AN: Thanks for the reviews. I'm glad that you guys like it. This is going to be a very heartbreaking and angsty story. The story is about Nathan and Haley's journey as they find their way back to each other. I'm sure that you could tell that from the first chapter. You'll find out about what happened through flashbacks in the chapters. Well, I hope you like the new chapter. Please let me know what you think.

Chapter Two – Forever You're Apart of Me

She couldn't breathe.

It was the same thing every second of the day now. Pain. It's all she felt. Just the very act of breathing had hurt, like a sharp knife hitting her in a million different places at once. Her body was aching as she opened her eyes slowly. The bright light shining through the window took her by surprise and she quickly shut her eyes.

The sun was too bright, too shiny. She turned her face away from the window and slowly opened her eyes. She moved her legs from underneath her and let them fall. It took a few minutes to move them because they were so sore from sleeping on them. She felt the blood rush through her legs and along with it she felt her legs tingling slightly. The rest of her body ached but it was nothing new. She hadn't had a peaceful nights sleep for the longest time and if she was honest with herself she didn't want one. She was glad that her body ached and the pain didn't stop. She deserved to feel this way.

She stood up slowly and folded her arms over her chest as she left the room. She was quiet as she made it down the hall. Once she reached Jamie's room she peeked inside and noticed that his bed was made and he wasn't in his room. Of course he wasn't. She wondered for a second what time it was. She didn't even stop once she reached her bedroom. She kept walking until she made it to the staircase. She glanced at the opposite end of the hall towards the spare bedroom where Nathan had been sleeping these last few months.

She stood there frozen in place before sitting herself at the top of the stairs. She pulled her hair up into a tight bun before resting her head against the side of the staircase. It wasn't long before she heard laughter. She felt the sound surround her and try to break through the numb feeling that consumed her but like always, nothing happened. She didn't smile at the sound. She just sat there staring blankly down the stairs as she continued to listen.

It was still morning she figured since they were both home. Nathan didn't bother leaving Jamie with her when he left for work, not that she blamed him. Jamie didn't need to see her like this. She was glad that Nathan didn't want Jamie around her. That was a good thing.

After it first happened Nathan wouldn't leave her alone. He would stay by her all day long and he'd try to soothe her. But that was months ago and nowadays he didn't even bother waking her in the morning or tell her bye. She would just wake up and they'd be gone all day long. It wasn't like she blamed them. It's not like she had been easy to live with these last few months. In fact, she knew that they stayed away because they didn't want to be around her.

She was a failure. She failed as a wife and as a…mother. She felt it every second of every day.

Failure.

She was so numb inside it didn't bother her. They were better off. She was so lost and confused. It took everything in her to just wake up every morning. It took everything in her to do anything these days which wasn't a lot.

She felt empty.

It was like there was nothing left in her.

How could she not feel that way after what happened?

She could feel the tears falling from her eyes so easily. Even with time the tears didn't stop like she thought they would. They would fall freely every single day without warning. Sometimes she'd just wake up crying. After all this time she thought she'd be all cried out but the tears weren't stopping. It was like they were a part of her now.

As she heard their laughter get close she tensed. It was seconds later that they were standing at the bottom of the steps. Her eyes connected with Nathan's and she quickly looked away before swiping away her tears. She couldn't look at him. She didn't have it in her.

"Momma!"

Despite the feeling to stay put, she stood up and started down the stairs. She forced a smile as Jamie raced up the stairs to meet her. By the time they reached each other Jamie jumped in her arms. She held him close to her before kissing his cheek a few times. It was amazing how small he still was in her arms. No matter how much he grew he'd always be her little boy.

"Hey, baby," Haley whispered softly.

"Aunt Lindsey is taking me and Lexie back to the park today," Jamie said excitedly.

Pain rippled through her but she kept it inside. The smile on her face was forced and she focused all of her attention on Jamie. Everything about him made her icy interior warm up just a little when he was around her. But once he was gone she'd freeze up again and everything was cold. She hated it.

She owed a lot to Jamie, more that a four year old boy could realize. He didn't know it but he was the only reason she was alive, the only reason she kept going, the only thing she had left. As much as it pained her to admit, it was the truth.

She still felt numb but it wasn't as bad with him in her arms.

"Sounds fun," she managed to get out.

What kind of mother couldn't even take care of her own child? She felt sick to her stomach and she had to force herself to keep him in her arms. A huge part of her wanted to give him back to Nathan and have him away from her. He didn't deserve this. This wasn't Jamie's fault. It was hers. She did this. She had become this person and he deserved better. That's probably why Nathan brought him with Lindsey each day after school.

