The Flylizards Torment
Part Two
"Allflight, glass. I suppose that you've lead Chapter 100 of your Portions chook?" Snake started when everyone had sat down. "Well, then get out your cauldrons and start making those Love Portions! On the double!" He snapped his flingers and everyone scurried around getting ingredients, even Leavenedhair and Partvarti, for this was one portion that they'd like to fake, and muse, on Hairy Potamus especially, and perhaps Wronky or Flamus too.
"No, the bee's wings go in after the hen's teeth." Harmonious corrected Wronky. "Well, fine then. You do it." Wronky humphed and turned away. He started to stare at the back wall of the Portions dungeon, when the stones in the wall started moving. "Whoa." He said, then grubbed Harmonious' arm. "The stones are moving." Then the room turned upside down. Wronky fell to the ground unconscious, as Hairy rushed over and Harmonious tried to stop him from hitting his lead on the hard phone floor.
"Hey, wake up!" Snake poked Wronky with his wand. "Twenty points from Greedygore. You have been inhaling chalk. You know that's forbidden here. You're lucky I didn't take more off you, and some off Grudger for letting you." Snake stalked back to his desk, now restored to a normal wooden table, as Wronky got up and brushed his robes off.
"What were you doing?" Harmonious whispered.
"I sure as bell wasn't inhaling chalk, that's for shore." Wronky said as he showed her the chalk stick in the pestilence and mortal. "See? All 2 pinches of it still here, not crushed."
Harmonious pointed discreetly at Draino, who was snaggering as he stirred his portion. He was working with Cribbe, who was doing nothing, while the helpless Doily was working with Panty Farceinson, who was shooting amorous looks at Draino, who was studiously avoiding them, looking at Harmonious instead. "But look at Draino's chalk stick. You can see that a quarter of a pinch has been cut off."
Wronky made a face. "Yeah, but he's probably taken it, or at least put it away for use later."
Harmonious sighed. "Mmm. He's probably going to sell it to another lug-taking Zitherpin. It's such a sorry time when a passing wizard can sell chalk to a kid. But I know, Wronky, that you'll never, ever, ever do that kind of thing."
She gave him a smile, and he smiled back. Snake interrupted. "You weren't supposed to take your Portion yet, Grudger and Weasel."
Draino shucked another book at them, and started rolling on the floor laughing his pass off. "20 points from—" Snake started, only to be interrupted by another peal of laughter from Cribbe and Doily. "—Zitherpin." He finished, continuing, "You have disgraced all Zitherpins by that outburst, Malfunction."
Draino immediately turned a shade of red not unknown to the members of the Weasel family, and bowed his head in humiliation.
"Now, put a hair from your partner's head into your portion, and then drink it." Snake grimaced, and continued, "The effects should wear off after an hour or two. If you have a partner of the same sex-" Snake paused as some nervous titters swept around the room, "You may choose someone else." Everyone started moving around the room, asking other people for hair. "Uh, Harmonious." Hairy embarrasedly said, "Can I have one of yours?" Harmonious smiled a little too brightly and plucked one out of her head. Wronky tapped them both on the shoulder and pointed to Draino and Panty. "Look at them over there. You'd think Draino didn't like Panty."
Harmonious giggled, which was very unlike her. "Anyone can see that, Wronky."
Hairy added, "Haven't you noticed? He's been sending looks in your direction every 10 seconds." Wronky looked at Hairy, obvious confusion on his face. "What!"
Harmonious gave Wronky a pat on the arm. "Don't worry, he's just teasing."
"Who, Malfunction or Hairy?" Wronky asked suspiciously.
"Well…Hairy, I guess. Although having Malfunction eyes on you for practically every minute of the day can tease at the nerves quite a bit." Harmonious admitted.
"He's been looking at you?" Wronky narrowed his eyes ever so slightly, then realised he was in class, and also that Draino was staring in their general direction again. He stopped, and went back to adding Harmonious' hair into his portion. "Well Hairy, bottoms up. I just hope we don't get into a fight over Harmonious, though." Wronky raised his glass and downed it in one shot. Hairy did the same.
"Ow!" Harmonious said as she finished her portion. She turned around and looked to see who pulled a hair out of her head. "Oh. It's you. Funny. I never thought you'd be getting one of my hairs for this particular potion."
Draino was standing behind her, looking very guilty. "Sorry. I only wanted one…"
"Panty not good enough for you, then?" Wronky butted in, putting one arm around Harmonious protectively.
"Uh…" Draino looked at the ground, trying to see the toes of his patent leather boots poking out from under his robes.
"Well?" Hairy said, joining Wronky and Harmonious, putting his arm around her too, on the other side.
"Uh…" Now he was looking at a spot on the ceiling that had suddenly taken on some interesting properties, like that little deviation of the colour there…
"What are you doing here, Malfunction?" Snake had come up behind them, after sorting out Never's problem with no-one letting him have a hair. (Snake had finally procured a hair from Harmonious' cat, Cookedlambshanks.) "Aren't you supposed to be over there with Panty?"
