-Chapter Two-
-A Cut Above The Rest-
Hurt me to see the pain
Across my mother's face
Every time my father's fist
Would put her in her place
Hearing all the yelling
I would cry up in my room
Hoping it would be over soon
Bruises fade father,
But the pain remains the same
And I still remember
How you kept me so afraid
Strength is my mother
For all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake
I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK..
- Draco's POV -
Whirlwinds of colour and endless chatter. Hogwarts was but a few more hours away and already I was wishing the year to be over. Thoughts of Narcissa, alone at home, flooded my mind and I turned slightly to hide the tears forming silently in my eyes. I was surrounded by the people who claim to care, claim to always be there. I wanted to laugh in their faces. So much for that. If they were always going to be there, they would have answered my pleas, saved me from misery. But no. They sent back letters saying the same annoying little message: It's ok Draco, you're probably just imagining things, don't worry about it. Well my imagination must have swallowed me whole, my imagination must have planted bruises all over my body and my imagination must have slashed across my wrists. Some imagination I have.
Along the train Potter and his trusty sidekicks were probably going on and on about their great holidays, they're happy pain-free holidays. None of them had to pull their sleeves down to hide their symbols of pain. None of them had to hide away in their room. None of them had to watch shadows on the walls, shadows of their mothers being beaten by their fathers. I did. And they know nothing.
I stared out the window at the darkened surroundings and tried to recall my last encounter with Narcissa...
"I'll come home in the Christmas holidays, I promise." I said holding Narcissa tightly in my arms.
"It'll be easier if you didn't... Please don't." She replied stroking my head softly. "Send me an owl the moment you arrive"
"I will." I said breaking free. Narcissa had tears in her eyes so I looked away. Hogwarts students were swarming round saying their goodbyes. I turned back to my mother and gave her a serious and stern look. "Send me an owl if anything happens. And I mean anything Narcissa. If he goes over the edge I swear I'll be on the next train home."
"I'll be fine." She replied making an effort to smile.
"Promise me."
"Fine. I promise I'll send you an owl if anything happens."
I smiled at her and hugged her tightly. I slipped some galleons into her pocket and she gave me a quizzical look.
"Go have a great day, Narcissa. Buy yourself something new. You deserve it."
Narcissa began to cry and we said our final goodbyes. I made my way over to the scarlet train and stopped at a compartment door. Harry and the Weasley's' were saying their goodbyes. Arthur Weasley wrapped his arm around Harry as if he were his father. Potter seemed to have it all. But he didn't seem happy. His hair was messier then usual and his clothes were all out of place. I heaved a sigh and hopped into the compartment, hauling my trunk behind me. I sat alone for while but just before the train began to move my so-called friends filled the space around me. The train began to move and I could see my mother smiling and waving more the first and last time in three months.
"Draco?"
I snapped my head around and looked at Pansy Parkinson.
She was standing in front of me. Her hair was down and wavy and her top button was undone. I didn't bat an eyelid.
"Yes Pansy." I replied quietly.
She sat on my lap and wrapped one arm around my shoulder. With her free hand she stroked my chest.
"How are you?" She asked, casually and calm.
How was I? I was angry. I was frustrated. I was hurting. I felt like throwing myself off the train. That's how I was.
"I'm fine." I replied and forced a smile.
It bothered me that Pansy thought that she had a chance with me. She threw herself all over me at every given opportunity. Sure she was my partner for the Yule Ball. Sure she's been in my tight net of friends. But that doesn't make her my type.
"Are you sure? You seem real quiet." She said and gave me a sad, pathetic puppy dog look. I wanted to throw up all over her face. Somehow I think even if I did she'd still be all over me.
"I've just got a lot on my mind." I replied sternly.
"You wanna talk about it?" She asked trying to be serious.
"No. I just need some space." I said and pushed her off me.
She gave me a looked mixed with a glare and curiosity. I stood up and walked hurriedly out of the compartment. I set off down the crowded hall and reached the toilets. I opened the door to the male and stared inside. It was confined. I need space. I pulled open the door to the disabled toilet and stepped in. (a/n do they have disabled toilets on the Hogwarts train? Oh well they do now) I sat down and began to breathe heavily. I haven't even made it to school and already I can't take it. I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small switchblade and flipped the blade out. I pushed up my sleeves, slowly, and stared down at my wrists. My left arm had five deep cuts and my right arm had three. I took a deep breath, tears rolling down my cheeks, and slashed across my right wrist. The deep red blood began to pour down my wrist and I knew there was no stopping it. The blood began to fall on the floor around me and I couldn't stop the tears leaving my eyes.
Suddenly the door opened and I froze, blood all over my arm and the floor around me. A tall boy with unruly black hair froze and stared at me.
"Sorry, I didn't know anyone was in here. The door wasn't locked." He said and started to turn around.
I heaved I sigh of relief and he stopped and turned as though he realised what he'd just seen. He stared me, just sitting there holding a knife and blood leaving my body.
"Shit, Malfoy." He said and closed the door hastily behind him. "Are you ok?"
I was still crying and everything became a daze. I couldn't believe it. Harry potter had locked himself in a disabled toilet with me and was now kneeling in front of me, wrapping my arm with toilet paper.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked and he looked at me blankly.
"What would you rather. Sit here alone and die or have me help you?" He demanded looking into my eyes.
"I won't die." I replied looking down at my wrapped wrist.
"You've lost a lot of blood." He said inspecting my wrist and the floor.
