"So, Cullen, huh?" Cassandra asked at breakfast. "We all thought it would have been Cullen that you got together with at the start of things. It was quite a surprise to learn that you had chosen Solas instead."
"I was just helping Cullen out last night," Quinn explained as she poked around at all the food she hadn't eaten. "He has this… following of Orlesians. They wouldn't leave him alone, so I was pretending that we were together."
"Ah, yes. The old pretend to be my girlfriend trick. My friends and I had to use that a lot when we were teenagers to discourage unwanted advances," Cassandra said. "But I saw you two, and that certainly did not look like it was pretend."
"Yeah, well, it was. I guess we are just good at pretending."
"Then why you are melancholy this morning? Is it because you want it to be real?"
Quinn laughed, "Am I acting melancholy?"
"Yes. Your face is."
"I don't know. I might have made a fool out of myself," responded Quinn.
"I doubt that. And that is not an answer to the question."
"Do I want it to be real?" Quinn repeated and sighed, thinking hard. Cassandra waited patiently.
"It did feel awfully good being so close to someone again, I guess. Very good actually. Even when it was awkward it was still... very nice," she sighed at the memory of his arms, his scent. "Cullen is… Cullen. You've seen him. There is a reason he has rabid followers."
Cassandra nodded with a wry smirk. "Yes indeed. He is an impressive man, and a good one," Cassandra said. "He would treat you right, give you the respect and honesty that a woman deserves."
"Well it sounds like you might want him for yourself." Quinn asked jokingly as she elbowed Cassandra in the ribs.
"No, no sweetheart. He is all yours. I had quite a good night myself. But I too am feeling melancholy. My friend must leave the day after the wedding. We will not have much time together."
"And where is he now?" Quinn asked.
"He is… indisposed at the moment."
"Cassandra, are you blushing?"
"No. I do not blush."
"Yeah, you kind of do."
Cassandra's cheeks turned decidedly pink as she fought back the smile that was trying to creep across her face.
As she walked through her morning, Quinn couldn't help but scan every group of people for a set of broad shoulders and golden hair. She didn't know if he would continue to wear his plainclothes, or if he would be back in his metal uniform. He would be easier to see if he were, but she imagined he probably did not want all the attention that would attract. Even after a few hours of traipsing across all of Skyhold, she still had yet to catch a glimpse of him. She was nervous about facing him after the events of the previous evening, but was also anxious to apologize and make sure that things could be set right between them. She knew that no matter what he thought of her he would be kind about it, but she just wanted to get the apology done and put behind her.
The morning passed in a haze of small talk and greetings with dozens of familiar faces. She recounted the tale of Corypheus more times than she cared to count, and even deflected the advances of a cocky young Orlesian soldier. She eventually retreated to her quarters for a nap, and found herself faced with the red dress she had purchased for the wedding reception the following day. The dress gave her a small burst of optimism. This was supposed to be the time that she embraced those around her, and celebrated with her friends. Not time for her to feel sad over yet another man. She didn't know what Cullen could be thinking in the aftermath, or if he might remember things completely differently than she did.
She woke rested from her nap to the late afternoon sun piercing through her balcony doors. She knew dinner would not be ready just yet, so decided to take a walk.
The courtyard was hopping, completely full of people. She saw Cassandra walking with her gentleman friend, and the two girls from breakfast the morning before fawning over the dresses at Belle's table.
Feeling she wasn't yet ready to jump back into socializing with visitors, she climbed the stairs to the battlements, toward her little hidden room. But at the top of the stairwell she turned in the opposite direction, toward the part of the battlements that was her favorite in all of Skyhold. It was a little square hidden between two watchtowers that had the best view. Unlike most of Skyhold which overlooked a cold and rocky mountain range, this little section had a small view of a little green valley with a cool blue lake. Once she thought she had even seen a Great Bear walking across one of the meadows.
She made her way through the dilapidated watchtower, and entered onto the small overlook. The afternoon sun was golden and warm, and she went straight for her usual spot in the railing, overlooking the green valley. She stood there in silence, studying the view and the immense expanse of space that her eyes beheld. It would probably take a person months to traverse the amount of space that was within her sights at that very moment. She closed her eyes, and listened to the wind blow.
