Once again, Lee Holloway found herself on a balcony. But this time, she recognized it. And, she was quite happy to be there. That is, as long as that horrible man in the leather jacket didn't show up again. Lee walked over and sat down on one of the white chairs.

"Mr. Shore." said Lee.

"Oh, it's you. The one who thought she was in a dream."

Lee smiled. "Well, whether it is or not doesn't matter. But I'd like to confess something now. I've fallen in love with you."

"Really." said Alan.

"Yes." said Lee. "And I'd like to ask, how do you feel about exploring a dominant/submissive relationship with me?"

"Who's the dominant and who's the submissive?" said Alan.

"Well, I'd be the submissive." said Lee.

"I see. What happened to Edwin?"

"Edward. And I've thought about that, and I have reached a conclusion."

"Which is…?"

"Well, I love Edward. He's a wonderful man. I love him very much. But there's something that he just can't give me that you can."

"What?"

"Well…you see, to use a metaphor, after a hard day of litigating, would you want to sit on a hard, plastic chair, or a soft, plush chair, like this one?"

"A chair like this one, of course. But what does that have to do with anything?" said Alan.

"Well, I've been thinking, and I've discovered recently that all along, I've been looking for a certain quality in a man, that you possess, and Edward does not."

"I'm not following. What does that have to do with chairs?"

"Nothing, except, like this chair, you're…well, you're a plush man, Mr. Shore." said Lee.

"Plush."

"Yes, and, I feel…I feel that all along, I've been looking for a plush man, if you will."

"A plush man?"

"Yes. You know, a…well, a soft man. And Edward is just not a plush man. What do you say?" said Lee.

"I say you're very insulting." said Alan.

"But I'm serious." said Lee. "You see, Mr. Shore, not only do I want to know the joys of a dominant/submissive relationship, I also want to experience it with a plush man."

"I see. And when exactly did you discover this?"

"When I met you. I became very…well, very aroused, and-"

"Because you think I'm a plush man?"

"Think? What do you mean, think?" said Lee. She cleared her throat. "That, uh, didn't come out quite right. I'm sorry."

"Well, Lee, I really don't know what to say. Except that I'm certain that Edward would not like it."

Lee smiled. "Edward doesn't ever need to know."

"And what if he were to find out?"

"I promise you, he'll never know. Now." She reached over and placed her hand on his thigh. "Do you agree?"

"No." said Alan.

"What do you mean, no? I thought you were attracted to me." said Lee.

"Well, I am. But I really don't want you to do anything to hurt your husband, Edward. I feel a certain kinship with him."

"Oh, that's absurd. You don't even know him. You've never even met him. And since when are you so chaste?" said Lee.

"What are you talking about? You don't even know me, and you're making judgments about me?"

"Something tells me that you'll go to bed with any woman." said Lee.

"Well, you might be right. Except you."

Lee felt very hurt. "Why? Don't you think I'm attractive? Aren't I pretty enough for you? Look at these blue eyes. And dark hair. That's a very rare combination, you know. Aren't you attracted to me?"

"Yes, but that's beside the point. Truly, I don't want you to cheat on Edward."

"But you don't know him. And it wouldn't really be cheating." said Lee.

"Of course it would. And besides, Lee, if you really want to begin a relationship of any kind, it's best you don't start off with insulting remarks. That usually comes later on in the relationship."

"I don't think it was an insult. I find plush men to be very attractive. Well, actually –"

Behind them someone cleared his throat. Lee turned to see Denny Crane standing there. "Young lady, did I just hear you say you were looking for a plush man?" said Denny.

Lee looked around nervously. "How long were you standing there, Mr. Crane?" she said.

"You know my name! We're off to a terrific start already. But if it's a plush man you're looking for, uh…" He turned to Alan. "What's her name?"

"Lee." said Alan.

"Lee, if it's a plush man you're looking for, you've got him. Denny Crane. It's a coincidence, you know, I was just telling Alan the other day how much I adore a woman with an upturned nose. It's a very attractive quality." said Denny, putting his cigar in his mouth and puffing on it thoughtfully.

Lee looked at Alan. "What's with him?" she said.

"Mad cow." said Alan.

"Don't listen to him. There's not a thing wrong with me. Now as for Alan…"

"Denny…" said Alan.

"He's a wacko. He's got all kinds of neuroses. Word salad, fear of clowns, night terrors…"

"You're afraid of clowns?" Lee said.

"You know, this really isn't open for discussion. Now Lee-"

"Lee, is it?" said Denny. "Well, Lee, as I was saying, that upturned nose is just driving me absolutely crazy. And since you say you desire a plush type of man, I think we were made for each other. What about dinner?"

"I have an upturned nose?" Lee said.

"Yes. It's a very beautiful thing on a woman, an upturned nose. Like a cute rabbit. Or a pretty pig." said Denny.

