Whoops! Messed up during the upload! Sorry for that, chapter 2 is finally here!


Chapter 2: The Price of a Memory

Soft_Reboot

"Touma, don't you remember? We met when I fell into the balcony of your apartment in the dormitory."

"Touma, don't you remember? Your right hand destroyed my Waking Church."

"Touma, don't you remember? You fought against magicians for my sake."

"Touma… don't you remember? About Index... that loved you so much."

...

Index whole body jerked as she suddenly woke up covered in sweat and with tears falling from her eyes. Both her breathing and heartbeat were erratic because of the dream she just had. That same nightmare again… How long have I been having those?

Honestly, she had lost track of time recently. Not because she didn't remember (which was actually impossible for her even if she wanted to) but because she didn't even bother checking the date anymore.

Ever since Ramon had talked to her, her life turned into a living hell. Touma had gone to Avignon together to solve some issues caused by the God's Right, and she found out that Itsuwa of the Amakusa church was with him there. Later Itsuwa came to live in the apartment for a while for her mission, worsening the situation. And when she was finally gone, Misaka once again filled the empty spot before she even had a chance to do anything.

Index managed to distract herself for a while when Kazakiri was still here, but as expected, she eventually disappeared, aggravating the loneliness in the girl's heart.

The nun sat up and wiped the tears away with her arms before looking at the clock. It was still 3 in the morning, but she didn't felt like sleeping again, afraid that she would dream about the same thing one more time. Her eyes fell into Sphinx, who was sleeping peacefully right beside her, on the spot she always left empty for the true owner of the bed. She always felt bad for him since the day he decided to sleep in the bathroom, so she started to leave enough space for him in the bed just in case he got tired of doing that. Needless to say, that never happened. Smiling in self loath, she petted the cat and stood up.

After drinking a glass of water, Index found herself inside the bathroom. She wasn't paying much attention to what she was doing, so it surprised her that she had gone there on her own without thinking. Once that realization sunk into her mind, her eyes automatically turned to the bathtub, where the boy was sleeping. She felt honestly relieved to see him there, as he haven't got home yet when she went to bed. Once again, her body moved on its own and she slowly approached him, wondering if he would get mad at her if she lay down beside him.

But she soon stopped on her tracks once she walked by the mirror.

Her reflection broke all wishful thoughts that were going through her head. That image didn't match the one in her memories. Her face looked horrible. It was dark in the room, but she still could notice that her eyes looked darker and lifeless, unlike the shiny emerald green color it used to have.

What in the world was happening to her?

Scared of herself, she ran out of the bathroom and hid beneath the blankets, surprising the poor calico cat that woke up and dashed away.

Several hours passed and the sun rose, but she didn't move an inch this entire time. Eventually, Touma woke up and passed running towards the kitchen. "Dammit, I overslept!"

"..."

He quickly took the first thing he found in the refrigerator and swallowed it as fast as he could. While getting his key, It was only after he was finished that the boy batched an eye at her. "Ah, good morning Index."

"..."

"Sorry, did I wake you up?"

"... no."

"Look, I'm in a hurry, so I can't make the breakfast today. I'll be leaving this bill here, so you can go out and eat whatever you want."

"..."

"Hey… are you alright?"

Index hesitated for a moment before answering reluctantly. "I just didn't sleep very well."

Touma raised a brow at her comment, but he didn't had time to inquire further. "... if that's all, then make sure to rest a little more. I'm leaving."

"Actually, Touma-"

She regretted taking too long to make her mind to tell him. The boy had already closed the door and was running outside while shouting "Such misfortuuuuune!". Left alone in the room, she just kept staring at the door while she lost herself in her thoughts. And she just stood there for who knows how long, feeling as if her life force was being drained away for just breathing.

You don't have to suffer like this, you know...

Suddenly, she heard that whisper inside her head.

You can change your fate whenever you want.

"Yes… I know."

All you have to do is reach out for it...

Without noticing, Index stared blankly into nowhere with her brightless eyes and lifted her right hand towards it, as if trying to grasp something invisible.

Yes… reach out for me and lend me your knowledge. If you do that, I'll use my power to do whatever you want.

"... no… No!" Finally coming to her senses, she turned away and buried herself in the blankets again, hoping to get rid of the sweet voice by covering her ears but it was useless. Ramon was talking to her through her mind somehow. It wasn't the first time it had happened, and no matter how much she tried, she wasn't capable of escaping it.

Why? Why do you insist in keep this agony going? Do you actually like it?

