Thanks to those that are reading this. I appreciate it greatly! Here is the next chapter. The boys still don't belong to me. (Damnit!)
Cindy.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
"DEAN! No Dean! No, please!"
Dean came awake with a start, Sam's screams abruptly ending a very pleasant dream. He bolted from his bed, the pale early morning light allowing him to see that Sam was not in his bed. Dean searched the room and found Sam on the floor on his hands and knees, digging into the light brown carpet with his fingers. He was softly crying and his words sent a chill up Dean's spine.
"No Dean! All my fault. All my fault. You should have let me die!"
Dean rushed to Sam, taking his chin and lifting his face up. His eyes were open but he did not see Dean. He was still lost in his current nightmare. Dean grabbed his shoulders and softly shook him.
"Sammy! Wake up! Come on Sam, you're scaring me here," Dean cried, shaking Sam even harder now as the panic rose in him.
Sam slowly blinked his eyes and began to focus on Dean's face. Recognition lit his face and he reached up and grabbed Dean's arms as if to verify that he was real.
"Dean?" Sam whispered.
"Yeah Sam, it's me," Dean said, gently pulling Sam up from the floor. He led him to his bed and sat him down, setting himself down on his own bed, facing Sam.
"What the hell was that Sam?"
"I don't know" Sam replied, rubbing his temples in an attempt to massage the dull throb that had started up away.
"Was it a nightmare, or a vision? Come on Sam, that was just plain freaky!" Dean exclaimed, noticing the telltale signs of one of Sam's headaches.
"I don't know! It was different. Weird," Sam whispered.
"You're telling me. Was it the same nightmare from before? I mean, I thought they were getting better!"
"It was the same; at first. But then...."
"But then what Sam?"
"I really don't think it's anything Dean. Can we just drop it? Please?"
"No way. You kept saying it was all your fault and that I should have just let you die! No way you're not telling me what's going on Sam. Now spill," Dean insisted.
"Fine Dean. It was the same dream as before. Complete darkness; the hands grabbing me; the pain. But then, when it came to the part that I usually wake up, I didn't. Instead, I heard you calling for me, and the hands let me go. You came up to me but before you could help me up, you...you burst into flames. I tried to save you but the fire burnt out and you were gone! I searched for you, but you were just gone!" Sam cried quietly, small sobs hitching in his throat.
"Sammy, look at me," Dean said, pulling Sam's face up to meet his own. "I'm fine. I'm not going anywhere. Now, do you think this was a vision?"
Sam looked at Dean, the fear and sadness reflected in his soft hazel eyes scaring Dean more than he cared to admit. "I don't know. It didn't feel like a vision. I mean, I haven't had one for so long. I couldn't save you Dean! I'm so damn useless. I don't know why you even keep me around. I feel so worthless most of the time!" Sam cried, resting his face in his hands.
Dean just sat there, the shock of what Sam had just said leaving him momentarily speechless. When he finally found his voice, he had to try very hard to keep the anger out of it. "Sam, you are not worthless. I keep you around number one, because you are my brother. Number two, because you are the strongest person I know. You are the only one that I trust one hundred percent! Where is all of this coming from anyway?" Dean cried.
"I just don't know if I can do this anymore. With the way all these supernatural freaks are attracted to me, I'm just going to end up getting you killed some day. I couldn't live with that Dean! I'm too weak to save you," Sam said quietly. Then in an almost inaudible whisper he said, "Maybe you should have just let me die."
"What did you just say! Are you out of that freaking mind of yours!" Dean yelled, Sam flinching at the outburst. "Don't you ever say anything like that ever again, or I will kick your ass from here until next Wednesday! You got that Sam!?"
Sam slowly looked up at Dean, not saying a word.
"Answer me Sam! Dammit you piss me off sometimes!" Dean shouted, his face getting redder by the second.
"I'm sorry Dean, it's just how I feel sometimes," Sam said softly, a look of shame on his face. Dean once again sat across from Sam, willing himself to calm down.
"Sam," he said softly. "You just don't get it do you?"
Confused, Sam looked up, meeting Dean's eyes with his own. "Get what?"
"Do you even realize how many times you have saved my ass? I wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, and you didn't even have to sell your soul like Dad did to do it. You are everything to me. You risk your life for me, and I do the same for you. It's what we do. We're brothers. I don't want you ever thinking that you are worth less than me! You are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for."
"But you are always having to rescue me. Why do you want to keep putting yourself through this? Putting yourself at risk."
"Sam, it's not your fault that every evil freak of nature is attracted to you. No matter how strong you are, you are still vulnerable, whether you like it or not. How long do you think you would survive if you were on your own? It has nothing to do with being weak, because you are not weak Sam. You need to be with me because one way or another, those evil bastards are going to find a way to get to you, and you need me to cover your back. I need the same from you Sam. Please don't sell yourself short!"
"Thanks Dean. I'm sorry. I guess that nightmare must have shaken me up more than I'm willing to admit," Sam said.
If only he could truly believe what Dean had said. But he knew that if his Dad had ever had to choose between the two of them, he would have always chosen Dean. Dean was the warrior, the strong one, the one you could trust to watch your back. And Sam was the one who always needed to be taken care of. The weak one. He could still see the look in his Dad's eyes whenever he looked at Sam. What Sam saw there was disappointment. He knew his Dad loved him, but there was always that underlying disappointment.
"Earth to Sam. Helloooo. Sam!"
Sam flinched a little, startled out of his thoughts. "Sorry Dean. What were you saying?"
"Are we good?"
"Yeah. We're good" Sam lied.
0000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000
Well, that's chapter two. Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know!
Cindy.
