Oh, I am sad... I thought this story would take off... Oh well. Maybe ya'll will review this chapter... Please, bunnies?
Disclaimer: They ain't mine. Dang it, Rach, look for the dolls on eBAY! You can find anything there!
This chapter is for Kelly of The Midnight Dawn, cause she asked so nicely for an update. Here ya go, Kelly. Enjoy!
Olivia sighed as she rubbed her tired eyes, leaning back in her chair. Across from her, Jake had his nose buried in a file, his forehead wrinkled and his eyes squinted. He raised his eyes for a second and saw that she was looking at him, and he flashed her a brief smile before returning to his file.
Unconsciously, her hand went up to run her fingers through her messy ponytail, and as she did, her fingertips inadvertently brushed the scar on her right temple. She trembled slightly and let out a shaky breath, closing her eyes. Then her eyes popped open, and she shook her head and scowled, grabbing her pen and stabbing it against the paper.
Across the room, Munch and Fin watched Olivia, and they exchanged sad glances. Gone was the kind, patient detective they once knew. In her place was a cold, hardened and bitter woman who took no pleasure in her job, her friends or her life anymore. Ever since they had found her a year ago in the swamp with a bullet in her head and her partner nowhere to be found, she had never been the same woman they knew.
In his office, Cragen was thinking the same thing as he watched his detectives at work. The woman that he had come to love like a daughter was gone, and he didn't know if he would ever see her again. And that killed him. As he continued to watch her, his mind traveled back to that day, almost a full year ago, when he knew that her world had unraveled at the seams.
Cragen rubbed his bleary eyes as he watched the unconscious detective lying in the bed. The hard hospital chair was hell on his back, but he refused to abandon it, or her. So he remained where he was, praying desperately for a miracle, for anything.
She stirred a little, and he looked up, trying to avoid the maroon stained white bandage wrapped around her head. A moan passed through her lips, and he leaned forward and gently slipped his hand around hers, murmuring, "It's okay, Olivia. It's okay. You're safe now." She shuddered, and Cragen felt her hand tighten around his.
"Elliot. Elliot?" she moaned, and Cragen felt his already broken heart shred into tiny pieces. How was he going to tell her that her partner was gone? That she might never see him again? It would destroy her, emotionally, mentally, and physically.
Her eyes fluttered open, and Cragen offered her a weak smile, brushing his thumb along her cheek in a fatherly gesture. "How do you feel, Liv?" he asked softly, and she shook her head slowly, the movement sending waves of pain coursing through her entire body.
Suddenly her body went rigid, and she looked up at Cragen, her soft brown eyes full of pain and fear. "Cap, where's Elliot?" she asked hoarsely, and a lump rose in his throat. He wasn't ready for this. She wasn't ready for it. But he had to tell her.
"Olivia, I need to talk to you."
He reopened his eyes and massaged his temples slowly, a tired sigh escaping his lips. She had remained in the hospital for a week, and was back at work on desk duty the day after she returned home. But it had taken well over six months for her to finally accept the likelihood that Elliot was not coming home, and that she needed a partner. That's when she had reluctantly began working with Jake, an intense, street smart cop that, in a lot of ways, reminded Cragen of Elliot.
Once she had been able to work in the field, her actions were careless and nearly suicidal. She just didn't care anymore. Then Jake had come along, she started to play it a touch safer, and Cragen was relieved at how well they seemed to interact. But she still wasn't the same woman everyone who worked with her knew. She worked, talked when she was talked to, then went home. Beyond that, she did little else, and Cragen hated to see her zombie like behavior. But he knew that her heart had been destroyed when he had told her that Elliot was gone, and she had changed. As much as he loved Elliot like a son, he didn't have any romantic notions that he was still alive. He would have found a way to contact them by now.
Her heart had died with him, and that was the cold, hard truth. Olivia Benson wasn't the same woman, and she never would be again.
SVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVUSVU
"Good night, Olivia," Jake yawned, grabbing his coat from the back of his chair. She nodded at him, and he shook his head and walked out of the bullpen, leaving Olivia by herself in the quiet room. Once he was gone, she looked around the room, then opened up the bottom drawer of her desk and dug around until she found what she was looking for.
The walnut frame in her hand provided a little comfort to her as she looked at the picture inside of it, her eyes welling with unshed tears. It was her nightly ritual that no one knew about, not even Cragen, and she was fine with keeping it her secret. The picture depicted happier times, times that she often revisited in her bittersweet dreams, when she wasn't plagued by the nightmares. She shuddered and looked down at the picture of her and him, a sudden rush of warmth spilling over her, as it usually did when she allowed herself to remember him.
The picture had been taken by some stranger who agreed to hold the camera while they posed on a picnic blanket. Elliot had grabbed her and pulled her between his legs, wrapping his arms around her waist, and she had leaned back against his broad chest, the feeling of safety that she always felt with him rushing over her.
The sound of someone walking into the bullpen startled her out of her reverie, and she mentally cursed and placed the picture back in it's hiding place. She could hear the visitor's hesitant footsteps, and she prepared herself to deal with another teenage rape or beaten wife. But nothing could have prepared her for this.
"Excuse me, ma'am? Could you help me?" a man asked, and Olivia rose out of her chair and turned to face him, her hand extended.
The hairs on the back of her neck rose as her eyes met his, and she took a shaky step backward, her trembling right hand clasped over her heart. "El… Elliot?" she whispered hoarsely at the ghost that stood before her, and the room began spinning. She heard him say something, but the world went black, and the floor rushed up to greet her.
When she reopened her eyes, she realized that her head was cradled in his lap, and he was looking down at her, his wide cerulean eyes full of concern and worry.
"Are you alright, miss?" he demanded, and she blinked slowly and reached up one trembling hand to touch his clean shaven cheek. Suddenly she bolted upright and threw her arms around his neck, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Elliot! Oh God, it's you! It's really you!" she cried, and she felt him stiffen and gently push her away. The look of confusion in his eyes frightened her, and her heart nearly stopped at the words that fell from his beautiful lips.
"Elliot? Ma'am, I think you hit your head on your way down. My name's Chris Jackson," he stated, and Olivia felt her world crumble down around her again.
TBC...
A/N: (ducks flaming pans) Okay, I know this is all kinda confusing, but for those of you who don't get it, everything will be explained in the next chapter. Now go review, my bunnies! Review!
