John's first hint to what the Sherlock Holmes feared was during the case(s) with Moriarty. 'The Great Game' as Sherlock put it. It was during the time at the pool. John stepped out with the bomb hidden and he saw the emotions that flashed over Sherlock's face. Confusion, understanding, betrayal then grim acceptance. All in a few seconds. John spoke as Sherlock carefully mastered his face into an emotionless mask. John felt a pang and wanted so badly to say it wasn't him. He opened his coat but Sherlock's face didn't change. Then, Moriarty stepped out and his face morphed into confusion before a glimmer of hope appeared.
John would ask Sherlock later about this but he wouldn't get an answer. The violin was played that night and it was sad and slow. John felt like he was intruding just by listening.
As the cases went on with Moriarty, John sometimes forgot about Sherlock's 'fear' but he still picked up clues unconsciously. It was hard not to, especially when Sherlock was on the roof. The way he phrased things. It just wasn't Sherlock. When Sherlock fell though, he just forgot and his mind went blank. Later, after he got through his grief, he would laugh. The fall of a genius. Yes, Sherlock was a genius. It was thanks to him he could piece together what was really going on in Sherlock's brain.
His fear was death.
Moriarty had said at the pool, he would burn the heart out of Sherlock and that's what he did. He managed to threaten him with death. He threatened Sherlock's closest allies. Who, John didn't know but he could guess one of them was him. How Moriarty was going to kill them was easy enough to guess. Moriarty had snipers, even managed to get killer to move near them. Whose saying he couldn't do it again.
So Sherlock died. But John felt slightly better knowing it wasn't because he was a fake. It was because he didn't want people to die. The thought back to when he first joined with Sherlock and remembered what Donovan said, 'One day we will come across a body and Sherlock Holmes would've been the one to put it there.' And put it there he did.
A/N: Not great but I tried. Should I make this into a three-shot and do Sherlock coming back or should I leave it at this?
