Don't you want me?

Nearing the end of her second week back at work, Alex had identified a few positives that helped to keep her sane in light of her current situation. Firstly, she had got back into her stride instantly, relishing the chance to make a difference rather than being stuck at home, and secondly, the rest of the team – Shaz in particular – was thrilled to be sharing the office with her once more. The third and final plus came in the form of DI James Magson, and this was going a long way in making Alex forget about the major negative she was constantly battling.

The definite downside to being back at work again was spending most of the day with Gene Hunt. She found herself longing for the good old days, before Operation Rose and that fateful bullet had shattered the pleasant picture; the teasing, flirting, the banter that bordered on full-blown arguments a lot of the time – Alex missed it all.

She was glad of DI Magson's presence just for someone to talk to who used more than five words at a time, and who actually looked in her direction when he answered. The fact that James' eyes seemed to spend a disproportionate amount of time focused on her breasts rather than her face was, frankly getting a bit annoying, but at least he acknowledged her existence.

Gene on the other hand spent as little time as possible alone with her, always dragging Ray or Chris or even James along as well. Either that or he would do things without her, preferring to take one of the lads instead. Whenever this happened, Alex tried not to let the hurt show on her face, but the cold look in Gene's eyes or the awkward tone often caught her off guard. On these occasions she was sure Shaz had noticed her red eyes on her return from the ladies or the evidence room, although the young WPC never mentioned it.

Even Chris and Ray – the Guv's ever-faithful sidekicks – shot Alex sympathetic looks before following their leader in what they all knew should have been her place. Ray seemed to have warmed to her considerably after the accident; he made a point of filling her in on the outcomes of interviews or interrogations when her involvement had not been welcomed by Gene.

One person who seemed completely oblivious to the tension in CID was James. Despite Alex's contributions and suggestions being publicly rejected by his DCI, James appeared not to have realised that there was something going on between Gene and Alex. The result of this was that he hit on Alex relentlessly, often in front of the Guv himself. This served to increase the tension enormously, and left Alex feeling thoroughly confused. She lay in bed at night, thoughts of Gene and James running round her head; James was charming and attractive and the same age as her – nothing like she had been dreading. But... he wasn't Gene.

As her thoughts turned, as they always did, to her DCI, snatches of an encounter flashed before her eyes.

"Shaz – check through the files fer any mention a' fingers bein' cut off. Chris – you and Magson interview 'andbag 'arry. Ray – you're wiv me; my fist 'as got an appointment with tha' smug doctor's ugly face!"

As Gene and Ray headed to the doors, Alex stood up from her desk, swallowing the hurt, not for the first time that day.

"What about me, Guv?" She asked. The rest of CID glanced warily towards their boss.

"Stay 'ere Drake; you can give Granger a hand wiv the files." And without giving her a second to respond, Gene swept from the office, Ray following guiltily.

Trying desperately not to burst into tears, Alex sunk back into her chair and rested her forehead on her hands. Shaz appeared at her side a few minutes later with a hot drink and a sad smile. As the young WPC opened her mouth to offer her friend a bit of sympathy to go with the tea, Alex stopped her.

"It's fine Shaz, honestly..."

Alex tossed and turned under the covers, recalling the expression on Gene's face as he had distanced himself from her yet again.

But it wasn't fine, she thought. Alex physically ached from the separation, the isolation. She hated not pounding the streets, striding confidently by his side, or sitting next to him in the interview room or in his beloved Quattro. She missed him so much, but Alex was reluctant to reach out in case he rejected her completely.

The memories of him holding her in his arms; carrying her through CID, comforting her in the vault, rescuing her from the Cales' freezer, taking care of her after her appointment with Dr Death... Even just the way he used to look at her, the accidental touches; all those times he had been close enough to kiss her... But he never had. And now it seemed like he never would.

He obviously felt uncomfortable being around her after the shooting, Alex understood that, but the way he had spent day and night at her bedside waiting for her to regain consciousness... It had seemed like he truly cared for her. Maybe she had been wrong.

God what she wouldn't do to have Gene just look at her like he had before... his gorgeous eyes trailing up and down her body, as if he could see under her clothes... see into her...

Alex moaned in frustration, wishing they could repair their broken relationship and start again. Maybe then she would have the guts to tell him how she felt.

Pushing thoughts of her DCI out of her head, another face suddenly slipped in; that of her colleague DI Magson. He wasn't bad looking, Alex reasoned; he was certainly charming... and interested, he was definitely interested. His persistent flirting was testament to that...

"I could always give you a hand Alex, if you're interested?" James was teasing her again, that much was clear.

"No thanks James."

"Well at least let me accompany you to the file room, in case you change your mind..."

"Honestly James, I'll be fine."

"Well, if you're certain Alex. But you know where I am okay? Anything you need, I'm sure I'll be able to sort you out." James raised his eyebrows at her, flashing a confident smile.

Alex's attempts to get her message across seemed to be failing as badly as if she had been speaking French. Whenever she glanced over at James, he was usually already staring at her; not that he ever apologised for doing it so blatantly when they were supposed to be working. Even after one of his thinly-veiled advances was rejected by Alex, Magson's persistence didn't cease. The man clearly couldn't take a hint...