"Pretty pig?"

"Denny, would you please go away? We were trying to have a private conversation here." said Alan.

"Well." Denny said. "I'll remember this, Alan. Don't think I won't. The time you let some strange woman invade our balcony." Denny said, walking back into the building.

"Now see what you've done, Lee? Did anyone ask you to be here? You don't belong here, and I think it's best that you leave."

But Alan. I want you. I want to-to-"

"Look, Lee." He sighed. "I don't want to hurt you, and I think you're obviously a lovely person, but-"

"But what? I just want to know what it's like to be loved by a…softer, more plush man. But I don't think I'll take your friend up on his offer. It could only be you, you see. Besides, he called me a pretty pig."

"Oh, he didn't mean anything by it. He was only trying to compliment you." said Alan.

"By saying I look like a pretty pig?" said Lee.

"Well, you know. That's just his way. He's not known for subtlety." said Alan.

"Alan, if we could just…" Lee leaned over the chair and put his lips to hers. They kissed slowly, and Lee knew that she had him. "Such a plush man." Lee said breathlessly.

"Such a cute, upturned nose. Like a pretty pig." said Alan.

Lee sighed. "Why don't we go somewhere a little more private." she suggested.

"I agree." said Alan. "And I think I know just the place."

They were heading towards the elevator when they were accosted by Shirley.

"Alan." said Shirley. "Who is this?"

"Well, this is Lee. Lee Holloway. She's thinking about applying for a secretarial job here, weren't you, Lee?" said Alan.

"Oh, yes. I think that Crane, Poole, & Schmidt would be an excellent job opportunity for me."

"Oh, really? Well then, just remember I'm Schmidt." said Shirley, looking pointedly at Alan. She walked away.

"That was Schmidt?" said Lee.

"It surely was."

"Oh, that was Shirley! The one who said you were more in touch with the darker side of humanity."

"That was so long ago, it hardly seems relevant anymore." said Alan. They stepped in the elevator.

"What place did you have in mind?" said Lee.

"Here."

"Here? In the elevator?" said Lee incredulously.

"Yes. It's after hours. No one will catch us." said Alan. "Have you ever made love in an elevator before, Lee?" said Alan.

"No. Have you?" said Lee.

"Yes, once. Her name was Irma-

"Stop! I don't want to hear about it." said Lee. "And I don't want us to have sex in the elevator. If this is the way it's going to be, then I don't think I want it to happen."

"I thought you wanted a plush man, Lee." said Alan.

"I do. But I want it to be like this. I want us to be alone. Someplace more private than the elevator. You can't do the things in an elevator that I-

Just then, the elevator door opened, and Melissa got on. Melissa was wearing a particularly short skirt, paired with a polka dot blouse. She looked at them. "Who is she?" Melissa asked, almost accusatorily.

"Well, this is Lee. Lee is uh-

"Thinking of applying for a secretarial position here at Crane, Poole & Schmidt." said Lee. "I think it would be a wonderful place to-

"Secretarial? You mean, you're firing me, Alan? You're letting me go?" Melissa said in outrage.

"No, no. She wouldn't be my secretary. She'd be ah, Denny's."

"Then what are you doing with her?" Melissa asked suspiciously.

"We're just talking. I was just showing her the-

"Bedroom." Melissa supplied.

"Actually, yes, if you must know. It's a…night terrors thing. Since you were unhappy with the job requirements, Lee has kindly agreed to take your place."

"That was very kind of her, I'm sure." said Melissa. "But as long as she's not replacing me around the office, I'll allow it. Because I know you have urges, Alan, and as long as you and I can't be together, I'll allow an open relationship. Because I care, Alan."

"Because you care." said Alan.

"But be warned. When you and I are together, I am absolutely not going to allow this type of hanky-panky to continue." said Melissa.

"Well, you know I'm counting the minutes until that day, Melissa." said Alan in amusement. The elevator doors opened and Melissa stepped off. They closed again.

"She's your secretary?" said Lee.

"Yes. But I get the idea that she wants to be more, don't you?" said Alan.

"Do you want her to be more?" said Lee.

"I don't know." said Alan.

"Of course you do. She's very cute. But I don't think that she is nearly as pretty as me." said Lee.

"You don't?" said Alan.

"No, I don't. Not to mention the fact that she's young enough to be your daughter. Come to think of it, so am I." said Lee.

"Well, Melissa's not as young as she looks." said Alan.

"She's twenty-five, then?" said Lee. "Besides, something tells me that deep down, you prefer an older woman. And I think I know who it is, specifically." said Lee.

"Who?"

"It's Shirley. Isn't it?"

"What makes you think that?" said Alan.

"I saw it when she was talking with you back there. You don't really want me. You want Shirley. Isn't that right?" said Lee.

