Author's Note: Hi there! Lil here! Hope you all are having a nice Winter Break! And I hope you have a nice New Year, I still haven't made my resolutions, darn it! Alas, I'll probably get around to it next year. Anywho, I have begun a new story that is an old story, and it is actually the first one I ever wrote, but it isn't because I had to rewrite it. Go read it, it's called Love Potion Number 9, and it's a very funny Snape fic! I already have a review, yay! I have just put the first 2 chapters up today, but more will be posted soon as I rewrite it. I would like to thank my lovely reviewers, yay! I wish there were more, but the ones I have are all very nice and I love them! You all get a cookie, yay for you! I would like to say THANKS to: Wolfwoman357 (as always, thanks. And I wouldn't go in there even if they did pay me a lot of dough, lol!), Nenloth Greenleaf (I will miss the commercials too, alas! I thought they were the best part! But I was running out of ideas. Maybe I'll bring them back someday!), Avalon Estel (glad you liked it! And I like Larry's Lair of Love, what's wrong with it? Lol, besides the obvious!), and Blue Autumn Sky (thanks for the idea! I was gonna have Smeagol find George's twin or something, not quite sure yet, but now it will be Frank, yay! But he won't be dead! Maybe they'll go to the GAP of Rohan, I haven't decided if he gets a new one or not, I'm so mean!) Thanks to all of those nice people! Please be a nice person and review!

Disclaimer: I own nothing, nothing I tell you! I did not steal them, I promise! No… don't look in the hall closet, officer! Umm, how'd those guys get in there? Don't believe a word they say, especially the one with the pointy ears!


Adventures In Gimli's Beard!
A Rescue Mission For Gandalf

Chapter 2

We return from the last commercial and our camera comes on inside the mass of tangles and braids that is the beard of Gimli. Eomer is the one holding the camera, so we see what he sees, which is not much seeing as how it is quite dark. There is a click, and a beam of light comes on, revealing slimy-looking, cavern-like walls. A glance up shows the rope dangling down from the top of the horrendous hair, though we cannot tell how far up it goes. It must have been a long drop for the poor man!

All of a sudden there is a high-pitched 'EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!' It is getting louder, how curious! This screeching noise is followed by a 'sproing!', and then a 'thud'. The camera turns around and we see that it was Smeagol making all the commotion! He is standing now and taking off his football helmet to replace it with a cute little miner's flashlight hat. "That was a big drop, precious!", he says to Eomer, who nods. "We is lucky to haves the bouncy springs!" He then peels the bubble gum off of his feet and puts his springs in his bag. The pillow stays on, probably because he can't get the duct tape off of his barrel.

"I wonder what happened to-", Eomer starts to say, but is cut off by another scream. "-Legolas.", he finishes. The camera looks up just in time to get a glimpse of the aforementioned elf before he comes plummeting down and crashes with a much louder than before 'thud'! "Are you all right?", Eomer asks. He gets a groan in reply. "Poor elfses!", comments Smeagol, "He didn't even haves a pillow, precious!"

Legolas sits up and shakes his head to clear it, then looks at his two companions. "Oh," he says, "Where am I?" "We is in the dwarfses ugly beard, precious!" is the answer he gets, but apparently not one he really wanted to hear. A quick look at his surroundings and a nod from Eomer confirm his deepest fears, and the elf lets out another hysterical scream.

"Get a hold of yourself!", yells the man, slapping his frantically frightened friend to calm him down. "Come on!", he tells his teammates, "We have to get going! Remember that Gandalf is down here, and he needs us!" This calmed Legolas down a bit, or maybe it was being slapped repeatedly. Either way, he at least stopped screaming, which was good. He takes off his helmet and grabs his pack, which he had dropped in his terror. The troop is now ready to begin their search! If only one of them had remembered to pack some brains!

They all begin their way down the dark and dangerous path, looking rather nervous, especially the elf. "Maybe we should call for Gandalf.", he suggests. "NO!", says Smeagol, "We don't knows what sorts of thingses lurks in here!" "Right!", added Eomer, "We wouldn't want to draw unfriendly attention to ourselves."

So the trio trudges, continuing quietly, looking for any signs that would indicate that their lost companion had passed this way. Soon Legolas sees a problem, the rope that Eomer had brought to climb back out was running out. The elf is worried that they won't be able to find their way back, especially in the dark! If they don't have a way to mark their paths, they could be lost forever, spending eternity wandering around Gimli's grimy beard!

He points out this dilemma, but Eomer, being a man, says, "Never fear! I have a very keen sense of direction! I never get lost! I'll be able to find our way back, even in the dark!"

This does not convince his companion, so Legolas has the idea to leave a trail of bread crumbs to follow back, how intelligent!

Our heroes continue to walk for awhile, seeing many strange and unusual items in the hair, but not as much as they had expected. Their theory is that since they are so far down, there is not as much as there would be higher up because most lost things stay in the upper layers of the beard and don't fall so far inside.

Soon they realize that something is not right. They begin to hear strange noises, and even rustling sounds, as if something was moving about in the hair! Legolas turns around to find-gasp- all of the bread crumbs marking the trail are missing! "We has no way to finds the exit now!", Smeagol wails, "We is lost in the smelly beardses forever, precious!" This makes Legolas terrified again as well. Of course they were not lost, it was stupid to mark the trail in the first place seeing as how so far they had only walked in one direction, and not even that far, but still, there was panic!

"Calm down.", says Eomer, "I'm sure it was just some furry little ducky or something that was hungry. Don't worry about it, I can find our way back when it comes time to leave! Remember, I'm a man!" This calms the other two down a bit, until Legolas infers something, and it's not that duckies aren't furry.

"Hang on!", he says, frightened, "What if the thing that ate our bread isn't a furry little ducky? What if it's bigger, and still hungry?" "What gives you that idea?", Eomer inquires. "Because," Legolas answers, "I think I hear it coming!"

Indeed, now we hear crashing noises in the hair, and loud grunts. Something is coming towards our heroes, but what? It sounds rather large and angry!

Is it a furry ducky?

Is it Gandalf?

Is it a crumple-horned snorkack?

Find out next time in… dun dun da dun… Adventures In Gimli's Beard!