I'm sorry its taking so long to write this. My life is conspiring against me and I cant get time to type it up. FML. I also lost all my files and had a meltdown. It was bad. I had the sweats and was almost in tears. And then how are you supposed to explain to people what's wrong with you and why cant you speak and why have you gone red? o.O For the love of all that is Brittana people, BACK YOUR STUFF UP RIGHT NOW! I'll shut up now but I'm not over it.

Thanks to everyone who sent me their stories, good and bad, about Disney visits. Especially WindRyderX, kempokarate12 and summerkid. Thanks so much for your help.

I apologised to Walt Disney last chapter but I also need to apologise to the people who work at Disney World for what is coming. I bet you're all really lovely and professional and would never act like this. Although to be fair, Santana did provoke you.


Day 1

Santana threw herself onto the bed with an exhausted groan. She was decked from head to foot in Disney merchandise which Brittany had insisted was necessary for traversing Disney World. Thank God there was no one there who knew her because this would not be good for her image. It had been one fucking long day and they'd only been there for half a day.

They had arrived at midday and had to go on some mad reconnaissance mission to check that all the rides and attractions were in the places the map said they were so that they couldn't miss them. Brittany was channelling some disturbing Berry traits and had lists and a timetable that they had to stick to so that she would get to see everything. Clearly too much time was being spent in the presence of midget.

Only five more days to go.

"Do you think Minnie and Mickey Mouse are married?"

"Why do you ask?" Santana voice came out muffled by the pillow she was lying face down on.

"They've got the same last name. And Daisy and Donald Duck."

"I doubt it. I bet the Disney universe is one big hotbed of depravity."

"Santana!"

"What? I'm just kidding. I don't think they are. Married, that is."

Within a minute she was fast asleep not even stirring as Brittany jumped next to her onto the bed and cuddled into her side. "We are," Brittany breathed quietly and fell asleep also.


Day 2 - The Magic Kingdom

She should have known it wasn't going to be good day from the way it started.

"Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!"

Santana was rudely awoken by an earthquake shaking the bed. "What the fu-"

"Wake up, San. We're here! In Disney world. Come on getup, getup, getup, getup!" Brittany jumped up and down on the bed in excitement.

"Whummmppphfff?" Santana rolled over and peered at the time on her phone. "B. It's five thirty. In the morning. For the love of-"

"But we're here and we have to get up and get ready and be at the gate when it opens so there's no monster lines for all the good rides."

"Oh my cheesus, you have got to be kidding me." She rolled back over and pulled a pillow over her head. Brittany landed on her knees next to Santana and shook her by the shoulders. The pillow slid to the side. Santana opened one sleepy eye and declared. "I am on vacation and the sun isn't even up yet. I'm not getting up before at least nine."

Brittany's smile faded and her bottom lip stuck out into a sad pout.

"Don't pull that shit with me." Santana closed her eyes and tried to ignore Brittany, pulling the pillow back over her head. "Go away, I'm asleep." She could feel Brittany's sad eyes burning through the pillow into her skull, there was only so much of it she could take.

"Fruurr fuffs sssuk." The pillow hit the floor. "I'm up already! Stop staring at me like that."

Half an hour later and they were the first people in the hotel café for breakfast. Brittany knocked back Dr Peppers and the biggest pile of pancakes she could fit onto her plate while Santana pushed a slice of toast around and drowned herself in coffee desperately trying to lose those morning blues before Brittany got too saddened by her mood.

"Is there an age limit on the rides?" Brittany asked seriously. "Do you have to be a little kid?"

"Of course not, there's no age limit on Disney, B. You know this to be true." Brittany looked worriedly through her pile of park literature unsure if this was the case. It didn't give upper age limits on the rides. Santana sighed and forcibly made more of an effort. "What time does, what's it, Magic Kingdom today?" Brittany nodded in affirmation and pulled out her timetable. "What time does it open, and wait... Is that Rachel Berry's handwriting?"