"Who's to say we have to decide any of that right now? Perhaps tonight, I'd only want you." said Alan.

"And later you'll dump me for Shirley? Is that what you mean?" said Lee.

"No, not necessarily. But weren't you planning on going back to Edward?"

"I don't know. Maybe not. Maybe I really want to be with you. Maybe you could fire Melissa, and I could be your secretary." said Lee.

"I can't do that. It wouldn't be fair to Melissa. Besides, what makes you think I'm looking for a serious relationship?"

"I guess I should have known better. You couldn't be with just one woman. I'll bet you've never been married, have you?"

"I have been, actually." said Alan.

"You have? I'll bet you got divorced, right? I'll bet you cheated on her constantly, and she just couldn't handle it anymore." said Lee.

"She died." said Alan quietly.

Lee felt terrible. "Oh." she said softly. "I'm so sorry."

"That's all right. You didn't know. " said Alan. "Actually, I think Denny's the only one who does know."

Lee felt very sad, for him. She swallowed. "You two are really good friends, then?" was all she said.

"We are." said Alan.

"Even though he says his own name all the time, and says whatever comes to his mind?" said Lee, thinking of how he'd said she looked like a pretty pig.

"In spite of all that, yes. We all have flaws, don't we? Denny's certainly no exception."

"Yes. Say, what was that about night terrors?"

"Oh, I have them occasionally." Alan said.

"And you're afraid of clowns?"

Alan sighed in exasperation. "I thought we were discussing Denny, not me." he said.

"You're a sad man, aren't you?" said Lee. "Deeply sad. I can feel it."

"Why don't you come over here then, and see if you can't feel a little more deeply?" said Alan.

"And you cover it all up by using sexual innuendo." Lee sighed and shook her head. "Such a sad man."

"Maybe you're a sad woman." said Alan.

"I was. I used to cut myself. But Edward helped me, and now I'm very happy. Which is why I decided you're right. I don't want to jeopardize my marriage. So I've come to a decision, and once again I'm very sure that Edward and I will be quite happy together for the rest of our lives." said Lee. She sighed. "Of course, that kind of leaves you out in the cold, doesn't it?"

"I'll manage." said Alan, half sarcastically.

Lee smiled. "I'm sure you will. Maybe eventually you and Shirley will be very happy together."

"But Lee. What happened to your desire for a more, ah… well-rounded man." said Alan, raising an eyebrow.

Lee smiled. "Now, now. I didn't say that. I said plush. I wouldn't say you're round, so much as flab-

Alan cleared his throat. "Let's not get too graphic, now. I have very delicate…sensibilities." he said, smirking.

Lee laughed. "You do?" she said.

Alan nodded, but Lee thought she saw a gleam of mischief in his eyes. "No, you don't." Lee said laughingly. "But you're right. Let's just say plush. A well-rounded man would be Denny." She began to laugh.

"Well, he wears it with pride, you know."

"I'm sure pride enters into everything Denny does." said Lee.

"Well, he's the great Denny Crane, you know. He's never lost a case. And according to him, he never will."

"Do you think he never will?" said Lee.

"I'm sure of it, Lee." said Alan. "But Edward can't fulfill these newfound desires of yours, can he, Lee?"

"He could, yes."

"How could he? He's not a plush man, is he?"

"Oh, well, I've thought about that."

"And…?"

"And…Edward could be a plush man if he wanted to." said Lee.

"He could?"

"Why yes, Alan. Anyone can. Didn't you know that?"

"But what makes you think Edward would agree to…change? After all, if he wants to be dominant, he probably is very strong-willed."

"He'd do it for me, I'm sure."

"But Lee. Why get Edward to go to all that effort when I'm right here? Eliminate the middleman."

"I think we'd need to do the opposite." Lee said.

"The opposite?"

"You know. To become a more plush man." said Lee. "But I'm certain that if Edward were a more plush man, he would look exactly like you, Alan."

"He can't look exactly like me, now can he?" said Alan.

"Oh, indeed. Except you know, not plush. And he's a lawyer, like you. Except of course, he's a solo practitioner."

"Well, that is all very interesting." said Alan. "Did you say a minute ago that you used to cut yourself?"

There was a silence. Lee looked down. "I'd really rather not discuss that." she said. "It reminds me of the bad times, you know."

Alan put a hand on her shoulder. "I'm sorry, Lee." he said.

"Just like you wouldn't want to talk about being afraid of clowns, I'm sure. Or night terrors. Or…what was that other thing?"

"Word salad?"

"Yes. What is it, anyway?"

"Oh, it's a condition that causes you to speak gibberish spontaneously." said Alan.

Lee began to laugh, but quickly stopped.

"It isn't funny. It happened when I was in court. Giving a closing."

"Oh. Sounds like it could adversely affect your career as a lawyer."