But she also heard the shifting sounds of movement, and it was unnervingly close.
She opened her eyes and turned toward it.
There stood Cullen, looking at her with his little half smile. Plainclothed, but still imposing. The breeze had knocked a few wavy tendrils of hair over his forehead, and the golden rays of the sun only made his honeyed eyes seem warmer, more piercing.
She jumped in surprise, and then sighed in relief once her mind recognized the figure before her. Immediately her nerves fired up. She was disappointed to note that he was just as handsome as she remembered him from the night before, if not even more so.
"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting anyone else to be up here." she said.
"Neither was I," he said. "Actually that is precisely why I am here. I mean, not that I mind you...um…."
"Well I don't mean to bother you, but I have actually been looking for you today," she told him, steeling herself. "I wanted to apologize. For last night. I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. I had a little too much wine and…"
"No, no, no," he said he came in close and took her hand. His touch was warm and soothing, and his eyes reflected an unexpected concern.
"Please, you don't need to apologize. I am the one who is sorry," he said.
"But why would you be sorry? I am the one who overstepped boundaries!"
"You did as I asked. I needed your help, and you performed expertly, as you usually do," he said as he squeezed her hand. She was holding onto him in return, sliding her fingers back and forth over his knuckles and the lines and creases in his fingers. She stopped herself, amazed at how easily she fell into affectionate caresses with him despite her abundance of vibrating nerves.
"And my ordeal is not over. Lisette, or whatever her name is, was waiting for me outside my office this morning. She threw herself at me, asking if she could come into my quarters. Offered all sorts of… services." he said.
"Unbelievable!" she said and laughed incredulously. She looked down at their clasped hands, and then realized that they were alone. There was no one that they were putting on a show for now.
Cullen seemed to notice her looking down at what they were doing, and after clearing his throat again he gave her hands another squeeze and then released her gently. He walked over to the other side of the railing and looked down into Skyhold itself. She followed settled beside him, marveling at the number of people that were milling about inside their little fortress.
"If you were a woman and she were a man, you would be in big trouble," she told him. "She would be genuinely frightening.
He laughed, "I AM genuinely frightened. Just because she couldn't physically overpower me doesn't mean she doesn't scare the life out of me. But whom do I go to? I am the one in charge of security. But can I arrest her for, what, being scarily friendly? Overly flirtatious? Luckily I have the aid of a very dedicated and beautiful friend," he said. She looked deeply into his warm honey eyes, and felt those same butterflies begin to bounce around her stomach again.
She walked back over to her original perch and looked out at the valley again, comforted by the stillness she found there.
"This is my favorite little piece of all of Skyhold," he said as he sidled up beside her.
"Mine too. I come here all the time." said Quinn.
"I wonder how we have never seen each other here before."
"Strange."
"Indeed," he said. "I relish the peace and quiet of this valley, especially after everything we've all been through."
They stood together in silence, enjoying the view for several moments. The late afternoon gold of the descending sun was turning more and more orange with every passing minute.
"Do you think dinner will be ready?" Cullen asked.
Quinn laughed.
"I haven't eaten all day. I have been terrified to step out without your assistance. Plus the whole morning was filled with talks and planning," he sighed. "More talks! Maker's Breath."
"Even if it isn't ready, I am sure we can find you something," she said, as she realized that the worry and emotional weight she was carrying around through the morning was already dissipating. She was beginning to feel light and hopeful again, just within the space of a few moments. A couple minutes of peace, a few reassuring words, and everything seemed like it was back to normal, with the addition of a horde of butterflies bouncing around her belly. But even so, she felt almost giddy.
"Yes. In fact, I know exactly where to scare up something," he said.
They descended the battlement stairs, and navigated between and around all the bodies milling about the courtyard. Cullen reached a hand out to her, and she grabbed it, holding it tight. They climbed the stairs to the Great Hall together, dodging the groups of people who had chosen that area to stop and talk even though it was blocking the path of others. How she already missed the quiet of a normal Skyhold day.
They entered the Great Hall and instead of heading toward the dining room, Cullen pulled her directly back into the kitchens.
