Authors Note: This was painful to write. Tears were shed. I thought up the whole concept while queuing and riding the Swarm at Thorpe Park. Hope you enjoy reading it as much as I loved writing it.

X


In the weeks after the war, the only sight that Parvati saw was the cracked ceiling over her bunk in the room of requirement. She heard the celebrations, they continued on for two days and three nights until Hermione Granger finally decided that enough was enough and it was time to leave their bubble and start rebuilding their world. She heard as teams came into the castle, working to rebuild the infrastructure that had been destroyed by rouge curses and giants fists. She heard as her friends crowded outside the door to the room of requirement quietly discussing what should be done with her, the broken Gryffindor.

Eventually, her haven was disturbed. The first was Neville, quietly creeping through the door. Parvati made no attempt to move. The war had been over for seventeen days, six hours, thirty-nine minutes and 41...42...43 seconds. She had not left her bunk.

"Parv?" Neville whispered. She still did not turn towards him. "We're worried about you."

"I know." She croaked. It was the first time she had spoken since. Flashes of green and red darted behind her eyes as she closed them, shocked at how her voice sounded. She quickly opened them again. Neville slowly moved towards her, he had learned, rather quickly, that moving too fast in front of a survivor only led to a hex thrown in his direction. He understood, he had thrown a few himself.

"You...you missed the funeral. They buried them all in their own site in Hogsmeade. It's beautiful Par, she would've loved-"

"You should have burned them. She wanted to be burned. Being buried alive was her worst fear, you knew that." She spat at him, for the first time sitting up, glaring at the boy. If she had done this only a year ago he would've shrunk back, stammered an apology, tried to fix the mistake. But this was War Hero Neville Longbottom. Instead he straightened and looked her directly in the eye.

"We checked Parvati. She was gone, there was no chance that-."

"Get out." She jumped down; her wand already pointed at Neville. He made no attempt to reach for his own. "I mean it Neville, get out. Right now. I am just crazy enough right now to do something I might not regret for a long time."

A wand pointed at his throat, Neville still made no attempt to move. All he saw at the end of the stick was his shattered friend who needed help, but who right now, needed to be left alone.

"I'll go, you know I will. You don't have to threaten me. But you also know that I am only the first whose been sent to get you. There are going to be more, and you are going to leave here and we are going to help you." He turned to leave as she snorted at his brash tone. "I love you Parv, we all do, just remember that as you hole yourself up in here. She wasn't the only one who did."

As he left, stepping over piles of hastily discarded uniforms, Parvati clambered back into a bunk, the one just under her own and curled into herself until she was as small as possible, closed her eyes, breathed in the smell and pretended that she was still here.

###

Neville had been right, he was the first in a long line of DA and Order members who had been sent to try and pull her out of her spiral, drag her out in some cases. Harry Potter, who had been just a little too shaky to achieve anything. Parvati was sure that he would have joined her if he'd had the option. Hermione Granger, who had never really been entirely sure of herself around Parvati, didn't really even attempt. Instead, she apologised, admitted she would be in the same position had Harry or Ron died, and then pulled out a book. Parvati appreciated the girl a little more after that. Dean Thomas, Lee Jordan and Seamus Finnegan had all taken similar stances to Neville, almost trying to guilt her out. They had all left with a wand at their backs. Trelawney had come close, that was until the woman had said that Lavender was fated to be a hero, a martyr. Parvati threw a frying pan at her head. McGonagall had come even closer, she had used logic. Parvati had made it halfway to the door before she crumpled to the floor, the woman helped her back to a bunk and told her not to leave yet, that she wasn't ready.

Eventually, they sent in the person Parvati had expected to be first, but as she walked through the door she understood why she wasn't. Padma had cut off her long dark hair that matched her twins, her clothes, Muggle, were black that was more swallowing of light then the absence of it. Now she was all shadows. Parvati thought it was fitting, she was never as daring as her sister, but Padma seemed to reflect outwardly everything that Parvati hid inside.

"Get up Parv. She wouldn't want this." Padma snapped, hand on one hip.

"Like you would know what she wanted. Just leave me here."

"No. Do you really think Lavender would want you to throw away your life? Sit in this place and wallow, throw away something she never could have. Do you?"

Parvati turned over in her bunk, unwilling to hear what Padma had to say. She wasn't the first to say it and she was sure she wouldn't be the last.

"At least go and visit her Parv." he sighed. "She would have wanted that."

At this, Parvati had decided that she had had enough.