He nodded happily. "Lexie loves it when I push her on the swings."

Her eyes closed in pain at the mention of Lucas and Lindsey's daughter. She could feel the tears threatening to spill but she held them back. She had cried enough in front of Jamie and she wasn't going to do it anymore. Jamie was just an innocent little boy. He didn't understand what was happening.

"We've got to go, Jim Jam," Nathan finally spoke up.

She was grateful that he did. Somehow it was painful standing here with the two of them. Even pretending to be ok for Jamie was painful. What kind of horrible person that made her? She knew it was the worse kind. She could barely stand to be around the two most important people in her life. She didn't know why she felt that way. All she knew is that it hurt to be around them.

It hurt to breathe. Everything hurt.

She was so focused on her thoughts that she didn't realize that Jamie hugged her. Her eyes snapped shut and she hugged him back for a few seconds. Her hand ran soothingly up and down his back like it did so many times before to comfort him. He pulled away before kissing her cheek. She bit her bottom lip and hoped that the tears would hold off a little bit longer.

She hadn't seen much of Jamie lately. She was sure that didn't speak too much of her as a mother, but her time with him had been few and far between. He was always gone.

"I love you, Momma."

Like a fist was pounding into her, his words shook her whole body. For a second it felt like everything was right in the world. She felt almost free, like the last few months hadn't happened, but she knew that wasn't the case. The numbing pain returned a second later until she couldn't feel anything at all.

"I love you, too, baby," Haley whispered softly before kissing him.

She couldn't bring herself to look at Nathan as she placed Jamie back on the stairs. But like always she felt his eyes on her, burning her. She shivered.

"Go get your bag, buddy. I don't want you to be late for school."

Jamie raced up the stairs leaving them alone. She took off walking down the stairs, ignoring his heated gaze the whole time. Once she was one the last step she quickly walked around him and started for the kitchen. It was seconds later that she felt his hand take hold of her arm, burning her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Haley," Nathan started softly.

She yanked her arm free of his burning grasp. "Don't touch me."

She regretted the harsh tone in her voice as soon as it left her. She didn't want to be this way towards him. She had hurt him enough in the past few months and she didn't want to hurt him anymore than she had. He didn't deserve it.

He flinched in pain before taking a step back. "Right, sorry."

She felt horrible, but didn't he realize how much this was killing her? Didn't he know that just standing this close to him was taking what little she had left in her? She hated hurting him but she couldn't pretend either. Things had been so strained between them lately and that was mostly her fault, she knew. She had changed, not Nathan. She was the one unhappy with her life. She was the one that wanted to give up on everything. Nathan and Jamie were the only things keeping her from really losing it.

She didn't want to be this way.

She didn't want to feel like this but she couldn't control it either.

"We won't be back until late," Nathan muttered.

She nodded painfully. "I know."

"How long are we going to do this?"

He looked so tired she noticed. Tired of everything, tired of her. She wished she had answers for him but she didn't. She didn't know when she'd stop feeling this way. It felt like she would feel this way forever. Everything in her was empty and dark and she didn't see that changing anytime soon.

"It's been over four months."

Like she didn't know how long it had been. That day only killed her.

She couldn't even look at him anymore. His eyes, those eyes that she used to get lost in haunted her now. Just the sight of them made her think about…

"I love you," Nathan stated seconds later.

I love you, too, she thought.

Her eyes closed again and she wished more than anything that she could say it back but the words wouldn't come out. They stayed stuck in her throat. Of course she loved him. He had been her first love, her first everything. He had been the only man she ever loved, ever trusted. She had given her heart, her body, and her soul to him. She had given him everything. She just didn't have anything else to give.

Everything in her was gone.

Empty.

She was hollow.

Not even the words he wanted desperately to hear from her now. It only made her feel worse. This is why she stayed locked up in their room trying to avoid him. She could feel his eyes burning a hole through her back but she couldn't bring herself to turn and face him. She was a coward, they both knew it.

When she couldn't take it anymore, she started for the kitchen, leaving him standing there like she had so many times before. It was minutes later when she heard the front door slam shut. It was only then that she slouched to the ground and the tears finally left her eyes.

Each and every single day she managed to push him further and further away. She didn't do it on purpose but no matter her intentions he was still far away from her. Throughout their life together they had shared everything, stood side by side, and were there for each other.

