Diamond City Contra
A Wario and Waluigi Story
Gustauve Drakenhime III
Author's Notes: Hello, everyone, it's me again. I don't really know if anyone is even reading this – but, even so, I plan on continuing this story to its end; you see, my fiancé and a multitude of close, personal friends have done nothing but encourage my creative writing pastimes, and so, if none of you read it, I know for a fact that all of them will! On another note, I would like to know if anyone is having a hard time understanding this, as I do not natively speak American English.
And so, without further delay, I present for your reading pleasure – Diamond City Contra
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Chapter 2: The Escape
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... There it was! The world's biggest diamond, sitting right there in front of him! Oh, it was a long and arduous journey but he
made it; Wario finally made it! "Waaha," he exclaimed, "I knew I'd find it here, I just knew it!" Slowly but surely he approached it,
ever wary of the undoubtedly numerous traps that were most likely between him and his rightful treasure. Strangely, there were
no traps to speak of – there wasn't even any sort of rigged-up pedestal; just a very large diamond. Unfortunately, before he could
claim his rightful prize, he was interrupted by an enormous, ear-shattering 'boom'! "What was that; who's there?!" he cried out.
"Come out and show yourself, coward!" Suddenly, out of the shadows came the scariest looking creature Wario had ever seen in
his life! It was big, scaly, and black, the face was indescribable, yet terrifying at the same time! The creature opened its wicked
maw and let loose a cry of rapidly successive staccatos. "What…" cried Wario, "What the hell are you?!" "Tf-tf-tf-tf-tf-tf-tf-tf!" was
the only response he got before the creature lunged at him, engulfing him in darkness… In a flash Wario awoke with a cry.
"Aughhhhh pant-pant-pant," looking around him, he realized that he was back in his own room. "Hooo, ho, it was just a
nightmare." he exclaimed. "Wario!" cried a voice from down the stairs. "Wario!" It belonged to his brother. Seconds later,
Waluigi came bursting through the door yelling, "Wario, you gotta get up; come on!" Now, normally, Wario would have
disregarded his younger brother and just gone back to sleep, but something about the look in his little brother's eyes, how
he was perspiring like crazy, how he gripped that crowbar in his hands – how it was covered in… was that blood!? Now
that Wario took the time to look Waluigi over, he realized that there was blood running down the lengths of his sleeves and
down his pants – there was blood all over his shoes too! "Walu," he exclaimed, "what the hell's happening; what's going
on?" "No time to explain," Waluigi cried, "we gotta get outta here, fast; quick grab a suitcase and pack whatever you wanna
bring with you!" "Now wait just a minute," yelled Wario, "I ain't doin' anything until you tell me what's –", his demands were
interrupted, however, by a deafening 'boom' followed by several short burst of 'tf-tf-tf-tf-tf'. His eyes widened the moment
he realized what was really going on. As if noticing his older brother's reaction, Waluigi gave a slightly annoyed huff and
said, "Does that answer any of your questions?" Instantly, Wario was out of bed – "I'll get my things ready." he said as he
grabbed his duffel bag, immediately stuffing everything he owned into it. His brother gave out a relieved sigh, and said,
"Good," he then went on to say, "I've already got everything packed and loaded on the bike, so hurry up; I'll be down in the
workshop making a few last minute adjustments." And with that, he immediately ran back down the stairs. 'How long has this
been goin' on for him to've already got everything packed?' wondered Wario – another, closer explosion, made him drop that
line of thought and get back to matters at hand. He quickly finished packing, closed his bag up, and ran downstairs. What he
saw when he came down the stairs literally caused him to trip over himself! Lying in front of where the front door used to be,
in a pool of blood was what appeared to be a human, though it was hard to discern, because the being's face was
completely destroyed to a pulp, and its skull was split open enough to see its brains! All it took was three seconds before
Wariostarted vomiting. When he finally finished retching, he screamed, "What the fuck happened down here, Walu!?" "No
time to explain, we gotta go now!" cried the younger of the two – grabbing Wario's duffel bag, he immediately ran back to
the shop, Wario soon followed suit. When Wario entered the workshop, he was horrified to see another body; this one
belonging to a Koopa of some sort – its shell was broken in several places and its face was caved in. He also noticed a gun
in what was left of its hands. Waluigi knew his brother would need some explaining to sometime in the future, but now was
not the best of times – so, without missing a beat, he quickly ran into the cubicle that read 'Bomb Shop' on the front and
picked up anything and everything that wasn't nailed down; stuffing it collectively into a duffel bag of his own. 'Okay,' he
thought to himself, 'bombs, blue-prints, dynamite, Composition-B?' he looked at the various pipe bombs, schematics, and
explosives jumbled in the bag, 'Check, check, check, and… check!' "Okay," he exclaimed, "everything is packed and ready,
