I didn't get much response at ALL for this… (Thanks to Tattoo of the Rain for reviewing! This chapter is for you!)
I'm more writing this for me, now. Cause I just enjoy writing. If it sucks, you can tell me. I've never written from Edward's POV before…
They're not all going to be songfics… I just have a LOT of songs that remind me of Edward/Bella so I'm going to use them! And I'm just skipping through the stories…or things I think should've happened…or happen after Breaking Dawn…Just a bunch of random one shots, like I said…alternating POVs most likely…writing from Edward's POV fascinates me…
I don't own any of the books or "What hurts the most" by Rascal Flatts.
Edward's POV (during New Moon)
"Take care of yourself." I said to her, vanishing from her sight before she could object again. This was hard enough as it was. I ran as quickly as I could, until I was far enough away that she couldn't see me, but I could see her through my sharp vampire eyes. She started to run in my direction, and I panicked, running farther, keeping her in my sight all the while. She finally stopped after tripping over a root and falling. I climbed up a tree, careful to be sure she would not notice me. I watched sympathetically, as I saw my love crumble before my eyes.
I can
take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother
me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm
not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with
you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I
pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me
It was so hard to watch this—to know that I was the one who was causing her all this pain and anguish. I couldn't believe what it was doing her, although this was to be expected. But I knew, without a doubt, that if I couldn't make her believe I didn't want her there anymore, she would come after me. She would keep searching…keep running until we could be together again. But for now, she just couldn't understand why I was doing this. So for now, I had to stay put and watch as my life ended.
This was so difficult, it was agonizing. I winced in pain. I would've cried if I could've in that moment. I couldn't bear to watch her like this, but I couldn't leave. I just couldn't. Not until she was safe again. What was even worse was knowing that I could end her pain in a matter of seconds, by going to her, embracing her in my arms, and telling her how much I loved her…how much she meant to me…how much I wanted her for the rest of my existence. But I couldn't. And now, I had to deal with the consequences of what I had done.
What
hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And
watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have
been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying' to
do
I saw a shadow emerging in the darkness, finding Bella in her agony, and comforting her, like I wish I could have been. And now, I had to do the hardest thing ever. I had to leave her. I had to turn my back on my life, my future, and my soul. In order to save her life, I had to lose mine.
It's
hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm
doing' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old
friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting
dressed, living' with this regret
But I know if I could do it
over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my
heart
That I left unspoken
I got into my Volvo, speeding down the highway at almost two hundred miles an hour. I smirked to myself, imagining what my beloved Bella would be saying at this point. She would've scolded me, and then I would've kissed her. That's how it always went. I propped my elbow up on my door, putting my head in my hands as I continued to drive. I briefly glanced out the window, noticing all of Bella's friends coming out of the movie theater, watching in wonder as my car flew past. If I didn't want to go back, I did now. I felt horrible leaving her with them. But she would be better off without me…happier, I'd hoped.
What
hurts the most
is being so close
and having so much to say
and
watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have
been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was trying to do
It killed me how I had to leave. I told her I didn't love her. And she believed me. The most absurd thing I had ever said in my life, and she believed me. But I couldn't risk her life again. My brother….my brother almost killed Bella. My brother who knew how I felt about her. Imagine what other ruthless vampires would've done to her…what James almost did to her. I shuddered at the memory. As much as that hurt me, this hurt worse. Having to leave behind my whole life…Nothing would ever be the same again, I knew that. I knew that there was no way I could forget or move on. But for her sake…for her happiness…for her safety primarily, I had to try. I had to stay away from Bella Swan, no matter how much it killed me. And what was worse— I had so much to say to her, and I just had to leave, pretending that it all meant nothing. That everything we had was nothing to me. That all she'd sacrificed for us meant nothing to me. But in reality, it meant everything. I just couldn't live with myself if I hurt her because of what I am.
What
hurts the most
is being so close
and having so much to say
and
watching you walk away
and never knowing
what could have
been
and not seeing that loving you
is what I was trying to do
I hoped someday she would understand. I prayed she wouldn't hate me, and that she really would move on and forget me. And maybe, in a few months, I would see her happy with someone else. But that thought just made me sicker. To picture her with anyone else for the rest of her life made me sick.
I pulled into the driveway of the house, gathering up the remainder of my possessions, and then would head out later that night to join rest of my family at our new home. I opened the door, shocked to see Alice standing there. My favorite sister approached me, wrapping me in her embrace.
"She'll forgive you Edward."
If I could cry, the tears would be flowing now.
"Alice…that's my life back there. I gave up everything. I saw it all…I saw us married for eternity, Alice. We adopted kids…we were happy…forever Alice. And now she thinks it all meant nothing. She's the one. There will never be anyone else."
'It'll work out for the best, Edward.' She thought.
"I don't believe that. I just gave up the best."
She smiled sympathetically.
"Why'd you come
back, Alice?"
"I figured you wouldn't want to make the
drive after this alone…I care about my brother too much."
I smiled at her. "Thanks Alice."
"I'm sorry about Jasper…He feels terrible."
I nodded in understanding. "It's not okay, but I expected it as much."
'Why'd you do it? How can you leave her when you already know what it's going to do to her?'
"I love her, Alice. I love her more than anyone could ever love…more than I ever thought I could love someone. All I can do is leave." I just prayed that someday, she would see it that way, and know without a doubt that I love her more than I would ever love another.
Not
seeing that loving you
that's what I was trying to do
