Disclaimer: Ed Edd n Eddy is owned and property of Cartoon Network and Danny Antonucci, and Trailer Park Boys is property of Mike Clattenburg and Showcase and Netflix.
A/N: Will contain spelling and grammar mistakes for Rickyisms.
Later that day Ricky and Bubbles returned with Ed and Double D to the park to meet up with Julian and Eddy. "Hey boys," Julian greeted the others while Eddy held onto a stack of cash.
"Looks like you guys did okay," Bubbles said.
"We sure did," Julian told him.
"I can't believe it," Eddy said as he eyed the cash. "The kids here would just give up their allowance for a few empty bottles, makes me wish the kids back home were this easy to con."
"Me and Ricky sold a whole bunch of grills," Ed said. "It was a good fuckin time."
"Dear Lord!" Double D exclaimed at Ed's use of foul language. "Edward what would your mother say to you using that kind of language!"
"Aw fuck I'm sorry Double D," Ed apologized.
"Hey don't apologize Ed," Ricky advised. "I swore all the fuckin time when I were a kid it s just the way my brain work. I mean I gots words from the fuck department showing up all the time, no big deal."
"I think his mother would beg to differ," Double D remarked, although Ricky did not seem too concerned at all.
"What about you Bubbles?" Julian asked his other friend.
"Well me and Double D were able to wrangle up a bunch of carts and fixed those cocksuckers up good," Bubbles told him. "Shitty Bill stopped by to pick 'em up and paid a good price for 'em."
"Alright that's what I like to hear," Julian said as he raised his drink. "Bubbles you take the money and go get the tickets from J-Roc."
"You can count on me Julian," Bubbles said as he collected the money. "This is gonna be the best fuckin concert ever."
As Bubbles went to go purchase the tickets, Julian and Ricky took the Ed's to Julian's trailer where the harvested weed was being stored. "Oh my," Double D said as he looked at all of the weed. "You sure are…productive."
"Alright here's the plan," Julian said as he poured himself some more rum and coke. "When we leave for the concert tomorrow you three take as much weed as you can and hide it on your person, just don't make it obvious alright?"
"Yeah its simple," Ricky added. "Take the dope, hide the dope, give us dope to sell. Simple fuckin geometry."
"What grade level does this man possess?" Double D thought to himself as someone knocked on the door of Julian's trailer. Julian opened the door to allow bubbles inside.
"Julian I got the tickets," Bubbles said as he placed the tickets on the kitchen table.
"Good fuckin job buddy," Ricky said as he began to rummage through Julian's fridge in search of a beer.
"Well you shouldn't thank me right away Ricky," Bubbles said. "J-Roc only had three tickets."
"So?" Ricky asked not seeing what the big deal was.
"Ricky," Julian said about to explain what was wrong. "We have three tickets. How many of us are there."
"Six," Ricky answered. "I'm not that fucking stupid, I know basic geography." After about fifteen seconds Ricky's brain seemed to process the reality of the situation. "Fuck! We don't have enough!"
"Yeah I know Ricky," Julian said.
"So what are we going to fucking do?!" Ricky asked. "We need to get this dope in somehow."
"The sewers," Julian concluded. "The Ed's sneak into the concert through the sewers with the dope."
"I want to be a mutant," Ed said, happy at the prospect of getting to go in a sewer.
"That sounds completely unsanitary," Double D complained as he looked to Eddy hoping the other boy would object to the idea, and indeed Eddy did not appear thrilled at the prospect of traveling in a sewer, but if it meant making money he wasn't too opposed to the idea.
"Alright let's all get some rest," Julian said. "We got a big day ahead of us tomorrow."
"Fuck yeah," Ricky agreed as he opened another of Julian's beers and began drinking. "Tomorrow we get people fuckin stoned at concert."
Bubbles returned to his shed and Ricky to the shitmobile, while the Ed's opted to spend the night in the van they had arrived in. As the sun rose the next morning Ed decided to wake his friends with a loud: "Cock-a-doodle-do!" his shout was loud enough to shake the van in which they were sleeping, and severely aggravating the other two Ed's. "I'm a chicken," Ed laughed.
Later on in the day the Ed's made their way to Julian's trailer to begin the plan. "Alright," Julian said once they were all assembled. "You boys ready for this?"
"Sewer for Ed, that way I can smell like Sheldon."
"This better be good money," Eddy grumbled.
"I'm sorry gentlemen," Double D said. "But I cannot in good conscience go through with this endeavor."
"But Double D," Ed said. "We are three and three is six and six is one."
"As…touching as that statement is Ed," Double D said. "Involvement in drugs is something I do not wish to be associated with thank you very much."
"Come on Double D," Eddy urged. "Don't back out now."
"Sorry Eddy but crawling through a sewer to sneak into a concert to sell drugs is not my idea of an ideal way to make money. I will not participate in this scheme." With that said Double D walked out of the trailer without a backwards glance.
