So this is how it's gonna go.
if it wasn't clear this takes place a little after touhou 5 but before touhou 6, every couple of episodes i'll go to the next game and add some characters to react (not everyone is going to react to every chapter except for reimu and marisa).
The way the reactions is gonna go is, that the characters that appear actually exsist somewhere but the fights are just what-if's that really aren't happening.
(Death Battle belongs to Screw Atack and Touhou project belongs to ZUN ).
BOBA FETT VS SAMUS ARAN
They just stared at the logo for a moment.
Marisa:"i think whoever made this was trying to hard with that"
Reimu just nodded, the spikes where a bit to much
Alice:"it seems that this performance will be... messy"
(*Cues: Invader - Jim Johnston*)
Wiz: The bounty hunter. Galactic pirates of living beings.
Boomstick:They blow shit up for cash.
Marisa:"so like reimu's job but with actual gains?"
Alice couldn't help but snort, that was kinda funny.
Reimu made marisa and alice shut up with a glare, she was touchy about money.
Wiz: A prime example is Boba Fett, the most feared bounty hunter in the galaxy.
It showed a futuristic looking soldier in green armor and helmet.
Reimu:"All the galaxy?, i think that's an exageration"
Alice:"well reimu we are closed off from most things from the outside, so we wouldn't really know"
While alice is right, reimu still didn't believe it he didn't look that tough.
Marisa"pfffff yeah, i can take him"
Marisa agrees with reimu.
Boomstick: But don't forget Samus Aran. She's so badass, whole planets explode when she's done with them. BOOM!
Now they were looking at a woman in a yellow and red advanced armor.
Marisa just rose an eyebrow, she didn't look like a woman in that armor
Alice:"how does she make green, yellow, and red look good?"
Aparently alice had something else.
Reimu:"...did he just say that she blows up planets?"
Marisa and alice minds just go blank after prossecing that information.
The both of them have seen pretty powerfull people but nothing that could destroy entire planets.
Reimu took it a little better.
Reimu:"... holy crap"
just a little.
Wiz: I'm Wizard.
Boomstick: And I'm Boomstick.
Marisa:"so to put it simply this guys select two really powerfull and renowed people do research on them to see who wins, yeah i'm going to like this"
Alice was a little annoyed by marisa dumbing it down, because this was like her puppet shows wizard and boomstick were the narrators and puppeters the fighters would be the puppets.
Reimu:"huh, this could be more interesting than i though"
Wiz: And it's our job to analyze the weapons, armor, and skills of these two beastly killers and answer the most important question of all: Which of these two warriors would win... a Death Battle.
(*Cues: Star Wars Episode IV - The Death Star/The Stormtroopers*)
Wiz: Boba Fett is well known for his cunning, ruthlessness, and brute force. But his killer instinct relies on his diverse arsenal of death.
Reimu:"so in few words dangerous"
Boomstick: Plus, he wears the most badass spacesuit ever.
They wouldn't know, reimu thinks that it wouldn't even block one atack, marisa actually thinks it's cool, alice would put more color in it.
MANDOLORIAN BODY ARMOR
-nearly indestructible
-micro energy shield
-penetrating radar
-protection from fire, poison, acid, cold
-retractable dinking straw
Wiz: That's no ordinary spacesuit, Boomstick; that's Fett's Mandalorian Armor, forged of nearly indestructible Duraplast, containing a micro-energy field for dispersing impacts.
Turns out reimu was wrong this could take a hit and then some.
Alice:"impressive still... why a drinking straw?"
Reimu looks at alice like she was an idiot.
Reimu:"for drinking, what else?"
Marisa started laughing.
Marisa:"hahahahaha!, good one reimu!"
Reimu just looks at her confused, marisa and alice notice this.
Marisa:"oh my god, you are not joking"
Alice just shaked her head, she can't believe this two are the one's that beat her mother.
Boomstick: This guy can have a freaking bomb blow up in his face and still walk away.
that kinda surprises them a youkai could take something like that easily, but a human? not really.
Alice:"i wish i had some of that duraplast for my dolls"
WRIST GAUNTLETS
-flame projector
-fibrecord whip
-wrist lasers
-concussion missiles
-stun missiles
Wiz: His gauntlets house a flamethrower with a reach of 5 meters, a fibercord whip, and numerous concussion and stun missiles.
Marisa and reimu just looked at how alice got a notebook and pen from her doll, shangai that came out of nowhere.
Alice started taking notes, a little too pationally.
Marisa:"i think she is getting too many ideas from this"
Reimu:"i think you are right"
EE-3 CARBINE RIFLE
-fires in shor bursts
-scope-outfitted
-shoulder sling
-rock-a-bye rifle
Wiz: His weapon of choice is his EE-3 Carbine Rifle, an extremely accurate and powerful weapon which Fett often cradles like a child.
