'Manage me, I'm a mess, turn a page, I'm a book, half unread, I wanna be laughed at, laughed with, just because, I wanna feel weightless, and that should be enough.'
Ashley sighed and threw her guitar across the room, clasping her hands over her mouth when it shattered against the wall. She was so frustrated about a few things.
She felt a hit coming on but she just couldn't get it out. She knew the song and she knew the tune, but when it came to writing it down and playing it out in her guitar, she just failed. This frustrated her greatly, proven by the bits of broken guitar all over her living room floor.
She was also very frustrated by the pair of eyes that had been stuck in her head since the beginning of the week when she met a blonde haired beauty. She wondered if she should go and visit her like Spencer had suggested. She quickly shook the idea out of her head. This trip was not to meet girls.
Ashley was also frustrated because she hadn't gotten high since she got here and it was taking its toll. She was jittery, she was finding it really hard to concentrate and man did she need something to take her mind off of it. She thought about getting a job, or a puppy. Maybe she would get both? Although, when she was younger, her goldfish died after a week because she forgot to feed them. Maybe she would get a car?
She sighed as she got up, making an attempt to pick up all the pieces of her guitar. She figured that first; she would get herself a new guitar.
--
The next day, Ashley had gone to town and had gotten herself a new guitar. It was black and red. She had left her precious electric guitar in LA so she made sure she bought an electric one to keep her company here.
'Now I'm stuck in this fucking rut, waiting on a second hand pick me up and I'm over, getting older. Maybe it's not my weekend, but it's gonna be my year, I'm so sick of watching all the minutes pass as I go nowhere. And this is my reaction. To everything I feel. Cos I've been going crazy I don't wanna waste another minute here!'
Ashley smiled, glad that she had gotten at least half of her hit out of her head, although it wasn't perfected yet but she would work on that when she was back in LA.
Feeling a rush of energy and freedom, she placed her guitar back on its stand, stepped in to some shoes, pulled on her leather jacket and left. She stood outside of her cottage for a few minutes simply admiring the view.
She was looking out over a picturesque green valley. The field that was directly in front of her house had cow in it. They mooed every so often and Ashley couldn't help but laugh at them. She always found cows to be strange but cute animals.
Most of the other fields in the valley were littered with sheep. Ashley didn't like sheep as much as she liked cows. She thought they were dirty and needed to find some decent shampoo and conditioner to use.
Ashley decided to wander down to the shop and put an ad there. She wanted a job, just something to take her mind away from herself for a few hours each day. She also thought that it would make the eight months go by a lot quicker.
The bell rang as Ashley entered. This time she was ready for it though. When it didn't scare her, she did a little happy dance in her head.
"Hello there my handsome, how are you today?" the shopkeeper twanged in the local accent. Over the last few days, Ashley had become accustomed to being called various different pet names by strangers.
"I'm good thanks, what about yourself?" she smiled and walked towards the counter.
"I'm ok, its gunna be a cold winter, you might want to get a thicker jacket." The shopkeeper advised. Ashley made a mental note to get his name… and a thicker jacket. She hated being cold.
She looked down and noticed the newspapers. There was a huge picture of one of her ex's with the headline, 'Dumped by Davies'. She immediately felt embarrassed, even though the man in front of her didn't know who she was.
At the very beginning of her career, Ashley had vowed not to read any of the reviews about hr because she didn't want it to inflate her ego, or shatter it. However, her ego seemed to have grown all of its own accord.
She sighed. Ashley knew how much she had changed in the space of two years. It upset her to think that she was now some monster, some whore who was a drug addict and a bitch.
"Ashley? Hello?" she heard a voice and was brought out of her thoughts. She recognised the voice but she couldn't put a name or face to it. She was still staring at the image of her ex, remembering the messy and hurtful break up that happened last year. Ashley had cared deeply for this girl.
She managed to tear her eyes away from the newspaper and turned around. Her heart jumped and fluttered and skipped a whole load of beats when her eyes were met with the deep blues that she had been thinking about for the last week.
"Spencer, hey!" she said enthusiastically. Spencer laughed at the blushing brunette.
"So you didn't come down last week." She stated, poking at the old, flaky surface. The shopkeeper had quietly dismissed himself a few moments prior.
"Uh, yeah. I was sorting some stuff out, you know, moving in… that kind of thing." Ashley said slowly, laughing internally as the blonde blushed.
"Oh yeah, I forgot that you haven't been here long because well, I have always been forgetful, I would have helped you but there is just so much to do between the cows and the pigs, then the crops. Our last farmhands had to leave you see because they went to college and there isn't enough people to go around up here. Plus, I couldn't have come and helped you because I don't know where you live, ha-ha, I was rude and forgot to ask you where you lived," she was interrupted by the sound of Ashley laughing. Spencer blushed so hard; her cheeks looked like they were going to burst.
"I am going to go and stand outside, you can come and talk to me if you want to and we will forget that you just rambled for the last few minutes." Ashley laughed. She could see that Spencer was embarrassed by it.
Ashley walked passed the blonde, purposely brushing past her to gauge her reaction. Ashley was aware that not every girl that bushed when she spoke to them was gay, but in the back of her mind, in a tiny unconscious thought, she hoped that Spencer was. She smiled when she got the response she wanted. Spencer sucked in a breath when the rock stars shoulder brushed her own.
What she had gone to the shop for had completely slipped Ashley's mind. She stepped outside and shivered as the wind blew. She was starting to get used to this winter weather, even though she didn't like the coldness of England.
Ashley lit up a cigarette, taking a long drag on it. She felt buzzed almost immediately. She heard the door open and close behind her.
"So you need people to work on your farm?" Ashley asked as she turned around. She laughed as Spencer fought with the wind as it blew her hair in every direction. Spencer nodded shyly. "I would be happy to come and help you out if you want? I have been going stir crazy at home."
"That would be great, but the hours are pretty brutal." Ashley shrugged. Her withdrawal kept her up most nights anyway. "Tomorrow morning then," Spencer smiled, "6am."
AN: The song is Weightless by All Time Low.