"Magda?" he called.
"That sounds like my Commander," replied an unhappy sounding voice from the larder. "But it couldn't be. He hasn't deigned to come back here for weeks. I daresay he's forgotten all about us small folk."Cullen looked over to the elven worker who was chopping carrots and made a face.
The elf shrugged.
It was clear that Cullen had spent some time back in the kitchen during their stay at Skyhold.
"Magda, it can't just be the two of you intending to serve all these guests," he said.
"No, there was a whole troop of helpers in here about an hour ago. Getting in the way, making a mess. I sent them out to find something else to do. Some are fetching supplies, some are, oh I don't know, chopping stuff, somewhere around here."
Magda finally emerged from the larder.
"Well I see you're bringing in more people for me to trip over while I try to cook. Haven't you seen all the people out there!? And they're all going to want to eat!?" Magda said as she shuffled a bowl full of items over to the the table, and then stopped and looked at Quinn.
"Well, Maker's Breath. It's the inquisitor herself," she said looking unimpressed. And then turned to Cullen.
"What you can't stop in and say hello more often?" Cullen leaned down and kissed her on the cheek.
"You're absolutely right Magda. I should come say hello more often. My apologies."
Magda thrust a knife in Quinn's direction.
"If you're gonna crowd up my kitchen I'm gonna put you to work," She said gesturing impatiently for Quinn to take the knife.
Quinn grabbed it and joined the elf in chopping a thick, misshapen carrot.
"I am sorry I haven't been back here earlier to introduce myself. I feel a bit embarrassed that I haven't done that already actually." Quinn said sheepishly.
"Oh hush, we've met dear. You've just had more important things on your mind. Saving the world and the like. Just like Mister Commander over here."
Cullen was busy looking into the large cauldron that bubbled over the fire.
"Stay out of there! That's for the help," Magda said to him as she picked up a loaf of bread and handed it to Cullen. "Hungry I take it. I guess that's why you finally made an appearance. Well, a growing boy's gotta eat."
"Magda, I haven't been a boy for a very long time."
"Oh you're all boys inside. None of you ever really grow up," she said, and then turned to Quinn, "You'll learn that in time. They're aaaall little boys on the inside."
"Thank you for the lesson," Quinn said, feeling charmed.
"Ha! That's right it's a lesson. Perhaps I should start charging for my wisdom. Magda's life advice!" she said. "Then maybe I could have people cook for me for a change. And more of you lot will stop making such terrible life decisions."
Quinn stifled a laugh, and wondered who she was talking about. She put together three carrots and chopped them all at the same time.
Magda snapped at the elf and pointed to Quinn's three carrots. "Like that!" she said. "Efficiency is the name of the game, son. It'll take weeks to feed all these people just chopping one carrot at a time."
The elf looked at her with big, exasperated blue eyes. He was very young, maybe fifteen.
"What's your name?" Quinn asked him.
"Rory," he said sheepishly.
"Hi Rory" Quinn said. He blushed.
"Oh go on over there then," Magda cried as she pointed Cullen to a seat. He was still hovering by the fire, attempting to dip a piece of the bread into the cauldron. "Sit down!"
Cullen seated himself on a stool, and the way Magda ladled some stew in a bowl and squeezed his shoulder affectionately as she set it in front of him.
Magda plopped a second bowl down beside Cullen and gestured to Quinn for the stool beside him.
"Don't you let that stew get cold there Inquisitor," Magda called as she came around to drop a bowl in front of Rory.
Quinn sat beside Cullen and he broke off a piece of his bread and handed it to her. The room was silent for a good ten minutes, except for the sounds of eating.
"See," she Magda said to Rory, "That's when you know the stew is good. When no one says anything at all the whole time."
Everyone nodded, feeling full and satisfied.
Cullen scraped the bottom of his bowl with a spoon.
"Why don't you just lick the damn thing," said Magda.
"Don't tempt me Mags," he said.
Quinn too finished up her bowl, feeling deeply nourished. "Magda, that was delicious. Thank you so much."
"Well you come back here sometime and help chop more carrots and we'll call it even," she said.
