Article 2 - Chapter 2 - My Secret Misery
Warnings: I do not own Naruto, it's intellectual property is owned by none other than Masashi Kishimoto. I own the OC's that I've added to the story and nothing more.
If what you're looking for is a happy go lucky OC that always finds themselves on the right side of morality, or the standard plot armor for any character… THEN THIS IS NOT THE STORY FOR YOU. It will get dark. After all, how can you appreciate the light if you have never known darkness? (You've been warned.)
EDIT: (2/10/2018) - Made changes to the story, writing structure, and combed through the chapter for mistakes. I probably will still miss some stuff, but I hope you guys enjoy the work I spent polishing the story.
┬┴┬┴┤ Chapter 2├┬┴┬┴
(6 months later...)
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
Sprawled out in my comfortable crib, I watched my mom leave the room with a scoff, her long hair black as midnight trailing behind her every step.
I reached out for her hair, it was mesmerizing...
Kshhht - the door slammed behind her.
The room was bland, being composed of wood paneling of questionable taste and devoid of much decoration.
I had started to realize that there are some tendencies that seem inescapable. As much as I'd like to believe i'm fully an adult of mind, Much evidence proves I can occasionally be very childish. These certain inclinations, likely arising of instinct rather than intention.
When I first saw my mother's eyes, I believed that being born into the Hyuga clan would overall be a blessing. I was wrong.
The compound was filled with overly observant people who had the capability to see through walls. My freedom was so infringed on my spirit felt stifled. The future of this world scared me, yet I could still only find myself hoping time would pass by quicker.
I wanted to be old enough to leave the compound by myself and escape the feeling of being drowned in the stares of the all seeing Byakugan.
My mother had just came in to peel me off the side of my crib while I was hanging from the banister attempting to develop finger dexterity and strength. She likely thought I was trying to escape my crib, it would be a understandable theory after seeing a baby pulling itself up the railings.
She had peeled me off the side of the crib several times, just opening the door to peel me off then leave again. No words, no love. The only thing I could depend on in this world would be my own strength, and I'll be damned before I stop, just because this woman could see me through the walls.
I tried several times to activate my Byakugan or call upon my chakra to no avail. It seems the seal that was placed on me at the hospital blocked off my access to my chakra but I didn't fully understand why. I could barely understand any the common tongue which by now I had expectantly identified as Japanese.
I fidgeted around trying to gain better control over this body. I began working through a regimen I developed for myself, deliberately isolating muscles - flexing and holding them for 5 seconds at a time. My bodies ability to keep up with my brain was slowly getting better and better. I figured the neural pathways used to send signals to my muscles were growing much stronger with my regimen through diligence.
In my past life I remember researching Shaolin monks. Fascinated, I tried to understand how with a diet composed of mostly carbohydrates, (and the distinct lack of resistance weight training equipment) how they managed to build such strong and flexible bodies. In all honesty, I envied them. Wishing to incorporate some of their training methods to become my own.
I hadn't always been a fitness fanatic, in fact most of my childhood and adolescence I paid zero attention to my diet and body, instead focusing entirely on building my mind and keeping myself entertained.
That changed after falling in love with the sport of Basketball. (Despite my disadvantageous frame of 5'7.) Having such a small frame, paired with an untrained and unruly body, I knew that I was already far behind the competition. I poured my soul into training, establishing a nutritional, cardio, and resistance training regimen to add the explosive physicality to my game that I was lacking.
Eventually through dedication, I completely changed my body composition. I was now dominating in my desired area of expertise.
Before graduation from high school, I had made a bit of a name for myself, even finding myself interacting with university scouts despite my genetic limitations.
Although a great many scouts took their time with me, they all mostly still had reservations because of my size. They asked to know my family tree up to my grandparents to see if they could expect anymore growth, and in the end I found myself with only offers from smaller time programs.
I was outraged, but determined to prove my worth. I accepted a scholarship from a small time program in hopes to be recognized. After accepting I wasn't even handed a starting position on the team. I dug ever deeper and the minutes I did play I racked up statistics and showed great promise.
