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I looked up to find Dean Winchester's sly smiling face. "Hey, are you here all by yourself"?" he asked.
I don't know why, but that cheesy pickup line sent me over the edge. I just burst into uncontrollable giggles. Dean looked down at me with a surprised and slightly pissed off expression.
"Well I'm glad I was good for a laugh," he grimaced.
Sams quite laughter could be heard at the table behind us, and Dean rolled his eyes, nose wrinkling with displeasure. I looked up at his crestfallen face and instantly felt awful. I didn't understand why I even cared, but I felt like I'd do anything to take that look off his face.
Wait? What was I thinking? This man would kill me in a heartbeat. I'm a monster, and this man would hate me just like all of the rest. The thought of my possible death snapped me out of the insane train of thought I was on.
"I'm sorry, it's been a long night," I said, hoping an easy let down would save my ass. He looked down at me quizzically, green eye roaming over my face.
"Let's start over?" I said, placing my hand on his.
It took everything I had not to jerk my hand away. It felt like an electrical charge was coursing through my veins.
"Yes, I am here alone, I'm kinda by definition, a loaner," I said in my attempt at a coy voice.
I hoped that I was remedying my previous mistake. Not only did I feel bad for some reason, but I also was trying to keep myself under the radar. All I needed was to raise his suspensions. He gave me a shy smile. Oh, if I wasn't in fear for my life, that smile would have hooked me. I removed my hand from his.
"A loaner huh, I can relate," he said.
"So, I guess I'm barking up the wrong tree then?" he said, leaning away from me.
I looked into those beautiful green eyes, and I'll admit, sadly nodded my head. A small frown formed on his confused face. I don't think this man had ever really been turned down.
"Ok then, it's been a…pleasure," he said, tapping his knuckles on the table and walking away.
I watched as he, and a now shocked Sam, jumped into a quiet conversation, where I'm guessing, Sam was doing his sibling duty and torturing his brother. I slowly stood up, throwing money down on my table for the bill. I headed for the door to make my escape. All the fear and excitement of the past few moments were starting to get the best of me. I was losing control, as I made my way outside, all I could think of was getting to my car. If I allowed the change to happen now, there was no way I'd live. I threw myself into my car and tried to control my breathing. This happened anytime I let my emotions get the best of me. All the fear and anxiety of meeting the Winchesters was catching up with me. I could feel the change coming, if I allowed it to take over, everyone in the diner; including the Winchesters, would know what I am…a monster. I tried to remember what my mother had taught me all those years ago. I could still remember the sound of her voice.
8 years ago
"Breath Anna, you must fight it, you cannot lose control, even for a moment," my mother said.
She looked at me with sad brown eyes. "Steady your breathing, you are stronger than the change," she continued.
I fell to the ground in tears. "I can't mother, I can't fight it anymore, I'm not strong enough," I whispered.
My mother dropped to the floor beside me, caressing my long black hair. "None of this is your fault, Anna, the blame lies solely with your father and me," she said.
I looked into my mother's eyes, I could see all the pain and regret she tried so hard to hide from me. "No mother, I do not blame you or father for what I am, you cannot help who you love," I said, my eyes warm despite my fear and pain.
A small smile played across my mother's face. When she smiled, you could see all the beauty she possessed, and I only wished I'd inherited. She took a deep breath and stood, offering me her hand.
"Again Anna," she said.
I wasn't ready but knew I had no other choice. My mother was right, I had to learn to control it.
"Are you ready?" she asked.
I took a deep breath, trying to prepare my body and mind for the coming attack. I nodded as the familiar black film covered her brown eyes. She placed her hands on my chest. The sharp tingle came first, spreading across my shoulders and down towards my lower abdomen than came the pain, it hit me like a bolt of electricity. I tried to steady my breathing as I felt the change coming on. It was like a defense mechanism, anytime my body or emotions were taken over by pain or fear, the change would occur. I ground my teeth together, trying to fight against it. I felt the pressure building between my shoulder blades, the white-hot fire. I squeezed my eyes closed tightly, fearing what my mother would see when she looked at me.
"You can do this Anna you are not a monster," I heard my mother calling, her voice adamant and full of love, but to me, it was like she was a million miles away.
The only thing I could focus on was the pounding of my own heart. I wanted to believe my mother, I wanted so badly to believe I wasn't a monster. I knew the truth though, I was something that should never have existed, an abomination. God himself, would shun me. The only love I could ever hope for was that of my parents. With that ever-present realization, I lost my battle. I couldn't fight it any longer, I let the pain take over, I let it bring on the change. At least then, I would be free of it. The pain in my back doubled, forcing my spine to arch. If felt like a thousand daggers were piercing every inch of my back. My eyes snapped open filling the room with a bright light, as black silver tinted wings cascaded down my back. I slowly lowered myself to the floor, feeling utterly defeated. I allowed my wings to wrap around me, shielding me from the disappointment I knew I'd see in my mother's eyes. I felt weak and small, how was I ever going to be able to control myself? I heard my mother lower herself beside me, her bare feet brushed across the wood floor.