"Make sure you bring along this one." She said and she walked behind Cullen and tousled his hair.
"Oh get on out of here. I am sure you and your pretty friend have more to do than eat my food and crowd up my kitchen. Off you go." she said. Quinn noticed that depiste her tone she was smiling as she shooed them out.
"Well that was unexpected." Quinn said to Cullen as they walked back toward the Great Hall. "You must have known her before?" she asked.
"I've known Mags since Haven. I like her. She reminds me of my Nan, who passed away just after I left home for the Chantry," he said.
"That's right, you must miss your family."
"Yes, I do. My sister Mia is actually planning a visit to Skyhold in the fall. It will be nice to see her again. It has been several years."
"That's great." Quinn said. Cullen's hair was still a little tousled from Magda, so she reached up and combed some errant tufts back into place with her fingers.
"Fixed," she said. Cullen's lip curled into his half smile.
She had begun to realize that looking up into his Amber eyes could be dangerous. There had already been several instances of her looking into them too long, and finding herself feeling swallowed up and unable to look away.
"Would more wine be the worst idea in the world?" Cullen asked her. The light coming through the windows was that of sunset, and the tavern would be filling up.
"Yes. But I want some anyway. Though the tavern will probably be crowded again. And I'll bet your admirers will be there. Actually I am surprised we haven't seen them yet."
"Thank the Maker," said Cullen.
"Maybe just a quick nightcap, and then we should probably get some rest for the big day tomorrow," said Quinn.
"Agreed."
The tavern was so full that the front door was wedged open while people spilled in and out of the rickety wooden building, clustering in noisy groups on the courtyard lawn.
"Uh… maybe not," said Cullen.
"We can go in the back?" said Quinn as she grabbed his hand and pulled him around the crowd of people. So many of them in their hats and masks of the Orlesian style, all were too busy talking to each other to take any notice of the two of them. Or if they did, it didn't show.
She led him to the small grassy yard in the back of the tavern and found that that the door there was wedged open as well. But they were able to slip in easily.
Cullen stayed two steps behind her, clutching her hand as she made her way up to Cabot.
"Bet you're ready for a night off?" she said to the surly bartender.
"You mean ready to burn this tavern down and run off into the night with a beautiful woman such as yourself?" he said in a perfect deadpan. "The answer to that is an emphatic yes." She pointed at a bottle and then some glasses and gestured the number two. Cabot nodded in understanding.
Momentarily she and Cullen were climbing the stairs of the tavern, hoping the second floor might be less crowded.
"Here we go," Cullen said, and Quinn felt Cullen's body move in tantalizingly close. For the briefest moment she hoped he might be doing it of his own accord, but then she turned to see Keliva approaching.
"Lisette wants you to know that she greatly regrets her behavior this morning."
"Well thank you. Tell her I appreciate that," he responded. "And also tell her to please not do any such thing again."
"And Tristanne and I would like to know if you might save a dance for us after the wedding tomorrow."
"Well..." he paused "That will be up to my companion here, if she doesn't mind." he said as he nodded to Quinn with pleading eyes.
"I do mind. You ladies have been coming on pretty strongly. Frankly I am a little shocked at your behavior. I am sure this harassment would not be acceptable in Celene's court."
"Oh, Inquisitor. Nothing good in life comes easily. Persistence always pays off," Keliva said as she turned on her heel and strode back to where Tristanne stood.
Cullen snorted derisively as he filled their glasses. "Not this time," he said. "Wait, why did I think this was a good idea again?"
"It's a celebration. This is what everyone else is doing. And look at how much fun they're all having," she said looking around at all the laughing faces.
"Right. Yes. Of course you're right. We should be enjoying this time whenever we can," he said seriously, "I don't usually take such time off, to just sit with friends and talk."
"And normally there isn't an obsessive entourage following your every word. Or at least, not one that is so blatant and inconspicuous." she said.
He laughed, "Yeah, I think I shall make more time for this sort of thing once Skyhold settles back down again."
"You certainly should," she agreed.
Cullen's hand ran up her back, stopping just at the collar of her shirt before the bare skin of her neck. She felt the hair on her arms and neck stand up straight, and release a shiver that traveled back down her spine. Here we go again, she thought.