I was able to claim the starting spot and began dominating in Division 2. My dreams getting closer and closer, until reality slung me back to the cold ground.
My eyesight was deteriorating fast. Upon closer examination, I was diagnosed with advanced macular degeneration. I visited several physicians who all recommended that I quit contact sports.
I cursed the existence of any god that listened for taking my love from me, my passion. Sealing it away as a career I could no longer feasibly pursue.
The Irony that Being-X would reincarnate me into this world with a dojutsu kekkei genkai, which handed arguably the greatest visual prowess possible was not lost on me. I resigned myself to train in this world until I have the power to survive and claim true freedom. My genetics can no longer hold me back from this goal. I had decided my goal so early that I would have a head start over every other non-reincarnated person in this world. I needed to exploit it as hard as possible and prove myself to be a genius so that I can have access to greater opportunities.
That's the only way I could spite that damn being-X, I'll show him!
… err 'It' i guess?
I began stretching out my body, which unlike my last life, was now female. I would definitely need to develop unparalleled flexibility to help offset the fact muscle would be harder to build in this body than If it were male.
A wider range of motion assists in the production of force, so even if my muscles aren't as strong, It's still possible to see similar levels of force production.
I continued working my body until I felt sore. I eventually exhausted my stamina, and the pangs of tiredness caused me to nod off to sleep.
After some weeks of this I was returned to the hospital, but the person who brought me was not my mother, but instead my caretaker Musagi. The hospital staff inspected me and finally decided to release my seal preventing me access to my chakra.
As soon as the seal was removed, I was pelted by the pressure of the chakra all around me, even in the air causing my lungs to feel full of gas making it extremely difficult to breathe. After noticing my reaction they put me into a sort of chamber mostly devoid of chakra and left to be reintroduced to chakra slowly. I sat in the hospital for another 2 weeks having been diagnosed with chakra hypersensitivity due to the first 6 months of my life with the majority of my chakra blocked.
I couldn't fucking believe it. Here I was for the 2nd time being diagnosed with something debilitating which would inhibit me from my career path. I was brought back home and more Hyuga clansmen than I'd seen in all my 2nd life visited me with looks of disappointment painted on their face.
Stop looking at me like that!
-Don't look down on me, I'll make you regret it! I'll still be a shinobi! I'll be a shinobi or die trying…
It was after that thought that a terrifying revelation occurred to me… Perhaps that is what Being-X wanted me to do the entire time. My heart skipped a beat and my chest seized. I began flailing about and one of the clansmen looking at me picked me up and tried to console me.
The force of his chakra leaking into me through his touch made my skin tingle. He began tugging on my pudgy little fingers and poking at my belly causing me to giggle.
I didn't want to giggle, as stubborn as I am I tried to fight against it, to suppress it.
I couldn't.
...
┬┴┬┴┤神の起源├┬┴┬┴
(1 year later...)
(Age: 1 Year 8 months-ish)
...
Over the past year, I continued my physical training, gradually making it progressively harder to push myself. My mother hardly interacted with me outside her clan duties and I could tell no average mother would try to distance herself from their child the way she has.
I took it to be a challenge, and I began hanging around my mother trying to get her to show me any affection. Her cold gaze would fall on me no matter what I would do. I tried to make her laugh, to pity me, I even cast aside my self respect and tried cutesy things, but to no avail.
She had somehow become too hardened. She treated raising me like a responsibility she would have gladly given away in an instant had she been presented the opportunity.
I had began speech lessons to learn the native tongue with several of the side branch's children. Another excuse for me to see my mother even less. Most of the kids in class seemed disinterested and unmotivated, but this was an opportunity I couldn't afford to waste.
There was one student in the class who worked harder than the rest, and picked up on the content much faster than even I.
I walked over to his table and sat in the empty chair next to him. He looked over, eyes of curiosity.
"Hi, my name… is Mina. What is your name?"
The kid smirked arrogantly, standing from his seat. His body was much taller than mine at the time, towering over me. He seemed intent to gain a height advantage, peering down since he was standing.