"Anna my love, look at me," she softly whispered.
Ashamed, I slowly lowered my wings, the soft black feathers grazing my face as they moved past me. Still unable to look her in the eye, I turned away. She caressed my wing never once flinching or looking at me like I was some alien freak. Even though, deep down I knew I was. She never made me feel anything but loved, that's why I was so angry with myself. I couldn't control it, even though it meant I could make my parents safe. I could make it where no one had to know what I was, what they were.
My mother lifted my face to meet her eyes, brushing away the warm tears I hadn't even realized were cascading down my face. "I know what you're thinking, it's not true honey," she soothingly moved a strand of hair from my face. "You are not a monster, I only wish you could see what I see," she sighed.
Standing, she lifted me to my feet, walking with me over to the floor length mirror behind her. She placed me in front of it, moving my face when I tried to avert my eyes. I looked at myself, seeing only a monster. My mother sighed, moving my hair from my shoulders.
"Look again Anna, truly look at yourself, you are enough to beat this," she said.
I took a breath and closed my eyes. When I opened them I vowed to truly look at myself. I would try to remember what she said, I am enough. I slowly made eye contact with the alien in the mirror. She had dark raven black hair that stood out against her pale white skin. Her lips were full and the color of a pink rose. Her eyes, that normally were the color of chocolate, now were shining brightly, it was as if someone had turned on a light inside her. The iris was covered in a pitch black film, it was the pupil that was shining brightly. Her wings shone almost as brightly as her eyes. They were as tall as they were long, and lightly brushed the floor when she moved. She watched her reflection as she flexed her strong wings. The light in the room reflecting off the silver tint in the onyx of her wings. It was me, not an alien or monster, just me. I still refused to call it beauty, but it was me. For the first time since the change occurred when I was ten years old, I wasn't afraid of myself. I finally accepted it, this is who I am. As my body relaxed and my heart rate returned to normal, I watched stunned, as my wings slowly started folding into my back. Leaving only a dark onyx wing shaped tattoo behind. The light in my eyes slowly died out as the black was replaced by my natural chocolate brown. I was almost human again, my mother wiped silent tears from her eyes as she embraced me.
"I'm so sorry baby. I wish I could help you," she cried.
I pulled away from her and forced a smile onto my face. "I'm am fine mother, I promise. Thank you so much." I drew a shaky breath. "Ok, let's try this again," I said, bracing my shoulders.
My mother nodded and placed her hands on my chest. I immediately felt the horrible jolt of electricity, but this time, I controlled my thoughts. I am enough, I can do this, I am not a monster. I repeated over and over again, it became my mantra. After a few jolts of electricity without any ill effect, my eyes snapped open. I could no longer feel the pain, yet there was my mother, hands still pressed against my chest. I wrapped my hands around her wrist and pushed her away. My mother practically jumped up and down with joy. I had won, I kept it at bay. I could do this.
Present Day
I lessened my grip on the steering wheel as my breathing returned to normal. I did it, I hadn't changed. I looked at the diner and saw the Winchesters getting up to pay. Crap! How long had I been out here? I put my keys in the ignition and started my car. I had to get the hell outta dodge. I threw my car into reverse and sped right past the empty 1967 Chevy Impala. I knew it belonged to the Winchesters, they were infamous for more than their skills. I only allowed myself to breathe easy when I finally reached the next town. Fifty miles from the diner and the homicidal Winchester brothers. I pulled into the first motel the town offered and locked myself in my room. I pressed my forehead against the cold door and started giggling uncontrollably. I had been so close to the Grim reapers of the hunting business. Yet, instead of feeling relieved, I felt a tinge of sadness. I shook off that out of place feeling and decided what I needed was a cold shower. Twenty minutes later I was feeling brand new, all thoughts of the Winchesters buried. I wrapped myself in a fluffy white towel and decided to clean my guns. I was just starting on my handguns when I heard a rustling at the front door. Grabbing one of my guns, I got behind the front door, gun at the ready. I heard the door beep as the key card was accepted. The door swung open and I spun around, placing my gun firmly between the shoulder blades of the person who entered. I was about to speak when I felt something cold press against the back of my head. I was screwed and very angry that I had allowed myself to be cornered.
"Hello beautiful, looks like we have a Mexican standoff on our hands."
I recognized that voice, but couldn't quite place it. He was right though, I had nowhere to go.
"Ok, I'm putting my gun down," I said, letting my finger slide off the trigger and the gun dangle.
A strong male hand reached up to grab my gun. The man in front of me put his hands down and let out a long breath. I was pushed into the room as the man started to speak.
"Ok lady, what are you doing armed and in our room?" he angrily asked.
I had enough, I jerked around and pushed the man away from me.
"You pig-headed moron this is my flipping room," I said, meeting his gaze.
YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!
I was staring at Dean Winchester and he was pointing his gun right at my face. I looked around and sure enough, the man I had pointed my gun at was Sam Winchester. I knew somewhere God was laughing at me.
