Yay! The first/second chapter of Pros and Cons of An Arranged Marriage. The prologue was way too long to be considered a prologue so it's now chapter 1 as well. Same warnings apply.

Warnings: AU, Potential OOC-ness, Subtle references, Blunt references, spoilers, SasukexSakura, TsunadexDan, Crack, and … that actually sums it up nicely. Summary: Because, in the end, Sakura knew she should have run the moment her mother informed her of her engagement to king of Tomato Country. AU, SakuxSasu, Crack.

The Pros and Cons of An Arranged Marriage

Chapter 1: Con 2: "What do you mean I'm getting married?"

Sasuke was not in a good mood as he leaned back into his chair. He ran a hand through raven-black hair, sighing quietly. The day had started out with a huge stack of paperwork to be completed (that had promptly fallen on him). The north wall had been destroyed when one of Orochimaru's guinea pigs escaped (again). As he was taking care of repairs for that, he'd been informed by Shisui that he'd been engaged for a month (Shisui had 'forgotten' to tell him earlier) and that his fiancée was due to arrive that day. And then he found out that they were all out of chocolate covered tomatoes. The day could not get away worse.

Naturally, just as he came to that grim conclusion, the lights went out. Sasuke bit back a sigh, too depressed to be alarmed, and instinctively activated his eyes before realizing it was just Yondaime again. He left his eyes on, though, since glowing red eyes were just too cool not to turn on at every opportunity. Besides, with his eyes' ability to detect magic he'd be able to sense the ghost coming and hopeful dodge whatever pranks it had come up with this time.

Giving his paperwork one last glance and deciding that this was a good enough excuse to leave it, Sasuke stood up, straightened his chair, and left the room. In the hallways were packs of servants either running full-tilt in search of the Ghost or meeting in corners to discuss capture strategies. Sasuke dodged an unusually confused-looking servant (must be new) and headed directly for the throne room.

As soon as he sat down on his black marble throne (stuffed to overflowing with scarlet cushions), he felt better. His brother had had the chair custom-made and, despite his numerous complaints about said brother, the guy had good taste. It made him feel prepared for whatever would happen next, despite experience whispering in his ear that nothing involving the Ghost ever ended well.

Said ghost chose precisely that moment to float leisurely into the room, grinning evilly and holding a pair of pliers. He'd been king of some distant country until he'd died, and for some reason he had chosen to haunt their palace. Right behind him were Orochimaru, head of the research facilities, and several maids trying to hit the ghost with feather dusters (rather unsuccessfully). The ghost continued merrily through the next wall, causing his pursuers to crash into it. The king winced in sympathy. Not everybody was blessed with night vision.

As the now-dazed pursuers located the nearest door and continued the chase, Sasuke's two most loyal servants (self-proclaimed) entered the room. Obito, his head general and moral raiser for the soldiers (both official and otherwise) had a black patch over one eye and spiky black hair. In one hand he held a bucket of KFC chicken and in the other he held the drumstick he was munching on. Shisui, barely a few centimeters taller then Sasuke, bowed politely. When Obito just continued eating, he stood on his tiptoes, put a hand on the general's head, and made him bow. Obito scowled at him. In general, they were getting along as well as two Uchiha could. Orochimaru should have been there, but he was slightly dazed from running into the wall and had left with the maids, presumably to continue the chase. Which was a perfectly legitimate reason to miss a meeting, as far as Sasuke was concerned.

"Status report?" Sasuke asked pointedly, breaking up a potential fight.

"Well-" Shisui was cut off by another figure entering the room.

"Can we help you, Kabuto?" Sasuke didn't like Orochimaru's assistant much. The silver-haired man kept insisting that he should eat something other than tomatoes. Some kind of health freak or something.

"Orochimaru-sama asked me to deliver the research and development report, since he's busy at the moment." He leafed through the sheets he was holding. "Five of the experiments died today –we've taken care of them, but he thought you'd want to know. I think you know about the north wall already- the Sound Five have been properly chastised. Tayuya wants to order out books on foreign swear words, and Orochimaru-sama's been complaining that many of the machines are out of date."

Sasuke bit back another sigh, headache forming slowly. "We're the most technologically advanced nation in the world and he's the one in charge of keeping it that way. How could the machines be out of date?" Kabuto just shrugged, even when faced with the king's blank stare. "I'll talk to him about it later. Meanwhile, tell Orochimaru to stop killing the experiments. We don't have an unlimited supply and other countries will start to get suspicious if their people keep disappearing. Why should I care what Tayuya orders? And tell the Sound Five that if they keep destroying walls I'm forcing them to share a bathroom –Orochimaru's idea of proper chastisement for wanton destruction is to congratulate them on it."

