Chapter 1

"Back off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong
Headstrong we're Headstrong
Back off I'll take you on
Headstrong to take on anyone
I know that you are wrong and this is not where you belong
I can't give everything away
I won't give everything away"

Headstrong by Trapt blasted from my iPod at 5:30 to wake me up for another day of hell, I mean, school. I just groaned and snuggled deeper into my cocoon of quilts and pillows, not wanting to get up. I did NOT fucking want to wake up right now. After a few minutes of just laying their trying to get back to sleep, Fuck Authority by Pennywise started playing.

"Someday you gotta find another way, you better right your mind
and live by what you say
Today is just another day unless you set your sights and try to find a way
I say fuck authority
Silent majority
Raised by the system
Now it's time to rise against them
We're sick of your treason
Sick of your lies
Fuck no, we won't listen
We're gonna open your eyes
Frustration, domination, feel the rage of a new generation,
we're livin', we're dyin' and we're never gonna stop, stop tryin'
Stop tryin'
Stop tryin', stop tryin'"

The song was way too loud to sleep through, so I sighed, sat up and put on my glasses. When I opened my eyes, white light blinded me. I got up, went downstairs, grabbed my uniform from the ironing board (yes uniform, I go to catholic school people), and prepared some toast. Going back upstairs, I put my contacts in, ate my toast, and got dressed. Grabbing my purse I ran downstairs to finished getting ready for school. It was 6:45 when the bus arrived at my front door. Throwing my backpack on my back, I ran out to the bus. Like usual, I was the first one on the bus. Being a junior, I would also be one of the oldest, seeing as all the seniors can drive themselves to school. I put the iPod buds in my ears and let the music of Tokio Hotel calm me; it let me escape from the life I was stuck living.

"too young to live a lie
look into my eyes

ready, set, go!
it's time to run
the sky is changing, we are one
together we can make it
while the world is crashin' down
don't you turn around"

Ok, maybe not the BEST song for me to listen to, it reminded me of HIM, wow it's still that bad that I can't even say or fucking THINK his name. Anyway, by the time the song was over, we had picked up my friend Casey, and by the time Helena by My Chemical Romance was over, my lifelong friend Erin was on the bus too. We talked, caught up on the weekend's gossip, who was dating who, who broke up, you know, the usual. But eventually this died down and everyone just listened to music until we arrived at our school. We walked in and were swarmed by all our friends and we laughed and mindlessly gossiped, like normal teenagers.

I'm sorry did I make myself sound like a reject; because I'm really not. I may be in pain when I'm alone and have time to think about what has happened and what I'm missing, but with friends, I'm very happy. I said high school was like hell right? Well, it is, the building and the classes. Everywhere I go, something else reminds me of them, of HIM, or a teacher is telling us how "when THEY were in this school this" or "he that". My only escape is my music and my friends. Without my friends, I don't know what I would have done with myself when IT happened. Maybe I would still be catatonic, or even worse, suicidal. My friends kept me sane during that time, during my own rock bottom, and I love them to death.

Speaking of friends, my best guy friend James walked over to me. "Hey Jaeyla, what supp?" he said, putting up his hand for a high five like he normally did. I saw several girls glare at me. James, was well….SEXY. He was the one guy that like most girls dream about being with and I mean MOST girls dream of him. Almost every girl in junior and senior year daydream about James; dating James, kissing James or just fucking him. I'm not gonna lie, I agree that he's really fucking sexy but we are just friends. He's offered to be more, but he understands that someone already has my heart and it didn't leave him heartbroken (thank GOD because I need him by my side). Most girls think I'm insane for not being with James, maybe they're right…I don't fucking know anymore.

ANYWAY….."Hey," I responded apathetically, returning the high five, but with no enthusiasm.

"Hey what's wrong?" he asked me. Damn! I can never avoid these kinds of questions with James, but no need to bring down his mood.

"Nothing much, just tired" I attempted to lie, but again, he's like my best friend. There is no getting anything over on him. As soon as he noticed the black heart I had drawn on my wrist with a ballpoint pen, he knew exactly what was wrong.

"It's the two year anniversary since that bastard left." It wasn't a question. "And you're still upset over it. Please don't do this, I hate to see you so down. Come on Jaeyle, you look so much prettier when you smile. Not to mention, your moods are usually infectious, so you're gonna make me depressed. Please cheer up a bit, for me?"

"Come on James" I replied. "First off, he's NOT a bastard"

"You're totally right, my bad he's an asshole"

"What the fuck dude, like that was inappropriate and uncalled for. NOT fucking cool!"

"No! I'm tired of you sulking all the time when you don't think anyone is looking, but I notice. You are my best friend and I see how much pain he caused you. And yet, you still refuse to even say his name because you will go catatonic again if you do, and for what? A guy who told you, he only pretended to be in love with you? Who used you? Why? I can't believe you would hold on to a guy who treated you like the fucking dirt on his rich, prissy-ass shoes, but you are SOOOOOOO much better than that! You deserve soooooooo much more than anything he has to offer you, and it pisses me off that you are still in love with him. I want my best friend, the real Jaeyla, back."

I was taken aback by what James had said. Maybe some of it was true. Maybe I did need to start getting over it, at least say his name again. But my heart wouldn't let me forget, it never would. I had promised myself that exactly two years ago.

(I hope everyone likes my story so far. I promise later on it'll get more interesting but the 1st few chapters set up the rest of the story/possible series. Pleez review…flames welcome as well)