Boomstick: Yeah, I do that with my guns too...
Reimu and marisa just keep staring at alice who was patting shangai on the head.
Alice turns towards them.
Alice:"something wrong?"
Reimu and Marisa:"nothing"
Wiz: That's... not weird at all, Boomstick. Fill us in on Fett's heavy weaponry.
MITRINOMON Z-6 JETPACK
-hands-free
-up to 1minute of flight
-max speed: 145 kph
-magnetic grappling hook
-anti-vehicle homing rocket
Boomstick: Well, everybody and their grandmother knows that Fett can zoom around on his badass jetpack, but that jetpack also has a single anti-vehicle homing rocket, and believe me, you don't want to see this thing heading your way.
The three of them had the same opinion of this.
Completly.useless.in.gensokyo.
Wiz: That's right, Boomstick. In short, Fett is a human Swiss army knife. He's killed hundreds of criminals, politicians and Jedi. He's even held his own against Darth Vader... twice.
They see black armored guy with a red glowing sword fighting bobba fett.
Marisa:"black cape?, definetly a villain"
Alice didn't know how a cape made marisa come to such a conclussion, then remembered who her master was.
Reimu:"how can you tell that just by a cape?"
Marisa gives reimu a flat stare
Marisa:"did you forget who teached me magic?"
Reimu just nodded, of course mima would know this kind of stuff.
Boomstick: Holy shit, that is hardcore!
maybe?, they don't know how strong this vader is.
Wiz: He became leader of the Mandalorian mercenaries after the Galactic Civil War, and battled Mace Windu to a draw when he was 12 years old.
Alice:"battled way more experienced people when he was young?, sounds familiar"
She said while looking at the other two.
Marisa:"what?, jealous of our skill?"
Alice:"you mean that basic magic of yours?,not really"
Marisa just grinned.
Marisa:"that's because i don't need more than that to kick your ass"
Reimu couldn't care else about this, but they didn't let her hear the show so.
Reimu:"if you both ,don't shut up i will fantsy seal your asses into another dimension"
that made marisa and alice shut up they were also sweating bullets.
Fantasy seal is scary.
Boomstick: Sam Jackson's got nothing on him.
Marisa:"who?"
Both alice and reimu just shruged they didn't know either.
Wiz: But with all his awesomeness, every so often Fett will totally blow it. He's fallen into the Sarlacc three times. Three! And the Sarlacc's not exactly running around looking for snacks.
They were shown a living hole on the ground with teeth and tentacles.
Marisa:first, eeeewwww!, second how did he fell three fucking times in that thing, because you know ¡he can fucking fly!"
Reimu:"... cause he is an idiot?"
Reimu couldn't think of other logical reason a highly trained warrior will make the same mistake three times.
Alice just did a facepalm, a very hard facepalm.
Boomstick: Three times? How do you even do that once? It's a giant hole in the ground with teeth, and he's got a jet pack!
Exactly their thoughs.
Wiz: Still, even with his ridiculous flaws, Boba Fett is a whole new meaning of deadly
Darth Vader:No disintegration.
Marisa:"surprisingly intimidating"
It didn't actually intimidate her, i mean she fought the god of makai with help of reimu, compared to that this guy didn't look like much.
Boba Fett:As you wish.
(*Cues: Lower Norfair - Super Metroid*)
Wiz: Samus Aran was infused with bird-like Chozo DNA at a young age, increasing her strength, speed, and athletic ability far beyond those of a normal human being.
Marisa:"... how does a bird DNA make someone stronger?"
Yeah she doesn't know how this works.
Reimu:"well it could be like a tengu"
Marisa and alice had no idea what a tengu is, they were about to ask but reimu told them that she will do that latter.
Boomstick: How do they do that?! I want me some bird DNA!
Alice:"i'm staring to tink that boomstick is an idiot"
Marisa sarcasticly told her
Marisa:"nnnoooo, what gave you that idea?"
Alice just smirked.
Alice:"well he kinda reminds me of you"
Marisa:"... damn it i have nothing"
POWER SUIT
-shields entire body
-environmental protection
-easy to upgrade
-no restriction of movement or flexibility
Wiz: She wears the Power Suit, typically in Varia form, shielding her entire body without restricting any movement or flexibility.
Alice:"good defence and doesn't affect her mobility, a fine armor indeed"
Reimu just nodded not really seeing a point in armor herself, just don't get hit and everything will be fine.
Marisa:"yeah but she kinda looks like a dude in it"
Boomstick: Too bad it makes her look like a dude...