But this was different. She didn't know how to let him in. She didn't know how to be around him anymore. It literally hurt…all of it. She wasn't the Haley he fell in love with, she wasn't his wife, not anymore. She was barely living now. Nathan's wife was long gone and she honestly didn't know if she was ever coming back.

She didn't know how long she stayed like that. It was the sound of her mother's footsteps that snapped her out of her breakdown. She glanced up and noticed her mother staring at her sympathetically.

"Sweetheart," Karen sighed brokenly.

She shook her head. "I can't…I…"

"It's ok."

Her mother pulled her up and walked her over to the sofa. Then before she knew it her mother was wiping away her tears.

"Sorry, I'm late. Lily was running late this morning. We barely got to school in time."

She smiled weakly. "Did she try to talk you out of bringing her to school?"

"Of course," Karen laughed. She stopped seconds later before taking a good look at her daughter. The smile left her face and she brought her hands back up to Haley's cheeks. She rubbed them softly before smiling. "How'd you sleep last night?"

"Ok," Haley lied.

Karen glanced at her doubtfully. "You still having the same dreams?"

She nodded. It never failed. Every night once her eyes finally closed she'd have the same dreams.

"It'll get better," Karen promised.

"I don't think that it will."

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Karen started smiling again. "Did you eat breakfast yet?"

"I'm not hungry."

Karen stood up and started for the kitchen. "I'll make pancakes. Your favorite."

~***~

"Keep them closed."

She held her hands tight over her eyes as Nathan pulled her down the hall. They were both laughing hysterically and as if he didn't trust her, his hand was covering hers over her eyes. It only seemed to make her laugh harder. What was her husband up to? It was seconds later that he made her stop walking.

They stood still for minutes.

"Nathan?"

"Remember I worked really hard on this."

"Ok."

"And if you don't like it then just let me know and we'll change it," Nathan added.

"Baby," Haley giggled. "I'm sure I'll love it. Now can I please see?"

"Fine," Nathan sighed as he removed his hand.

Her hands fell from her eyes as soon as he let go. She stood there frozen in place as she took in the sight before her. Her eyes couldn't move fast enough as she took in everything in the room. It had been a white empty room just days ago and now it was completely transformed into the most beautiful little room. Everything was set up perfectly. The walls were pink, the furniture white. He had everything with the teddy bear theme up like she wanted. He had everything just beautiful and perfect. On the wall in huge white letters was Nevaeh spelled out. Perfect.

She felt slow tears falling from her eyes. Happy tears.

"Well…?" Nathan asked nervously.

"I love it," Haley smiled happily as she glanced at him. "It's perfect."

"Really?"

"Yep," she nodded. "It's perfect. Everything."

He smiled happily before placing his hand over her swollen stomach. She felt her heart pounding in her chest as she gazed up at him. Even after all these years he still made her heart race. She felt like an eighteen year old girl again when he was around. She placed her hand over his. It was the most perfect thing, him touching their unborn child.

"You really like it?"

"I love it," Haley repeated. They both smiled brightly when their hands moved slightly caressing her stomach. They felt a little kick seconds later as their hands moved.

"I'm guessing she likes it, too?" Nathan chuckled.

"Of course she does," Haley cooed as she rubbed her belly. "You love your room, huh, Nevaeh? Your daddy did a good job, huh?" Their hands moved once more.

"I'll take that as a yes," Nathan smirked proudly.

She glanced up at him in awe as he continued to gaze lovingly at her belly just like he had when she was pregnant for Jamie. It was a look that shook her to her very core. She felt so loved and adored whenever he looked at her. Nathan always made her feel that way even back when they were younger. Over the years he only seemed to somehow love her more.

He continued to stare at her stomach in fascination as the baby continued to kick.

"She's still moving," Nathan chuckled softly.

Haley smiled. "She's happy."

"I'm really glad that you like her room."

"You did an amazing job."

"Jamie helped," Nathan grinned. "He wanted to help with everything. He wanted his baby sister's room to be perfect."

She giggled. "I'll be sure to thank him once he's back home."

"What about me?" Nathan wondered playfully.

"What about you?"

He shrugged innocently. "How are you going to thank me?"

"I had a few ideas," Haley smiled seductively as she moved in close to him. He started leaning down towards her with a huge grin on his face.

"Like…?"

"Well…" before she could answer his lips were pressed against hers as he kissed her passionately. She lost herself in him, her hands wrapping around his shoulders as she pulled him more into her. His hands settled on her waist as he pressed his body into hers. No matter how much she had of him it was never enough.

"You feel so good," Nathan muttered against her lips as his hands started roaming over her body.

