Disclaimer: I don't own gossip girl or any of it's characters, I'm just not that lucky.

A/N: Thank you to all my lovely reviewers! The next chapter wont be up for a good couple of weeks as uni work is swamping me. This is reasonably long to keep you going.

puresimplicity-xo: I love Mr Collins, I mean he's stupid and slimy and oblivious but he's always a good laugh. He's a sort of love to hate kind of character for me. Sort of like Chuck used to be, except way hotter. Pride and Prejudice is awesome :) I could write about how Mr. Darcy and Chuck are also similar but then you'd never get around to reading this chapter :P

Reviews are dynamite!


After another hour of listening to music and perving on topless jocks from the university of Iowa (she may have also chatted to a few) Blair returned to the honeymoon suite for lunch.

She had determined to try and make her husband fret as to her whereabouts but a) Chuck didn't fret and b) she had a new torture tactic instead who went by the names of Kelly and Josh Harmond.

"Where have you been?"

Chuck was busy fiddling with his blackberry on the bed when she got back, apparently he couldn't disconnect from work even when he was supposed to be relaxing.

"Out."

He rolled his eyes.

"You don't say."

"How was your surfing? Attacked by any sharks?"

"Nope, I even caught a few waves."

"Pity."

"I take it you're still a little bitter."

"Not really, I just felt like being a bitch."

Chuck smiled at that, that was his wife. She didn't even feel the need to give some sort of justification for being mean, that was true love. Or at least Chuck's version of it.

"Is it out of your system now?"

Blair smirked in a way that gave him little comfort.

"What have you done wife of mine?"

"I went to the pool and met a nice man who invited us to dinner tonight with his wife."

"I'm hoping you said no but knowing that you know that I'm assuming you agreed."

She lay down next to him and made to kiss his lips which she was surprised to find he didn't object to, but instead lowered to trail kisses down his neck.

"I take that as a yes."

"You know me too well."

"Unfortunately yes."

She snuggled into his side and he kissed her hair as if they hadn't been bickering only moments before.

"I'm sorry I was a mess last night. I got carried away and screwed up the most important day of our lives."

She looked and felt genuinely remorseful. Being with Josh had made her thankful for the husband she had, even if she didn't always show it.

"Don't sweat it. You're mine now either way. Although you could make it up to me."

Blair sat up so she could move over to straddle him.

"Oh?"

Chuck grinned up at her.

"Yes. Cancel the dinner."

Her face fell and she went to get off him but he kept her pinned to him by holding her hips.

"I'm not going to, it's only dinner and then we'll come back and you can do anything you like with me for the rest of the night."

"I have that anyway. It's called inalienable rights darling."

"Don't be such a stick in the mud! You're usually the party animal anyway!"

Chuck groaned just the way she expected him to.

"Fine on two conditions."

"Name them."

"Firstly, I want you to learn to surf with me. Secondly, I get to name our first child."

Blair would have scoffed that the second term was too steep for a stupid dinner she wasn't that interested in either but the mention of children made her heart leap in excitement. Besides, by the time they had a child he would have forgotten about the deal and if not she'd insist on them deciding together after hours of dreaded labour. She'd even make him watch the birth just to prove how deserving she was to get her way.

"Okay."

"Really?"

He had made the conditions up for his own amusement, he didn't expect her to adhere to them.

"Of course, I want you to be happy. Marriage is about compromise right?"

"Bullshit, where did that come from?"

Blair sighed, she could never bullshit him which was a sign of true intimacy but it was also a pain in the ass.

"My 'new friend' Josh. He's ridiculous in an endearing sort of way."

"My kind of guy then."

"Be nice, you'll like him eventually. If not, you'll enjoying making fun of him."

"It is rather intriguing. He has to have something going for him if he could have befriended you when you were hungover."

Persistence, was what she wanted to add but didn't think it would encourage his current compliance.

"Exactly."

"When is it?"

"Eight."

"Fine, then let's have some lunch, fuck all day and go out."

Blair giggled softly.

"So like every other day?"

"What can I say? I'm a creature of habit."

Blair flung off the dress sticking to her back as Chuck ripped off his own sweaty shirt.

"Hey I'm not complaining hubby. Fuck me senseless."

Chuck laughed. Why couldn't something like that have been in the wedding vows?

"I do."

He spoke the words in the exact same way he did at the altar and it still made her melt. The humble look on his face and intense gaze assured her that she could fall in love with him a hundred times over whether he was being a dick or not. In this case not, which made it all the more romantic.


"How do I look?"

Blair twirled around in her strapless red Dolce&Gabana dress to get his attention.

"You're glowing. I like to think I had something to do with that."

Blair rolled her eyes.

"Do you want me to pat you on the back?"