"That's not it! I… I would do anything to make it stop!"

Then-

"But that's the one thing I can't do! It is my duty to protect the grimoires from the people, and the people from the grimoires!"

Is your duty worth that much?

"... it is. As a nun of the 0th Parish of the Church of England, I must prioritize it over any personal matter."

Even if it was the church's fault that you are in this situation in the first place?

"T-that's..."

After all, if the church never had installed the collar on you, that boy would have never lost his memory.

"..."

So what right they have to blame you for making a mistake, if all you want to do is to fix their mistake?

"... shut up. Leave me alone."

Sure. The decision is yours.

...

A few hours have passed and Index's mood only worsened. She didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone or hear anyone, but her hunger won over those feelings eventually, forcing her body to move, take the money Touma left for her and leave the room - just to run into Maika riding her cleaning robot in the hallway.

"Sisteeeeeeer-san! Are you going out for lunch already?"

The nun considered the option of running away, but concluded it would only make matters worse. Not to mention that she probably couldn't outspeed the cleaning robot in her current condition. Sighing in regret, she slowly blinked her heavy eyes and turned towards the maid, who shouted in surprise. "Eeeeek?! W-what happened to you? Did Kamijou-kun do something-"

"No. I think I might be sick. Touma… did absolutely nothing. Nothing at all. But I will be fine. I just need to eat something."

The gloomy aura around the girl was pitiable, to say the least. Maika simply couldn't leave her like that. "You don't look fine at all! You can't go anywhere like this, or you could end up collapsing in the middle of the street! Go back inside and rest, I'll bring you something in a minute!"

And then the maid ran into the neighbor apartment in a flash. Index felt bad for troubling her friend over this, but in a way, it was a relief that she could stay at home. Doing as she was told, she got back inside and laid down on the bed, leaving the door unlocked.

Maika didn't take long to show up, carrying a bowl filled with some kid of soup that Index had never seen before. "Here. I had to improvise with what I had, but there are several ingredients with medicinal properties that will make you feel better… or at least good enough to let you go see a doctor afterwards."

She sat up on the bed and took a sip of the food. The warmth of the broth made he whole body fell several pounds lighter, and while the taste wasn't top class, it was still above average and she could filled with the girl's worry and care. Index couldn't help but show a legitimate smile, something that she hadn't done in quite a while. "It's delicious. Thanks Maika, I think I really needed this."

"Of course! A maid needs to be always ready to give their master what they need!" She answered with pride. "I can't stay with you here now, but I'll come later to check on you and take the bowl back. Ah, and you don't need to wash it, I'll take care of it too."

Maika's kindness brightened Index mood for a while, but it didn't last. Hours after the maid left, her mind was once again assaulted by doubt.

I wonder if Touma will be mad at me for bothering Maika even though he left me money to eat.

No, of course he won't! Touma isn't like this!

But I'm always giving people trouble for taking care of me and never give anything back to them.

What will Touma's friend living next door do when he find out that the food he bought was wasted on me?

If he complain to Touma, he will be mad at me, right?

N-no, that won't happen!

Come to think of it, I'm just a dead weight here. I never help with anything.

Isn't that's the reason why Touma never asks me for help when he have to fight against magicians?

Yes… I bet Misaka and the Amakusa are way more helpful in battle than I am. I can't even use magic on my own.

What is all this knowledge for if I can't even use it? Wouldn't it be best if someone had it?

No, wait-

If I had never read the grimoires, none of this would be happening.

What am I thinking? I can't blame the grimoires! It is my duty to protect them!

But I'm useless at doing so anyway. After all, I'm about to . . .

Wait, stop! You can't do that!

Ah… it's painful. I wish I could just pass out.

But that nightmare…

Even then… I at least can see Touma there. And then forget all about this.

All I want is to forget.

But I can't.

No, that's not it. I don't want to forget. What I really want is…

But I can't.

It's impossible. But if asked for his help…

But I can't.

THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO!

"Enough… That's enough!"

Enough… That's enough!

With that bestial shout coming from her mouth, the whole world was painted in grey and all sound disappeared. And from within the background, the man in black robes with black hair and pale skin approached her crying figure hugging her knees, with a clear look of pity in his crimson eyes. "You can't handle it anymore, can you?"

He reply came between her sobs, her voice back to normal as if that scream just now was nothing but an illusion. "Please stop… don't talk to me right now."

