A/N: So, it's been a while. This was going to be a one shot but a couple of people asked if it was going to be continued, so I decided to add this on. Half was written a few months ago and the second half yesterday. Unbetaed so there may be some mistakes, but I just felt like uploading somehing. I may be adding some Klaine fics here too, so keep an eye out if you're interested. Enjoy and happy holidays!
Recovery is a long, hard road filled with pitfalls and promises, both broken and kept. It's dangerous, so close to falling off the metaphorical wagon and back into oblivion. It is the hardest thing to do, but also the best. The hardest for obvious reasons, but the best because recovery was hope. Hope for a future, for happiness and most importantly, for Quinn.
Rachel Berry was nothing if not determined.
"I stopped by the market on the way back, we were getting low on fruit and-well everything really," she laughed softly, depositing the bags onto the kitchen counter as she spoke. The blonde glanced over at the brunette leaning on the kitchen island watching her and smiled, quirking one eyebrow skywards in a silent question.
"Oh-thanks," Rachel stirred out of her staring with a bashful smile. "Let me help you unpack.." she added, skirting around the island until she stood beside the blonde.
They unpacked the fresh fruit and vegan friendly ingredients in companionable silence for a few minutes, just the shuffle of boxes and creaking of cupboard doors to fill the little kitchen.
"I'm proud of you." Quinn broke the silence, looking over as the shorter girl stacked up the cupboards with tins with a fond smile. Her companion glanced up, slight confusion written on her face. "For helping with the food, I know it's hard for you to get used to it all again. I'm glad you're trying."
Rachel smiled and turned back to the shelves, biting her lip. Whenever Quinn praised her, for tiny things like eating another teaspoon of peas, her cheeks burned up and her stomach turned somersaults. Just to hear Quinn's smile in her melodic voice, aimed at her, proud of her. She had it bad, but Quinn didn't know a thing.
"I found some really nice strawberries, look. I'm thinking of making a cake of something-" Quinn began, rummaging around the bags for the fruit, oblivious to Rachel's dreamy smile.
It was times like these that Quinn really loved being with Rachel even more so than usual. With the slender brunette bouncing around the apartment belting out songs without a care in the world, it was almost like things used to be. She remembered Rachel always eager to sing, no matter what the song was. She was happy Rachel hadn't changed that much.
"Don't you want me baby, don't you want me, oh oh!" Rachel shimmied across the rug, the coffee table already pushed to the side of the room to create a dance floor. She tossed her hair and laughed, her patterned skirt swinging as she leapt around.
Quinn was curled into the couch, her feet tucked up beneath her dress to keep them away from Rachel's ambitious dance moves. She laughed as she watched, shaking her head in amusement when Rachel looked over at her.
"Come on Quinn!" she grinned, slinking towards her with arms outstretched. "Dance with me!"
Rachel grabbed the blondes hands and pulled her up, Quinn going along with it because why the hell not? She interlocked their fingers and began to dance again, making sure Quinn was dancing with her.
"Oh, don't you want me?" she sang, looking at the blonde in the blue dress dancing with a soft smile on her face.
Oh, you have no idea, Quinn thought to herself, twirling the brunette around and ignoring the clenching in her stomach as she missed yet another chance.
There were good days and bad days. Yesterday, the impromptu dancing that had turned into whispered conversations well into the night - that had been a good day. Today, today was shaping out to be a bad day.
First, Rachel had picked listlessly at her breakfast which was meagre anyway; the hospital nutritionist said to build up her portions steadily. No amount of coaxing or pleading from Quinn would make her eat more than four bites.
Then, Rachel got dressed into her workout gear and went out running. For three hours. She all but collapsed when she staggered through the door, jacket tossed to the floor and her ribs visible through her tank top.
Quinn had forced Rachel into bed (after bringing her a thin slics of strawberry cake and her whole collection of musicals, she hadn't minded so much) and then called the hospital.
"I'm just so worried, it's like the early days-" Quinn paused both her speech and pacing around the kitchen. "-it's still early days, I know, but she seemed to be getting better."
"Recovery isn't a simple ride, Quinn. Rachel's coping well, better than most do. All thanks to you, of course. But she will have bad days and suffer relapses. We just need to help her and give all the support she needs," the nutritionist replied patiently, somehow managing to calm her nerves.
"I-you're right. I'll take your advice, thank you. We'll see you on Tuesday for the check-up. Bye."
She felt numb when she hung up the phone, then began worrying again.
"Please, Rachel, please just eat," she begged, trying and failing to keep the desperation out of her voice.
"I don't want to, leave me alone," Rachel muttered, barely audible as she spoke into the pillow she had sunk her head into.
Quinn was knelt beside the couch where the brunette lay stomach down, her long hair fanning out around her as her face was smushed into the pillow. The blonde gently rubbed her back, biting her lip as her fingers grazed over the bones of her spine. She was still so thin, even though she had been getting better recently.
"Please, just a little," Quinn whispered, trying to make the ill girl realise how important it was.