"You're pretty ungrateful considering most wives barely having satisfying sex at all let alone four times in one day."

She couldn't argue there, he was definitely a catch in that department as well as all the others. It didn't help his ego to agree though.

"If you say so."

He laughed incredulously, if it had been any other woman on the planet receiving multiple orgasms from a handsome heir to billions they would have been thanking their lucky stars at such good fortune but not Blair. She acted like it was expected, or due her all along. That's probably why she was the only woman he could ever spend the rest of his life with. She was unique.

"Chuck! You're not even dressed!"

It was five minutes to eight and Chuck was still sauntering around in a towel. Water glistened on his chest as he leaned up against the bathroom door. Blair kicked herself for asking him to ever cloth himself. It should be illegal for him to ever not be naked, in fact that was going to be her new rule in their apartment when they got home.

"We're always fashionably late. No faceless acquaintance makes a Bass rush. We'll get there when we're ready and if they don't like it then tough shit."

"I can tell you're going to make a good first impression."

She couldn't help smiling though, she was a Bass now too. She was a part of New York royalty that determined their own rules and pleased only themselves.

Finally, ten minutes later, Chuck was dressed in a salmon shirt and loose black tie. He had teased that he'd wear shorts to complete the ensemble but Blair had literally forced him into sensible dress pants. It was like living with a child but it was fun running her hands up his thighs.

"Hey guys!"

Josh was slouched against a marble statue in the middle of the lobby when they arrived.

"Hi Josh. This is my husband Chuck."

"Pleasure to meet you Chuck."

He extended a hand which Chuck took.

"And you."

"Where's the wife?"

"Oh she got bored so went out to have a smoke. It's a lovely night, not too hot."

He was fidgeting with his hands as if he was in dire need of nicotine also so Chuck diplomatically suggested they go out and meet Kelly on the way.

"Honey bear these are our new friends."

Kelly was not what Blair had expected. She looked like one of those wealthy trophy wives just coming off of a golf course. She couldn't have been a day under fourty although immaculately put together. Josh, Blair guessed was barely thirty.

"Very nice to make your acquaintance."

Her eyes had lit up as soon as she had noticed them, or rather Chuck. Blair didn't mind, she was used to it.

"Shall we walk along the street to find some food?" Either Chuck was desperately hungry or longing to make the time go faster but at least it moved them out of the hotel entrance way.

"Of course."

Kelly took her husband's hand, her long bleach blond hair reminded her a little of Serena's. Only Serena's was natural and she wasn't an overly tan, annoyingly pretty older woman.

"So Chuck, you seem familiar."

He put an arm around Blair's waist and chuckled into her neck affectionately. She didn't know if he wanted to out-sap the couple next to them or just wanted to cause a stir. Either way she liked it.

"My father is Bart Bass."

"Wonderful! I work in finance so I know all about him. You're practically famous."

She squeezed her husband's hand and gave him a blinding smile as if to say 'good job honey' but Josh seemed less than pleased at this new revelation.

"Always nice to meet a fan."

Blair struggled not to giggle.

"So Blair that's a stellar outfit. How old are you?"

"Old enough to vote."

The dry humour washed right over Kelly.

"Fabulous! You can't be that old then, I'm guessing twenty five?"

"Twenty three actually, we graduated from college last year and have been travelling around Europe since then."

Kelly hummed wistfully.

"What a life! Isn't it cuddle bunny?"

The creature cuddle bunny was apparently her husband, no wonder he had issues.

"It sure is. There's Mexican! Fancy it?"

His wife frowned at the colourful exterior of the busy mexican restaurant.

"They wont want to eat at a garish cantina. Remember what we talked about? Think before you speak."

"Actually we'd love to eat there."

Blair didn't want to really but she hated Kelly already. Chuck looked less than thrilled but he sensed her train of thought and conceded. Kelly smiled thinly and sauntered in front of them to order a table.

"So Josh what do you do?"

Blair had excused herself to go to the bathroom so Chuck thought it the lesser of two evils to talk shop with Josh rather than Kelly who kept staring at his butt.

"I'm a writer."

"Great. What do you write?"

"Science fiction novels."

"Any I would have heard of?" He hadn't heard of any science fiction novels considering he never had time to read but he asked for the sake of conversation.

"Well my most famous is 'battle of the Egyptian spacemen.'"

Chuck grinned.

"Oh so it's like a piss take? That's cool."

"No."

"Oh, right."

Kelly rolled her eyes upon hearing the tail end of the conversation.

"Don't worry Chuck he's not going to continue that nonsense for much longer. He is going to pursue more substantial goals aren't you sweetie?"

Josh cleared his throat and looked downtrodden, he was perfectly nice but Chuck disliked him for taking such crap from someone claiming to love him.