"I am Neji Hyuga, I have never seen you around, but I'll have you know I'm already being called a prodigy."
I felt my mouth curve into a frown. I almost didn't believe this was Neji, but I should have expected no less in this world. The 'animation' I remembered didn't do this world justice. Even more so, there wasn't much screen time for the young version of the Hyuga genius.
I could feel heat rise under my skin under the towering gaze of the boy, so I was determined to one up him. I slid out of my chair and place a foot on top of it standing up and looking back to Neji. It was now me who towered over him in comparison, and I leaned forward to look down on him. I noticed the bulge near his temple and how he scrunched his face together out of anger.
"You might be a prodigy, but I will become the prodigy of prodigies. An unparalleled genius."
I felt a hand on my shoulder, nearly causing me to jump out of my chair in surprise. Quickly, I swiveled my head to meet the eyes of the instructor which had silently crept behind me.
"Miss Mina, you will have your work cut out for you. Neji here was even more advanced than yourself when he was your age."
I glanced back to the boy in time to see a victorious smile plastered on that dumb face of his.
"How old is Neji-kun?" I asked.
"I am 4 years old." He answered then folded his arms together.
"Help me be better than him then. I swear I won't rest until I get it right."
I didn't know what I expected of the man, In all honesty my poor self control was more to blame for my outburst rather than any strategy to gain attention. The instructor began laughing with vigor then met my eye again. I would stand my ground here, it's not some joke, I will do it.
I puffed out my chest and met his gaze with as confident of a smile as I could manage. Being taken seriously in this body before I was even 2 years old would be difficult. I got a reaction because the instructors eyebrow visibly raised in what I considered equal part disbelief and curiosity.
The instructor grabbed me by the hand and lead me off the chair.
"Careful little one." he said.
I was tugged to the front of the room and he whipped a free chair in front of his desk in the front of the room. The stares of the entire class fell on me and I reveled in it. I would need to capture the attention of my peers and let them know that we were not equal. That I was special.
It was at this moment that it dawned on me, I was not even 2 years old, and Neji was already 4. The brunt of the influential ninja's from my memories were of Neji's year and one year lower. This only served to motivate me more, I needed to soak everything spec of information and technique I could in order to just survive.
I was given much more material to complete than any of the other kids near my age bracket. Spoken and written language was difficult, especially as this wasn't my primary language as much as I wish it could have been. (Or at least I wished that English was the primary language here.)
I think that my big mouth would get me into trouble, as after the class finished everyone left I was asked to stay. I gave a curious look at the instructor and he only pointed at the stack of sheets I had yet to finish.
A smile formed on the mans face and I realized what was going on.
I was being granted what I wanted, but he was doing it in a way that meant to punish me. He wanted to show me my arrogance no doubt, probably meant to drill into me that I didn't know what I was getting into and that he would show me the full wrath of a scholar.
Little did he know that I was likely the most motivated individual that he had ever met, and had more knowledge than any 2 year old should ever have. The foreign language was difficult to learn yes, but once I gained mastery over it, I was sure that I could establish myself as exactly what I claimed.
The hours on the clocked passed one by one, and the smirk that the instructor had to begin with slowly disappeared off his face and instead a look of surprise and enjoyment replaced it. He had probably not expected me to enjoy the lesson, In fact it seemed that with every hour that passed he wanted to add more tasks and give me less clear instruction. It became very apparent he wanted me to quit for the day of my own volition but I could be stubborn too. I refused to give in, to even give an inch.
I wanted to be recognized for my determination if nothing else, what kind of teacher would turn away a student who earnestly wanted to learn, and whose determination allowed them to sit still and receive instruction for 6 hours straight before the age of 2 years old.
It seemed that our battle of wills had concluded, The instructor gave in first telling me that this was enough for the day, but then he said expect the same tomorrow with a grin that no doubt would frighten kids who despised schooling. I returned the most bright smile I could before leaving "Thank you sensei!"
I reached the door and turned around, giving him a friendly wave, before turning my back and exiting the room.