"Uh, no?"

"There are gold stars stuck all over it. And it's laminated!"

"Llama?" Brittany's brow creased in confusion.

"You've got to chill on the Berry front, B. It's freaking me out."

"I like Rachel." Brittany muttered stubbornly knowing Santana's feelings about Berry exposure time too well. "You should be nicer to her. Once she got over the shock she was kind of excited and happy for us. She asked me all about Barbra. She's really kind of happy about the autograph, even if she has to share it and she asked me to tell you thank you. She would have done herself but I think you scare her a bit."

Brittany and Santana's Barbra Streisand autographed wedding photo was now proudly displayed on the choir room wall along with the New Directions Sectionals and Regionals trophy's. They were still awaiting the official invitation to Nationals competition but that hadn't stopped Rachel clearing a space for the expected trophy to reside.

So not going there, huffed Santana, thinking of how Brittany's face lit up every time she looked at that damn photo and how even though on the outside she tried to appear as disinterested as possible she got a teeny tiny fluffy feeling when she saw it. Minuscule really, hardly worth mentioning. But being Santana she side stepped the whole subject and ignored Brittany's suggestion of actually being nice. Pah. "What time does the park open?"

"9 am."

"Then why, for the love of another two hours of shut eye, am I awake now?" Santana couldn't help but grumble even though she managed to keep the snap out of her voice.

"So you'll be in a better mood by the time the park opens. I know it takes you a little while to get going." Santana snarled into her coffee cup but Brittany just smiled serenely at her. "What do you want to do? What do you want to see?

"I want to find the corpse of Walt Disney," Santana spoke deep into the bottom of her coffee cup wishing fervently that it contained alcohol.

Brittany looked confused as she flicked through the booklet. "I don't think that's in the brochure."

"I'm telling you," Santana slammed her cup down onto the table with more force than was necessary at this time of the morning. "Walt Disney is cryogenically frozen beneath the Disney castle. Until a time when he's ready to be defrosted and can, you know, make movies again, or something."

Brittany looked over and scrunched her nose up. "Are you sure?"

"Well no. But I'm sure as hell going to find out."

"That's the only thing you want to do here?"

"Sure. Apart from whatever you want to do."

"What do you want to do until the park opens then?" Brittany asked, carefully trying not to invoke further the wrath of morning Santana.

Santana leaned back from the table and her gaze drifted from her coffee to Brittany who wouldn't meet her eyes, appearing to be feeling the guilt from getting over excited and waking people up before the scrake of dawn. She rolled her eyes. "There's a pond in the middle of the hotel complex. I thought I saw ducks."

Brittany grinned.


They stood at the gates to the park with quarter of an hour to spare until it opened. Santana had for most of her life been convinced that turning up early and appearing over keen was for losers, but seeing Brittany standing there with her face pressed up to the railings eagerly trying to see everything inside, she conceded there was a possibility she could have been wrong. Brittany with her Minnie Mouse top on, her mouse ears headband and consumed with giddy anticipation was pretty cute.

"I have just had a brainwave of outstandingly epic proportions." Brittany gasped as she perused the map on a notice board nearby.

"Really?" Santana raised an eyebrow with mild disbelief.

"Disney made the Pirates of the Caribbean movies."

"Hmm, yup. So?" Santana asked as a slow grin spread across Brittany's face and turned slyer by the second. It took a second to sink in. "Oh no. No, definitely not. No pirates. Not again."

"Is this you putting your foot down?" asked Brittany with a smirk. "Cos its kinda hot." She took Santana's hand in hers and then stepped even closer invading the other girls personal space. Santana gulped and took a deep shaky breath.

"Absolutely I'm putting my foot down. There will be no pirates," her voice wavered as Brittany's nose touched hers. Santana's heart thundered in her chest. Since the whole wedding débâcle they hadn't really talked about it, or them or whatever this was between them, what it had been and what it was now. More accurately, Santana tried to wriggle out of any conversation or situation that even appeared to be heading in that vague general direction. It wouldn't work forever.