"Well, I have it under control."

"Speaking of lawyers, what about all of your colleagues? What about the Ken doll one?" said Lee.

"Brad? Oh, he's the same as always. Recently, we were joined by another Ken. A dark-haired edition. Jeffery Coho."

"Oh, really? What's he like?"

"Oh, a lot like Brad. In fact, that was probably why they didn't get along. They once came to blows in the men's room."

"Really? Over what?"

"Denise, I think. They were both fighting for her affections."

"Oh. So the two Kens were fighting over their Barbie?" said Lee.

"Something like that. But Denise is a Barbie in looks only. She's an excellent attorney. She deserves much better than them, wouldn't you agree?"

"I wouldn't know. I've never met her. What about the dwarf?"

"Bethany? Oh, she and Denny are a couple now." said Alan.

"She must be pretty old then." said Lee.

"Bethany? She's only thirty or so."

"Thirty? She's his great-granddaughter! Doesn't Denny ever date inside of his age bracket?"

Alan laughed. "Never." he said. "Well, except for Shirley."

"Denny was with Shirley?" said Lee.

"Oh, yes. A long time ago." said Alan.

"And do you think he still has feelings for her?"

"He does. He's said so many times."

"And doesn't that complicate your friendship?"

"It has in the past. In fact, once we wrestled for her affections."

"You did? Couldn't that have injured him severely? After all, isn't he sevent-

"Now, now, Lee. That's not nice." said Alan.

"You're right. I've been a naughty girl." said Lee. "Don't you want to do anything about it?"

"What exactly should I do?" said Alan, moving closer towards her.

"You know, I think I might need to be given disciplinary action."
"So you'll admit to being bad only if I'll discipline you?" said Alan.

"Yes." said Lee. "But not really, of course. We were just joking, right? That would be cheating on Edward."

"Of course. We wouldn't want to do that. You know, I was quoting a great man."

"Who? Denny Crane?"

"No. Alan Shore."

Lee laughed. "You were quoting yourself?"

"I was. I said it to Shirley once."

"Oh, really? Do you and Shirley have a dominant/submissive relationship?"

"Oh, I'd definitely say that we do." said Alan.

"What happened to the midget? The mother-murdering midget?"

"Oh, he died."

"He died?"

"Yes. He was killed by my secretary. Catherine Piper. She hit him on the head with a skillet."

"Your secretary killed him?"

"Yes, she did."

"Well, I certainly hope she was given a good spanking." said Lee.

There was an awkward silence. "She's eighty." said Alan, trying to keep the laughter out of his voice.

"She is? You had an eighty year old secretary?"

"Yes, well, she was an excellent secretary. Anyway, she was cleared of the charges, thanks to me."

"You got her off?" said Lee.

"Yes, I did."

"Did you ever get Melissa off."

"On more than one occasion." said Alan.

"I thought so." said Lee.

"Our first time, it was credit card debt, and our second time was even more fulfilling. Income tax evasion."

"Sounds like Melissa gets into a lot of sticky situations." said Lee.

"Indeed."

"Any other secretaries you've gotten off?"

"Not that I can think of at the moment. Why? Does it turn you on to hear about it? First sadomasochism and now voyeurism?"

"That's a bit backwards." said Lee. "First voyeurism, then disturbing car crash fetishism, and then sadomasochism."

"Pardon?"

"Oh, I'm just babbling." She looked at him and smiled. "You know. Word salad."

"Not funny." said Alan.

"I thought it was." said Lee.

"Do you think it's funny to laugh at someone who has a serious condition?"

"No." said Lee. "I am sorry. Listen, I guess I should be going now. But before I do, I want to give you something." Lee kissed him on the lips, slowly. As she did, she suddenly felt his tongue going in her mouth. She pulled away in surprise. "Alan!"

"Did I cross a line?"

"Yes. I told you. I don't feel that way about you."

"This is goodbye, then?" said Alan.

Lee felt sad suddenly, because she didn't want to say goodbye.

"Let's not call it goodbye so much as…til we meet again." said Lee.

"Ah, that was a wonderful episode." said Alan, looking reflective.

"Episode?" said Lee.

"In my life. A wonderful episode in my life. You see, I was arrested one evening when Tara and I were-

"Tara?"

"Yes. Tara. She was my girlfriend at the time."

"I'd like to hear about Tara."

"I thought you had to go."

"Well…why don't you go with me? We can have a cup of coffee somewhere, and you can tell me about Tara."

"Are you sure Edward would like that?" said Alan.

"What Edward doesn't know won't hurt him." said Lee. She took his hand.

"Well, let's do it, then. Coffee, that is." said Alan, looking at his hand in hers, and perhaps thinking that she wanted to have more than coffee with him. Perhaps she did.

But Lee just smiled. "Of course. Coffee." she said.