The two other Ed's stepped out onto the deck to see their sock headed friend walking away. Angrily Eddy yelled: "Fine! Who needs ya?!" While Ed was on the brink of tears, but before Ed could let loose the water works Ricky came out holding a handful of weed.
"Don't worry about him boys," Ricky said as he stuffed some of the weed into Ed's coat pockets. "He just didn't have what it tooks . Now take some of this weed. We gotta get going so we can sell this shit and get fuckin rich." Eddy quickly grabbed some of the weed and started shoving it into his pockets.
"Oh and if you get caught sneaking in just throw the name Jim out there," Ricky said.
Meanwhile as Double D walked down the street he passed two garbage cans that had the lids slightly ajar. He thought nothing of it until he heard rustling from inside one of the cans. "Holy fuck Mr. Lahey did you see that?" a voice asked. Double D took cover on the side of the nearest trailer and peeked out to see the shirtless man from before, Randy, pop out of the garbage can holding a pair of binoculars looking straight at Julian's trailer. "They're giving those drugs to those kids!"
"Shit sparks Randy," Mr. Lahey said as he popped out of the other trash can. He too had a pair of binoculars, but he was looking out the wrong end. "What did I tell ya Randy? Hang around with Ricky and the shit sparks will turn into shit flames." The man smelled so strongly of alcohol that Double D could smell it from he was positioned.
"Looks like they're leaving," Randy said as Ricky's car pulled away. "What do we do now?"
"Well," Lahey said as he pulled a bottle of liquor out from somewhere within the garbage, "I figure our friends down at the police station will be more than happy to come down here with a warrant to search Sexian's trailer." Lahey then proceeded to down the entire bottle of liquor in about twenty seconds without pause.
"Oh my," Double D said quietly to himself since he didn't believe anyone was capable of drinking all that liquor at once.
"Come on Randy," Lahey said as he tried to climb out of the trash can, only to have it fall down with him still inside and had to have Randy pull him out. "Let's go call the policeipoos."
"Well this is not going to end well," Double D said to himself.
Meanwhile at the concert center Ed was having a blast. Not only did he get to walk through a sewer, but he got to exit out of a toilet. "I am a whale!" Ed said as he flopped out of the toilet. "King of the fishes."
"Yeah well be thankful that n one was using the toilet," Eddy said as he pulled himself out of the toilet and wrung out his three strands of hair to get the toilet water out of them. "Now that we're in let's go find the guys." Eddy grabbed hold of Ed's monobrow and dragged him out of the bathroom.
After a while of walking around the crowd of fans they were able to spot the three trailer park residents. Most notably was Bubbles who was wearing a Rush tee shirt for the occasion. "Julian, Ricky look," Bubbles pointed to the two Ed's. "They fuckin made it."
"You guys got the dope?" Ricky asked as he lit himself a smoke. To answer his question Ed dug into his coat pocket, and after removing what looked to be a piece of cheese and a fish heads, pulled out some of the weed. "Fuckin nice!"
"Yeah yeah," Eddy said. "You guys just make sure we get a cut of this when you're done." He was still not happy with the fact that he had to crawl through a sewer and a toilet with Ed.
"Don't worry," Julian assured him. "You guys get a cut of this deal and the one tomorrow since our tickets are good for the whole weekend."
"Well you boys go on ahead," Bubbles said. "I don't want to miss a second of Rush."
"Don't worry buddy," Ricky said. "You guys go enjoy the concert me and Julian won't get all distraculated." Soon a loud cheering could be heard from the stage as the members of the band walked out.
"Holy fuck," Bubbles said. "Let's get going I don't want to miss closer to the heart." And the two Ed's followed close behind him.
A few hours later the boys and the Ed's crammed into the shitmobile and drove back to the park.
"Fuck that was a good fuckin concert," Ricky said as he himself lit a small joint from one of the leftovers.
"Don't go wasting the dope Ricky," Julian said from the passenger seat, his drink resting on the dashboard. "We need to save some for the show tomorrow."
"Don't be a dick Julian," Ricky told him. "Besides we gots lots more then enough for tomorrow."
"And we made a fuckton of cash," Bubbles added from the backseat where he sat with the two Ed's. Ed was absent mindedly rolling the window up and down, where as Eddy was hugging the stack of money close to himself and he appeared to be on the verge of tears of joy.
"Yeah so chill out Julian," Ricky said glad for the backup. "So I fuckin smoked a joint. No big deal we gots plenty more and-,"
"Oh fuck!" Julian said cutting Ricky off.
Ricky was about to ask what Julian's problem was when he saw it for himself. Outside of Julian's trailer were two cop cars as well as Lahey and Randy. "What the fuck is this?!" Ricky asked as he pulled up to the trailer.