Kabuto made a few notes before bowing and taking his leave. By this time Obito had finished his chicken leg and was muttering something about favoritism toward the research department. He then turned his attention to Sasuke. "Good news! I found the damage report for the west wall."

Sasuke glanced at Obito. "Isn't that wall completely repaired now?"

"Yup." The general seemed quite pleased with himself.

"And you just found the report now? It took two months to repair the wall." Sasuke felt the undying need to rub his temples, something that happened whenever Obito was anywhere near him.

Obito nodded, oblivious to his king's exasperation. Sasuke sighed again and turned to Shisui. "And what do you have to report?"

The supervisor coughed before pulling out a neat stack of papers. "The household servants would like to report that they have come up a way to catch Yondaime (which was what the ghost called himself). The next shipment of tomatoes has arrived, and some of the servants want to take a course in electricity."

Sasuke nodded. That would be helpful. He wasn't optimistic about this plan they'd come up with, though. He didn't hesitant to say so, either. "Haven't you come up with plans before? And haven't they all ended disastrously?" If Sasuke hadn't known him better, he would have thought Shisui pouted a bit at that.

"But, this time it will work!" Which was what he'd said last time. It had taken them months to bail out the ground floor. And the ghost had just laughed at them. It was so bad Sasuke had mused, his pants rolled up to his knees as he assisted in bailing out the floor, that maybe they would luck out and the Ghost would just send himself into a laughing-induced coma for a few years. It didn't happen, of course. They never got that lucky.

"Yeah, and when we catch him, he'll be sorry he ever messed with us!" Obito surprised the other two, who thought he'd fallen asleep on his feet again, by chiming in. Actually, the last time Obito had fallen asleep during a conversation was at a Convention for Knights, and another knight had taken offence to the snoring. Luckily, or unluckily, Obito was saved by his instincts as he defiantly dodged the blows raining on him. While still asleep. He ended up taking home second place for the 'Most Surprising Skills' category (having lost to a youngster who tore apart the bar when someone gave him some sake).

"And how are you going to do that? Annoy him to death?" Obito had actually done this before, but seeing as it was the ghost they were talking about Sasuke didn't think it would work. In fact, the ghost would probably end up annoying Obito to death, as strange a thought that was. That, or they'd both discover that had a lot in common and team up to annoy other people. That was a scary thought.

"We could give him to Orochimaru," Obito suggested, probably the best idea he'd had all day. It had merit, Sasuke mused. If anyone could harm a ghost, Orochimaru could.

"Are you sure that's wise?" As usual, it was Shisui who dashed what small hope his relatives had managed to acquire into ridiculously small pieces, and then stomped on them. "He's dangerous enough as it is, we don't need the resident mad scientist trying things out on him."

"True…" Despite that Shisui was dashing his hopes to pieces, Sasuke had to admit that a Yondaime after Orochimaru got his hands on him could be frightening. And he didn't have the best track record of keeping his subjects from escaping. "But if worst comes to worst we can always set him loose on the next country that annoys us." Or the Hyuuga compound. They were always annoying, always acting like they were better than anyone else just because they didn't belong to a kingdom. And they didn't like tomatoes. Sasuke wouldn't mind dumping the ghost on them and then watching them as their lives degenerate into chaos.

Suddenly Sasuke heard the floorboard he had had loosened outside his throne room squeak, indicating someone was outside. Someone who wasn't from the palace, as everyone living in the castle had long ago gotten into the habit of avoiding that step. In an instant, Shisui and Obito activated their eyes and were at the doorway, throwing it open. On the other side were two women, both looking very much like deer caught in headlights.

The older one recovered first, pushing the other behind her and drawing her sword. She had hair and eyes of the same dark violet hue, and for some reason Sasuke thought that should tell him something. Judging by the armour, he guessed she was some sort of soldier, probably the other girl's bodyguard.

The other girl was the one that drew Sasuke's attention. She was clad in an incredibly intricate emerald gown that matched the colour of her eyes perfectly, and her soft pink hair was shaped into a delicate curls. Her jewellery, unlike most noble women (and she was definitely noble) was silver and simple, with a thin chain necklace the only thing around her neck and tiny emeralds hung from her ears with silver clasps. Her makeup was done in such a way that she looked like a porcelain doll- someone Sasuke would meet in the ballroom, not trespassing in his palace during a power outage. She looked at him while her bodyguard and his servants were glaring threateningly at each other, and he was a little confused when her eyes widened in terror. She turned to Shisui and Obito and her eyes widened even further before she gave a small sigh and fainted. Gracefully. Definitely not the breaking and entering type. Again, her appearance almost reminded Sasuke of something. Something important. Was he supposed to be expecting these people?