To her relief a bell rang signalling the park was open, interrupting whatever would have happened next and Brittany dragged Santana in through the now opened gates to be the first ones in the park.


They were first on Space Mountain and it was not a good idea to mix with a breakfast of only coffee. "We get to sit together right?" Santana tried not to sound nervous as the walked into the ride.

"Uh well actually no. There's only single seats. I'll be right behind you or the other way around."

"Oh."

Santana was shaking when they got out and looking a bit pale. Brittany looked at her worriedly. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good. It's just the caffeine. I'm not dizzy."

"Are you dizzy?"

"I just said I'm not."

"Oh okay."

"You know, lets not go on rides where we cant sit next to each other. Ever again."

"Sure," smiled Brittany. "I don't know why they call that Space Mountain it looked like that movie about computers."

"Tron?"

"It's on?"

"Huh?"

"It was always on."

"Sure, B."


In line for The Haunted Mansion, one of the ride operators walked past the queue of people waiting for their turn. He shouted so everyone could hear him. "Say goodbye to your families and friends who aren't coming on to the ride, because you're never going to see them again." And then he laughed callously and wandered away leaving highly impressionable, easily excitable and people of a nervous disposition to feel the blood drain from their faces and heighten the nerve tingling, terrifying anticipation.

"That was shit." Santana scoffed as they stepped out into the sunlight.

"Is that why you had your eyes closed the entire time? Look at the mark you left on my arm from holding on so tightly to me."

"That wasn't me. I wasn't scared," Santana snorted in disgust.

"Sure baby, sure. And stop cursing, there's kids everywhere."

She just called me baby, Santana blinked but didn't voice that observation aloud.


Santana staggered off the Mad Hatters tea party ride. Someone should alert trading standards or whoever you inform about these things. That ride is so not for kids. Especially when Brittany grabs control of the wheel which makes the whole thing spin around crazy fast and while yeah, okay it was funny for a bit but then when she tried to get off the ride she couldn't make her legs cooperate with the rest of her body and was now unable to walk into a straight line. Santana zig zagged down the steps away from the still spinning giant tea cup and ploughed into a group of little kids, knocking some of them over uncontrollably. She then tried to stop and stand still but her head was still spinning and she tottered sideways into another group of children and parents who were all gathered around a giant Goofy getting their photos taken. Screaming, crying, wailing and shouts soon rendered the air.

Brittany looked up from where she was hanging on to the rides exit railing for dear life trying to keep herself upright having found her balance playing tricks on her. Might have spun the cup a smidgen too fast back there. She swayed helplessly as she witnessed Goofy fall to the ground, knocked over by a flailing Santana who then proceeded to land right on top of him. She grabbed his giant head as she attempted to stand and push herself off him.

All at once, there seemed to be an unnatural abundance of tiny children, more so than you would usually expected to find in Disney World, and they were all witnessing the creation of a life scarring memory.

Too everyone's horror, Goofy's head fell off.

Santana stared open mouthed in horror as she realised what she had done and dropped the head like it had bitten her. It fell to the ground while tiny children watched sobbing as their idol was unintentionally assaulted.

Parents started berating her for her behaviour and children cried as the true identity of Goofy was revealed. Furious parents pulled her off and away from the unfortunate actor.

"What the hell?" Santana said aloud as angry hands grabbed her. "Brittany!"

"Is she drunk?" she heard one of the adults ask.

"Someone call security."

"He's an imposter," Brittany yelled, pointing at the poor Goofy actor lying prostrate on the ground. "Get him!"

All the kids started screaming and ran full pelt, piling on him, kicking, spitting, biting and howling. In the confusion Brittany grabbed Santana's hand and they ran to safety leaving choas in the dust.

Once they'd escaped to a safe distance they sat down on a patch of grass to regain their breath and rest until their balance was fully restored. "I think you made Goofy cry," Brittany said accusingly as though Santana had done it intentionally.