Heading over to Luigi's to drown her sorrows in cheap red wine, Alex's already bad mood got rapidly worse at the sight that greeted her. DI Magson was sat at the bar alone while the rest of CID – minus Gene – was gathered around their usual table. Her plan to slip past James unnoticed and grab a seat with Shaz and Chris was working up until the point she entered the trattoria.

Clocking her arrival expertly, James grabbed Alex's arm and pulled her up to the bar.

"Alex, let me get you a drink." He said, handing her a ready-poured glass of wine.

"Thank you James, but I was just going to-" James cut her off, pushing the drink into her hands.

"Come on now Alex, no one can resist a free drink, not even you! Now here, sit, talk to me." He commanded, his hand sliding round her waist and securing her at his side. Alex took the wine reluctantly and, stuck now with no hope of escape, settled on the stool next to him and began to drink.

After an hour consisting of a bottle of Luigi's house red and James either staring down her top or trying to feel her up while he talked at her, Alex had had enough. She excused herself bluntly before disappearing straight upstairs. In her effort to get away from Magson before he noticed she'd gone, Alex realised she had left her jacket at the bar.

Just as she had decided to retrieve it in the morning, there was a knock at the door. It was James.

He was leaning causally against the doorframe with Alex's white leather jacket over his arm.

"Oh, thanks James," Alex spoke quickly, reaching out to take the garment back. James held it closer to his body, reluctant to hand it over so soon.

"Is that all I get? A thank you? I'm sure you can be a bit more generous than that Alex?"

"It was very sweet of you to bring it up for me," Alex began after a moment, trying to smile pleasantly at him. "But I really should be getting to bed, it's late and it's been a busy day."

"Mmm... you have to be such a spoil-sport don't you Alex. Sure you don't want me to come and tuck you in?" James moved slightly over the threshold. Alex managed to tug the jacket away from him as he leaned in closer. His open lips pressed against her closed ones, but he slid a hand round her back anyway, starting to pull Alex's shirt from the waistband of her jeans.

Pushing him firmly away, Alex reached for the door.

"James, you're a really nice guy but... I'm just not interested in getting into anything at the moment."

"There's something I'm very interested in getting into right now..." He said, kissing her again.

"James, I really don't want to do this, I want you to go, please." Magson unwillingly pulled away and retreated, leaving Alex to close the door behind him.

James was eager and interested; maybe she should give him a chance, try and forget about Gene. He clearly didn't want to even talk to her let alone show he still cared – or ever had. But even as she entertained the possibility, Alex couldn't help her thoughts drifting back to her DCI.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Images of James and Gene occupied Alex's dreams that night, and when she woke in the morning she felt more confused than ever.

Exiting the apartment an hour later however, she had finally made up her mind. She was going to talk to Gene. Alex was sick of the awkward tension between them; something that her boss seemed to be taking out on her, so she knew the only way to get past it was to be honest with him.

After a slow day of paperwork, Alex had finally plucked up the courage to go and talk to Gene. She watched the others pack up and head out as soon as their synchronised watches beeped at six, leaving her alone with the Guv.

Gene was in his office, staring blankly at a report he was supposed to be reading. The lack of noise outside made him look up and his stomach dropped as he noticed that only Alex remained. His DI was still at her desk, head down, writing notes. Only when she moved to tuck a wayward curl behind her ear did Gene realise he had been staring at her, taking her in.

He shoved the report to one side, stubbed out his cigarette and stood up. Grabbing his coat he opened the door and was halfway to the exit before Alex spoke.

"Gene," It seemed months since she had used his first name; they had barely talked since that day at the hospital, when she had woken up. Gene remembered it like it was yesterday; the way she had looked at him, whispering his name, the first thing she said after she had regained consciousness after... what had happened.

He turned slowly and looked at her. Alex had got to her feet and moved to stand in the centre of the room, between him and his office door.

"Can we... talk?" It shocked him how scared she sounded.

Alex was relieved when Gene nodded gruffly. Feeling his eyes on her, she led the way back into his office. Gene shut the door behind him and turned to face Alex, her back against the edge of the desk.

"Gene I'm... I'm sorry for the things I said, the day before... Operation Rose. I don't know what I was thinking. I hated myself for lying to you – well, I still do." Alex blinked away images of Molly's face, thinking about the 'truth' she had told him, about her being from the future. This was the only way for him to forgive her.

"Since then I've... found out some things and... I'm staying here. I don't have a choice anymore, I have to stay here. I want to stay here." Gene stood listening to her, arms folded.

"And at first I was scared because I wasn't sure if I belonged here, but I had you, so I thought, everything would be okay." Alex paused, tucking her hair behind her ear; a sign of her anxiety, Gene noted.

"But it wasn't okay. I know I lied to you, but everything else I said was the truth. I thought we did have something... I wanted us to have something." She looked down at the floor, not having the guts to meet Gene's eyes any longer.

"But ever since I woke up you've barely even spoken to me. I know you're angry and you probably hate me – I understand that – but I just thought... maybe we could try again because I... I... I miss you, Gene." Alex managed to look at him once more as she continued.