Upon seeing her charge faint, the bodyguard moved into a defensive position that reminded Sasuke of the snakes Orochimaru kept in his room. The sword had a wicked edge to it, and probably weighed something bit more than average. Obito shifted his sword slightly, and Shisui's hand sparked as he prepared to launch a fireball.

Sasuke decided to sort something out before things got violent. As amusing as it would be to see a fight between Obito, Shisui and the unknown woman, they had only just finished repairing the floor and Sasuke really didn't want it destroyed again so soon. He turned to the bodyguard. "What are you doing in this castle?" He made sure to use his best 'dangerous' voice. He did have a reputation to uphold, after all.

She narrowed her eyes and glared at him, clearly not impressed. "We are here on official business from Katsuya to see the king," She paused, looking him over slightly, "...Shorty."

Sasuke's eyes narrowed in his own glare. Nobody called him Shorty, and didn't the fact he was sitting on the throne kind of indicate that he was the king? He ignored Obito, who was shaking from trying to choke back laughter, and tried to remember if he had planned any official business with Katsuya.

"May we ask why?" Shisui, as usual, didn't even blink. Sasuke thought it was from early overexposure to his brother. He wasn't sure there was anything that could faze either of them. Which was kind of creepy, if you thought about it too hard. Which Sasuke tended to do when he was bored. There was a reason he preferred Obito for non-official business.

The knight rolled her eyes. "Obviously, so Sakura-hime can marry the little brat. Not that I approve, seeing as he's obviously a self-absorbed, arrogant prick from the 'welcome' we've received so far." Right. The arranged marriage. Hadn't he heard that the royal bodyguards in Katsuya tended to have purple hair? This bodyguard clearly lacked tact. Then again, there was light in her eyes that suggested she knew exactly what she was doing.

Shisui's eyes narrowed in anger, and only Sasuke's sharp glance stopped him from burning the rude bodyguard to a crisp then and there. Sasuke himself wouldn't have minded, but he wasn't really in the mood to start a war just then. Obito was fast losing the fight not to laugh. Sasuke sighed. From what he'd seen, the princess wouldn't last five minutes in this country. She was far too easily spooked. She'd probably never even been out of her palace before this trip. Maybe they could display her in the throne room.

Though he'd heard that Katsuya's royal family had amazing healing powers. If they could somehow get her used to Orochimaru's lab (a daunting task- you pretty much had to be raised there not to be completely repulsed by the place) she could significantly reduce the casualties. He had also heard that the queen could punch through six walls, not that he believed it. She wasn't from here, after all. He was right to be skeptical- Katsuya's queen could punch through seven walls. It was her daughter that could punch through six.

"I'll have you know I'm no more self-centered than your precious princess probably is. And I do apologize for the greeting, something came up and I completely forgot that you would be arriving today." Sasuke's mother had made sure both her sons could speak eloquently before she died. It was best to be polite before launching an attack, if only to set the rules of battle.

The bodyguard raised an eyebrow. "Funny. I thought you'd be taller."

Shisui was giving her the darkest glare Sasuke had ever seen –even darker than the one he used to give Sasuke's father. Sasuke decided to give her the worst position possible in the palace. Obito had given up trying not to laugh and was now on the floor laughing uncontrollably.

"Obito." Sasuke said in a withering voice. "Get up."

"Sorry about that Sasuke-chan," Obito managed once he had stopped laughing, not sounding sorry at all. He turned to the bodyguard. "Long time no see Anko-kun, glad to see you still standing." The knight blinked a few times, before her eyes lit up in recognition. Her sword was sheathed faster than Sasuke could blink, and her arms were outstretched and glomping Obito, who returned the glomp.

"Obito-chan! I had no idea you lived in Tomato Country!" She released the Uchiha, grinning. "I was wondering what happened to you after the Convention. You left your chain-mail there." Up on his throne, Sasuke watched with a dry expression as the duo continued their conversation (completely ignorant of the tense atmosphere still built up in the room). He glanced a question at Shisui, who just shrugged, apparently just as baffled.

