Hello, everyone!
To the very beginning, I am so so so super sorry, that I continue this so late! I Hate it myself when people don't update their stories like, ever, so I'm mad at myself for doing the same. There are reasons, not that any of you care... but let's say school's tough, my depression is getting worse, and my writing motivation has been zero. Excuses, excuses all around... but seriously, sorry.
I actually wrote a lot of this chapter in the same time when I uploaded the first one, but I only now had motivation to write more. It like 2 am, (I have school at 8 am lol :D) and I just came here after such a long time and WOW there's so MUCH of people who follow this story! And that gave me a spark to finish this chapter. So thank yourselves I guess... (I'm starting to get pressures that my writing isn't good enough and that you don't like the new chapter or something my god xD)
So. anyways, rant over. A longer chapter just because I haven't been updating (it's still pretty short :/ I just cannot write long chapters...). I really do hope you guys like it. I try not to get too excited to make Izaya suffer ;D
And I promise, I will start to update this more often. I have the whole story planned out already so...
Enjoy~
Shizuo's body was shaking. His hands were sweating. His veins were throbbing. He narrowed his eyes, glaring at the underground doctor. He wanted to know more about Izaya, yes, but did this guy think he'd be that desperate? The doctor was still smiling, clearly thinking his plan was brilliant.
"You want me to do what now?" Shizuo murmured, his voice giving away just how pissed he was.
Shinra still kept smiling, though the small sweat drop on his forehead told he saw that Shizuo wasn't that excited about his plan.
"Well, that's my condition. If you want to know things about Izaya, and remember that I'm the only one who will ever tell you about him, you have to help me out," Shinra shifted weight from leg to another. "It's not like you have to, but then you will never know either." Shizuo gritted. It was all true. No one else would tell him stuff about Izaya, heck, no one else than Izaya himself probably didn't even know that much about him than Shinra. And Shinra wouldn't tell Shizuo without some sort of profit to himself.
"Isn't there anything else you want..?" Shizuo asked, even though he was pretty sure Shinra wouldn't change his mind. Shinra smiled evilly. "That's my one and only condition, take it or leave it."
"But.. how are you gonna make the flea agree with this stupid plan of yours?" Shizuo asked, wanting the doctor see that this idea could never work. But Shinra only looked more confident.
"I have my ways. If you agree, they'll be no problem with Izaya." Shizuo sighed. Should he just let it be? Shinra's conditions were impossible. Besides, Shizuo didn't want to do this. But he wanted to know more about Izaya... it was just so unfair. He tried to think something he could use against Shinra, something to show him that this plan would never work, and he would change his mind and want something else, something easier to give.
"And how do you know I won't kill him?" Shizuo asked, knowing it was highly possible, no, it was certain he would try. But Shinra didn't even flinch. He just smiled.
"You have not succeeded in it until this point, no matter how much you've tried, so you wouldn't be able to kill him then either."
Shizuo wanted to argue somehow, tell Shinra it was possible for him to kill the flea, something, But Shinra was right. Besides, Shinra was way smarter than him, so he changed his point.
"Well, why me? What does it help that I am the one you use?" he asked, not being able to keep the annoyance out of his voice.
To this Shinra smiled sadly, and gave Shizuo a weird look.
"You're the only one who can do it. I have my ways of knowing. Trust me on this one."
Shizuo hit his hand on the table. It shattered to a million pieces. He really didn't have any choice now did he?
"So, what will it be?" Shinra asked, still smiling. Shizuo took a deep breath.
"I need time to think," he said, and walked outside of the house.
As soon as the door closed, Shinra hurried to his desk. He picked up his cell and dialed Izaya's number. Not soon after he heard Izaya's voice.
"What is it Shinra?" Izaya still sounded a little bit mad from their argument.
"Izaya," Shinra said excitedly to the phone. "I think I found a way to solve all of our problems!"