"Sorry, but that's the one wish I can't grant you. It pains me to see you like this, you know." Ramon walked next to her and sat down on the floor, making a conscious effort to respect her personal space.

Index talked to him in a weak voice without raising her head. "Why do you even pretend to care? All you want is the knowledge of the grimoires..."

"You are wrong, my dear. I DO care. I, more than anyone else, know the pain you're going through right now."

"... that's a lie."

"Well, It's not like I can prove it to you, so you're free to not believe in that. However..." He then lifted his hand with his palm facing upwards, where a strange liquid started appearing out of thin air and shaped itself like a crystalline prism, floating and spinning just a few inches away from his skin. Index sensed the flow of mana and tilted her head upwards just enough so she could see it. "It is a fact that I have enough power to make everything you and me want come true."

Even for someone like her, the phenomenon Ramon created was quite mysterious. They were currently in the grayish frozen world, but looking through the prism, she could see the colors and liveness on the other side. She could feel the flow of power, but just looking at it was not enough to tell how exactly he was doing this, nor what was its purpose. Regardless of that, the sheer amount of energy contained in that tiny space was tremendous.

After looking at it for a while, she let her head fall on her knees once again. "But that's exactly why I can't let you have them. The world would never be the same again if I did, would it?"

"No, but that's not exactly a bad thing. The world we live in right now may be beautiful, but there's still too many impurities that sent both me and you into a well of despair with no escape."

"You would just do whatever you want with that power without and leave me behind as if you hadn't promised me anything, wouldn't you?"

"Am I this far away from earning your trust? This hurts me a little..." He smiled awkwardly, but she didn't even batched him an eye. Sighing, Ramon called off the prism on his hand and took out something from within his sleeve. "Our desires do not clash, so there would be no reason for me to betray you. But if you're still insecure about this..."

The object on his hand was a dagger, with some Latin words written on it. Index once again raised her head to look at it, and this time, her eyes went wide in surprise. "This is..."

"I see you're familiar with this particular spiritual item. Well, of course you would be, since you had read all those books. So you know what this is for, right?"

"It's a Blood Oath Blade. It was first created in ancient Rome, but more used later during the Dark Age, and then most of them were destroyed afterwards when their use was considered a taboo."

"Exactly, but just to correct you, it was only a taboo in certain circumstances, which do include what I'm proposing here."

She stared at the blade for a moment and hesitated before denying him once again. "... no. I still can't do it."

"I have to admit that your sense of duty is admirable. It is a shame that it only makes you suffer without earning you nothing in return."

"But this won't last. It's always like this. The pain eventually die out and everything go back to normal."

Hearing this, Ramon had to literally facepalm and sigh once again. "For the stars, you just love to delude yourself, don't you? And be honest, it never really went back to normal. Not since he lost his memories."

"..."

"What I'm about to do might be cruel, but I believe it's better to cafe reality at once instead of cling to a fake hope."

"... what do you mean? What will you do?"

"Do you know what that boy is doing right now?"

That question was all she needed to get a good grasp of what was about to happen, and the denial inside her mind became all too clear for her. She didn't want to see what he was about to show her. After all, it wasn't like that, right? But if it wasn't, what was she so scared for? With this contradiction finally exposed, she felt that her final lines of defense were about to be crushed.

Yet, she couldn't bring herself to look away. It wasn't impossible for her to make it all disappear and let time flow again, pretending that this never happened.

But she decided to pay attention to this man's actions knowing very well they could be her destruction.

Waving his hands in the air, Ramon made a white mist appear before them, where they could see an image inside it. Just like the rest of the world, it was grayish and completely frozen in time.

No… please don't be it…

Slowly, the image started to become more and more clear.

Please… I'm begging…

They could see two people next to each other.

Not now… Just not now…

One was a boy and the other was a girl. Index knew exactly who they were. She couldn't mistake that black spiky hair. As for the other…

Well, it didn't matter who it was. It could be any person in the world and the meaning wouldn't change. The point was that the two figure were "connected" at an specific point, just bellow where their noses should be. Which meant they were…

"Ahh… no way..."

"If you don't believe, we could walk there right now and confirm-"

"No… that's not it… That's not… aaahhhhh..."

The poor girl's body simply flipped sideways on the floor and tears fell from her eyes nonstop. "I knew this would happen… I knew… I prepared for it… so why… am I feeling like this…?"

Something broke inside her. Something that was sacred was stolen from her. And she was completely powerless to prevent it from happening. It was indeed a sick joke of the fate.