She drank a deep gulp from her glass, hoping that the liquid strength would help her loosen up. Glancing over into Cullen's quicksand eyes, she found that after a moment they both began sharing a slow, inexorable smile. And the smile then burst into laughter. She was beaming so hard she felt it was straining her cheeks.
"I... don't know why we are laughing." she said.
"I don't either."
"This has been quite a couple of days, hasn't it?"
"Indeed, especially for you. What a surprise to walk out of your fog and directly into a big wedding, and ...this."
"Yes, my fog. I was in one of those wasn't I?"
"You were," he said. His hand began making the slow trail back down to her waist. "Some of us were worried."
Her expression must have changed, because the hand froze in place
"I'm sorry. Should I stop? I am just feeling so comfortable and, well," he said, clearing his throat again, "I have really been enjoying your company."
"You don't have to stop," she said.
Feeling bold, she moved in even closer, snuggling into the warm nook of his arm. "I don't want you to," she said in a whisper so soft she didn't know if he heard.
This time she didn't have to put her hand on his chest to feel his heart beat. She felt it in her arm as she rested tightly up against his ribs.
He raised his other hand to her face then, and gently caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers. She closed her eyes and savored the sensation.
They said nothing, but Quinn felt the uncontrollable smile sneaking back onto her face. She looked down at her glass.
"You feel so good," he whispered as he gripped her waist.
"Cullen…" she started. She felt breathless. A great, hungry abyss was opening up inside of her, threatening to completely take over any shred of self control she may have had left.
"Yes, Quinn?" he asked, his voice soft.
She leaned into his ear again, as she cast her eyes toward the three Orlesians. There were so many things she wanted to say. She tried to arrange her jumbled thoughts, and decided she may as well acknowledge to herself what she was feeling. And that was that the time spent in Cullen's arms, however short, had awakened a very real desire in her. For him. She was hoping these things he was saying were all true, and not just a part of the show. She realized she wanted to attend the wedding and reception tomorrow as his date, not as his decoy.
And she also realized she wanted to pull his beautiful face to hers and kiss him and kiss him and kiss him until the sun came back up and then went down again.
He continued to watch her expectantly as she tried to think of a follow up. But the thought of telling him outright how she felt filled her with an icy fear. She didn't think Cullen would reject her, but after Solas pulled the rug out from under her when she had given him her heart, she still didn't feel completely safe opening up so bluntly either. What can you expect when you put two physically starved bodies together, she reminded herself. What if that was all he wanted? He said he wants a family, but that doesn't mean he wants one with her. She knew that he had surprised her, that she found his obvious nervousness to be sweet, that her body was aching for his, but she also wanted his heart. She knew she could get lost in his eyes and never want to emerge. Instead of all the things she wanted to say, she whispered,
"Do you think we should just… invite them over?"
"What!?" Cullen asked, incredulous.
"The Orlesian ladies." she said, trying to hold onto her wits, and not lose her head over the warm woodsy scent that emanated from his skin. The skin that was so close to her lips. She closed her eyes and continued, "We could nip this in the bud right here. Think about it, I'll tell them you're ready to share all the wild battle tales that they begged you for, and then you come up with the longest, most boring story you can possibly imagine. You can forget parts, and skip around, and just be such a terrible storyteller that they'll never want to talk to you again."
Cullen let out a deep, booming laugh.
"Yes, well, while that might work, it doesn't sound like a very pleasant way for me to spend the evening. I am no good when put on the spot."
"That's perfect! You're not supposed to be good," she said, and pulled away to look into his smiling face. "All you have to do is be completely insufferable!"
"I much prefer the alternative," he said, his eyes turning soulful and looking deep into her. She felt the world in her peripheral vision being to spin and cloud up, and it wasn't because of the wine.
"Yes. I suppose it is a little late in the game. The wedding is tomorrow and then they'll all be leaving and things will go back to normal."
"Right," he said softly. "Speaking of the wedding, I will probably be working for most of the morning. You may not see me until the ceremony itself, at midday."
"I expected as much," she said.
"But I will look for you. Will you wait for me?"