A sigh of relief escaped my lips and I stretched my limbs out after being locked in that chair for so long. I didn't hate schooling, and it was absolutely necessary so I at least needed to pretend like I loved it. I also made a mental note that It seemed sensei was warming up to me too.
I began walking down the hallways to reach the living quarters of me and my mom. It was starting to get late and I wondered to myself if mother had already gotten home. She stayed out of the compound a lot and I was tended by other members of the clan in her absence. I often heard my handler criticizing my mother, one time I had managed to overhear them talking to another clansmen saying he considered her 'unfit to raise me'.
Before rounding the last corner on my journey to my living quarters I felt a familiar chakra presence. I peaked out from the corner and saw the form of a child sitting with his eyes closed next to the door to my home.
"Neji-kun?" I blurted out.
He opened his eyes looking up to see me then stood to his feet. The flow of his chakra had changed after noticing me. I couldn't see it with my eyes but I could feel it, like some inexplainable extra sense. I could normally sense someone close to me and if their chakra was familiar I could make out who it was.
He reached for the back of his head and started messing with his hair. It would seem even the child genius could be shy and nervous.
"Uhh… I wanted…" He struggled. I could tell that he wasn't used to this whole socializing thing and regardless what he wanted, I wanted to befriend him as it would definitely be mutually beneficial.
I couldn't feel my moms chakra inside.
I shut my eyes and gave him a big smile. I slid the door to my home open and signaled for him to come inside. I glanced around quickly before confirming that my mother either wasn't home or was shut up in her room like she often did when she wasn't caring for me. Neji followed with uncertain footing, likely reasoning out whether he should have accepted my invitation inside.
"It's okay." I said. "Mom's usually out and I could use the company."
He looked surprised at my statement. I'm sure if I was in his situation I would have thought that sounded like neglect too, but it became my standard life and it became easier to accept. If I was hungry I could get the family cooks to prepare food. If I needed something I could either get it myself or ask for someone's assistance. It became obvious to everyone how self sufficient I was becoming, and I was allowed to take on more responsibilities for myself as I proved that I could.
Being self sufficient granted me privileges and a degree of freedom I was sure was abnormal. It was a lonely existence, but I was overall thankful that it wasn't worse. Neji sat down next to me at the table and I decided that I should break the ice.
"I think it's so cool that you take your studies so serious." I spat out.
Oh no… there I go again saying things without thinking…
A smile appeared on his face at my statement though. "I'm expected to be a mighty ninja. To be a ninja you must be strong both of body and mind."
I nodded quickly to agree with him. "Yeah, I want to be a ninja too!"
He frowned at that but didn't say anything. Obvious to me he was suppressing his opinions, I stood up and pouted. "What? You don't think I can?"
He met my gaze for some time and his eyes dropped to the ground.
"I…" He started.
Now angry at this point I wanted to expose him. I wanted to say something akin to an attack to fend off the uneasy feeling I got as he seemed to give me a look of pity. I ultimately decided against this as I was worried I would never hear what he wanted to say.
"You what? - uh, you can tell me. So, out with it."
"My father told me that you were unlikely to become a shinobi. He said that you are chakra hypersensitive and that…" It seemed like he was fighting with himself with how he was going to word the rest of his statement before finishing with, "most people with that condition are unfit to become shinobi."
My heart dropped in my chest. I felt my animalistic instincts want to destroy things, to rip the pictures off the walls and toss them around. Thank goodness I had enough self control to stop myself from the childish impulse as I bit into my tongue so that I could reign in my focus.
"Well I'm not most people." I said.
After hearing that he cut in with "-Indeed you are not." in a hardened voice.
"Right, I'm not. The same way you are destined to be a prodigy, I'm destined to be the prodigy of prodigies. Nothing will keep me from this short of death."
Surprise flashed across his face as he looked dumbstruck. I couldn't prevent myself from laughing despite the serious nature of how I said my words. Seeing Neji in such a state of shock and disbelief was comical, especially when comparing it to the life I knew of. My outburst of laughter cut into the serious atmosphere and Neji's face started becoming more pink and flushed. I could tell he was becoming flustered and embarrassed.