"You guys hide that money!" Julian ordered to the three in the back. Eddy acted quickly and began to stuff the money under and in between the seats not wanting to lose the cash he so desperately craved.
Ricky parked the shitmobile and wasted no time in storming out to confront Lahey. "Hey Lahey! What the fuck is this shit?!"
"You're just in time boys," Lahey said with a slur to his voice indicating that he was once again drunk out of his mind. "Officer George and his buddies are about to put a stop to your little operation~."
"Yeah well does Officer Dickhead had a search warrinty?" Ricky asked trying to find a way to get the cops away.
"As a matter of fact we do," the voice of George Greene said from the deck of the trailer. "You mind letting us in Julian?"
Julian gave a long sigh knowing that they were busted. "Sure," he said in defeat as he opened the door of his trailer to allow the cops inside.
"Justice stings like shit on an open wound doesn't it?" Lahey asked Ricky, as he pulled a flask from his hip and began to chug.
As the cops came back outside Julian and Ricky prepared for the inevitable and were surprised when George said: "Is this some kind of joke Jim?"
"What do ya mean George?" Lahey asked as he began to wobble on his feet.
"Come take a look," George said from the deck and gestured for Julian and Lahey to come inside.
As Julian entered his trailer with Ricky he was surprised to see that weed they were keeping there for tomorrow's show was nowhere to be found. It was gone.
"Does this look like a trailer that's filled with weed Jim?" George asked Lahey who was looking around completely dumbfounded.
"You have to believe me George," Lahey pleaded. "Its hidden here somewhere I know it, I know it."
"Have you been drinking Jim?" George asked, although the way Lahey smelled it was obvious he knew the answer.
"I might have had… a few drinkypoos," Lahey admitted. "But they have the fucking weed here."
George just shook his head. "I'm sorry about the trouble Julian," he said as he and the other cops went back to their cars and drove off.
"This isn't over Julian," Lahey said as he pulled his flask back out and then dropped it. "You might have won the shit battle, but not the war of the shit."
"Hey Lahey," Ricky said, "Knock knock."
"Who's there?" Lahey asked in a tired tone.
Ricky raised his middle finger. "Fuck off." He noticed Randy standing in the doorway. "You fuck off too." Ricky raised his other middle finger. "The two of you go fuck out of here go spend the night in the drunk tank." He watched as Randy grabbed a hold of Lahey's arms and drag the supervisor back to their trailer. "Fuckin idiots."
"Good job for hiding the dope Julian," Ricky said.
"I didn't," Julian said. "It's gone."
"Gone?" Ricky asked. "What the fuck do you mean gone?!"
"I mean it's not here Rick!"
"Fuck!" Ricky shouted as he grabbed Lahey's fallen flash and threw it. "Where the fuck is it?!"
"I believe I can shed some light on that," the voice of Double D said.
"Double D!" Ed happily shouted as he embraced the sock head in a bone crushing hug.
"C-an't brea-the," Double D managed to say as Ed released him. "If you would all please follow me I will explain everything." The five of them followed Double D to the spot where the van was.
"Nice fuckin van," Ricky said as he admired the vehicle while Double D opened the back door. Inside were the stacks of weed for the next deal. "Fuck! Look it's the dope."
"I see that Rick," Julian said as he took a sip of his drink.
"How'd you do this Double D?" Eddy asked.
"Well if you all recall my departure from earlier today, I overheard a certain supervisor talking about involving the police in all of this, so after you had all left I returned and moved everything back here where it would not be discovered," Double D explained.
"Fuckin jeans us!" Ricky exclaimed.
"But I thought you didn't like the idea of us selling dope," Bubbles said.
"In all honesty as much as I am against it, I wasn't about to let my friends get into trouble for it. Speaking of which I hope that close call with the cops has managed to convince the both of you of the danger of getting involved in the drug trade."
"Ed does not want to go to jail, or get grounded."
"Yeah I like money, but I don't want to go to jail for it."
"Fuck this a nice van," Ricky said as he laid down on the water bed. "This sure beats livin' in a car. Tell you what." Ricky reached into his pocket and pulled a few hundred dollars in American cash. "Some dicktree paid for the weed in American so hows about I give you this cash for this sweet fuckin van."
"Deal!" Eddy agreed without a seconds hesitation.
"You know Ricky," Bubbles said. "I was thinking why don't we just take these guys back to America? It's the least we can do for the poor bastards."
"Sure thing buddy," Ricky agreed. "You boys cool with that?" all of the Ed's nodded in agreement. "Alright tomorrow let's get the fuck to America."
"Cheers to that," Ed happily said.
"I wonder if America is anything like the U.S." Ricky asked
"This is going to be a long ride," Double D muttered to himself.
A/N: I had a lot of fun writing this story as I find both shows to be hilarious in their own rights. I hope I was able to express both shows humor in this story, and thank you all for reading.