Luckily Blair returned and ended the awkward direction the conversation was heading.

"Let's eat I'm starved."

The restaurant was pleasant enough and was crowded with other patrons talking loudly to each other above the Mexican music. The wooden tables were dotted with colourful cocktails and even if it wasn't their usual five star haunt the mouth-watering smell from the kitchen alone convinced Blair to stay.

"It's like an actual restaurant in Mexico with all the sombreros and paintings, delightful!"

Blair agreed absentmindedly as they all found a table close to the window so they could look out on to the bustling street and across from that was the beach. Blair had immediately ordered two bottles of wine for the table and was browsing her menu while Kelly grilled Chuck about the details of living 'la vida loca'. Josh sat folding his napkin obsessively while listening sulkily. The table to their left was so close to their table Blair could have heard their conversation if there was any.

Except there wasn't.

In curiosity, she turned to inspect the obviously mute couple and saw a pretty blonde girl who was making faces at her boyfriend who was pretending to stare at his menu and not laugh. The girl reminded Blair of Jenny and the guy was boyishly handsome, from the way he was now grinning, he also had a killer smile.

"Stop it!"

The girl only stuck out her tongue and crossed her eyes in response.

"Not until you laugh Benny boy."

He shook his head resolutely but gave her a half smile. For some reason it was highly amusing and interesting to Blair who was stuck with the most mismatched couple ever.

"Blair darling are you quite alright?"

"Sorry?"

"Well you were staring intently at the couple next to you. I hope you aren't displaced with your menu. You're probably used to much better back in the big apple you spoilt little thing."

Apparently that comment warranted Kelly touching Chuck's hand at which Josh stiffened. Unfortunately Kelly was loud enough to alert the couple Blair was now not-so-secretly observing.

If Blair was one to blush, she would be scarlet with mortification and anger. Why did Kelly have to alert the obvious? Not to mention touching her husband's hand. What a bitch. The girl from the next table smiled amiably at her.

"Don't worry I people watch too. You must think I'm unhinged though with the crazy faces."

This got her boyfriend laughing.

"Believe me I've met unhinged-"

She unintentionally rolled her eyes over to Kelly who was gazing at Chuck like her own personal saviour.

"- and you're not it."

"I'm Lea. Thank you for making Ben laugh."

"I'm Blair and you're welcome."

"Are you on the island for a holiday?"

"Honeymoon."

Ben paled slightly and went back to skimming the drinks menu.

"Congratulations!"

"Thanks."

Having a conversation with strangers across dinner tables was a first for Blair but they seemed so much more normal (face pulling aside) than her dinner companions that she immediately warmed to them. Kelly was staring daggers at Lea when Chuck began to take notice as if they were stealing her new friends. If only.

"Blair darling lets keep the chatter between us shall we? Or we'll never get to know each other."

Blair gave Lea a look that said 'see the shit I have to put up with?' and her new friend gave her a sympathetic look albeit slightly confused. She couldn't blame her. She was confused herself as to why she had gotten herself into this. Wanting to piss off Chuck was now backfiring as he was visibly enjoying being fawned over and she was seething with indignation.

"Shall we order? Let's not get starters, the meals seem big enough."

Kelly cheerfully agreed but Josh looked just as tortured as Blair felt. She quickly ordered her meal, luckily she had slipped the waiter a good few hundred in order to get their food out first (going to the toilet being a convenient excuse) and now just had to wait. Kelly took a full five minutes to convey to the waiter exactly how she liked her food to be in an excruciatingly slow way even though the exasperated waiter replied in perfect English.

"So Josh, are you a golfer like Chuckles here?"

'Chuckles' looked visibly disgusted.

"Chuckles?"

Blair just smiled smugly and took his hand. He smiled smugly right back.

"Blair Bear care for some champagne? After all this is a celebration, let's get dessert too. Maybe some coffee after that? We have all night."

Blair's face fell. He wanted to play did he? Fine with her.

"Why not! Oh why don't you take Josh out surfing tomorrow too? I know you've been keen for a partner."

Both Chuck and Josh looked like they'd been smacked across the face but Kelly was beaming.

"Do darling! Me and Blair can watch from the beach and chat away."

"Kelly you know I'm deathly allergic to jellyfish."

"So? It's not likely you'll get stung."

"Deathly honey. That means death."

"Well if you will be a kill joy."

There was a lull in the conversation and Blair was already devising further sabotage of her beloved husband when said beloved's hand travelled south rapidly and found itself massaging areas of Blair that were still recovering from certain afternoon delights.

"Chuck!"

He was doing delightfully inappropriate things to her while he was still talking animatedly with Kelly and only turned to her casually at her outburst.

"Blair bear?"

Stupid smug ass.

"Uh, what did you order?"