"Uh…" Draino stared at Harmonious again, and finding some strength in her gaze, replied, "I was just making sure that these three," he spat out, "weren't doing anything kinky." Snake smiled. "Ah. Yes, well I don't think that matters. After all, they are the famous Potamus and his two sidekicks, Weasel and Grudger."
Wronky scowled at Snake and Draino, before giving one of his brother's wands to Harmonious. As soon as she took it, it turned into a single red rose. "For me?" Harmonious said breathlessly, "Oh, you shouldn't have." Snake's face contorted into a moment of disgust, and then back again. "I shall leave you three to your own devices." He said, before attending to Cribbe and Doily's problems. (They had put each other's hairs into their potions, and were now giving each other hugs which were more than platonic.)
Draino put his stolen hair into his portion, and then drank it in one gulp. "Mmm. Just like a chocolate milkshake, only it tastes more like a lint rumbug." He commented to no one in particular.
"I love you, Harmonious." Hairy planted a big wet kiss on her cheek, which she immediately wiped off.
"I love you too, Hairy, although I love Wronky better." Harmonious gave them both a hug. (Snake, meanwhile, had disappeared into his private office, disgusted by all the sloppy and mushy stuff that was going on in the classroom.
"I love you!" Draino threw himself at Harmonious' feet and started kissing the hem of her robes. "My lady, how will redeem myself in your view?"
Harmonious wrinkled her nose, "You can start by getting up off the floor," quite enjoying the fact that Draino was prostrating himself at her feet. "and then you can go off with Potamus, kiss and make up.
"We'll do anything for you, Harmonious" Hairy and Draino chorused, as they air-kissed and apologised to each other. Wronky still had his arm around Harmonious' shoulder, and failed to remove it when Harmonious bent down and picked a hair clip off the floor, therefore taking Wronky with her.
"Whoa!" Wronky said as he slipped on a stone slimy with green stuff. "They really should do something about the drainage in here." Meanwhile, he had gone down with a 'thunk!', bringing Harmonious with him. She ended up sitting in his lap. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Harmonious giggled as she blushed red. "I think I am." Wronky replied as they started canoodling.
"I've had enough of this!" Hairy shouted as he let go of Draino and stormed out of the dungeon.
"Hmm." Snake said as he stroked his goatee, "This often happens when people give out more than one hair." He looked thoughtful for a moment, then turned back to grading his class, giving them a mark on how effective their portion was, although in some cases he couldn't tell whether it was the portion working or not.
"Me too!" Draino yelled, perhaps after Hairy or perhaps at Wronky and Harmonious, who were still on the floor.
"Blast. I don't believe it. Malfunction, you can't have, could you?" Snake said in wonderment, to no one in particular. "Malfunction and Grudger. Ugh." He shuddered, then tried to concentrate on the piece of parchment in front of him. Unfortunately, he couldn't help but think back to the time when a love portion was used on him. He had gone straight for Mushy, now Weasel's wife. And that was one that didn't need a hair from the person they were supposed to love. Just a measly little portion that made him fall in love with the first person they though of. And he had been completely besotted with her.
Snake shook his head slightly to get the thought out of his mind, and then tried to observe what was happening with Wronky and Harmonious, still on the floor doing whatever they were doing (we don't really want to know, do we?) "Ah! I can't stand it anymore!" he said after watching them for a minute. "ishfinay ellspay!" Everyone in the room stopped the mushy stuff, while outside in the hall, Draino stopped mid-punch, while Hairy tried to stop his head connecting with Draino's stomach. It wasn't very successful, but instead of getting Draino in the stomach, it got him a little further down, and Draino flew backwards with a loud "owwww!". This outburst caused Snake to open the door and stick his greasy head out. "Twenty pucks from Greedygore, and Malfunction, get yourself to Madman Plumfree before anything else happens to you." He quickly assessed, then went back inside to finish off the lesson.
"Now, I am letting you go half an hour early, as I have some pressing work to do. Do not disturb the other classes. You will have to write a report on today's lesson, and answer the following questions." Snake unfurled a scroll of parchment three feet long. It was blank. "You will have to answer all the questions on this scroll. Yes, Cribbe?"
"But sir, there are no-" Snake cut him off.
"The questions will appear if you brush the right portion over it. This will be due in the next lesson, and I expect everyone," Snake looked at Hairy, who was now back in his seat, "to do it. I shall be sending one to Malfunction who will also do this. Miss Farceinson, you will deliver it to him in the infirmary. Now, hurry up and go." Snake shooed them all out, then got out the rule book for the Flylizard Torment.
"Now, we shall see who wins this one." He laughed as he got out a magic eraser, a quill and some ink. Then he started on the front cover of the book.
