Chapter 1:
== Somewhere outside of the universe
A group of heroes, alive and dead, have proven victorious. They played their game, played their cards right, and defeated their adversary. Many had died to get to that point. A few others followed when they faced the demon. Even the dead died again at the hands of the Angel of Double Death. Finally, their foe was defeated. All that was left to do was to open the door to their new universe.
It was finally over. Was it?
Was it? John shook his head. Why the question? It's over.
"About fucking time," a familiar crabby voice said. "I swear to God, I will unleash a shitstorm if yet ANOTHER incompetent piss-stain decides to fuck things up. AGAIN." Out of all the trolls, one would have assumed Karkat would have shown some kind of joy when they won. He was the leader, after all – the raging, vulgar leader that had a broken caps lock. But then, he had his reasons for being paranoid about the occurrence of another Jack Noir. It was after that happened that many of his friends were killed… by each other. The idea that it could all have been avoided stuck with him to the final battle, after being in the game for a sweep.
That didn't compare with his predecessors – the versions of everyone's ancestor from before the Scratch was performed. They all died and spent eons in the dream bubble, almost completely useless until… well… that's a complicated story best told by an orange fellow.
"Well," Aranea sighed. "It's about ti–"
The rage-ball pointed a finger at her. "Don't you DARE mention time! I'm done with it! I'm fucking DONE!"
"But we're–"
"NO!"
"Fine," she huffed.
Over in the human's perspective, Jake had observed that interaction between the two trolls. "Well, that's not nice at all."
"Mhm," Dirk replied.
"I mean it would be one thing if he asked her nicely, but–"
"It's Karkat, what do you fucking expect?"
"Oh, of course, you're right old chap."
"You callin' me old, gramps?"
"What are you talking about; I'm the same age as you!"
"I wasn't a grandpa." The Prince of Hope struck a pose. "I was a bro at all times (disregardin' the fact that I'm apparently his an Grimdark Lalonde's father). I was an older bro, younger bro, and…" At this point, Dave approached. The two of them just looked at each other with shaded eyes in what was possibly the greatest bro-acknowledgment stare of all universes.
"…Now I'm a twin," Dirk finished, offering his bro a fist.
"Fuck yeah, bro," Dave said as the two of them pounded.
Closer to the door, the idiot hero was deep in conversation with his favorite troll. That is actually an obtuse overstatement – neither party was saying anything to the other. They just stood there, facing each other, thinking of what to say.
"Vriska–"
"John, I–"
Silence. That was possibly the cheesiest way to start a conversation.
"You go," John said.
"Come oooooooon, John!" Vriska complained. "Stop being a big damn hero and say something that isn't corny as fuck!"
"Gee that's… easier said than done." John took a deep breath. "I can't shake the feeling that… well, you're dead."
"Maybe that's because I am."
Palm to the face.
"What I meant," John started again. "Was that… you're gonna stay dead, right?"
"Who knows," Vriska said with a shrug. "A certain someone I know came back to life, so… why not meeeeeeee?"
"Yeah…" John's eyes wandered to the floor. "I guess, but–"
"EEEEEEEEEEEEE~!" The two were separated by an elated Nepeta pouncing her moirail and equally joyful dancestor. The two catgirls were squeeing uncontrollably, while Equius maintained his look of perpetual seriousness. Any outsider would consider that as a long-winded description, and they would be correct. However, it sounds a hell of a lot better than, say, "Nepeta pounced Equius and Meulin, and the two catgirls began squeeing while Equius was not amused, as always". Then again, that didn't sound half bad, either – but back to the story.
"Lookie there, Janey." Roxy pointed at the pile from where she was. "Dats cute, danmit! Damn it! Right, mooom?"
"Indeed it is, mom," Rose agreed. Jane looked at her and Roxy in bemusement.
"This… is going to be a problem," she said.
"Agreed," Kanaya added. "This may prove to be unnecessarily complicated for the rest of us."
"Which is exactly why we plan on continuing," Rose said.
"We do?" Roxy asked, earning a look from her paradox family member.
All the heroes exchanged pleasantries for some time. When it was all said and done, they gathered closer to the door.
"So," Jade said after a long silence. "Who's gonna open it?"
"Just give us a fucking moment, bitch," Karkat snapped.
"But, Vantas," Equius began.
"Yes?" Kankri leaned in from behind Kurloz.
"N-no, not you!" Equius stated. "I am referring to Karkat."
"It's not that hard, no one likes you."
"Don't be mean to him, he can't help it."
"私はあなたを破るように私はパパと呼びます。処女。"
"Wwhat?"
"I think she said 'Hey you stupid virgins,'s already on it'," Dirk said, pointing at the door. ("このヒト。私は彼が好き。")
She was reaching for the knob, too, since she assumed that the glubbing woolbeasts behind her were still focused on the Insufferable. Unfortunately, Shouty wasn't one of them, and his hand was on the knob in an instant. "I win, bitch!"
In response, the Thief of Life shoved Karkat away with a palm to the face. "Aw HELL naw, this is MY glubbin' door!"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP WE GOT FARTHER THAN YOU–"
"–bitch I'm older–"
"–I'M FUCKING ALIVE AND–"
"Guys," John's voice broke the two apart. His hand was on the knob, and the door was slightly ajar. "It's open."
"Awesome! Let's go!" Jade was the first to go through the uneventful-looking area beyond the door.
And from there...
Everything went to shit.
== Flash Forward