"Of course I will. If our special guests find you without your companion, you might end up bound and gagged and on a wagon to Orlais before you can blink. We can't have that."
"I dare them to try," he said with his half smile, which drew Quinn's focus to that scar.
"I would rescue you." she joked.
"Yes, you have already rescued me more times than I can count."
"Consider me on retainer. Anytime you might require my assistance, I am at your service," she said.
That half smile again. Quinn couldn't help herself, and she reached out and lightly ran her finger down his scar, stopping just before his lip, "How did you get this?"
"Oh that. It was from my time as a Templar, when I was still a new recruit. A Harrowing had gone wrong, and this poor mage…" he looked down, his face suddenly very serious. "It was the first time I had seen the demon take over and I was not prepared for what we had to do. It was a very brutal scene."
"Oh, I'm so sorry Cullen. I shouldn't have asked."
"It's okay. Don't feel sorry for me. I am here. Feel sorry for that poor mage," he said softly.
"What about you?" he asked, gesturing up toward the scar that cut into the hair above her temple.
"Well, that is a much more mundane story. I was bucked off a horse. Smacked my head, was knocked unconscious. Spent two days in bed afterward. I was a girl and the horse had not taken to me."
"Well that horse was a fool," he said.
"That horse was a jerk. I've tried to come up with a more impressive story, but I can't seem to invent anything believable."
Cullen poured them both more wine and seemed to remember his arm at her waist. She felt his hand massaging into her side and she let her head fall to rest upon his shoulder.
"Well I will think on it. Maybe I can come up with something for you," he said.
"Excellent. Then the boring truth shall be our secret," she said.
She looked over at his face, at the scar, and tried to picture the scene. She had heard horror stories about Harrowings gone wrong. She heard that happened more often than people knew. It had always made her grateful that she had not been born with magic. She studied his cupid bow lips, and wondered what they tasted like. What they felt like. The thought sent a shiver straight through her, pooling once again in the familiar depths of her body. She wished she could cup his face in her hands and pull his face into hers. Her eyes followed the pleasant angle of his brow and how it met his perfectly straight nose.
"I believe this will be my last glass. I must wake early to meet with the guards," he said as he cleared his throat. He had noticed her staring at his lip and she realized that she must have made him feel self-conscious.
"Of course," she said. "A good night's sleep sounds like exactly what I need too."
They sat in silence as they finished their last glass of wine. Cullen's hand began trailing up and down her back again. She quieted her mind and tried to savor the sensation of his touch, and the warmth of his body up against her. She nuzzled in even closer, resettled her cheek and let her eyes close.
When their glasses were empty, she was the first to rise, careful of the impression she was making.
The bottle was still a third full, so she walked it over to the Orlesian ladies who were now deep in conversation with each other.
"Here's a refill. Compliments of me and my lover," she said curtly as she set it upon their table. She walked back over to Cullen and offered him her hand. He took it, and they quietly descended the stairs to a first floor that seemed entranced by the bard's sweet ballad.
Weaving through the crowd, they soon found themselves out in the night air. It was much cooler than it had been the previous night, and the stars blazed over their head.
"I will walk you to your quarters." he said, his thumb running back and forth gently over her fingers. They walked slowly, their bodies sliding up against each other as they made their way through the courtyard. Even without talking, the minutes it took to get them back up to the Great Hall felt intimate.
She realized that it was a certainty that he was feeling at least some of what she was feeling. There was no one to currently observe these caresses, this moving together of their clasped hands. She knew there had been numerous other instances of this, of affection between to the two of them in ways that couldn't easily be seen. It was proof, wasn't it? Proof that this was real. And then there were his words. He had said she felt good. That he was enjoying her company. He had alluded to the fact that he wanted this to continue. He hadn't said so outright, but neither had she.
She considered all these things on the silent walk through the Great Hall and up to the door of the vestibule that lead to her chambers. It was still relatively early. There were still many bodies behind them in the Great Hall.
She opened the door to the vestibule and went to pull him in, but he stopped short.
"Are you not worried about people seeing us going alone into your room?" he asked her.