right?" "Right!" replied the eldest brother. "Okay then, let's get the hell out of here!" pulling the goggles over his eyes, he
grabbed a welding mask and placed it over his head. When he turned around, Wario was already in the side car; in his
hands was a baseball bat. Knowing full well what the baseball bat was for, Waluigi realized that it might not be such a bad
idea to keep his crowbar with him as well. Running back into the kitchen, he quickly found the blood covered instrument; and
immediately grabbed it and headed back to the motorcycle. Upon seeing what his younger brother had in his hands, Wario
simply gave a grunt and a nod of understanding. Upon mounting the motorcycle, Waluigi hit the ignition switch and began
giving it some gas. Upon hearing the thunderous roar of the massive engine, neither brother could prevent the large smirks
that appeared on both of their faces. "Just like old times, huh, Walu?" asked Wario. With a cynical laugh, Waluigi replied,
"Hardly; last time I had my own bike, we weren't in the middle of a war-zone, and, the last time I checked, we weren't being
chased from our house – but other than that, yeah; just like old times." Wario then asked, "So, uh, how exactly are we
gonna get outta here – I mean, the garage door don't open anymore; do it?" With a devious snicker, and a look that Wario
knew all too well, Waluigi said, "That, dear brother, is why we have this." Upon saying that, the youngest brother pulled a
cylindrical object out of a pocket on his overalls and, before Wario finally understood what he was about to do, pressed a big
red button on the top of it. Within seconds, the door that had been there moments earlier was now non-existent; blown to
smithereens by whatever sort of explosive Waluigi had rigged to the door. "Well, that works," exclaimed Wario, "now let's
get the hell outta here!" but the bike wasn't moving – in fact, Waluigi wasn't even off of the breaks! "Waluigi, what the hell
are you doing – why aren't we movin'?" he yelled; though it was really more out of panic than anger. Without missing a beat,
his brother replied, "Wario, shaddup'n listen – get the baseball bat ready and when I say 'Now', you swing that thing like
you're tryin' to knock Mario's block off!" "Whaaa?" cried Wario. "Just do it, okay!" snapped his brother. "Alright, alright,
alright, I'm doin' it, see?" indeed, he was doing it; grasping the bat in both hands and positioning himself for a swing, he
semi-patiently waited for the signal to swing. It was then that they both finally heard several voices yelling – one in
particular, was extremely loud, and could easily be discerned; "-to go out and find whatever the hell made that noise, do I
make myself clear?" the chorus of 'yes sir's that followed instantly told Waluigi that whoever this guy was, he had enough
brass to command a following. It was then that Wario finally understood what his little brother intended for him to do! With
a gasp of realization, he gripped the bat a little firmer for what was about to happen. "Wait for it," ordered the taller of the
duo, "wait for it – and…" Sweat began to accumulate upon both their faces – the tension rising with every millisecond!
Suddenly, everything began to slow down for the two of them as the figure of a man finally came into view. Then reality
kicked back into overdrive as Waluigi released the breaks and crunched the accelerator – "Now, Wario, now!" he screamed!
With a grunt and a nod, Wario twisted his torso back as far as he could, and with a mighty shout, he swung the bat with all
of his strength! Their target didn't have enough time to react, much less realize what was happening; all he could do was
gasp. A resounding combination of a 'thwack' and a 'crunch' were all that the two of them heard as they hurtled out of the
garage and into the street – shouts of anger and surprise, as well as gunfire, soon followed; fortunately they were well out
of the range of the enemies' small arms fire. As they drove down the center median, Waluigi couldn't help but notice that
Wario was being unusually quiet – so, he asked, "Hey, what's up – why so silent?" After a brief pause, his brother finally
responded, "How hard do you think I hit that guy?" Raising a brow at this, Waluigi replied, "I don't know… why do you ask?"
"Because," Wario stated, "because I think these are his teeth, stuck in my bat…" "What," cried his brother, "let me see that!"
quickly taking the bat away from Wario, he examined the now bloody instrument to find that there were indeed five or six
teeth imbedded firmly into it! Quickly giving the bat back to Wario, Waluigi exclaimed, "Jesus Christ, Wario – remind me to
never piss you off ever again!" At this, both brothers had a good, light-hearted laugh, as they zoomed down the streets of
Diamond City. "So," asked Waluigi, "where do we go now?" Wario thought for a minute and then declared, "Let's go to
Mona's house, rest there for the night, and then figure out what we're gonna do in the morning." And so it was decided –
making a few turns, they headed towards their new destination; Mona's house…
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Thus ends the Second Chapter. I hope that those of you who are reading this enjoy it – I know that I enjoy writing it. Once again, I will accept any form of feedback, no matter how demeaning it may be. May the blessings of the Lord follow you wherever you may go.
