Final Fantasy 9 – Engulfed in Stupidity

Chapter 2 – Call for Action

Cinna: Zidane! Look, if you're going to drive…

Zidane: I can handle it!

Cinna: Just give me the wheel!

Zidane: No! I can dock the ship!

Cinna: You're going to crash! Give me the wheel!

Zidane: FINE! (Rips off steering wheel) Here! You drive.

Cinna: Ok, you've doomed us all!

Zidane: Abandon ship!

Everyone jumps off the ship. The Theater ship draws closer to the dock for a collision. Blank walks in drinking a soda.

Blank: We had this installed for a reason. (Presses "Docking" button)

A big pillow inflates in front of the ship, causing a great, cushy 'thwump' on the castle of Alexandria.

A few seconds later, the castle comes crumbling down, injuring the people inside it.

Blank: It did its job cause we're not hurt.

Baka: I see everyone is ok. Alright, let's get this show on the road! Everyone shall remember this event forever!

Hurrah!

Baka: And we're still not getting paid.

Boo.

The night was dark…

The two moons were out…

The sky glittered with stars…

On stage…was a man…

King Leo: Thank you for coming everyone.

Leo: Our story begins with Marcus, our beloved hero, clashing swords against the father of Cornelia

Leo: If anyone wishes to throw money onto the stage at anytime of the play, please feel free to do so!

Leo: And now, the Prima Vista presents, "I Want to be Your Canary."

Leo: Now in 3-D.

Backstage…

Blank: Marcus, how could you have endured so much pain?

Cinna: My friend, I won't sit back and let you fight alone!

Zidane: Come, let us drive our blades into the wretched heart of King Leo.

Cinna: Aye!

Blank: Aye!

They rushed onto the stage to find everyone dead. Marcus, King Leo, everyone.

Zidane: I think we came out a little bit too late. This is your fault Blank!

Blank: Oh don't blame this on me. You're the one always getting drunk!

Zidane: I don't care, it's your beer I'm drinking.

Blank: Come here you!

They both exit into the back of the audience and run into the castle, leaving Cinna alone on stage.

Cinna: (Throws tissue on King Leo) Wipe yourself off. You're bleeding.

In the castle...

Soldiers: Ow! Oof! OW!

Blank: So, you done changing Zidane?

Zidane: Yea. But this armor...sucks!

Blank: Really? How so?

Zidane: Well, first off, my pockets have crumbs. My boots are sticky. My gloves are loose. My helmet smells. My armor's too big. Must I go on?

Blank: Sure, but what you want me to do about it? Give you a message and a back rub?

Zidane: (...) Maybe.

Blank: Come on, let's get going.

Zidane heads up the stairs first. A white-robed stranger comes out of a door and crashes into Zidane.

Zidane: Ouch. Watch where you're going!

Stranger: I'm sorry...

Zidane: Hmm, she doesn't look half bad. Say, have I seen you somewhere before?

Stranger: I'm not sure if you know me, but I know you're the drunkard of the town bar.

Zidane: (...) So?

Blank walks up the stairs

Blank: What's taking so long?

Stranger: I have to go!

The Stranger shoves through the two and goes away.

Blank: Wow, 3 strikes so fast?

Zidane: Shut up. We better go chase her.

Somewhere else in the castle...

Zorn: We're are doomed!

Thorn: The queen shall have our heads!

Zorn: The queen shall go boom!

Thorn: We are pretty much dead.

Zorn and Thorn: We must hurry!

At the Queen's seat...

Zorn: We must see the queen.

Thorn: Don't block like a screen.

Beatrix: What is the problem?

Zorn and Thorn: The Princess is missing!

Beatrix: I shall tell the queen.

Brahne: Quiet! I'm trying to watch the show so I can easily tell them how much it sucks afterwards.

Beatrix: It also appears Garnet has taken the royal pendant.

Brahne: Do not worry, all that thing does is collect dust. But I better hunt her down. Beatrix!

Beatrix: Yes?

Brahne: Knights of Pluto Captain Rusty!

Steiner: It's Steiner!

Brahne: Whatever! Track down Garnet and get her back to me. If we want to marry into a rich kingdom, we'll need her.

Beatrix and Steiner: Yes ma'am.

Steiner heads back into the castle.

Steiner: Knights of Pluto...ASSEMBLE!

Two Knights of Pluto with no armor comes out.

Blutzen II: (Burp)

Kohel III: I'm hungry.

Steiner: (...) Both of you put some clothes on and start looking for the other knights.

Blutzen and Kohel: Fine! (Leaves)

Steiner: Am I the only one sane around here?

At the top of a watch tower...

Steiner: Nope, still not here. I guess I shouldn't check the same place twice...thrice...

Over in the distance, Zidane is chasing the white-robed Stranger.

Steiner: Wow, stupid couples. But I can't stay here and watch, I must find the princess! (Leaves, but comes back to watch)

Over at Zidane...

Zidane: There's no where left to run.

Stranger: Shoot. This better work!

The white-robed stranger grabs a banner and flies across the city onto the top of the Prima Vista roof.

Zidane follows and flies onto the Prima Vista roof as well.

Steiner: That looks fun!

Steiner grabs a banner and starts to fly across, however, the banner rips and he falls right into the crowd of viewers.

Steiner: Ahhhh!

To be continued...

Blank: Man, where did Zidane go?

Brahne: What are you babbling about? Just sit and watch the show.

Blank: Oh, right. Pass the popcorn.


Copyright to Final Fantasy 9, and Rush Hour.