"Why… what am I… why… aaaaaaaaaahhhh! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!"

"Oh my, she didn't take it very well, huh..."

With the time frozen, it was impossible to tell how long it took.

It could've been hours, days, weeks, months… or maybe even years. It was really impossible to tell.

At some point, Index lost even track of what she was doing. She didn't know if she was crying, screaming, laughing, or just quiet. All of these happened eventually, but she had no idea of when or how. It simply came out. And she simply didn't care.

During all this time, Ramon was standing just a few feets away, leaning against the wall and playing with the Blood Oath Blade while he patiently waited for the girl to calm down.

And he was probably just about to give up on her when she finally did.

The nun finally had pulled herself away from the floor and walked like a zombie towards the man. "I will do it."

"Do what?"

"The Blood Oath. I accept your offer."

"Very well then." Spinning the dagger one last time on his hand, he pulled away from the wall and rolled up his left sleeve. "I assume you're familiar with the ritual."

"Yes."

"In that case, can you please draw the circle on the floor? It'll be difficult for me to do it when I… you know..."

Before he had even stopped talked, she had already got to work. Using a marker Touma left on the shelf alongside other pens and pencils, she drew a perfect circle on the floor and wrote the same words present on the blade along it.

Confirming that everything was in order, Ramon knelled before her and carefully passed the tip of the blade across his skin, making a shallow cut from wrist all the way up to his elbow. "Hereby I offer my word, my blood, my body, my life and my soul to service thee, my new lord, until the day thou need my power and protection no more."

He then offered the bloodied dagger to Index and let the blood of his arm drip down in the center of the circle, which started to glow lightly in red.

He is doing it this way? I would rather do it more closely to the knight nomination variant of the ceremony… Keeping her complaints to herself, she took the dagger and made a single drop of the red liquid fall on her palm. "Be my sword, my shield, my sheath, my hilt, and open up my path to glory and victory, as now my will is also yours." With every word, the light grew stronger until she finally brought the blood drop to her mouth.

With this, their pact was complete.

The cut in Ramon's arm glowed and changed shape, circling his and turning into a tattoo like mark that looked like a handcuff. Meanwhile, a small upside down star mark appeared on Index's hand, way lighter and more difficult to see than Ramon's.

"And done. From now on, It'll be impossible for me to betray you. Satisfied?"

Looking lifelessly at her own hand, she replied without any enthusiasm. "I don't know..."

"Hey now, no need to be depressed anymore. Just tell me what you desire the most, and I'll grant your wish in a blink of an eye."

"I… I…!"

"Just say it. Do you want that boy's love?"

"No… not just like that… it has to be as if…"

"As if?"

Finally putting some emotion on her voice, she shouted from the depth of her heart. "I want everything to be as if he never forgot about me!"

Ramon seemed really satisfied with the way she phrased it and he did let a small grim escape. "Is that all?"

"Please… just do the least possible to make it happen."

"Of course. Just the minimal necessary to make sure your needs are met. Is that okay with you?"

After a light nod from her, Ramon placed his hands on her shoulders and stared deep into her eyes. Index offered no resistance and allowed him to cast the spell that would grant him access to everything she had fought so hard to protect so far. A role that had been forced on her and caused her nothing but pain, more than even she is capable of remembering.

Soon, the world around the two started to distort. There was no turning back now.

"As you wish… my master."

Suddenly, everything stopped spinning. Index felt that she was lying down on something soft with her eyes closed, and a terrible headache struck her out of nowhere, which made the girl moan in pain.

"Index?"

A familiar and nostalgic voice reached her ears that washed away all her discomfort, and she slowly opened her eyes to find the person she wanted to see the most knelled right beside her. "Tou...ma..."

"I'm sorry"

Why does he look so sad? That was all her mind could process at the moment. Trying to understand the situation better, she studied the room they were in from one side to the other - until she found some drawings on the wall. "Touma… is someone going to use magic in this room?"

"It's a healing spell." The boy answered with a fake smile, trying to hide the intense sadness eating him inside.

"Which magician is..."

That moment, a flood of images assaulted her mind and she finally understood. That's right… Touma fought against magicians to protect me and ended up getting hurt, then I promised I would go with them if they left alone… but this here means!

"Those magicians are back? Touma, you need to run away!"

"It's alright, Index."

"Touma!"

"It's over. It's all over already."

"Touma..."

"I'm sorry. I'll get stronger. I'll never lose anymore. All of them that do this to you… I'll get strong enough to beat all of them. So wait for me. Next time… next time I'll certainly save you."