Nice recovery. Idiot.

"Toros Tostadas."

Blair wished for the food to miraculously appear before them so that Chuck would need two hands and she wouldn't need a cold shoulder.

Shit.

The self-confessed people watcher was now returning the favour, Lea blushed when she realised what she was witnessing and that Blair had caught her while getting herself. Ben was hissing down his cell phone obliviously.

"Uh."

"Um."

Blair ripped Chuck's hand away like it had been red hot and he pushed back his Chair to see what the problem was. When he eyed both Blair and Lea looking horrified he laughed.

"What's so funny Chuck dear?"

Kelly was again glaring at Lea, Josh hadn't said anything in ages and Blair wanted to slap him for it. She wanted to slap them all, especially Chuck, that might ease her abject humiliation.

"So Blair, where did you get married?"

Lea was smiling hopefully and Blair was fine moving on.

"New York."

"Any hitches?"

"Does it count when your bridesmaid outshines you?"

"Yep that definitely does. What is she a supermodel?"

"Yeah."

"Bad choice amigo. Always go for the plain Janes to precede you down the aisle."

Blair nodded, eternally thankful that Lea had made the situation less nightmarish.

"I'll have to remember that for my next wedding."

"Glad to be of service."

They both cut their conversation off when their food arrived. Kelly picked at her meal, something told Blair she wasn't used to eating full stop. Apparently with a burrito as encouragement, Josh began to talk.

"So how did you two meet?"

"High school."

Kelly squealed so unnaturally high all tables in the vicinity turned to look at what was making such a noise. Chuck was grinning from ear to ear, at least Blair was right about Chuck enjoying watching such a lunatic.

"That is so cute! You were high school sweathearts! Was it love at first sight?"

Chuck burst into laughed.

"Not quite. It was more like disgust then thinly veiled hate, mutual understanding, friendship, lust and finally the big L. It was a slow, painful process."

Blair smiled in rememberance.

"I dated his best friend for years, I thought he'd be my husband but I was young and naïve. I obviously didn't realise that the constant pain in my ass was the only guy interesting enough to be with me for the rest of my life. Turns out he's still annoying."

"You're hardly perfect either. I could have had any of the panting beauties of New York."

Blair scoffed while directing her attention to Josh.

"I was the only one who could contain his ego, otherwise he'd be a Lex Luthor by now."

If Josh's expression was anything to go by, he appreciated the comic book reference. Chuck and Blair held hands under the table, talking about the past always made her nostalgic.

"Blair are you sure you want to be treating Chuck like that? Someone of Chuck's callibre can pursue greener pastures if pushed."

Blair pursued her lips.

"Honey, darling Kelly I am the greener pastures. I'm the fucking Elysian fields as far as my husband's concerned. He might be rich but he's just as stunted and petty as most males so as far as I'm concerned his calibre is the same as mine."

She turned to Chuck.

"How am I treating you hun? Do I need to sugar coat it more?"

Chuck leaned in and kissed her passionately before bringing his gaze back casually to Kelly.

"That's what she's got that the panting beauties didn't."

Kelly looked rather shell shocked but recovered.

"What's that? Insolence?"

"I like to call it spunk. Plus she's great in bed."

Josh half choked on his margarita and Kelly whacked him on the back in annoyance.

"Goodness Josh can't you even swallow competently?"

Blair smiled sympathetically at Josh.

"I think he's doing just fine."

Blair scooped up some of the mince and rice on her plate with her fork and moved it towards Chuck's mouth.

"Try that, it's really spicy but you'll like it."

He did as he was told and nodded his head in approval. As he stared at her she mouthed 'I love you'. He smirked and patted her leg in a patronising gesture that meant 'I love you too' in ass-speak.

An hour of awkward conversation later and they had the cheque.

"Since I'm the token millionaire I think I'll pay."

Josh huffed but said nothing as usual and Kelly smiled sweetly.

"What a gentleman."

She had deliberately not engaged Blair in any further conversation since their earlier blow up so it was mainly Blair and Josh chatting with Chuck having to put up with Kelly's saccharine flattery. Every so often Lea would look over and pull a funny face at Blair. It was so strange Blair couldn't help making one back.

"Shall we go?"

As they were getting up Lea impulsively stoop up too.

"Hey Blair?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want to come clubbing with us? I realise it's your honeymoon but it's only if you're not doing anything."

Blair wanted to say yes mainly because Lea was the sort of person she wanted to know but also because it was the surest way of getting rid of Kelly. She didn't seem the type to rave all night which was precisely the appeal.

"Chuck how do you feel about exploring the nightlife?"

One look at Kelly's constipated smile and Chuck was in.


A/N: More of Lea and Ben and Chuck/Blair goodness next chapter!