"It feels like I've lost you... And that scares me more than anything because... you're the only thing I have in this world, Gene. You're the only person... I need you." Trying desperately not to cry, Alex struggled to read Gene's face.

"You... haven't lost me, Bolly." Gene said after a moment. This was the first time since she'd woken up that he had called her that. Even in the couple of weeks before the shooting it was always 'Drake'. Alex felt one tear trail down her cheek. She brushed it quickly away.

"I'm the one who should be sorry Bols, I never meant ter hurt ya. No matter how angry I got I could never... I'm so sorry, Alex." Gene swallowed nervously before continuing. This was his chance to explain why he had been so cold and distant. He had to tell her how he felt, but Alex spoke first.

"I just want things to go back to the way they were before. I need you to trust me, Gene."

"I do trust ya Alex, course I do it's just-"

"But you thought I was corrupt! I thought you knew me that much Gene; I could never be that person. I understand that you're angry because I lied, but it killed me to see that's what you thought of me... what you thought I was capable of."

Gene had the decency to look embarrassed.

"I knew as soon as the words had come outta me mouth Alex, I knew you weren't bent. You couldn't be. But I was so angry and then all the lies... I just, couldn't take it back." Gene hung his head, hating himself for treating her so badly. They lapsed into silence for a minute, before Gene spoke again, voicing something that had been gnawing away at his insides for weeks.

"But I heard you on that tape, Alex..." He trailed off, looking up at her uncertainly. Now it was Alex's turn to look away.

"It was that bent copper, the guy you shot... He left it there, trying to break us apart. Guess it worked."

"But what were yer talkin' about, Alex?"

"How much of it did you listen to?" She asked, meeting his eyes.

"Just those few seconds." Gene replied. "Couldn't listen ter any more, made me feel sick..."

"Do you still have it?"

Gene moved round to the other side of the desk, retrieving the tape from the bottom drawer. Alex took it from his outstretched hand, relishing the feel of his skin, even for a split second.

Putting it into the machine, she forwarded on a couple of seconds. She pressed stop and it clunked loudly.

"I just want you to hear the rest of it." Gene's reluctance was plain on his face.

"Not sure I do."

"Please Gene, if after that you still hate me then I'll go, promise."

Gene nodded, wishing he had the guts to tell her he could never hate her.

Alex pressed play and her own voice echoed out of the machine.

"I just wish I could tell him... but I don't know what to do. Everything is so confusing, I don't know who to trust. I still can't believe about Chris; I should have noticed something, talked to him about it, maybe I could have stopped all this...

Gene's more hurt than he's letting on. I think it was the fact they got to one of his, to one of us that kills him. How could I have ever suspected him? I hope he knows he can trust me; everything will be alright as long as I have him, my constant.

I don't know what I'd do if... There have been times recently when I thought I'd lost him. It scares me, what's happening; Jeanette's got to be involved somehow, she's trying to break us apart... I always thought we were unbreakable...

As much as I want to get out of here, I couldn't bear to leave it like this. If I have lost Gene... Oh God I just wish I could tell him how my heart feels like it's breaking every time he walks away.

I know it's wrong to feel like this but I can't stop... I think I'm in love with him... I try to fight it but it makes no difference. But should I keep fighting? Is that what I'm supposed to do? Or should I give in? Maybe I should tell him... I don't have the strength to fight it anymore..."

Silence fell over the room as the recording ended. Alex looked up at Gene, feeling the colour rising in her cheeks. After a moment he leant towards her; Alex held her breath... he was going to kiss her.

But Gene tilted his face away from her, reaching over and stopping the tape with a loud click. When he drew back, Alex slipped past him and out of the office, brushing a tear away.

Gene watched her go, wanting to apologise for hurting her, for not believing her... but he didn't have the courage to tell her that he had trusted her, he had cared about her, and he had loved her. He still loved her.

As Alex grabbed her jacket from her chair and disappeared through the doors, Gene thought about going after her. But then all the cold, distant looks he had ever given her and the way he had treated her more like a WPC than the amazing DI she was, especially after what he had done to her, suddenly showed him how much he didn't deserve her.

She was too good for him, she always had been. He'd thought, at one time, that maybe there could be something between them, they had a connection... but then Operation Rose and Jeanette and that bullet had happened, and Gene realised she was better off without him.

All those things he had imagined doing to her, all he could see now was her doing them with some other bloke. Someone younger, better looking, posher... someone like that twat Magson.

Maybe, his head was telling him, Alex would be happier with someone like him.

But, his heart argued, she had never shown the slightest bit of interest in their new DI, in fact she seemed to find him irritating. Aside from that Thatcherite wanker, there had never been anyone else. She just admitted she was in love with you, Hunt, and now you've just let her walk away.

Gene kicked the filing cabinet in frustration.

Alex had given him the chance to move on from the past and try again. He could have kissed her like he'd wanted to do since he'd first laid eyes on her. Gene could see it in her eyes, asking him to do it. But it was too late; he'd had the opportunity to make things right, and he had just blown it. He had lost her.