Alice:"see marisa?, just like you"
Reimu snickered at that.
Marisa was just grumbling and thinking of how will she get back at alice for this.
ARM CANNON
-easy to upgrade
-power beam
-charge beam
-ice beam
-grapple beam
-missiles
Wiz: Her primary weapon, the Arm Cannon, has acquired numerous awesome upgrades over the years. Though, the basic Power Beam is a pea shooter with a pathetic range.
Marisa:"booooooh!"
Boomstick: But when it's fully charged, it'll blow your face off. BAM! Shoop Da Whoop!
Marisa:"still worse than my master spark, but fuck yeah!"
Reimu and alice just shaked their heads in amusement.
Wiz: The Arm Cannon can also use an Ice Beam, a Grapple Beam, and a plethora of seeking and super missles.
That ice beam gave marisa some ideas for her hakkero but she didn't have any experience in elemental magic, lady mima never got to teach her that stuff.
SCREW ATACK
-powerfull electric charge
-temporary invincibility
-extremely fast
-namesake of an awesome website!
Wiz: Samus controls the skies with a powerful and speedy Screw Attack.
Alice:"can't help but feel we are missing somthing here"
Marisa nodded.
Marisa:"yeah like they are trying to tell us something"
Reimu wasnwith them on this.
Reimu:"who knows?, must be an outside thing"
MORPH BALL ALT-FORM
-1 meter diamter
-can release bombs
-jumping ability
-also called "maru mari"
-can access small or hard to reach places
Wiz: and if there's trouble on the battlefield, she can curl up into Morph Ball mode and slip away unnoticed.
Reimu:"just... how?"
Marisa and alice also wanted to know just what kind of flexibility you need to do that.
Boomstick: What the f...?! How does she do that?
Wiz: Bird DNA, Boomstick. Bird DNA.
They are sure thats not how it works.
POWER BOMBS
-huge blast radius
-deals massive damage
-crystal flash healing ability
-deployed only in morph-ball form
Boomstick: Samus also has a freakin' huge supply of Power Bombs, which will destroy anything on the screen in seconds. Nothing survives!
Marisa:"pretty cool, still no better than my master spark"
Reimu had enough of marisa braging about the master spark.
Reimu:"what do you mean "your" master spark?, didn't you copy it from yuuka"
Alice laughed out loud and marisa just glared at them.
Marisa:"why is everyone against me today"
Wiz: She is known to be the bounty hunter capable of taking on impossible missions, fighting massive beasts and even wiping out an entire species. However, she often makes mistakes. Somehow, she always seems to lose all her power ups and upgrades at the beginning of every mission.
Boomstick: Man, someone get this chick a purse.
Alice:"oh, go fuck yourself boomstick!"
Reimu and marisa stared at alice a little surprised at her outburst.
Marisa:"alice chill, it's just a joke nothing really that offensive"
Reimu agreed with marisa.
Alice:"you two are okay with that?"
they just shrugged not really offended by boomstick coment.
Alice sighed at them, of course those two won't care about that kind of stuff.
Samus: Time to go.
Marisa:"samus totally has this in the bag, i mean she has better fire power"
Alice just rolled her eyes, it's always about power with marisa, but she was probably right samus did seem to have the better equipment.
Reimu was actually enjoying this, at first she though that it will be boring.
Reimu:"well since you are siding with samus, guess i'll take bobba's side"
She didn't really think he would win, but it was just to make this thing a little more interesting.
(*Cues: Metroid: Zero Mission - Title Theme Remix*)
Samus is shown flying through space in her spaceship. However, Boba Fett's ship, the Slave I, shoots at her ship, throwing it out of orbit and landing on Earth, where it crash lands somewhere in the middle of a futuristic city. Samus gets out of her ship and Fett hovers down to the where Samus landed.
Marisa:"kick his ass samus!"
FIGHT!
(*Cues: Star Wars Episode V - Attacking a Star Destroyer*)
Samus shoots her Power Beams, that fade out almost instantly, not even reaching her opponent.
Marisa:"whyyyyy!?, why use that!?"
Alice:"marisa!, shut up!"
Fett counters with a few shots from his blaster, but Samus jumps in the air, firing a missle at Fett, which hits. When she lands, Fett hits her with his flamethrower.
Reimu:"well bobba fett might actually have a chance"
Also marisa was too much into this.
Marisa:"come on samus do something!"
Alice:"she can't hear you marisa"
When Samus jumps back and shoots another missle, Fett flies up using his jet pack. However, Samus goes after him using her Screw Attack and eventually hits him, which forces him to the ground.
Marisa:"yeah! keep going like this!"
Reimu and alice had enough of marisa's screaming.