"Well this isn't my room just yet. There's a hallway and stairs and… and the last two days everyone has seen us in the tavern, and holding hands anyway," she answered.
"Yes, but everyone here that we actually know knows it's just for show. At least they do now, I took the liberty of informing some of them this morning. But seeing us retreat to your room, alone, may lead them to believe it is more than that after all."
Quinn instantly felt impatient. She wasn't expecting such resistance and insistence on propriety. She figured that she probably was really just disappointed. She didn't know why. She wasn't sure what she was expecting. Maybe she was hoping he might actually make a real, unmistakable move.
"Well, I'm a grown woman and I can and will bring to my room whomever I please, not that that is what I was doing. But it is no matter for me to walk the rest of the way to my room myself," she said, her tone a little more forceful than she intended.
"I am sorry Quinn, I meant no offense," he said stepping closer to her. His face was just inches away from hers now. "I only care that you… do not regret anything tomorrow."
"No, I'm sorry," she sighed, "Of course I understand. Thank you for thinking of me, but I have no regrets," she looked up into his face for a minute, wishing desperately that he would just lean in and kiss her right there. She wanted to bring her hand to his face and run her fingertips upon those lips, his perfectly stubbled jaw. The desire was overwhelming, and the minute stretched on for what felt like an eternity. But he wasn't moving, just waiting for her to turn and go back into her room. If a move was going to be made, it would need to be from her. But she felt too shaky, too unsure of herself. She took a deep breath and prepared to wrench herself away.
"I look forward to seeing you tomorrow at the ceremony Cullen. I hope you sleep well," she said, giving his hand a squeeze.
"Goodnight." he said, sandwiching her hands gently between both of his as he backed away, letting her hand slide through his fingers.
She watched him walk away. He seemed to contain an unseen glow as he made his way through the other bodies. Even when he was wading through a sea of people, he stood out to her. Before he reached the door, he turned his face back toward her door and paused there. He looked so small across the dim, expansive hall. She couldn't see the details of his face, only that it was turned to her.
She gave a small wave, and retreated through the vestibule and up the stairs to her quarters. Instead of undressing, she walked out to the balcony that looked distantly down into the courtyard.
She studied the throngs of people, searching for his blonde head and purposeful stride as it made its way back to his own quarters, but there were just too many bodies out there. How things had changed within her in such a short period of time.
And she had gotten herself in very deep. She had let her heart get completely away from her, lured by the safety of pretense. But it had stopped being pretense at some point the previous night. She didn't know if it was just loneliness, or an attempt to prove to herself that she was desirable after Solas' rejection, but she now felt consumed by the familiar longing that she'd just spent months trying to purge from her system. The realization frightened her. She had only just emerged from her last heartbreak, and now she had already set herself up for another.
And yet, she couldn't stop the visions she was having in her head, of walking out of her room right that moment, knocking on Cullen's door and kissing him with the full force of her desire the second she saw his face. Probably the same thing Lisette had in mind, she realized. And he did not take kindly to that.
But maybe he might welcome such a move from her, if not Lisette. Based upon their secret caresses, and all his complimentary words, it seemed he would. Even if all he actually wanted was a few carefree nights in her bed, it would all have to start with a kiss, wouldn't it?
She dragged herself back into her huge bedroom and looked at the dark red dress. How would he react when he saw her in it?
She climbed out of her plainclothes and slid the dress over her arms and head. It cascaded down her body with a silky softness and settled into place, clinging to the gentle swell of her breasts and curve of her waist without being tight. The skirt dropped down off her hips straight to the floor, but it flowed behind her as she took a few steps. It was sleeveless, and while the front showed no cleavage, the back dropped down low, almost to the small of her waist.
The deep, rich color made her milky skin look like porcelain, and her hair look blacker than ever.
She would have to find shoes, and a necklace. Perhaps she would make another stop at Belle's in the morning.
The dress was very different from the poofy, elaborate ensembles that was the Orlesian fashion. But Quinn had never minded being different from the crowds. She wondered what he would think when he saw her. He already said he thought she was beautiful.
Tomorrow, she thought, tomorrow is when she would find out for sure what it was between them. If he didn't make it clear before the end of the evening, she would seek the answers herself.
