Buffy stopped herself suddenly, staring at the damage she had done to him. A wave of shame washed over her and she broke, sobbing uncontrollably into her bloodied hands. After a minute, she heard him sit up.
"What am I doing?" she questioned.
He laid a hand on her shoulder, but she jerked away.
"You needed that. You needed to do that to put your frustration somewhere. Don't do this, Slayer."
Slayer. She had distanced herself, alright. She stood up. "But I'm guilty."
"So you're going to abandon Dawn because you accidentally killed a girl? And how many girls have you saved?"
She shook her head, fresh tears leaking through her lids. "That doesn't matter."
Spike glared at her from the ground. "Saving people doesn't matter anymore? Right then, I see."
"What?" she asked snappishly.
"You're not the true Slayer anymore," he stated, a challenge in his eyes.
A look of outrage split across Buffy's features. "Excuse me? How dare you!"
"The true Slayer always understands that sacrifices must be made, because there is only one Slayer, and she must stay alive and active as long as possible to fulfill her duty, which is fighting evil. Not sure I understand how evil an accidental death is," he said, some of his words slurring and his left eye swelling up.
Buffy glared at him, "And how would you know so much about it?"
"Hello? The Slayer of the Slayers, here. I always did proper research."
It was enough to give her pause. She turned away from him and looked at the police car in front of the station. She was guilty. But what was at cost? Before she came to any semblance of a decision, something from behind her knocked her across the head and everything was black.
Something soft and cool and wet was dabbing at her forehead. It felt nice.
"Is she waking up?" an anxious voice asked.
"She'll come around when she's ready," a calmer voice said that was close to her.
"Spike…" Buffy mumbled.
Dawn rushed to her side.
"Buffy!"
"What happened?" the Slayer muttered, opening her eyes.
Willow was sitting beside her on the couch at Revello Drive. Dawn was leaning over her.
"What happened?" she repeated louder. The last thing she remembered was trying to decide whether or not to give herself in, talking to Spike. Spike. Was he alright? Wait…how did she get here? Who attacked her? Where was Spike?
"Spike called from the police station saying you had been caught off guard by a vamp in your distraction," Willow explained. Dawn glowered at her sister.
"You were going to give yourself in!" she scolded.
Buffy looked at the floor.
"So we drove there and Spike handed you to us," Willow finished.
"What happened to Spike?" Dawn asked.
Buffy forced herself to look up. "I did."
"You? Why would you beat up Spike? He didn't-"
She stopped herself. "He was trying to get you to not do it," she said accusatorily.
Buffy sighed and nodded. Dawn glared at her and stood.
"Well, when you decide to be my sister again, let me know," she spit out before running upstairs and slamming her door.
There was an awkward silence as the two best friends didn't look at each other. Buffy fiddled with her shirt and Willow started using the cloth again.
"Buffy," Willow started lowly, "what is going on between you and Spike?"
Buffy started. "What? Nothing. Why would you ask that? There is nothing romantic happening between Spike and I."
She realized she said something wrong when Willow's eyes expanded into saucers. "What?" she asked uncomfortably.
"I didn't ask if there was anything romantic happening between you, I just asked if there was something going on between you two. I meant a disagreement or a friendship."
"Oh," Buffy muttered, as her cheeks reddened.
"Is there something romantic happening between you two?"
The blond wanted to deny it, she really did. But this was Willow. And she was asking outright.
She took a deep breath and nodded.
"When I got back, he was the only one I could really talk to. He just…listened at first. Then we started to hang out more and more. And just as the song spell was ending, we kissed. And then again, the night Giles left, we hooked up in the Bronze."
"And recently?" Willow asked quietly.
Buffy grimaced. "More than kissing."
Willow breathed in sharply. "What does that mean? Do you have feelings for him?"
Buffy opened her mouth to reply, and then shook her head. "Sometimes…maybe. It's just hard. It's Spike."
Willow nodded, but she had a frown on her face.
"What?"
"It's just… Does he make you happy, Buffy?"
"No. We have a very violent relationship. We are not nice to each other."
"But why is that? Are you even letting yourself try?"
"Willow, why does it sound as if you are on Spike's side here?"
"I'm not. Not really. But Buffy, he was really there for Dawn over the summer. He had all of our backs, actually. And we just threw him aside. And I want you to be happy, Buffy. Spike has shown he's not all bad, and he won't lose all of that not-all- badiness by having a moment of happiness."
"That's true. If it hasn't happened yet, it won't happen."
Willow's eyes widened again, and Buffy blushed.
"Forget I said that," the Slayer mumbled.
"Forgotten," the witch muttered back.
That night, Buffy lay in her bed wondering where all of this was leading her. Was there something in her messed up relationship with Spike to explore, as Willow had suggested? Why were her thoughts always so confused when it came to him? Why had they never been able to kill one another?
A draught of wind blew across her bed and Buffy shivered. Her window was open. She stood to close it, and as she raised an arm to pull it down, she noticed a soft orange glow by the tree outside. The Slayer sighed. She would never be rid of him.
She stared at the light, eventually making out his outline in the dark. His back was to her. His face must be all kinds of messed up. He had knocked her out in the alley, and Buffy was actually grateful for that. Willow said the girl was Katrina, Warren's ex-girlfriend, so the Trio was probably responsible for the death, and made it seem as if Buffy had done it.
If nothing else, she needed to apologize for it. Without another thought, she climbed out the window, shimmied down the roof, and jumped to the ground softly. Spike heard it and turned around.
They stared at each other. Buffy looked at her handiwork. His entire face was a wreck. He could barely open one eye.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
Buffy glared and walked over to him. "Why are you asking me that?"
He stared at her. "I wanted to make sure I didn't hit you too – "
Buffy cut him off. "Are you kidding me? I'm the one who beat you into mincemeat."
He shrugged. "Had worse."
"From a lover?" Buffy questioned.
His eyes narrowed slightly. "From a lover," he said.
Buffy laid a hand on his forearm. He looked at her, shocked.
"I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."
"You were confused, Buffy."
"That's no excuse."
Silence.
Buffy took a deep breath to prepare herself to ask the question she was going to ask.
"Do you think maybe – maybe we could leave town for a few hours one day soon?"
"What?"
"Just – go somewhere."
"Just the two of us?"
"Yeah."
Spike tilted his head to the side. "What are you asking, Buffy?"
She blushed. "Just get away from what we are here. And see what we are somewhere else." Inside, her stomach was doing back-flips.
Spike stared at her again. There was a strange look on his face, one that Buffy had seen many times before. This time, she had a harder time convincing herself it was not a look of genuine love, because it would mean that Spike loved her far more than Angel ever did.
"It's fine, it was just a thought," Buffy muttered and began to walk away.
"Stop! Slayer, yeah, I'll do it. When?"
When? She had no idea. "Um. Saturday night?"
Spike was now wearing a hopeful look on his face, and it made Buffy even more uncomfortable. "I'll drive," he smirked.
Buffy smiled back and entered her house the same way she exited. Once she reached the window, she said softly, "And thanks for knocking me out," before sliding back into her bedroom and shutting it behind her.