Ah… I see… so it's all over. We lost. I lost. But as long as Touma is fine… I'm not scared.

"Understood. I will wait."

Because I know he will save me. Always…

Exchanging one last smile, Index let the wave of fatigue take over her body and she fell asleep again.

The boy, on the other hand, couldn't help but let his tears fall as he cursed his own lack of power. "Dammit… how could I let an ending so terrible happen? I couldn't do anything. I couldn't get rid of the 103,000 books taking over 85% of her memory! And I couldn't protect the 15% that can only last for a year!"

Hammering the final nail on the coffing, the door of the room was slammed open, and the two magicians went back inside to finish their job. "Are you done saying goodbye? Your time is over, so please leave the room before I have to force you out this time."

Touma couldn't even look at their faces. He simply walked by them with his head down. He wanted to run away, but something stopped him. He stood there at the first step of the stairway leading to Komoe's apartment, looking towards the window until a bright light flashed inside.

That moment… he knew it was truly over.

"Dammit… DAMMIT!"

But stronger than his sadness and despair, was the flame of determination that was born within him. He wouldn't let that happen again. In one year, he would find a way to save that girl, no matter what-

Hold on!

Those words painted the world in gray and froze time. The only two allowed to move freely in the world now was Index and Ramon, who was currently her servant.

"What is it? Is there anything that does not fall into your tastes… master?"

The two of them were standing on the middle of the street. Index looked clearly angry while Ramon seemed amused by the situation.

Just to be clear, Index was still inside the room, and had just lost all her memories from the last year. Still, This Index stood out here, Having all her memories, as well as the recent experiences of the other Index that were slightly different from what she remembered.

"What is the meaning of this? I didn't ask for any of that?"

"If I recall correctly, you did say you wanted everything to be just as if he had never forgotten, right? So I brought us back here and saved him from his unfortunate fate."

"But… this is insane! What about everything that happened after this?"

"All gone."

"I told you to do the minimum needed!"

"And that's what you got. This is the safest and simplest way. By turning back to this point, we don't have to make big changes on the workings of the world."

"But my memories-"

"You still have all of them. But when you take your place there, you are not allowed to act on them. Otherwise, we could end up with a paradox on our hands."

She couldn't refute his arguments. But it still made her uneasy. She had literally sacrificed months of her life - of everyone's lives - in order to protect these few days. And now that things were taking a different route, there was no telling of what was going to happen.

The man in black knew very well what she was thinking and reassured her with his sweet voice. "Don't worry, my dear. Just give it enough time and you will see how wonderful is the world I prepared for you."


Hello. It's been a looooong time, huh... Anyone thought I was dropping this? Well, I'm not.

To be frank, this is not easy for me to write. I have to put a lot of effort to step out of my confort zone and plan out the story in a way so I can give enough focus on the romance, and yet not go too far with it and make the story interesting... honestly, I'm not 100% confident yet that I'm accomplishing this, but I had already re-written this chapter way too many times. There's a moment where you have to say "that's it" and put it out no matter how you feel towards it. You guys tell me if it was enjoyable.

And talking about you... wow. This received way more attention than what I was expecting (is it because because the shipping I wonder... XP). Makes me feel bad for making you wait. But it's also a sign that it was the right thing start this side project. So keep supporting me and I'll keep this going forward. Eventually.

Now, as tradition says... to the replies for the reviews!

guess: LMAO, not really an yandere (yet...?), BUT I gotta say this is a great idea! Someone have to write about this!

fencer29: And she indeed was wary, but it lasted just for so long. That guy just knew how to break her mind. BTW, thanks for pointing out my mistakes. A few things just escapes me no matter how much I proofread. Got it fixed already.

Guest: Fixed. I guess you're the same guest that points out my typos on my other fic, right? Thanks for your help, I'm really grateful. And I didn't want to imply that Touma helped Index BECAUSE he loved her. Here, both things just happened at the same time. Or not...?

Guest 2: Misaka didn't do anything directly, but she cleared up the path for Touma, and then she filled up Index with the knowledge she lacked, so yeah, giving her credits for that.

st german: Well... I fell honored (and kinda pressured). I hope I can live up to your expectations. And yeah, SOMEONE just has to defend the best shipping around here, right? N-not that I root for that kind of thing while watching/reading or anything... XP

As for the others, I don't have any specific reply, but I thank you, I appreciate your feedback! See you all next time (whenever that happens)