"No." She screamed, jumping from her bunk, storming towards her frozen sister. "No this is not what Lavender Brown would have wanted. To be made an example of? A figurehead of the war because, 'oh dear that poor girl died didn't she, how awful but at least she died doing what was right, just another casualty of war'. No. To be forgotten? To be just another name on a plaque that people bow their heads when they pass or even avoid because it too painful to look at, to be reminded that the War had casualties that were mostly just children? That is not what she wanted. Don't you are imply that." She took a long shuddering breath and carried on in a quiet, deadly voice. "We were told, explicitly, that we had to inform everyone what we wanted to happen.'Just in case' they said. To be burned with her wand in her favourite pale green dress, to be let in the ocean so she could travel, just like we were going to do after the war. That's what she wanted, but no, Lavender Browns dying wishes were not even enough to grant. Instead they wanted her to show the world what we fucking did, what we sacrificed, to remind them to keep themselves in check. That's not what she fucking wanted. Don't open your mouth and assume things you have no idea about Padma Patil. Now get the fuck out of here and leave me alone."

Parvati watched as her sister turned on her heel and ran out the room. She tried to dredge up guilt, sadness, anything to indicate that she shouldn't have treated her sister like that, shouldn't have exploded. She came to the conclusion that she was dead inside, and that suited her just fine.

###

After Padma, Parvati had begun to think that that was everyone, that she was done, that they would finally, finally, leave her alone. So she was very startled when she was brought out of her stupor by none other than a timid Ron Weasley peering around the edge of the door. For the first time since Parvati could remember, she could not bring herself to speak, to tell him to leave. So he nodded at her and slowly made his way over to her till he was stood right next to her bunk, her head tilted back to look at him.

"Hullo Parvati." He said slowly, quietly. She nodded back at him. Since Sixth year, the sight of Ron Weasley had been a spike through her heart. She was surprised when this time, it was not, she simply registered that she was literally incapable of feeling anymore. It was a refreshing thought.

He moved closer still, still almost infuriatingly slowly, Parvati wished he would just shout at her so she could threaten him and he would leave. What she did not expect however, was for Ron Weasley to scoop her up in gangly arms and hold her close before sinking to the floor and crying softly into her hair.

Parvati was frozen, incapable of producing a coherent thought let alone a sentence, a word, even a sound. She simply could not grasp the situation she had found herself in; the lack of control was what broke her in the end. She curled into Ron, his shirt firmly in her fists as she began to cry for the first time since she had seen Lavenders broken body laid out in the Great Hall.

"I loved her." She sobbed into the boys' shirt.

"I know, I know." He said, patting her back.

"No you don't understand, I loved her." Ron grabbed her tighter, rubbing her back, comforting her.

"Par, I know. I've always known." At this, the girl sobbed louder, feeling the pain in her chest, a pressure she was sure would never let up.

She loved Lavender Brown with every inch of her existence. She loved the way her curls bounced when she nodded her head, how when her hair caught the sun it was as bright as an exploding star. She loved how she scrunched up her nose when she smelled Goyles' aftershave, how she always asked for two sugars in her tea before sneaking another in when she though no one was looking. She loved how she double knotted her laces and how she was unapologetically emotional.

Slowly, she began to calm down till she only did a stifled sob every so often and pulled away from Ron to look him in the eyes.

"How do you know?" She whispered.

"She was hard." He shrugged, laughing softly as she scowled at him. "She was, I'm not going to lie and say she wasn't 'cause she's gone, she would've hated that. But you always put up with her, even when she was being particularly awful, even when I didn't. I liked her a lot, but you loved her. You still love her." He stopped, looked at her, she could tell he was weighing on what to say next.

"Does anybody else know?" She looked down at her hands, twisting them together, she was nervous of their reaction. Had Lav been here, she wouldn't have cared, she would've lifted her chin high because who really could've faulted hr for loving such a remarkable girl? Bu Lav wasn't here, so she didn't.

"No. Actually Luna does. But that's only because Lav wanted her opinion."

"Her...wait what?"

"She...Lavender loved you too. She told Luna, she was planning on telling you after the battle. She knew Luna was most likely to be accepting of it, not that anyone else wouldn't have been, she just wanted courage to do it. I wasn't going to tell you, I thought it would... But you deserve to know. She loved you Parvati."

A long silence echoed through the room, neither willing to break it, nether knowing what exactly to say next till Parvati took a deep, shuddering breath.

"I miss her." She said so softly, Ron would have missed it if he had not been paying attention.

"I miss her too. I keep expecting her to bounce round a corner and make fun of me for holding Hermione's hand."

"She wouldn't."

"I know."

Again, a silence stretched in front of them till Parvati moved out of Ron's lap and stood in front of him, helped him up and brushed herself off.

"I'm not leaving here Ron. Not yet anyway." She said firmly, her arms crossed, fresh tears silently making their way down her face. He nodded at her.

"I didn't think you would. That wasn't my aim. I just wanted to tell you, needed someone to cry with specifically over Lavender, you were the best option."

"Thank you Ron."

"Thank you." And with that, Ron turned and left the room. Parvati slowly sank to the floor again wailing as she grabbed Lavenders house jumper she had thrown off before the battle, not wanting to make herself too much of a target.

Parvati wasn't sure how long she would stay in that room, if she would ever even leave. All she knew was the only person she had really ever loved was gone and by some evil force of hand, she was still here.