"...I know this great pub in town. If I buy you a drink, would you show me that backhanded slice you used in your panel? I've been trying to get it right for ages but I keep messing up in the final swing." Obito looked like he'd died and gone to heaven. Sasuke hadn't been aware he'd had an idol. Or that he went to conventions, for that matter.

"Sure. On your tab." The knight nodded. "It can't be better than 'Gamabunta's Pub' in Katsuya, though. Their special can even knock me out. Nothing else can even come close."

"You wanna bet?" Obito had a mischievous grin.

Anko pulled out a new dango stick. "Sure."

Obito picked up his bucket of chicken and followed Anko out of the room, leaving Sasuke and Shisui alone with the princess. They glanced at each other, then at the unconscious girl. The silent, "Well, now what?" resounded in the grand hall.

"I suppose I'll have to file damage reports when they get back." Shisui commented idly. The advisor carefully walked over the body. He crouched down to examine the princess for any injuries, a critical eye viewing the faint calluses on her hands.

"Probably." Sasuke walked over to join his companion. The princess was sprawled in a somehow elegant position, unconsciously keeping to whatever rulebook she had been born with that demanded she do everything gracefully. Honestly, what was Shisui thinking arranging him a marriage with someone who so clearly would not survive a week in this kingdom? Had he been reading fairy tales before he went to bed again? That certainly would explain a lot. "So what do we do with her?"

Silence reigned over the duo as the final echo of the king's question finished ringing throughout the Grand Hall in an overly-dramatic fashion. Sasuke glanced at his supervisor, only to realize that Shisui was thinking hard (if his look of utter confusion was anything to go by). Though not one to point fingers, Sasuke figured that since he hadn't known he was engaged until today and Shisui had made all the arrangements, Sasuke was not at fault for the girl unconscious on the floor. Therefore, Shisui was the one responsible for this mess and should be the one to fix it.

On the other hand, they could also blame the Ghost (because they could), or Obito (who should, after so many years in the palace, know better than to leave himself undefended) or even Sasuke's distant ancestor (who was blamed for all the misfortunate's of his descendants and what was one more thing to add to the list). …Then again, once the Ghost found out what they had attempted to place on his shoulders his pranks on the palace and its inhabitants would triple. Not to mention, in his revenge, Yondaime might take advantage of the fact he was dead and therefore didn't need sleep, in comparison to everyone else who slept like rocks. Due to the same moral and honour-related reasons that would have him angry at being blamed for this, Yondaime had never taken advantage of this fact before. Except for that one time he'd drawn all over the previous king's face while he was sleeping. But everyone agreed that that was just too good an opportunity for anyone to pass up.

And Obito would more than likely start a riot to defend his honour, and another civil war would ensue. While a good civil war was all well and good and great entertainment, no one had the resources at the moment to have fruits and vegetables thrown everywhere. It was tough enough cleaning up the streets after the last civil war, and the Clean Up Crew was currently on a well-deserved vacation. You practically could have eaten off the roads by the time the crew had finished.

Which left Madara, and Sasuke couldn't really think of any reasons why blaming him was a bad idea. So, the king decided, this was all now his fault. Not Madara really cared from his lawn chair on the beach. He was in his retirement and enjoying it fully, complete with sunglasses, fans, shorts and ice cold lemonade. In such a state he couldn't be bothered, at this point in time, with the knowledge that he was blamed for every disaster Tomato Country had ever experienced. But we digress.

Sasuke remained silent as Shisui continued his examination of the princess, content with his decision of who to blame. Perhaps because he wasn't thinking to hard about it, and idea occurred to him. "We could always send her back and get a refund. I doubt she wants to be here anyway."

Shisui swiveled his head like an owl to view the king, his prodding forgotten. "No." The statement raised the king's brow, confirming his suspicion that, indeed, Shisui had spent too much time around his brother as a child. Had Sasuke been a different king he might not have let his cousin's tone slide. However, he would need the man's help if he was to consider getting rid of this… thing blocking the floor. He could always get even later. With control only a king (or maybe an Uchiha, or perhaps a combination of the two… insert "Uchiha" in front of the "king" before the brackets) could possess he prevented an evil grin from making its way to his face. "I worked too hard to get this princess for you only to have you return her."

Sasuke twitched slightly at the wording, for good reason. He would have never ordered a princess with pink-hair to begin with. What if it was passed to the children? They'd never live it down. He would never live it down. "Then what do you propose we do?" His advisor read in between the lines and bit back his gulp. Sasuke remained quiet, reclining back into his comfy throne (comfy enough to have a committee out to prove that the chair was too comfy for the King to rule from and would impair his judgment. Sasuke had yet to find a half decent excuse to banish them from his country).