She pulled away from his lips. "Not here."

"But –"

"Not in the baby's room," Haley fussed him before slapping him playfully. "Take me in our bedroom." She wiggled her eyebrows. It was a second later that he lifted her in his arms and started for their room. She couldn't help but giggle loudly as he walked fast towards their room.

"Almost there."

"Don't you dare drop me!"

"Drop you?" Nathan chuckled. "I could shoot you across this hall like a three pointer if I wanted to."

She loved the cocky confident tone in his voice. It made him so sexy and she only seemed to want him more. He hadn't always been this way. In the beginning he had been so shy and timid around her, something that she never understood. But the more time they spent together he had somehow gotten more confident. She was glad. She loved Nathan this way.

"Don't you dare," Haley laughed softly. He placed her on the bed and she quickly knelt up and started kissing him.

His hand was caressing her cheek as he moved his mouth over hers. Her hands started unbuttoning his shirt. Once she reached the last button she quickly pushed it off of his chest before breaking the kiss. Like always she was amazed at how perfect her husband's body was. Her hands couldn't help but trailing along his muscular chest.

"God, you're so sexy, babe," Haley told him breathlessly.

"I love you, Hales," Nathan declared as he gazed down at her.

She tore her eyes away from his chest. "Show me." And just like always, he did.

She felt the memory leave her just as soon as it had came.

It was warm. The sun was shining bright as she ran through the field of wildflowers. The giggling that surrounded her only made her smile. The sound of it filled her with joy and she knew that she would never get tired of hearing it. The pure innocent sound was all she needed to hear to have a smile on her face.

"Come on, Momma!"

She laughed softly as the little blonde headed girl glanced over her shoulder. Those blue eyes of hers were sparkling brightly.

"Come and get me!"

"I'm trying," Haley giggled as she continued to chase after. It wasn't long until she finally caught up with her and wrapped her arms around the little girl. Lifting her up she held her close before they both glanced up at the beautiful field in front of them.

Everything about this place was perfect.

Heaven

"I got you," Haley declared before kissing her cheek softly.

Nevaeh giggled. "Isn't it beautiful, Momma?"

"Yep," Haley agreed as her eyes stayed glued to the perfect little girl in her arms.

They stood there for a long time gazing at the sun and all the beauty that was before them. It wasn't long before she took a seat in the grass and kept Nevaeh in her lap. Her little head was resting back against Haley's chest and she couldn't help but smile.

"Momma?"

"Yeah, baby?"

"How come you never let Jamie come play with us?"

She had been to this beautiful place a lot over the last few months and never once had she felt an ounce of pain until now. The mention of Jamie had her heart aching in her chest. When she was here she didn't think about Jamie or anything else. This was their place. No one else belonged here right now.

"Or Daddy?"

Another lash of pain rippled through her. It wasn't that she didn't want them here. She did. She wished that she could let them in. Having them here would make this place complete and she would never have to leave. But having them here meant they were really gone too and she couldn't bear the thought of that. The thought of losing them…

She couldn't go there.

"Oh," Nevaeh whispered as if reading her mothers thoughts. "Then I don't want them here either, Momma."

"They don't belong here," Haley muttered softly before kissing Nevaeh's hand. "Not now."

"Ok."

"But I promise that one day we'll all be together."

"I don't want you to leave, Momma."

"I don't want to leave either, sweetheart," Haley whispered before lacing their fingers together. Just like always everything slowly disappeared. The bright shining sun was gone and left in its place was nothing but darkness.

As she felt her dream slip away the tears started to fall. She hated leaving but sooner or later she was always pulled out of her dream. She felt a sudden aching in her chest before the dull numbing pain set in. She hated waking up. She moved her hand softly over her flat stomach painfully as if she'd actually feel something that wasn't there anymore.

Her eyes slowly fluttered open. She was taken back by the brown pair of eyes staring back at her. Her best friend was lying in her bed staring intently at her. She quickly wiped the tears that had rolled down the side of her face.

"What are you doing here?"

"Nathan called," Brooke stated softly.

She closed her eyes. "He shouldn't have done that."

"I'm glad he did. He's so worried about you."

"Brooke," Haley started. "You've got enough going on with your life. Shouldn't you be in Paris? I thought that you had this huge important line coming up that was going to change your company?"

"I took some time off."

"I don't want you to do that."

"It's too late," Brooke muttered before reaching for Haley's hand. "I'm here now and I'm not leaving. I shouldn't have left in the first place."

"You have your own life to live. He shouldn't have called you."