I slapped his shoulder and flashed a grin at him.
"If your not diligent I'll surpass you in no time."
A cocky grin spread on his face at my words. He lifted a hand up to my face and replied with "In your dreams shorty."
"You don't think so? Then you wouldn't have a problem helping me train? After all, If you aren't afraid of losing your status of only genius among the up and coming generation then It should be no problem correct?"
Neji winced at my words. Meant to be perceived as both a taunt and proposal, I hoped the pride Neji wore like a badge of honor wouldn't let him decline. 'I should have him just where I want him' I thought to myself while trying to suppress the devious grin that was trying to make its way across my face.
"You are not even yet 2 years old and you are already insufferable."
"But brilliant right?" i prodded.
He seemed to mull over those words before meeting my eyes with his own. His eyes were so full of intelligence. I could see him scanning over me trying to calculate something. A grin appeared on his face and he finally spoke.
"It would seem I have to teach my kohai some respect."
I couldn't restrain my excitement and charged at Neji trying to give him a hug, however with a swift spin, he managed to nimbly avoid my charge and suddenly I had passed by him.
I tried to stop on a dime, but my feet were too far behind my body which was leaning and traveling forward.
NO!
My face was approaching the ground fast as I reached out and threw my legs into the air stabilizing myself from a handstand and landing on the ground.
I was surprised by how fast my legs reached the ground. Unable to absorb my kinetic energy my knees buckled and I landed roughly.
His eyes of curiosity ran up and down my body, and the fact that I had been male in my past life made it feel a little awkward. Trying to escape from those feelings I lifted myself up and sprung to make a second charge, this time even more determined to grab a hold of him.
He swatted my hands away each and every time I approached, and managed to get behind me. It was actually awe inspiring having this kid nimbly evade me while making it look so easy. In another sense it was also humbling as it showed how much further I would need to improve.
I chased Neji around my home for some time while we both taunted each other and laughed. After I ran around and tired myself out I heard the door open. I quickly turned around to see my mother enter the room. Neji stopped on a dime having seen her and bowed to the woman in respect.
"Hello mother, this is my friend Neji-kun."
Her eyebrow lifted as she looked from me to him, then back to me again. Her eyes so cold and removed like none of this actually concerned her.
"Mina-kun, You should prepare for bed and tell your friend goodbye, It's already getting quite late."
"Yes mother!" I said before turning to Neji. "It was a pleasure meeting you and I can't wait to see you again! Thanks for coming over Neji-Senpai."
I was sad that he had to leave so soon since I wouldn't actually sleep for some time, but as a Hyuga I was expected to obey and I didn't want to disappoint her. She could arguably make my life hell, but instead she let me do as I saw fit within reason.
The words came out surprisingly smooth despite not liking the idea. I could bare with anything along my journey to gain power. I was born into the branch family of the Hyuga so it was a matter of time before Neji and I both would receive the caged bird seal even if he didn't yet know. I needed to gain strength and knowledge as fast as possible just to be able to survive in this world… and even more If I wanted to have any freedom.
Only S ranked ninja's could eventually disassociate themselves with their village safely enough. More than anything, even in this body which was not yet 2 years old, I craved that freedom. I wouldn't allow any handicap's to deter me from this. I would do whatever is necessary to advance, and now I finally had made a friend who could help me tremendously on that road.
Compared to Neji the other children my age or even close to it were trash. They frivolously wasted their time like I'm certain I did in my first life. The saying rings true, Ignorance is bliss.
Neji bowed again to my mother before taking his leave. My mother helped me bathe before sending me to bed.
Lying awake on my mattress, I went over the days events in my head. I regretted not being able to focus on physical training as much as I wanted to during the day, but a good majority of it was spent on learning and building a bond with sensei.
I'm sure the bonds I establish now will help me greatly on my journey, but I had to be selective on which bonds I would choose to cultivate as unimportant 'trash' would simply be a waste of time.