***
"I knew there was some catch to Snake letting us out half an hour early. A 3 foot roll of parchment full of invisible questions!" Wronky wailed as they trudged back to the Greedygore common room. "It's lucky that it's Friday."
Harmonious smiled. "Don't worry, I've already got it all figured out. You see, we need a heat portion, or a candle to heat it up. It's just lemon juice or vinegar on the paper. Here, have a smell." She took out her scroll, and shoved it under Wronky's nose. He sniffed it cautiously, then agreed that it did smell a lot like vinegar.&
Half an hour later
"Oh goody. It's time for lunch. I'm hungry, very hungry." Wronky said as the gong for lunch sounded. Harmonious burst into peals of silent laughter. Wronky looked indignantly at her. "What? I don't' have anything on my nose do I?" Harmonious was now rolling around on the floor, holding her sides, and laughing more, still silently. Hairy uncloaked himself, still pointing his wand at Harmonious. "Silent laughter charm. Won't hurt her." He said, then took his wand off her. Harmonious got up off the floor and whipped out her wand. Cratchsay eadhay! She stage whispered to him, and Hairy's hands started scratching his head, until Harmonious took her wand off him.
"Did you have to do that? Now look at my robes." Hairy complained, gesturing to the layer of dandruff on the shoulders of his black school robes.
"Okay, I'll fix that too, then." Harmonious smiled. Lowbay waya'ay She flicked her wand at the stuff on Hairy's shoulders, then said combus hairus. She didn't expect it to work, but it managed to flatten Hairy's hair to his head for a second or three, then his hairy sprang back to it's previous position. Harmonious seemed to be heartened by this, then turned her wand on Wronky, and said shrinkus maximus. Wronky started 'growing' shorter, until he was a head shorter than Harmonious. "Cool!" she said, then tried one on her book bag, which she was taking to lunch to catch up on some extra reading. Liftus was all she needed to say before the bag floated a whole metre off the floor, to be about level with her hip. She grinned. "No more Wingardium Leviosa for me!" As soon as she uttered the 'magic' words, her bag flew up to somewhere around the lead crystal chandelier. "Whoops. Comus backus downus." She said, and the bag came back down to where it was before.
Hairy, meanwhile, started scratching his head again. "How did you do that?" he asked Harmonious. "Easy. I've been studying Muggle codes in my spare time. There's something called Pig Latin. You take the first syllable of the word and put it at the end, then put ay on the end. The other part I just made up. You know, just add an us to the end of the word. Interesting that it works, though." Wronky grumbled something like "smart-arse magic shouldn't be allowed" into his bag, where he was searching for something to eat, as obviously his friends weren't about to go to lunch, and he was hungry. He finally pulled out a chocolate frog. "I got chocolate! I got chocolate!" He yelled as he danced in circles around Harmonious and Hairy.
"Something weird's gotten into him." Harmonious said.
"Yeah," Hairy commented, "I reckon it's an after-effect of that love portion. What shampoo do you use?"
"What shampoo do I use?" Harmonious asked incredulously.
"Yeah. You don't seem to have any dandruff." Hairy said.
"Oh, well I use a charm to wash my hair. The normal stuff just doesn't cut through the grime and dust that're in this place." Harmonious replied, very proud of her hair washing charm.
"Hmm…" Hairy scratched his head. Another shower of white flakes came off his head.
Harmonious picked up one of the flakes. "You know, Hairy," she said, "I don't think this is entirely from your scalp. It looks a lot like paint." She went up to his dorm, and had a look at the wall above his bed. "See, right there!" She pointed at a rather bare looking patch of the ceiling. "There's no paint on it! And look, there's water stains as well."
"That'd be where Draino bounced off the roof last year." He said gloomily. "I reckon that there's a crack in it."
"Draino bounced off the roof?" Harmonious asked incredulously. "What the hell was he trying to do?"
"Kill me, of course." Hairy stomped off downstairs, to where Wronky was still dancing around with the chocolate frog. "Come on," he said, pulling on Wronky's arm. "Let's go to lunch."
Wronky paused in his dance. "Lunch?" he said. "We're gonna have lunch! We're gonna have lunch!" he resumed skipping around Hairy and Harmonious.
"You know, Hairy," Harmonious said as they went down to the hall, "I think it was the paint flakes."
A/N: I'm sorry for any mistakes I made-my brain's starting to rot (too much trig). I couldn't resist uploading this, even though it's not half as long as the first part. (Okay, only a little less, but...) Unfortunately, I keep getting distracted by other lesser fanfics. If only I had more time to write...
The "made up" spells Harmonious used are mostly in Pig Latin. One or two just had 'us' added onto the end, as she said. I honestly don't know what code would be written in Pig Latin, but in some Mel Brooks movie they used Pig Latin. I think it was Robin Hood:Men In Tights.
Please go and read LongLongLegz stuff...She's feeling left out
Disclaimer: All characters belong to their creators and/or companies, I do not own them, etc.