Santana was not in a good mood. "Goofy freaks me the hell out. What is it meant to be anyway a cow? A dog? Just what?" Brittany's bottom lip jutted out slightly and she looked over to where crying children were being consoled by their parents and Disney world employees. Santana sighed. "Aww B. Don't be like that. I'll apologise if they let me near him again, I promise. I didn't mean it."

Brittany's eyes flicked back to Santana and saw that she meant it. She watched as Santana lay back on the grass and stared up into the sky.

"Do they sell alcohol in Disney World?" Santana pondered hopefully.

"I doubt it. But I thought I saw Grumpy sitting behind the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad with a hip flask." This was half true. She had seen Grumpy, but he had slipped through a doorway and out of sight before she could get near and he had a bottle of water not a hip flask. The other half was simply a ploy to get Santana near the roller coasters. She had been avoiding mention of them after Brittany had reeled off a list of the accidental death statistics from the last twenty years.

"Are you sure it was Grumpy?"

Brittany gave her very best, 'Bitch please,' expression. "I know my dwarves." She sounded mildly insulted. "It was Grumpy."

So many Rachel Berry jokes, so little time, thought Santana. "Lets go."


There was no sight of Grumpy or any of his compadres but seeing as they were over that side of the park it made sense to Santana to get the ride over and done with. The line was a mile long and they couldn't even see the entrance. Santana gripped a hold of Brittany's hand tightly as they watched the carts rattle past at an alarming speed around the visible track. She would die before admitting it but Santana was ever so slightly apprehensive about this. The family behind them were not helping her nerves. An eight year old girl was crying in terror and screamed loudly close to Santana's ear every time the train went past.

"If that kid doesn't shut up I will literally flip a shit and kill someone." Santana snarled through gritted teeth.

"I think we should go back to the hotel after this ride. I think you need some more sleep."

"Oh yeah? I suppose I was up at the crack of dawn." Brittany entwined their hands and leaned into Santana's side resting her head on the shorter girls shoulder effectively shutting her up. Santana didn't catch a glimpse of the dirty look some of the adults behind them were casting their way, luckily for them.

The ride turned out to be as expected. A blur. A terrifyingly fast, miserable blur.


"Look!" As the walked down the main route in the Magic Kingdom, Brittany pulled Santana into a convenient photo booth and plonked herself down on the other girls lap. Santana obediently handed over five bucks.

"Try and look like you've been having a good time," Brittany whispered into her hair and then kissed her on the top of the head.

FLASH!

"I wasn't ready!" Santana protested but Brittany just giggled and moved about until she was tickling Santana.

FLASH!

"Shit, and again."

Brittany started pulling faces at the camera.

FLASH!

Santana blinked hard, momentarily blinded by the light from the camera. "I still wasn't ready!"

FLASH!

They waited outside the booth for the photos to develop. Brittany watching down the street as distant music caught her attention. The parade was coming. Santana watched the photos drop out of the machine and picked them up without a chance to look at them, she just stuffed them into her pocket as she was hauled closer to the parade by Brittany.

Colourfully dressed dancers and well known and even more well loved characters sang and danced down the street towards them. Huge floats were visible slowly winding their way down the road and the crowds began to gather as the parade got ever closer.

To Santana's horror the dancers were jumping into the crowds and pulling people out into the street to dance with them. Ugh. She hated this sort of stuff. Brittany however was jumping up and down in delight as they got closer. "Look, there's Mickey! And dancing brooms! Jiminy Cricket!"

Santana couldn't help but grin at her enthusiasm. Brittany was definitely a 'classic' Disney kind of girl. She ignored the more modern characters, standing on tip toe and watching out for a glimpse of her No 1 idol who was yet to appear. Santana's attention was diverted by Snow Whites float followed by the ever elusive dwarves.

"There's those damn dwarves. I don't see a hip-flask."