Alice and Reimu:"SHUT UP ALREADY!!"
Marisa blanched from the scream, and fell down hitting the back of her head.
She got up rubbing the top of her head.
Marisa:"ouch... sorry"
(*Cues: Star Wars Episode IV - Imperial Attack*)
When Samus lands, Fett shoots missiles at her. He then fires his anti-vehicle homing missile, which Samus escapes by going into Morph Ball mode and escaping through a doorway.
Reimu:"*sigh* looks like it' fett loss"
Alice and marisa stared questioningly at her, the fight was still going everything could still happen.
(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)
Fett cautiously creeps toward the doorway as Samus sneaks behind him in Morph Ball mode and plants a Power Bomb near his feet.
Reimu points at this.
Reimu:"see?, samus already won"
(*Cues: Unknown Theme*)
The bomb explodes and it takes off a large chunk of Fett's health. His suit having withstood the blast, Fett sees Samus and fires a missile at her.
Alice:"now he is just desperate"
Marisa was already throwing her arms up in victory.
Marisa:"YES!, in your face reimu"
Reimu shook her head, better let marisa have this it will be less annoying that way.
Samus dodges by stepping to the side and then freezes Fett using her Ice Beam. She then moves toward the frozen bounty hunter and begins charging her arm cannon. With the charge at its apex and Boba Fett's body slightly moving as he tries to break free of the ice, Samus positions her arm cannon toward his head.
Alice:"it's over"
Samus: You're mine.
With the charge at its maximum before Boba Fett could escape, Samus fires her Charge Beam point-blank, knocking his head clean from his body.
All of their eyes widened at the kill.
None of them could actually recall the last time they saw something actually get killed.
Alice"oh my..."
Marisa:"holy fuck!"
Reimu:"dear hakurei god..."
K.O.!
His head flies back downward, clanking on the ground.
(*Cues: Super Metroid - Main Theme (Orchestrated)* )
Boomstick: Holy shit! Did you see that, Wiz? That was insane!
They recuperated quickly, they had seen this kind of stuff, it's just have beem a while since they have seen blood.
Marisa:" it was kinda brutal, should have expect it from the name on the CD's"
Wiz: Fett battled like a champ, but in the end, Samus' superior technology and athletic skill trumped him... hard. While her basic Power Beam failed miserably, Samus put her Chozo DNA to work by jumping and dodging around Fett's offenses. Boba Fett, who relies more on cunning and brute force, simply didn't have the means necessary to catch Samus.
All of them already noticed the adventages samus had over bobba fett.
Reimu:"it was onesided, but still entretaining to watch"
Boomstick: He was shooting all over the place, but that space chick was just too quick for him. He even tried to use his homing rocket, but anybody whose blown up a lot of shit knows anti-vehicle rockets don't work too well with people.
Wiz: Exactly. Samus is about four times smaller than the average vehicle, so there's only about a one in four chance for a direct hit from Fett's rocket. Not to mention she kept moving, preventing Fett from getting a solid lock on her.
Marisa"it is in the name "anti-VEHICLE", obviously something like that won't work well with people"
Reimu:"also samus is fast, something like that won't hit someone with that kind of speed"
Boomstick: After that screw up, Samus managed to sneak around Fett and left a little surprise at his feet.
Wiz: Fett's micro-energy field managed to minimize the damage he took from the power bomb, but by that point, it was all over. Samus froze Fett with her Ice Beam and finished him off with a Charge Beam to the face.
Alice:"i'm surprissed that his armor could take something like that"
Now she really wants some of that duraplast
Boomstick: She sure stopped him cold.
Marisa:"...no, just... no"
Alice:"that was bad and you should feel bad for it"
Reimu:"why?..., it wasn't necesary so, why?..."
Wiz: That's right Boomstick. The Winner is Samus Aran
Reimu:"well thay wa-"
Marisa interrupted reimu while pointing at the screen.
Marisa:"wait!, it's still going"
Boomstick: next time on death battle.
The screen showed tha something was getting it in the dark then a flaming kanji apears kanji.
A little after that someone said "your soul is mine".
Marisa:"so..., next episode?"
Reimu and alice exchange a look then both turn to marisa.
Reimu:"meh, why not?"
Alice:"i have time"
Marisa smiles then gets to the CD player to start the next episode.
BOBBA FETT VS SAMUS ARAN END
And that is the first chapter.
I didn't go super descriptiv with the imagery of the show because you already watch it, to not bother you with something you already watched.
Also i decided that the first time skip to the next game touhou 6 will be after chapter 3.
I'm still not sure what to do when the moriyas come but i have time to figure it out.
See you in the next chapter.