Outside on the cold evening Shizuo was leaning to a wall and smoking. Smoking always really helped him relax. It was easier to think. Even though Shizuo knew it wasn't healthy for him, even though he knew it was slowly killing him, he still couldn't stop. Maybe it was stupid but who cares. With a short temper like his he needed this. Especially right now. Shizuo watched the night sky and though about this. Did he really need to know? He could just walk away and continue his normal everyday life just like he had up until now. But would it be the same? Now that he had come into a realization about his ignorance of his rival, whom he had known for a really long time now, could he really go on living and continuing this cat and mouse game with the flea, still being as ignorant as he had been, only now be aware about it? Would it not bother him every time he saw the flea's stupid face? Knowing he didn't know anything about the other man, while the said man knew almost everything about him, could he really take that? Shizuo threw the tobacco at the ground, smashing it with his foot. He had known the answer all along. He had only tried to ignore it, tried to run away from this crushing reality.
"Maybe it's time to face the truth," Shizuo said to himself and walked back inside.
Shinra was still talking to the phone when Shizuo walked in. He quickly glanced to the blonde man, and said to the phone:
"Okay, he came back in, so I have to go now. I'll work things out with him. Yeah, bye."
Shinra put his cell back to the table, and turned towards Shizuo.
"So~, what do you say? Is it a deal then?"
Shizuo took a deep breath. No way he was backing off now.
"Yeah, it is." This made Shinra beam, so Shizuo quickly added:
"But don't blame me if I end up killing that stupid flea."
Shinra just smiled, and sat down. "Yeah yeah.. so, you want to know what happened earlier today?" he asked. Shizuo thought about it for a second.
"Yeah, I guess," he said, and sit opposite to Shinra.
Shinra smiled, and took a deep breath. He leaned back, and started talking.
"It all started when I first met Izaya. You remember, I knew him before high school? Well, we met at middle school," Shinra said with a longing look. "He was really different back then."
Shizuo looked at Shinra, being really interested. "Different? How so?"
Shinra smiled. "Well, he wasn't... how should I say it? That messed up, I guess. He was more of a watcher and an observer than he is now. He just watched from the distance, never actually getting involved in anything in any way," Shinra said and eyed the ceiling. "Maybe that became boring later on and he had to step in himself, who knows."
"Anyway, I was also an observer myself, so we quickly got along. He is a first person for me who I could call a friend, and I guess," Shinra said with a warm smile. "he would probably say the same about me."
Shizuo growled. He didn't really care about Shinra's relationship with the flea.
"Yeah yeah, get to the point already."
Shinra laughed a bit. "Impatient, aren't we? Don't worry, we'll get there soon enough. Anyway, we got somewhat close, and I learned that he wasn't like other kids. He had a rough past, he didn't really like anyone in particular, yet he still claimed to love all the humanity. Well, he wasn't as passionate about that as he is now, but all the time I've known him that one fact had remained the same. But there was still something off with Izaya, one of the things that is still with him today, though he learned to hide it much better." Shizuo laughed at this.
"Off with Izaya, huh? You mean that he is a flea who should just die?"
Shinra looked really serious, glaring at Shizuo.
"No, I mean that mentally he has never been alright."
Shizuo stared at Shinra. "What do you mean, "Not mentally alright"? You mean that Izaya has his brain damaged or something? Well I kinda know that already but still.."
Shinra mentally slapped himself. "No, not that. He just has some.. problems, shall we say? Just let me explain and you will understand, okay?" After Shizuo nodded, Shinra continued with his story.
"So, back in middle school Izaya couldn't hide his emotions nearly as well as he can today. And that made me able to see it. I have always been studying medical stuff, psychical and just a little bit of mental. I spend time with him daily, thus being able to observe his doings, and I saw that everything was no okay."
Shinra looked at Shizuo sadly. "Ever since middle school, the all I know maybe even longer, Izaya has had a really serious depression."
Shizuo stared at Shinra. "Depression? Izaya? You must be joking." He had to be. The flea wasn't capable of such thing as "Feelings".
Shinra just smiled sadly. "I wish I were. I've been trying to help him since I found out. With very little improvement." Shinra sighed and looked at his hands. "No matter what, Izaya is a really close friend of mine, and I feel so useless not being able to do anything about his state."
