Final Fantasy 9 – Engulfed in Stupidity
Chapter 2 – Call for Action
Cinna: Zidane! Look, if you're going to drive…
Zidane: I can handle it!
Cinna: Just give me the wheel!
Zidane: No! I can dock the ship!
Cinna: You're going to crash! Give me the wheel!
Zidane: FINE! (Rips off steering wheel) Here! You drive.
Cinna: Ok, you've doomed us all!
Zidane: Abandon ship!
Everyone jumps off the ship. The Theater ship draws closer to the dock for a collision. Blank walks in drinking a soda.
Blank: We had this installed for a reason. (Presses "Docking" button)
A big pillow inflates in front of the ship, causing a great, cushy 'thwump' on the castle of Alexandria.
A few seconds later, the castle comes crumbling down, injuring the people inside it.
Blank: It did its job cause we're not hurt.
Baka: I see everyone is ok. Alright, let's get this show on the road! Everyone shall remember this event forever!
Hurrah!
Baka: And we're still not getting paid.
Boo.
The night was dark…
The two moons were out…
The sky glittered with stars…
On stage…was a man…
King Leo: Thank you for coming everyone.
Leo: Our story begins with Marcus, our beloved hero, clashing swords against the father of Cornelia
Leo: If anyone wishes to throw money onto the stage at anytime of the play, please feel free to do so!
Leo: And now, the Prima Vista presents, "I Want to be Your Canary."
Leo: Now in 3-D.
Backstage…
Blank: Marcus, how could you have endured so much pain?
Cinna: My friend, I won't sit back and let you fight alone!
Zidane: Come, let us drive our blades into the wretched heart of King Leo.
Cinna: Aye!
Blank: Aye!
They rushed onto the stage to find everyone dead. Marcus, King Leo, everyone.
Zidane: I think we came out a little bit too late. This is your fault Blank!
Blank: Oh don't blame this on me. You're the one always getting drunk!
Zidane: I don't care, it's your beer I'm drinking.
Blank: Come here you!
They both exit into the back of the audience and run into the castle, leaving Cinna alone on stage.
Cinna: (Throws tissue on King Leo) Wipe yourself off. You're bleeding.
In the castle...
Soldiers: Ow! Oof! OW!
Blank: So, you done changing Zidane?
Zidane: Yea. But this armor...sucks!
Blank: Really? How so?
Zidane: Well, first off, my pockets have crumbs. My boots are sticky. My gloves are loose. My helmet smells. My armor's too big. Must I go on?
Blank: Sure, but what you want me to do about it? Give you a message and a back rub?
Zidane: (...) Maybe.
Blank: Come on, let's get going.
Zidane heads up the stairs first. A white-robed stranger comes out of a door and crashes into Zidane.
Zidane: Ouch. Watch where you're going!
Stranger: I'm sorry...
Zidane: Hmm, she doesn't look half bad. Say, have I seen you somewhere before?
Stranger: I'm not sure if you know me, but I know you're the drunkard of the town bar.
Zidane: (...) So?
Blank walks up the stairs
Blank: What's taking so long?
Stranger: I have to go!
The Stranger shoves through the two and goes away.
Blank: Wow, 3 strikes so fast?
Zidane: Shut up. We better go chase her.
Somewhere else in the castle...
Zorn: We're are doomed!
Thorn: The queen shall have our heads!
Zorn: The queen shall go boom!
Thorn: We are pretty much dead.
Zorn and Thorn: We must hurry!
At the Queen's seat...
Zorn: We must see the queen.
Thorn: Don't block like a screen.
Beatrix: What is the problem?
Zorn and Thorn: The Princess is missing!
Beatrix: I shall tell the queen.
Brahne: Quiet! I'm trying to watch the show so I can easily tell them how much it sucks afterwards.
Beatrix: It also appears Garnet has taken the royal pendant.
Brahne: Do not worry, all that thing does is collect dust. But I better hunt her down. Beatrix!
Beatrix: Yes?
Brahne: Knights of Pluto Captain Rusty!
Steiner: It's Steiner!
Brahne: Whatever! Track down Garnet and get her back to me. If we want to marry into a rich kingdom, we'll need her.
Beatrix and Steiner: Yes ma'am.
Steiner heads back into the castle.
Steiner: Knights of Pluto...ASSEMBLE!
Two Knights of Pluto with no armor comes out.
Blutzen II: (Burp)
Kohel III: I'm hungry.
Steiner: (...) Both of you put some clothes on and start looking for the other knights.
Blutzen and Kohel: Fine! (Leaves)
Steiner: Am I the only one sane around here?
At the top of a watch tower...
Steiner: Nope, still not here. I guess I shouldn't check the same place twice...thrice...
Over in the distance, Zidane is chasing the white-robed Stranger.
Steiner: Wow, stupid couples. But I can't stay here and watch, I must find the princess! (Leaves, but comes back to watch)
Over at Zidane...
Zidane: There's no where left to run.
Stranger: Shoot. This better work!
The white-robed stranger grabs a banner and flies across the city onto the top of the Prima Vista roof.
Zidane follows and flies onto the Prima Vista roof as well.
Steiner: That looks fun!
Steiner grabs a banner and starts to fly across, however, the banner rips and he falls right into the crowd of viewers.
Steiner: Ahhhh!
To be continued...
Blank: Man, where did Zidane go?
Brahne: What are you babbling about? Just sit and watch the show.
Blank: Oh, right. Pass the popcorn.
Copyright to Final Fantasy 9, and Rush Hour.
