Are eyes met straight to our souls but..all I saw was just emptyness telling how stranger I was to him.I compose myself and seated properly ,breaking our eye contact.. it felt something more than mere looking happened in that seconds..something inside me had died down..
He is Hatake Kakashi,more than that he said nothing more about ,he proceeded with orientation,rules and regulation and short question and answer for further had a great sense of humor,he easily soothe the tentions and most of all open minded enough and considerate of student's thoughts and the complete opposite of traditional is more of "you" and not "I" kind of teachers, those who are boasting everything about them,how superior they were,t hier intellects,the brand they bought,the struggles and drama of thier life and if they ever run out of hose they gossip about thier co teachers and someone-who the students dont know nor care.
Everyone had a great time with class is full of jokes and inspirations,he even dismiss the class early and soon as he leave the door everyone started to chat and talk how they think of I heard positive comments,some girls I even heard squeeling and talks how good looking he everyone take thier time I bowed my head on the desk and sigh in temporary relief,I dont want to think anything..or anyone..I dont even want to utter in words what Im feeling,I..I just wanted to forget, hoping for this to pass soon..
Days had come and go,a month later, as Kakashi sensei became popular and one of students` favorite ,I avoid him on the other I made it to this month,made it so unnoticeable that no one will be suspicious to question why I am doing this..For really,I dont know myself and dont really wanted know..Avoiding him is just a way of avoiding something more I am scared of..for deep inside I know i will be hurt badly of whatever that is...so Im running away from that fact..running away from him..Pretending it didnt exist..
But I wasnt really good as I think I was...
We are celebrating the foundation of our university for a class was even postponed for preparations and plannings,everyone are busy, different and colorful booths are build,everything is lively and full of joy despite the heavy we,seniors made our booth,but not as grandious as others,we just had a simple second hand bookshop ofcourse donated by my give away the slip ads while boys do the transfering of books and the shelves we had borrowed, we are also assinged in making the booth long enough, as it was finished everyone start to visit other booths too.I on the otherhand was stuck to care for the bookshop in afternoon of the fourth day.
Freshmen were most of the buyers,funny how stress they look and bought tons of course-books for their subjects.I smiled at the memories,the sleepless night during first year,the hardships in point some were puking and passing out everywhere..but now, its only months away and we'll be graduating, all the pain is worth is such a good way to kill time when youre alone and just looking for the booth with only few customers coming.
Then..
"Id like to buy this please"
I lift my head to face the man was the sole person I dont want to be with in such secluded place.
Sensei smiled at me and place all the books in my table.I inststantly bowed and tried not to have eye contact with him
.
"Yeah..Yeah..ofcourse"I said trying to hide my embarassment..I felt cornered.A total of 10 books he had bought,I compute it silently and as fast as I could, while he scan for more books walking back and front.
The tension is building more and more and I start sweating i finish computing and packing,which Im gladly done,he came close and seated in front of me.
"Im sorry"he said softly making me stiffer.
"Im sorry..But I wasnt able to say.. to please use 2 bags for going to give some of it to someone"he added.
"uh..ok..2 bags then"I said as calmly as possible.I saw him smirk.
"This..This..And this" he point the books to be seperated.I did when Im almost finish..
All of a sudden..
Out of nowhere..
"Why are you avoiding me?"
I look at him and saw him staring back.
He is dead serious and hes almost glaring at me.
"I..I.."I stumble on my words.I wanted to run away but my legs felt numb.
"Did I-"sensei worriedly said but was cut when the door was opened and freshmen came in.
They greeted me and sensei then started to view the complete silence was now broken,but few tension was still creeping on sensei sigh heavily in front of me..I felt guilt knowing that he notice what im doing all this paid and gone shortly afterward.
I felt shitty from then on..
~~~~~
At last day of celebration,a concert was held,bands and competitions,but Im not really into it right now,I cant enjoy after what happened yesterday..
Still I did attend the concert for sake of paid tickets,the upbeat sound just added to my head aches so I went outside to get some fresh air but its crowded as well.I felt bad ,and starting to walk off balance so I decided to go home.
Not even halfway home,it started to home was just walking distance but because I felt sick ,my pace was slower than usual.I needed to stop when I felt passing out.
I cant go back because Im soak,all I had with me is my bag and nothing that can cover me from rain.I continue walking,my sight started to blurr and I started no place to stop by to cover,I had no choice,aside its embarassing to be seen in such situation so I better be hurry.
Water and tears flooded in my face..I felt pity in myself.I have no one to cope me,I have no family waiting,Im just plain sick sad guy who cry in the rain in the middle of the night.I..I only had myself and worst Im no good at all..sniff
"I have no fuckin umbrella..You idiot...Idiot!Sniff..Idiot.. Sniffwhy didn't you bring umbrella?!"I started to mumble as rain get stronger and louder..
"you are not.."Voice at my back draw near.
An umbrella was held above me..I just stare at him speechless..It is Kakashi sensei.
"Youre fact youre one of my best students"
"n.."I utter trying to object..
"Shut up!Please,shut up!"He exclaimed.
"i'll walk you home before you pass out here"
His tone is angry but I know his just concern
The man Im running away from,is the only person who help me and soak himself in the rain just to meet me...
We reach my apartment-my ask for my keys and open it for me,helping me balance he walk me to my bed and laid me there.I can barely see nor know whats happening and what im saying..But I insist him to go already.
"Sen-sei..im fine..Im..Gonna be..So..So..Please go..I..Im used to being alone" im crying in embarrasment and pity in myself..Then I pass out..