The white noise of the TV playing some commercial in the background seemed to fill the whole apartment as Rachel slowly sat up, crossing her legs and pouting. She looked like her old schoolgirl self, like when she was pining after Finn all over again. The girls stayed still for a long moment until the brunette slowly leant forward and picked up the small bowl from the coffee table. As she took a few tentative spoonfuls of the soup, Quinn watched her closely. She knew Rachel's tricks; she'd thought they were past that now.
"I'm done."
She had only eaten half of the bowl but the determined set of her jaw stopped Quinn from persuading her to eat more. It was good enough for now. For now.
"Thank you," Quinn murmured, taking the bowl from the thin girl's hands and getting to her feet.
She was halfway to the kitchen when Rachel spoke again.
"No, thank you."
It had been eight months since Quinn had found a skeletal Rachel curled up on her bathroom floor. Eight months of begging, pleading and sighs of relief when her cries got through to the recovering anorexic. Eight months of stifling her feelings to focus on getting Rachel better.
Eight months was a long time.
Rachel looked radiant, still thin but her ribs were no longer visible and she didn't bruise the moment she knocked her elbow. Her hair was thick and glossy again, not brittle and on the brink of falling out as it used to be. There was a difference in the way she carried herself too, a poise that hadn't been there before. She looked healed. She wasn't fixed, of course – eating disorders can never be 100% fixed. But Quinn had been determined to get her as close to that as possible, and so had Rachel, when she'd really tried.
"Come on, Rach, we're going to be late," Quinn called down the hall, fingers fluffing up her blonde hair where it fell in soft curls just down to her shoulders. She had dressed for the occasion; dressed nicely for the first time in eight months. The pale green dress fell to an inch or two above her knees, a lightweight cardigan was protecting her arms from the cool autumn chill and her favourite pair of soft brown leather boots were on her feet. She felt ready to go and tell Rachel exactly what she'd been wanting to for eight months and longer.
"I'm ready," Rachel replied, the unmistakable clicks of her heels getting closer. Quinn turned from the hallway mirror, her pink lips opening in awe as she looked at the brunette approaching her. Rachel looked like her old self, but more beautiful too. The deep velvet blue skirt she'd bought last month was paired with a ruffled white blouse and the wedge heels that made her legs look like gifts from God matched perfectly. The thing that really made it though was the soft smile on her face, lips rouged to match her blushing cheeks.
"Wow," Quinn breathed. She allowed herself a few more moments to just stare before pulling herself together. "Come on then."
Rachel hadn't known what to expect when Quinn had said she'd booked them tables at a restaurant. She especially hadn't known what to expect when they arrived and she found they were in a private room. Classical music played quietly in the background, no musicians present but none of the beauty lost in the recording. Quinn walked slightly ahead, bouncing in her heels, and reached the table first. She pulled out a chair for Rachel and she took it, looking around. This seemed an awful lot like a date. But she wasn't going to get her hopes up. She couldn't afford to be disappointed.
They didn't eat much; Quinn out of sympathy for Rachel, most likely, although she never said it. Dinner was filled with quiet conversation and memories of high school.
"You looked so amazing at Nationals. Sounded like an angel too," Quinn smiled, her eyes glazed over slightly in rememberance.
"Oh, I-thanks."
Rachel looked down at her palms resting in her lap with a shy smile. Dinner, music, compliments. What was going on?
"Look, Rach-" Quinn began, standing up slowly and walking around the table to stand in front of Rachel. The brunette stood up, the same height as Quinn in her heels. Brown eyes met green. She dared to hope.
"I-" Quinn paused again before seeming to steel herself, looking into Rachel's eyes. "I'm so proud of you. You've come so far and I-I know it sounds selfish and terrible but...I'm glad this happened, in some ways, because it meant I got to spend every day of the last eight months with you. You changed from a defeated girl with the strength within her to a girl who just resonates strength. I...I'm so proud to see you now as this beautiful, strong, amazing woman."
Rachel held her breath as the blonde gently took her hands, their fingers interlocking. She looked at Quinn, praying that there was more to come.
"Rachel. I...I love you," she whispered in the breathy voice Rachel loved.
"I love you too, Quinn. I've just been waiting for you to say it," she murmured in reply, fighting to control the huge smile threatening to take over her face.
The blonde who she'd loved for so long - both unconsciously, as in high school, and consciously in the time afterwards – smiled and leaned in. Their lips met and everything fell into place. Rachel pulled her hands free to loop them around Quinn's neck, deepening the kiss as she moved in closer. She smiled against the blonde's lips as Quinn ran her hands down her hips and around the base of her spine. They stood that way for a few minutes, exchanging brief, sweet kisses and longer, 'I-can't-believe-we-wasted-so-much-time' kisses until Rachel tore her lips away.
"I'm yours forever, if you'll have me," she whispered against the smooth plane of Quinn's neck.
"I want nothing more," Quinn smiled and brought their lips back together. And this time, Rachel had no intention of pulling away.