"If displaying her in the throne room doesn't pan out we could always put her in one of the forgotten towers in the countryside." The younger Uchiha stared long and hard at his advisor, before sighing deeply. That would work, he supposed, but then he would have to deal with an angry family. And that would just be a pain the butt waiting to spring on him when his back was turned.

The king had been halfway through coming up an excuse to explain to the Queen of Katsuya that there had been a huge misunderstanding when Shisui paused in searching the girl suddenly, eyes wide in a manner that had caught Sasuke's attention. Had the man finally cracked? Sasuke would have continued this train of thought as his advisor, with a deliberate slowness that had everyone holding their breaths and waiting for some monster to pop out and foolishly attack Shisui, he withdrew a dagger hilt from the girl's sleeve.

Sasuke's thoughts trailed off with a sinking feeling as Shisui pulled on the hilt, revealing a paper-thin straight dagger with a length that would make most pause. Tense silence fell on the duo, and Shisui stood up and walked over to Sasuke to pluck a hair from his head (ignoring the following yelp and complaints to use his own hair). The advisor carefully rested the strand against the edge, only for both to watch in morbid fascination as it spilt cleanly in two.

On the other hand, maybe she'd fare better here than they'd originally thought.


Over in the Royal Vegetable Garden, where the Uchiha gardeners tolled away on raising tomato plants to perfection, thunderclouds were gathered ominously over the Royal Tomato Plant waiting for the gardener's back to be turned. They had been playing this game for three days now. The Uchiha's eyes were bloodshot from the lack of sleep and the thundercloud was starting to catch the attention of the Weather God.

One of them had to give.

The Uchiha blinked.

The thundercloud took a chance.

Lightning struck the Royal Tomato Plant, which first appeared to have survived the strike. The Uchiha laughed, until the tomato plant burst into flames. Then he panicked, "The King's precious Tomato plant! Curse you thundercloud! Don't you have anything better to do than mess with the tomato plant?!" Not that the thundercloud heard, having already dispersed, mischief complete.

Throwing water on the now-charred plant the Uchiha knew there would be no saving it. He called over his assistant, who'd been watching anxiously from the sidelines. "Someone hunt down the Madara and punish him for giving the weather a personality! And I want that thundercloud arrested and charged with disrupting the peace!"

A little ways away two other gardeners watched as their peer ranted and raved, with one of them idly adding a point to the thundercloud's column. Leaving it ahead of the ranting Uchiha's by a good thirty points. The gardener keeping track of the rivalry commented, "You know, that's the third plant this year. The King's going to notice that it's not the real Royal Tomato Plant sooner or later."

His partner snorted, "What do you think we should do? Tell the King?" She rested against her shovel, "Another law against lightning is going to be going into affect after this." The ranting Uchiha was now jumping up and down shouting about what he was going to do when he caught that thundercloud, much to the amusement of the other gardeners.

The Score-keeping gardener rolled his eyes, "Yes, because that works so well. As if the Thundercloud actually cares it has a criminal record consisting of 128 charges and 21 arrests. Remember what happened to the jail the last time we caught it?" He winced, "Now come on, we have to go get another Royal Tomato Plant." With that in mind the duo left their peer to his ranting, shovel and scoreboard in hand.


"You know," Shisui began, eyeing the pile of weapons they had found on the princess, "After secondary thoughts and careful consideration, she may do quite well here." Up on his throne, Sasuke fiddled with one of the daggers they had found, staring intently at the princess. Not the lovey-dovey kind of stare that came from reading way too many romance novels. More like the "Where do I hide the body? The shed's full," kind of stare that came from reading novels of the horror/true crime/espionage genre. As king, Sasuke had made a point of keeping up with the more popular genres among his people.

"What about the broom closet?" Sasuke glanced at Shisui, mulling the suggestion over. The Anti-Ghost brigade would be upset, rightly so, to have an outsider taking over their supplies. But it would only be until they could figure out what to do with her. Maybe the Anti-Ghost brigade might find some use for her. Of course, what would they use an outsider for?

The idea dawned bright in Sasuke's mind, his eyes widening with hope. "Shisui." The sharp tone had the advisor at attention immediately, watching the king as he continued. Disbelief flooded Sasuke. How could he not have thought of this before?

"We can use her to distract the Ghost."

It had never occurred to either of them that the princess might have an opinion about all of this once she woke up.

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