A Love on the Sidelines
By: 4quintessence (William)
Disclaimer: The characters belong to Square Enix, the fanfiction to me.
Pairing: CliffxFayt
Rating: PG-13
Summary: I lied. I'm not getting into the lemony stuff until the next chapter. I decided to first write (realistically, hopefully) about Cliff dealing with Fayt's admiration for him. And Fayt remembering when he came to realize how he really loved the guy. All the fanfiction I've read just assumes that they love each other, but I think we need to deal with Cliff's straightness which seems fairly clear from the game. It's pretty obvious though that Fayt isn't straight :D Get ready for the big reveal.
Note: This chapter is all flashback. Italics are thoughts from either Fayt or Cliff, as I cycle between the two.
Chapter 2:
When we first fell in love…
There was something about Cliff that made me feel like no other person had. With him by my side I could conquer anything. Maybe it was his well-defined body or his ridiculously sexy clothes that were just a little too tight over those washboard abs. It was the unique tattoo-like mark on his neck, those gorgeous burly arms, that big blonde hair and that chiselled face. But even more importantly, it really was his loveable personality that sealed the package.
Fayt reminisced back to when he first met Cliff as they made their way through the Mosel Ruins. It had started with Mr. Fittir literally saving his life after he crash landed on that underdeveloped planet. He couldn't have wished for a better rescuer. From the beginning, Cliff made Fayt feel important and much less lonely, no longer just another face in the crowd. Although he was mentally strong, the bluenette had always felt invisible back home — his parents were off in their own little world as renowned scientists and he was left to kill time playing battle simulation games and avoiding schoolwork. Having famous parents left him with little motivation in life as everything was already served to him on a silver platter and their love tended to be displayed through buying things for him rather than actually spending time with their son.
Yes, he had always had Sophia. Oh man could she be annoying at times. Best taken in small doses. She was a great companion but their taste in hobbies tended to clash as she liked cooking, shopping, and outdoor activities. At one time he had thought he loved Sophia but he eventually realized they were more like brother and sister — Sophia even calling his dad 'Uncle Robert' and his mom 'Auntie Ryoko'. It was a special friendship, but it wasn't romantic love. Besides, after going through puberty, Fayt found his eyes wandering towards some of the boys in his college classes.
And now as Fayt learned new and frightening things about his existence from Maria, he felt even more alone, if that was possible. The weight of the universe was on his genetically-altered shoulders, all those souls, and Cliff was the only one who made it all bearable.
He had first felt a real connection with this man, ironically, when they spent most of the flight from Vanguard III bickering like a married couple in the cockpit of the Diplo shuttle, Mirage silently shaking her head in a mixture of amusement and disgust. The connection had deepened when they were locked in the damp, gloomy dungeons of Airyglyph since they had plenty of time to gaze into each others eyes, enchanting emerald to smoldering sapphire, as they suffered through it together, chatting to pass the time. Cliff had solemnly promised to protect him from harm which was a wonderful feeling after what had happened. Fayt longed for someone older, and wiser (HA!) to guide him and help him mature.
Fayt hadn't thought of acting on his troublesome feelings — there was the large age gap, not to mention Cliff was a MAN who bragged about his 'supposed' (Fayt hoped) past girlfriends — until the group had arrived at the trading town of Peterny on Elicoor II. They were finally staying for a while in a town that didn't look like a dump and Fayt couldn't stand it any longer. He had to stop thinking, goddammit, and start acting.
It was early evening with only a few blissful crickets shattering the perfect silence of the moonlit night. The others were out getting a bite to eat, but Cliff and Fayt were in their room at the inn going through their supplies and talking about their current predicament on the foreign planet. Both sitting on their respective beds, legs crossed and items in front of them, the blue haired young man finally worked up the courage to change the subject. He could feel his heart beat quicken and the butterflies were out in full force in his stomach, like the annual monarch migration back on Earth.
"Cliff..I need to talk to you about something..that's been bothering me for a while," he said quietly, trying to hide a slight stutter.
"Yo, what's buggin' ya Fayt? I'm here to help," the blond replied, turning to look directly at the other, brawny arms giving a modest shrug.
"Well...I don't know how to put this…" his voice trailed off as he felt his cheeks become uncomfortably warm.
"Kid, you can tell me anything. I may seem coarse at times but it's mostly just an act. How else would I have become the revered leader of Quark?" Cliff grinned, giving his companion a cheerful wink.
Fayt loved some of the dumb things that came out of that Klausian's mouth; it made him laugh, brightening up an otherwise somber mission. He thought of coming back with some joke about knowing who to sleep with but decided against it. He tilted his head down to hide his face with his long azure bangs.
"I...really like you…more than just a friend I mean…" Fayt spoke softly, trying to hint at his feelings.
"Are you saying…?"
He was finally just going to spit it out. "Cliff, I think I'm in love with you."
Turning ever so slightly, looking out of the corner of his eyes through lonely strands of hair, Fayt saw his roommate's eyes bulge bigger than he'd ever seen, his mouth drooping like he'd seen a ghost. After sitting in shock from the bluntness of the statement, Cliff finally remembered to breathe again and unconsciously raised one hand to scratch behind his ear.
"Umm...I don't know what to say," he responded truthfully, nervously shifting on the bed. "Y'know I'm straight right?" At least he thought he was. "I mean you're a great kid and all, stubborn sometimes but caring and fun to be around, and you mean a lot to me…" It was Cliff's turn to trail off in thought. Words had left him, gone on vacation, and he decided he needed to take a walk.
