Second Question : Why I chose him?
I didn't want to hurt him. But in a way I had to do it to be here now. With my mom, with Lettie. To be happy in the true meaning of this word.
That's why I will always be grateful. He made this move easier for me. I don't think I would have ever done it without him. Maybe it wasn't just a matter of strength but comfort I was going away with. He was the one who used to care about me.
I didn't want to leave him broken, wondering for his whole life why I did it. Why I chose him. And what it meant. Regretting that he didn't stop me, that he didn't help me or that he wasted time being angry. But most that he wasn't honest with me. And with himself too.
Do you wonder whether I feel guilty ? I do. I feel guilty because I asked him for too much that day. I feel guilty about hurting him. About scar I left him. I didn't know it could have so much impact on him. That it would break his heart.
But I know that he gave me so much. That's why I'm trying to protect him the best way I can. They even call me his guardian angel here. And I think that he feels it. That he feels me. Sometimes when he looks through me I wonder whether he really sees me or it's just what I hope for. There is something special in his eyes. Only for me, but I figured it just now. That's why I regret sometimes that I'm happy here. And not there with him.