After my internal monologue I thought for a moment how concerning it was that as much as I wanted to, I could not come to see the children around me for the most part as anything but trash. They barely warranted pleasantries and certainly didn't deserve my respect. Perhaps this disposition was only toxic and arrogant, but in the end it would help me focus on the bigger picture.
I reached under my mattress and pulled one of the leafs I had hidden away out, sticking it to my forehead. Meditation and chakra control training was always the hardest for me. Every time I began trying to channel chakra, a numbing vibration would overcome me, to the point it was ticklish and I would begin laughing.
Irritation and exasperation often overcame me when I was trying to train to use chakra for this reason. It was incredibly difficult to maintain my focus as each time I giggled the flow broke and the leaf would detach. I had been doing this every night I could. The sensations of vibration and sensitivity had slowly diminished, much to my excitement. It would seem that my hypersensitivity could possibly be managed. The more I forced myself to meditate and be aware of my chakra, and repetitively channel it, the less my side effects from my sensitivity hindered me from training.
6 months ago I was unable to hold the leaf to my forehead for even 10 seconds at a time. My best being approximately 8 seconds and my average time about 3-5 seconds each. Now I could keep the leaf held for about 2 minutes before my sensitivity caused my focus to wane. If I stay dedicated I was sure that eventually I could overcome this crippling debilitation and wow my clan despite the adversity from Being-X that I faced.
A smug smile appeared on my face as I felt content with my progress so far. I would gain expert levels of chakra control and attempt to build my chakra reserves as well as I could. I knew that chakra was the mixture of physical and spiritual energy. I didn't yet know how much chakra I had, or how much an average kid around me should have had, because despite trying hard I couldn't figure out how to awaken my Byakugan.
I remember that the Byakugan was supposed to be available at birth and the only thing that prevented me from activating it was either that I didn't understand how to force it active using my chakra, or that my control of chakra was not yet at the level that would be necessary.
A wave of fatigue washed over me as the leaf fell from my forehead again. I felt so warm and groggy that I decided it was now time for me to sleep.
I pulled up my blankets and buried my head into my pillow. I closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep, but even as tired as I was, my mind would not stop.
I frowned at the thought that a lack of sleep would mean a lack of physical and mental recovery, and learning and improving myself would only be more difficult tomorrow tired.
Being able to reason it to yourself, and actually having the control to be able to fall asleep were two entirely different matters though sadly.
A pang of loneliness spread over me. I wasn't able to ignore it like usual by focusing on something else. (Like training or learning.)
I looked over to my spare pillow and pulled it closer to me. I hugged my pillow and pretended it was my mom. Fantasizing about her warm embrace and a fictional smile that I doubted she would ever really show me. I'm safe inside my own imagination to crave affection am I not?
I briefly thought about letting go of my pillow, returning it to its rightful place at my headboard. I was coping with the lack of affection in my life in an odd way, and surely this wouldn't be healthy for me to continue. I needed to be strong.
My eyes began leaking tears that spilled onto my pillow as my chest seized and hurt. A icy chill ran up my spine, causing me to pull the pillow further into my embrace. I cried and cried until tears would no longer come. Snot had stained my pillowcase and I felt ashamed of myself.
I rubbed the pillow against my sheets along the side of the bed where I wouldn't accidentally lay on it. The pillow was still moist from tears but I had finally reigned in my emotions enough to stop. I squeezed the pillow against me again, this time considering suffocating myself with it.
I could just be done with it all right now.
No, that is the weakness in me talking. Forfeiting without ever really ever trying would be unacceptable. I was miserable forcing myself to do what I knew must be done, and seeing other kids my age run around carelessly made me wish that I could too. They were lucky while I was chosen, chosen to have to rise to the top to survive the sadistic Being-X which no doubt threw me into this world with the full intent of hostility and violence.
I stretched my limbs pushing them as far away as possible. It wasn't productive focusing on all these negative emotions. I sat up and put my body through a few more stretching poses before turning and grabbing my pillow.
My eyelids felt so very heavy like they carried the weight of the entire world on them. I closed them and cuddled closer to my pillow before finally falling asleep.