"I always do"
"You do this a lot?"
"Only when I can't take it anymore... Wait why am I telling you this?"
"Because you have no one else to talk to. And whether I hate you or not I'm going to listen and try to help."
I stared into his eyes. He had such beautiful green eyes. I wanted to let myself fall into them, be swallowed whole.
"What's going on Draco?"
I looked at him tears dancing in my eyes.
"Could you handle it?"
"I won't tell anyone. I've been through my far share of things, Malfoy, I think I can handle it."
"Well... You know how last year my father was put in Azkaban?"
"Yeah"
"Well when he came back I refused to join the Death Eaters-"
"You refused?"
"Yes, Potter, I refused. Anyway. As you can imagine my father didn't take that to well. He disowned me as his son, called me a disgrace to the family. He began to beat me. Narcissa said it was because of stress but Harry I knew he hated me because I couldn't be what he wanted me to be. He began to beat Narcissa too. He had no reason for that, just because she stuck up for me and loved me. Every morning I'd wake up to the sound of my mother being beaten. I'd watch the shadows on the wall. It all became too much and I felt like I'd lost control of my life... So I began to, you know..."
I stuck out my arms and Harry's eyes stared at them. He seemed to be in shock. I bet he always thought I had a perfect life. I'd like to see that happen.
"I had no idea"
"No one does. I mean I sent letters to my friends but they just said I was probably imagining things."
"I'm so sorry Malfoy... Does it hurt?"
"Does what hurt?"
He nodded at my wrists.
"No. I don't feel a thing."
"They look painful."
"I know but, I mean I feel it sometimes. But other times I feel nothing."
"Jesus…"
"How come you're not with your trusty little sidekicks? I bet they're wondering where you are."
"My friends?"
"Yeah, them."
"They keep going on about their perfect little lives. I mean they know that I have no one- really- and yet they go on about their happy little families. It makes me feel so sick."
"I know how you feel, Potter. I get that with my friends too."
"At least you have a family."
I looked at him carefully. Tears were forming in his eyes.
"Think about it, Potter. At least you don't have a dad that beats you."
"I don't even have a dad."
"Good Point."
"I mean. It just gets to me sometimes. I never even got to know them. Sirius was all I had, he was like a father to me and now that he's gone I just don't know what to do with myself. It hurts so much just being alive."
I stared at him and tears rolled down his cheek. He wiped them away hurriedly and clambered to his feet.
"Where are you going?"
"I have to go, like you said my trusty little sidekicks are probably wondering where I am."
"Thanks"
"For what?"
"Listening."
"You're welcome and thanks too. I needed to tell someone that. Even though I shouldn't have told you."
"Hey, look at it this way. You know something about me- something I don't want anyone to know- and I know something about you- something you don't want anyone to know."
"How does that help?"
"Well I'm not going to tell anyone am I? Because then you could tell everyone what I told you."
He smiled and I smirked.
"I should go. We should be at Hogwarts in about an hour. Are you gonna be ok?"
"I'll be fine, I should go too."
"Promise me you won't do this anymore."
"I can't do that."
He held out his hand.
"What?"
"Give me your knife."
"Why?"
"I want to help you."
I stared at him for a while and finally handed it over.
"Thank you. If you ever need to talk, I mean if things become to tough come and find me. I'm serious Malfoy and I don't care what people think."
"I will. Thanks again. I need someone right now."
"Well I'll be here."
I got to my feet quickly and smashed into Harry. He caught me in his arms and our eyes locked. His hands were shakily holding me close and I gazed deeply into his emerald eyes. I let myself fall and I became lost within. Harry leaned in and I closed my eyes. I felt his lips brush across mine and I opened my eyes. He looked at me and my hands travelled up his back and rested around his neck. I pulled him in and caught his lips in a bruising kiss. I let my tongue massage his and he massaged mine.
After what seemed like a lifetime he pulled apart and stared at me.
"I'm sorry Draco... I can't do this."
He turned quickly and rushed out the toilet. I let myself fall to the ground. I stared at the door and found myself wishing for him to come back.
But I was alone.
I clambered to my feet and pushed open the door and headed back to the compartment. I slid open the door and everyone still remained talking. Pansy, however, jumped to her feet.
"Where have you been? You've been gone for an hour and a half. We're ten minutes away from Hogwarts." She hissed and I walked past her and opened my trunk.
I pulled out my robes and quickly changed. Pansy was right. No sooner had I sat down had we stopped. I hopped off the train and stared down the busy platform. I saw Harry and Ron standing by Hermione and Ginny Weasley. Harry caught my eyes and they lingered there a moment or two. I looked away and then looked back hoping to see my black haired angel staring back at me...
... I often wonder why I carry all this guilt
When it's you that helped me
Put up all these walls I built
Shadows stir at night
Through a crack in the door
Echoes of a broken child
Screaming please no more
Daddy don't you understand
The damage you have done
For you it's just a memory
But for me it still lives on
Bruises fade father,
But the pain remains the same
And I still remember
How you kept me so, so afraid
Strength is my mother
For all the love she gave
Every morning that I wake
I look back at yesterday
And I'm OK...
disclaimer: Here we go again. Everything and anything Harry Potter related in this story belongs to the author- J.K. Rowling thank God for her!!! Without her there'd be no Harry x Draco :( ... The song verse at the beginning and end belong to Christina Aguilera's song "I'm Ok".
Until next time
L.E