..."Spence ? Everything okay in there ?" Toby questions while knocking softly at the door. When I don't answer he tries coming in but it's still locked.

"I'm really starting to worry. Please open the door Spencer" I can't really move but I know if I don't calm down I'm going to pass out so I crawl to the door unlocking it and then falling back against the wall. He hears the lock and opens the door finding me on the ground. He rushes beside me.

"Hey what's wrong ? Shhh it's okay" he attempts trying to calm me.

"T-t-to-b-y I -" I sob breathing faster every second. He takes me in his arms which leads to me beginning to sob uncontrollably and him holding me while stroking my back.

"Shhhh It's okay I'm here. Hear my hearbeat? Try to focus on that okay ? " he reminds me of our old techniques when I would get these attacks back when we were together. With my head on his shoulder I try listening to his heartbeat and then breathing with him.

"In and out you can do this. You're safe okay ? Nothing is going to happen." he tries giving me a secure feeling. Right now I actually feel ashamed and like a fool for freaking out over this.

Some time passes with him just holding me on the bathroom floor trying to calm me. My breathing is back to normal by now and I feel like I'm more stable again so I slowly get out of his arms whilst still leaning in his side a little,feeling exhausted.

"I'm sorry" I mumble ashamed. He puts his finger under my chin making me look at him responding:

"Hey you never have to be sorry I think I told you that a few years ago. It's totally fine. I'm just really worried about you, did I do something wrong ?" he asks softly whilst studying my eyes carefully.

"No it really wasn't you it's just so hard. And now I feel bad for freaking out because I know you had it even worse than me these last years and I'm the one crying." I laugh sadly

"Everybody had it hard Spence. I won't lie these last years were really emotianely draining, but we survived. I mean it's all still haunting us believe me, but we need to move on someday. I know what you feel and there are good and bad days for everybody but we have each other and together all of us will make it out of this okay ?" he reassures me.

"I'm sorry Toby. Really sorry. I'm sorry that I made you feel like we didn't have the same intentions for our future I'm sorry for letting you go I'm sorry for letting Alex do what she did overall I'm sorry for coming back and making things complicated. Look at us you coud've been married to an incredible girl now and living your best life and I am the reason it didn't happen." I utter back to crying now and when I look at Toby I see his eyes welling up with tears as well.

"Spence that's not true. Yvonne dying broke my heart in thousand pieces I didn't know how to go on because she was what I thought I wanted. She was so ... innocent I thought that she would be my happiness because her life was drama free you know ? I loved the idea of it of marrying, settling down all these things. I loved her but I wasn't in love with her and I never knew until she passed away. It was weird the first minutes I was in complete denial. The doctors told me she would die but I didn't realize it. I wanted to make her feel happy and loved in these last few hours so I decided to marry her in the hospital but when her heart stopped for a moment mine stopped too. My safe world suddenly really collapsed. Then when I saw you in the hallway I couldn't I just couldn't handle it but you catched me. I felt guilty and broken and just numb but it wasn't because she was the love of my life it was because this world where everything was fine and drama free collapsed and I needed to face my feelings. But I wasn't ready so I took off. Spencer it wasn't your fault okay ? Please don't say that you are the most generous and loving person I ever met you just need to see that too." we both were crying at this point still sitting there on the floor but now facing each other. I take his right hand in mine beacause I feel totally helpless right now. This is it. This is THE talk we should've had years ago but before I can answer he continues:

"You know what's actually funny ? I couldn't look at Yvonne without comparing her to you and it drove me crazy. I mean why did I need to compare every girl to you ? I didn't know the answer to that back then - or I was just trying to ignore the truth. I know it's difficult and we're both not nearly completely healed but I still have feelings for you. In fact I never stopped. I loved her I did and it crushed me when she died but it also got me thinking when it would've been you I wouldn't have been able to move on I would've died with you. You were and are the one for me and I love you so much that it physically hurts me but I don't want to rush anything. I just want you to know that." as he finishes his words I couldn't stop myself from a sad smile under my tears. He does still love me and now I actually feel stupid for ever doubting it.

"Toby I-I do love you too. But we both know we shouldn't rush anything if we try again I want it to last and in order for that to happen we need to slowly heal and we still have so much to talk about." I hesitate

"I know Spence but I have an idea. How about I take you out on Saturday ? We could go to this little italian place you like and just talk and see where all of this leads us, okay ?" he proposes looking at me with his bright blue eyes full of hope.

"Yes I would like that" I respond smiling. This feels good.

"So how about we get off of this floor now and I clean up the kitchen for us and then we both try to get some sleep ?" I nod just noticing how tiring all of this actually was. As he gets up he extends his hand helping me up. Before he can turn around I embrace him in a hug. We stand there minutes just hugging.

The next morning not much was different. Toby went to work early but this time with my breakfast he left me a note with a little heart. It felt strange being back to feeling like this with our difficult pasts but it still feels like falling in love all over again. After I ate my breakfast and showered I picked out black jeans and my favourite sweater getting ready for college. I look at my phone and find a new message from Hanna asking if I want to join her,Em and Ali for lunch at the brew today. I accept and then grab my stuff shutting off the lights and locking the door. While I drive to college for the first time I feel at peace. I feel like my life just maybe will get back on track.