Brittany did an good impression of Santana and rolled her eyes whilst waving madly at Aladdin who was sat atop one of the floats. Santana would never ever live it down if anyone found out she felt a little bit choked up as all the princesses floats went by. Brittany was ecstatic.

"Shit. Is that Mary Poppins?" she heard escape from her lips at one point.

A twirling Tinkerbell made a beeline for Brittany and pulled her out into the street leaving a disgruntled Santana watching with what could be classified as jealous fury as they danced. Brittany was better than any of the professional dancers out there. She was highly suspicious of the smile on Tinkerbells face as she led Brittany back to the side of the road and deposited her safely next to Santana as the nearest float began to move on. She gaped in disbelief as Tink gave Brit a kiss on the cheek and winked at her before dancing away. Brittany beamed and her cheeks flushed and she wouldn't meet Santana's eyes.

Before anything could be uttered, Santana was caught off guard as Brittany suddenly screamed deafeningly in her ear.

"What the? My God, I've been deafened."

"There he is! There he is!" Brittany screamed like a mad Brittana (oops how did that get in there) fangirl having spotted her outright favourite Disney character of all time in the distance on his way towards them.

The woman standing alongside them flushed and shook her head as Goofy tried to pull her into the street to dance. He let her go but then froze, seemingly having caught a glance of Santana and recognised her. It was hard to tell where they were looking with those massive heads on.

"Uh. Hi?" she said sheepishly.

"You," he growled and took a menacing step forward.

"Lets go B," she grabbed a hold of Brittany's arm.

"No. He's not here yet." Brittany shrugged her off missing the altercation her eyes fixed further down the road.

Goofy stepped back into the road and tapped three dwarves on the shoulder and pointed into the crowd where the girls were standing, they turned and all headed towards Santana.

"B, Goofy's going to eat me, lets go now."

"DONALD!" she was busy screaming. "DONALD!"

"Oh shit. Run B, run!" she grabbed hold of the other girl and forcibly pulled her away trying to lose their pursuers in the crowd. Once Donald Duck was out of Brittany's sight it was like a spell was broken and she ran along with Santana. They sprinted all the way back to the monorail and hopped aboard to head back to the hotel.

Once in the hotel room Santana threw herself onto the bed mimicking the previous days exhausted bedflop and fell into a restless sleep dreaming of Disney zombies chasing her around a pond. It seemed like she'd been lying there for only a few seconds when the door to her hotel room banged shut and Brittany threw herself on to the bed trying not to cry loudly for some unnecessary fear of waking Santana. All ideas of spending time in beloved sleep were shattered.

"B, what is it?" She pushed herself up onto her elbow and leaned over Brittany. "Are you okay? What's the matter?" She'd never seen Brittany like this before. Something terrible must have happened and she was getting seriously worried. Brittany wiped tears from her slick cheeks turned over and buried her head in Santana's chest soaking her top through with tears and she really hoped that wasn't some snot right there. Santana hugged her tightly and whispered comforting words to her.

"What happened, B? You have to tell me before I freak out and go and get the management and demand they search every bit of CCTV until I find out what happened and go and kick shit out of whoever did this to you. Is it because of Donald? We're not leaving this place until you've met him and had a photo and got his phone number, I swear it!"

"You were asleep and I wasn't tired so I went out for a look around and they've got a room by the café where they show movies all day. They were showing..." She took a deep shaky breath.

"Bambi."

The blood drained from Santana's face.

"I know you told me not to watch it and I'm sorry," she broke down into sobs. "I should have listened. I thought I could handle it. Buh-buh-but..."

"Oh my God! Are you alright? Oh B, I'm so sorry you had to see that, I'm so sorry." She hugged the inconsolable girl and rocked her in her arms trying to comfort her until she fell asleep. When she got home she was going to sue the ass off this place for showing Bambi without warning.

What a fucking day. At least tomorrow couldn't get much worse.