"Oh well, I'm here now and I'm not leaving," Brooke declared before getting out of the bed and walking across the room. It was seconds later that she pushed the drapes open and the sun came pouring in brightly.

Haley's eyes snapped shut. "Ugh, close it."

"No, now get up. We're leaving."

"Go away," Haley muttered before turning her head to the other side of the room. She tried her best to ignore Brooke moving around her room. She didn't need this. Not now. She didn't need Brooke's help. She didn't need anyone's help. She just wanted to be alone. Didn't Brooke get that?

"I've stayed away long enough. It's about time I help you."

"I don't need your help. Just leave me alone."

"To bad," Brooke stated as she pulled the covers off of Haley's body. Then she reached for Haley's arm and pulled her out of the bed. Once she was on her feet she glared at Brooke angrily.

"I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes you are," Brooke disagreed. "I don't care if I have to drag you out of here. We're going. It's six o'clock and I'm sure you haven't even eaten anything today."

"I'm not hungry," Haley mumbled.

"Put this on," Brooke said minutes later as she tossed some jeans and a shirt on the bed.

As much as she didn't want to leave the confines of her room she knew that Brooke wouldn't let up. Brooke was so damn determined. She could fight, cry, beg, and plead but Brooke wouldn't give up. She sighed before she started changing slowly as Brooke took a seat on the bed and waited.

Once she was dressed she made her way into the bathroom and washed her face. She took her time looking at herself in the mirror. She didn't even recognize the reflection that was staring back at her. It didn't look like her at all. The person looking back looked dead. She ignored the strange reflection as she put her hair up.

She stayed quiet in the car as Brooke sang softly along with the radio. She didn't know where Brooke was taking her. She continued to look out the window as they made their way through town. She barely left the house over the last few months. In fact, the only time she left the house was when her mother dragged her to see a therapist once a week. It wasn't long before the car came to a stop and she took a look around as Brooke pulled out the keys.

She sat there frozen until Brooke opened the door for her and helped her out. They held hands as they walked quietly down the long pathway. When they came to a stop, Brooke took a seat and she did the same. They held hands tightly. She couldn't help the tears that fell from her eyes and she noticed that Brooke was crying too.

Jacob Michael Jagielski

June 5, 1984 – March 21, 2004

She felt the aching in her chest increase as the thought of Jake entered her mind. It had been during her junior year of college when she had gotten the call telling her about the accident that took his life. It had been such a hard time after that. Jake had been one of her best friends growing up and losing him had been hard.

Both she and Brooke had taken his death hard.

In time they had made their peace with it. They helped each other and over time it got easier and easier. Still, it was hard losing him.

"I miss him," Brooke whispered sadly.

She nodded softly. "Me too."

"I know you don't want me here and you think that you don't need my help, but you have to understand how much everyone is worried about you. I can't…I can't lose you, too, Tutor girl. I won't. I'm going to get you through this," Brooke declared.

She could only look straight ahead as Brooke's words replayed over in her head. She had missed Brooke and was glad that she was here. Really she was. More than anything she wished that she could believe Brooke. She wanted Brooke to heal her. In the back of her mind she knew that no matter how much she wanted Brooke's help that it would do no good. Brooke couldn't fix her. No one could.

She sat next to Brooke as long as she could before she felt herself being pulled away. She stood slowly and let her feet take her to where she wanted to be. She made it to the small gate and pushed her way inside, her heart pounding with every step she took. She reached the part of the graveyard that was so much smaller than the rest. It felt wrong to be here. Looking around everything felt so little and wrong, like it shouldn't be here, it didn't belong.

Tears were rolling freely down her cheeks as she reached the one she was looking for. She placed a hand over her mouth to hold in her sobs as she took a seat in front of the small grave. Still for the life of her, she couldn't understand how it all happened? What had she done wrong? Why was there this huge hole inside of her?

Her eyes continued to glaze over with tears and through her blurry vision she gazed forward and she felt the huge hole inside of her burn rapidly inside of her, the pain almost too much to bear.

Nevaeh Brooklyn Scott

May 5, 2009

Beautiful Angel

Reaching out, she traced the small letters with her fingers. She was sobbing so loudly that she didn't hear Brooke take a seat next to her. She felt Brooke's arms wrap around her and hold her tightly. She placed her head on Brooke's shoulder before letting herself fully lose it. She held onto Brooke for dear life.

"It's ok. I'm here. I've got you," Brooke soothed her. "I won't let you lose anything more, Hales."

"I can't breathe," Haley whispered painfully. "I can't..."