Shizuo felt like he should somehow comfort Shinra or something, but he was too confused about this new piece of imformation to do so. Well, he wasn't that good at comforting people anyways... Luckily for Shizuo he didn't need to do that, because just after a moment Shinra picked himself up, and continued.
"Anyway, I don't think anyone else than me noticed, but Izaya seemed always depressed. Of course he hid it, but I was sometimes able to see through his mask. Then one day I talked to him about it, and he cracked." Shinra looked really sad, like remembering something he didn't want to remember. "He didn't really cry, I've never seen him actually cry, but he just.. went really down. He told me he couldn't do this anymore, he didn't think he was worthy to live, he was useless and he should just die." Shinra sighed. "It was really hard to cheer him up again.."
Shizuo didn't know whether to laugh or cry. That didn't sound like anything Izaya could do... Izaya he knew was always putting himself higher than others, thinking himself as a god or something, overall a really narcissistic person. It was impossible to imagine Izaya acting like that...
Though he had been for once right. Izaya isn't worthy to live, he is useless and should die. Fast.
"And you're saying his still like that?" Shizuo asked disbelief in his voice, wanting to know more.
"Well... not exactly," Shinra said with a sad smile. Shizuo raised his eyebrow.
"It's gotten worse. Way worse. He hides it a lot better now, and tries to ignore all of the problems, but they are still there," he sighed. Shizuo just listened, tried to comprehend the things he heard.
"As you know, I work as a doctor. The same way every time you get injured, you come to me, Izaya does too. But that's not all. I also try to treat his mental problems. The biggest problem is, I'm not a mind doctor. I treat wounds and such, not mind." He sighed, and looked a little irritated as he continued. "I tried to make him go to real psychiatrist or something, but no. He will not. It's like he doesn't understand how important it is to keep your mind healthy too, not just your body." A long silence fell between the two, as Shinra got lost in thought. Shizuo didn't know what to say. So he decided to ask something, anything.
"Uh.. so how is it today? You said it has gotten worse?" he asked awkwardly. It still felt a bit strange talking about the flea like he was... a human.
Shizuo's voice seemed to wake Shinra up, and he answered.
"Well.. The depression, which is a mind sickness, has affected his body too. And he has even more disorders now." Shinra pondered his words for a while. "Well.. hmm... You surely have noticed how skinny Izaya is?" He asked, still pondering his words carefully.
Shizuo thought about it for a while. When he thought about the informant, he remembered said person with his jacket, not really looking too skinny... but he had seen Izaya without the jacket on a couple of times... He was super skinny, that jacket the flea always wore somehow made him look more normal.
"Yeah, I have," Shizuo said a bit surprised. Shinra nodded.
"He has had an eating disorder, anorexia, for a while now."
Shizuo tried to remember what anorexia meant, but he couldn't. He never paid that much attention in school.
"Anorexia?"
Shinra sighed.
"He eats way too little, works out too much, and still when he looks at the mirror, he sees a fat person. So he continues to starve himself and, well..." Shinra let the words drift off.
Shizuo chuckled. "Really?" he asked. "That's a real sickness? Sounds dumb."
Shinra glared at the man. "Yes it is a real sickness. And it's really dangerous as well, and on top of that very hard to treat."
Shizuo saw that Shinra was serious and let the smile drop. He thought about the information. So, Izaya really was a sick and twisted person. Huh.
"Is there something else? How did it all begin?" Shizuo asked, but Shinra smiled evilly.
"If I tell you too much, I'll get boring. You get to know more when you've done a little of your part of the deal." Shinra looked at the clock.
"The sooner we start, the better. So why not right now."
Shizuo started to sweat, and his vision's corners were a little bit reddish. He so didn't want to do this. But, Shizuo did not break his promises.
"Fine," he sighed. "I'll go."
Shinra smiled encouragingly.
"Good luck."
After two hours Shizuo was standing next to a big apartment building. He frowned.
It smelled like flea there.
