"I said maybe... You're gonna be the one that saves me... And after all... You're my wonderwall..."
Everyone was eating, chatting, listening to Charlie playing the guitar, everything was looking normal. Nothing extraordinary had happened in a while. The popular ones, the adventurous ones: Kate, Sawyer, Jack, Hurley, Sayid... These people weren't confortable with the "no weird stuff happening". It's like a part of them was missing. For Kate, everything was missing. Her world was falling apart, with no particular reason. The same as always, she regreted everything she'd done, every single thing. If she could change things, she would, with no hesitation. But that didn't matter, she couldn't change things, she had to focus on what was going on right there, right now.
It was a beautiful night, stars and a full moon lighted up the sky. Hurley sat next to Libby, Charlie with Claire, Sayid and Shannon, Rose and Bernard, Jin and Sun... Jack as always had to be helping, so he was getting the fire to last. Sawyer was on his tent, away from everybody, reading his book "Of Mice And Men", sitting on an airplane armchair. Kate was looking across the sea, imagining what'd have happened if the plane hadn't crashed, would she be in prison? Would the judge had believed her story? She would never know. She knew she had to move on, forget about all of that, start living in the present, but it's easier said than done:
- What's up, Freckles? - Sawyer walked by her, getting some water near the fire, and scaring the hell out of Kate.
- Oh, hey, "hi yourself" as you say... - she answered, trying to improvise.
- Is everything okay there? - Sawyer asked, she didn't know how but he could tell she wasn't being herself.
- I'm okay! - Kate said, out loud.
- Okay, okay, easy there, next time I won't care - he said with his cute, corner of the mouth ironic smile.
Kate realized she didn't mean to say that out loud, she was just tired of people "caring a lot". She wasn't used to that. A few minutes later came Jack, sitting next to her and started to talk:
- You know what happens when a tornado meets a volcano?
- What..? - Kate asked, confused.
- It's a line, from Eminem, I realized you would recognize... - he laughed, looking down and regretting ever started that conversation, embarrassed.
- Oh yeah, I know it, but that doesn't mean anything on the song, at all... - Kate said, pointing out the obvious.
- Well, nether anything you told me in the last couple of days... - Jack said, trying to start a quite tense atmosphere, and accomplishing it
- What... I don't... - Kate knew what he was talking about, he was right, she just couldn't admit it to him, much less to herself.
- You know what I mean, I can see it in your eyes, anyone can, you're feeling regret. - Kate looked into his eyes - I can see that kind of suffering, I went through that, like every single day since I became a doctor... - Kate was so concentrated on what he had to say she couldn't even blink. - I'm sorry you're feeling that way, I really, really want to help, but I won't be able to if you don't talk to me…
She looked into his eyes, his shiny green eyes, smiling, he was trying very hard to help, and she was just pushing him away. It was the wall, the freaking wall she put up a long time ago, nothing gets passed it, not even someone who's trying their best to help out, she didn't trust anyone, and it's not like someone can blame her… She got closer, and closer, until her pink, warm lips touched his. Everything around them just got blurry, what really mattered was right there, right at that moment, anything else wasn't relevant. Jack kissed her back, it wasn't anything extravagant, physically it was just a kiss, emotionally it was so much more. They slept together that night, but not the way you're thinking, they laid on the sand, right next to the fire, a blanket and the stars on top of them. There's a word for that, it's not physical, it's not pleasure, it's not vulgar, it's love.
