod and locked on course to one of Shimougou's triple suns; you could-" explained John Raven until the staunch stout Russian babe upchucked!

"I will throw myself upon the mercy of your court, Mr Raven! I leave behind nobody and nothing on Earth! I wish to make a fresh start here or wherever I am sent by these good people." said Natasha in perfect Universal. So much for my theories, eh? I had been told not to release anyone from 'Maggie' until I received a comm relay signal from a Mr Gustav. I found ou later that four of the five big cheeses of the 3WA had names beginning witht he letter 'G'- Garner, Galadriel, Gooley and Gustav. Number five guy was Mr Popo or Poporo to give him his proper name.

That signal came at 1402 or two minutes past two in the afternoon. Sir Integra Wyngate Van Helsing shouted the news across the room to me where I was dozing in my command chair.

"Yo! Alley Cat! 'God' says we are all to report for a dbriefing in the Academy's lecture hall on Level Seven at 1430, half past two this afternoon. Full dress uniforms for all hands and there ain't no exceptions, Dr Mikey." she said or rather bellowed.

"Understood. Thanks, Inegra. You all heard that? Full dress magenta and blacks for all hands. We leave at a quarter past, 1415 hours. Don't pack up any gear yet. Word from above is we may be going out again very soon. Dismissed." I announced and my control room 'bridge' emptied out fast.

The 'debriefing' seemed to go on forever! Dinner was served to us in the lecture hall and then a snack. Finally at 2100 hours, nine of the clock PM, the short, jolly-looking roly poly man stood up and pointed towards the security gates in the side of the hall.

"Bring Miss Natasha Valentina Radowitz forward, please." he ordered and the lady in question shook off the arms of Dog Boy and Kouga, shouldered Vash the Stampede and Nick Wolfwood aside and stood before the 3WA's High Council boldly.

"I am Comrade Radowitz, sirs. Do with me what you will. I confess to all crimes that will be brought against me. I ask only for a quick and painless death, sirs." she said and the little man's eyes popped. He blinked several times while conferring with the other four councilors before he spoke.

"Well said, Miss Radowitz. However, we do have an alternative solution to suggest that is not anywhere near as dire as all that you have been led to believe. (He glanced at a grinning John Raven) If you will be willing to forego your evil ways then all charges against you at present will be dropped.

"In return, we ask that you agree to be enrolled in this Academy to be trained as a 3WA 'trouble consultant' and pilot for our spacecrafts. If you agree, you wil be placed under probation for one solar year. Your 'probation officers' will be Warrant Officer First Class Vincent (Rally spit java all over Neko's spiffy starched uniform while Mae giggled) and Warrant Officer Third Class Hopkins (Mae spilled tea all down the front of her own uniform trousers and all over Kome's pink hair).

"You will room with them, take meals together with them, in short my dear, you three will be inseparable for the first year of your four year enrollment. From time to time, certain cadets, you three amongst them, will be assigned to missions or used in other jobs as we may see fit. Are these terms agreeable to you, Cadet Lance Corporal Radowitz?" Mr Galadriel, the 'God' of the 3WA finished his speech and sat down. Natasha fainted and had to be revived.

"We wanted the 'G Boys' to give you a commission but they decided otherwise. By the way, a lance corporal still makes close to 5 thousand credits a quarter and that's nothing to sneeze at, baby." chortled John Raven, holding his pocket flask to the girl's trembling lips. She raised a hand and waved.

"We will take that as a 'yes' then, Cadet Radowitz?" said Mr Garner.

"She says that will be swell, Charlie." yelled back Raven who was clearly smitten by the tough Terran Russian from the late 20th Century.

I sent her new 'jailors' to change their uniforms and report to me aboard the 'Daedalus' which had arrived home while we were being debriefed. I had new orders awaiting me and they included this newly formed trio. Apparently, as per usual, Mr Galadriel had been certain sure that Natasha V Radowitz would agree to his suggestions!

New 'refurbishings' kept the 'Dae' in dry dock for the rest of the night which gave me lots of time to read over my ultra-secret orders before we departed on the morrow.

The 'debriefing sessions' ended dramatically with several oher promotions. However, aboard the 'Daedalus', only two were of any real surprise. With the recall of my 'exec', Mercury to Mt Olympus and the Garden of the Guardians, I was assigned Subaltern de Roncesvalles.

Two 'subas' on the same craft? Hardly. After only a very few months in the 3WA as a subaltern, I was now a major and still in command of both the 'Daedalus' and my own beloved 'Maggie' who had been loaded aboard after someone had changed her to resemble a wood-burning stove in our kitchens!

I had 'Maggie' flown aboard the 'Daedalus' and I moved most of my personal things from 'Maggie' back into my Commander's suite of rooms aboard the 'Dae'. Then I settled in to read my vid-documents' orders. I had already told 'Cat' and 'Kitten' to make damned sure that they did not let 'Val' (Natasha Valentina Radowitz) out of their sight for even a moment.

On the first page of my orders I found a good reason that I had made the right call! Both of my new warrant officers and my brand new Cadet Lance Corporal were to accompany me and my crew aboard the 'Dae' on my new mission. What was that mission? I began to read the vid-doc orders I had loaded onto my PDO which I had hooked up to my big monitor screen 'TV set'. Suddenly I was interrupted by a thumping on my portals!

END OF Chapter 2. Chapter 3 'Ring In the New!' or 'Welcome to AD 2257!' will be posted as soon as I have written them up. Been a mite busy this holiday season what with the saga itself and the new anime on TV lineups to post etc. However, I did promise as new 'Carol' rendition and I did get that posted before the New Year of 2015, ours, not the sagas of AD 2257! Happy New Year to everyone- Me and Alley P.

ALLISON'S STRANGE DREAM' (Standalone story which falls betwixt Chapters 2 and 3 of 'New Galactic Solutions' ff) is posted separately.