"Fayt, I'm glad you're honest with me, but I need to go out for a bit before we continue this conversation." With that he got up and made for the door, pausing briefly to look back and force a sheepish smile. Fayt looked absolutely heartbroken, staring at him with those large pleading eyes, and it made him feel utterly awful.
"Wait...but I've seen you staring at me while I sleep, Cliff. And you never leave my side...I thought..." he called after the Klausian, but his friend had already slipped out of the room and into a brisk evening breeze.
It wasn't his worse case scenario, but it was close enough. The butterflies in Fayt's stomach turned into a throbbing gnawing sensation and he collapsed his head on his shaky hands, sobbing quietly as some pearly light filtered through the room, sparkling like a falling star through each tear that tumbled between his slender fingers. Everything was spinning, even the crickets had ceased their song.
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The wind that brushed lovingly past his face and streamed through his golden locks reminded Cliff of when he would sit on a rock by the ocean at home on Klaus III, fresh sea air floating by, and go over his plans of how to stand up to the big bad Federation. It was where he came up with the name 'Quark': he liked to munch on quark cheese out on that boulder, a delicacy imported from Old Europe on Earth. Staring across the ocean gave him inspiration, and he kind of longed for that impossibility right now.
Glancing at the pub across the way, Cliff decided against it. That would only make things worse. Instead he wandered down the street towards Peterny's central square under the dim streetlights and through the murmur of the hushed voices of the villagers who where still out and about. Staring down at the cobblestone road below, the blond felt vulnerable — a rarity for a Klausian. He truly felt sick in his stomach and his armpits had become all sweaty, giving off a distinctly Cliff-like musk. His head was racing in circles, thoughts all jumbled together like different coloured paint splattered on a canvas.
He loves me? If Cliff was confused by Maria's technical jargon (which he almost always was), this was a thousand times worse. But wait. The connection between us must be special if I'm reacting as strongly as this right? Cliff did admit in his mind that although he had had a few girlfriends in the past, the relationships had never amounted to much of anything — they were sex-filled times that never really went beyond that primitive need.
And Mirage was his partner-in-crime within the Quark organization, a great companion while travelling though the emptiness of space and a formidable fighting colleague, but not someone he had fallen for. They had raised Maria together, but their relationship hadn't deepened through that experience. And while Maria seemed to think from the head, Cliff knew that Fayt thought from the heart, never leaving anyone that he could help out (while still trying to protect the precious UP3), something that the blond may not have always understood, but he respected and admired him for.
"ARRGGHH! I DON'T KNOW ANYMORE!" Cliff suddenly bellowed out loud inadvertently, releasing pent up pressure.
He had just walked past the flower shop in the main square and the girl clerk glanced at him with a thoroughly puzzled face. Cheeks starting to burn, he impulsively decided to purchase a little bouquet, to make the onlooker not think he was completely crazy.
Wait what am I doing? The thought quickly passed.
Cliff could see Nel across the way enjoying a late meal and not wanting her to see him like this, he spun around and headed back towards the inn. Striding right past the place, he went straight for the pub. He needed something, anything, to calm his nerves.
Settling at an empty table with a flavoured beer, Fittir put the flowers down in front of him as he began to feel the bit of alcohol start to soothe his tense demeanor.
Okay, he thought. Let's work this out. He was trying to rack his memory, searching for clues to his sexuality. He had been attracted to a boy or two in his teens, but he had figured that was something all men went through, and he never acted on it. But now he had Fayt. He had to admit that the kid, no adult now, had quickly come to mean a lot to him, and being around him brought newfound happiness to his life. It made him feel young again, actually made him giddy inside. Fayt wasn't just part of his mission anymore, he could never imagine leaving his side, not waking up in the same room as him.
And those eyes. Those spellbinding, forest green eyes and that beautiful, slim physique — which he did marvel at sometimes while the kid slept — like no other (well maybe except for Albel, but Cliff hated Albel with a passion).
Cliff shook his head. Fayt is probably weeping all alone at this very moment, he finally reflected as his mind cleared. He needs me. It must have been torture for him to bottle up those feelings. Everything Fayt says he puts so much thought into. The kid had confided in him, and Cliff had been his shoulder (rather chest) to cry on as their adventure progressed. Then it clicked. He was more than just his guardian. Cliff had purposely held back information about the bluenette until Maria arrived because he didn't want to hurt him. He really never stopped thinking about him. The love was mutual. It was unbreakable.
The blond shot up out of his chair, knocking the nearly empty beer glass over. A drop or two landed with a light thud on his left shoe, a passing mouse the only witness. "Fayt…" he almost whispered, heart beginning to skip a few beats. He pounded his right fist into his open left palm, grabbed the flowers off the table, and dashed — like someone who was being chased by a mad grizzly bear — out of the pub.
Narrowly mowing over a bunny selling wares on the street, Cliff rushed to their bedroom door at the inn and slowly turned the icy handle, flowers held tautly behind his back.
Oh shit. What am I going to say? Cliff panicked for a split second, and decided to wing it. He felt his ass sweating unpleasantly as it often did when he was nervous (A/N: natural lubricant? hahaha). He didn't care. At last, he swung open the door with force and words began to leave his dried up mouth...until he noticed that the room was completely empty and he was talking to nothing but ivory moonlight, glistening on the salty puddle by Fayt's bed, while tiny dust particles flitted this way and that through its heavenly beam.
Dun dun dun! TO BE CONTINUED.
