Um, I got requests to update this quickly, but I hope this doesn't seem rushed. One can only handle so much boy love, you know what I'm talking about? (Sigh) All right, let's do this...

Jeff hobbled back into his room and shut the door behind him. He then slumped down against it with his hands over his ears. Will what his father just did to him scar his brain forever? Sitting hurt a little too much, so he got up. Slowly making his way to the shower, he saw that the door was closed. Perhaps Tony was in there? Something compelled Jeff to open the door anyway and, lo and behold, Tony stood there in a Speedo thrusting his pelvis into the emptiness before him, just as Jeff expected.

Tony looked back and blushed. He was caught in the act of 'practicing', something forbidden among the boys at Snow Wood Boarding House.

"Jeff?" he asked, embarrassed, "You've returned?"

Jeff said nothing, but instead stood there. Then, a tear was seen rolling down his cheek and he flung himself in the arms of Tony.

"Whoa, what's wrong?" Tony asked.

"My...father...raped me!" Jeff cried through gasps.

Tony was silent as he contemplated what his friend had just said, but then he opened his mouth and whispered, "So?"

Jeff looked back up at Tony with a confused and disgusted look.

"He raped me too, but I sucked it up like a man and took it. And I'm usually the dominant top..." Tony added, looking off into space.

Jeff released Tony and took a few steps back. "How could you say that? ...I thought I was the dominant top!!"

The two stared at each other for a second, then began to make out with extreme boyish passion.

Mr. Saturn stood in the open doorway as a tear fell from his eye.

Porky was still exhausted an hour after Frank and King left. He managed to regain control over his bodily fluids, but could not muster the strength to clean up after himself. (EW! That's disgusting...What makes it even worse is what's about to happen...This could so be M rated...)

At that moment, Duster walked in and gave the boy an odd look.

Porky wanted to get up and run away, because his nastiness was lying all over the couch, but he was too overweight to move.

"I heard from a telephone that you got strong hands," Duster began, "I want you to rub my guns while I order a pizza."

Porky titled his head at this obscure request. But Duster got down on his knees and ripped off his shirt. Grabbing a phone, he began to flex.

Porky managed to sit up and feel Duster's scrawny arms. Porky soon began to slide his hand back and forth across Duster's right bicep as the dude held the phone to his ear in the other hand.

"Ohh...Is this Mach Pizza? Ohh, yeah..." Duster said into the phone. He could hardly restrain himself. "I neeeeeed a big pizza...Full of tasty meat and...OH! Yes, yes, I need meat on my pie, oh, yes. And could I get it with ancho--" Duster was having trouble finishing his word with Porky jacking his arm off with such intensity. "Ancho...ANCHOVIES OH YES!" He and Porky both moaned in unison as Duster dropped the phone causing the girl on the other end to call the cops.

Claus was walking home from school when he heard some crazy Japanese lyrics coming from over a fence. He hoped up and peeked over the edge to see Ness, Flying Man, Poo, and Capt. Strong doing the Hara Hara Yukai. The four were so good in fact, that Claus thought he was watching Haruhi Suzumia. His eyes were closely watching Capt. Strong, who was dancing in place of Haruhi herself. Young Claus had once seen Capt. Strong dance in the club next door. He seduced Claus with some crazy moves he called the Super Ultra Mambo Foxtrot, or something to that extent. Without realizing it, Claus slipped his hand into his pocket and fiddled around while he eyed the man. Then Claus took out his GameBoy and played Hamtaro.

"Working too hard, were you, Jeff?" Dr. Mario asked, reading over his clipboard.

"Yes, I...fell down..." Jeff muttered.

"On your rectum?"

"...Yes. I fell down on my rectum. Is that so strange?"

"No, it's just that, in all other cases where I've seen this sort of tear, it's usually because of--"

"SEX? NOPE, I HAVN'T, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING!" Jeff shouted in defense.

"I was going to say football, but that's pretty close..." Dr. Mario said, making his way over to the boy, "So, you like football?"

"Um, sure, I guess..."

Dr. Mario grinned as he took out a large pill from his jacket. "Let's use this as a football and play a bit, shall we?"

"But my ass--"

"--Will be mine. Now, let's play."

The two set up and began, but Dr. Mario immediately tackled Jeff and ripped off his pants. Then he took the over sized pill and put it where one would expect at this point. Poor Jeff...Suddenly, ska music could be heard.

"AH!! Why?!" Jeff exclaimed over the music.

"Because it'll heal you, of course. Now go home and don't play any more football for a few weeks."

"A few weeks without se—I mean football?! Tony won't like that..."

Dr. Mario took out his card and handed it to Jeff. "Here, give him this. If he wants to play some real football, have him give me a call. I'll rock his shit."

Jeff took the card and stared at it. His hormones yet again went crazy and he waddled out with his pants around his ankles.

GOD! This just makes me feel all nasty, you know? But why have I not mentioned Gigyas yet? Because, he's going to do something special, that's why.