Legalese: The party of the first part, (heretofore known as 'the Author') makes no claims of ownership on the property of the party of the second part (heretofore known as 'Disney') and only "Fair Use" claims of ownership on the concept depicted herein. The party of the third part (heretofore known as 'the reader') Is advised strongly that "Fair Use"- eh… Screw it… you know what… just assume I dun own "Kim Possible," okay?
AN: Set during season 3 (so pre Kiron). Rated PG, or T for intimations of sexual content.
Caught Out: A Kim Possible fanfiction
Part 2
By Eoraptor
Rated PG or T for intimations of sexual intercourse
Kim shuffled in to the Cow and Chow, oblivious to the obnoxious mooing sound the door chime made. Monique and Felix watched as she shambled up to the counter, ordered the biggest Moo Juice in the place, and then wandered over to their table. The cheerleader sat down with an uncharacteristically heavy thump and immediately began sucking at the end of the black and white straw piercing the lid of her giant drink.
After a moment of confused silence, Monique turned to face her BFFF with a concerned glance, setting aside her steak on a bun.
"Okay, I thought the psycho-stalker-Kim was bad two weeks ago… Tell me what's happened this time, girlfriend."
"Yeah, Red… Ron and Yori can't really be getting you this out of sorts, can they?"
"meh…"
"Meh? Girl, you been talking to Wade again?"
"…meh…"
"Mo, I don't think this was a Wade-inspired meh'ing."
"…Yori…"
The dark skinned booth occupant reached out and took the giant moo juice from her cheerleading counterpart, shaking her head. Kim continued to make sucking movements with her lips for a moment before sitting back, realizing the straw was gone finally. Felix then took it from Monique and took a long pull. He made a face and pushed it right back.
"Gack! Straight Cherry Popsi, triple sweet, no ice!"
"Okay, KP… what could be so bad to drown your sorrows in enough liquid calories to put both your brothers in a sugar coma?"
"meh."
"Okay Red… I'm sorry, but I left my Monosyllabic-cheerleader/English dictionary in my other pants. Care to try again with at least two words consisting of two syllables each?"
"Yori shouldn't still be here in town."
"Okay… That's progress Kim. Hopefully you're blood-popsi content hasn't hit the legal limit yet."
"So why is the geisha still in town, girlfriend? I thought her vacay ended two weeks ago anyways, after the whole Ron's-other-mole-rat incident and Ewwww, so gross!"
"So did I. Someone hired her on here… Probably Drakken."
Felix and Monique blinked and glanced at each other. Mo reached out and held Kim's hand, caressing it lightly as Felix shook his head. He looked up after a confused moment.
"Why Drakken?"
"Yeah, Boo. Why would that blue dork hire a comely young ninja? Especially one boffing his nemesis's partner, when he's got the green meany on payroll?"
"Kudos on pronouncing the singular possessive of 'nemesis' there, Mo."
"Thanks Wheels. But come on Kim, what does old blue berries have to do with Ron's new girl?"
"Oh, I wish it were Drakken making the hiring decisions here… but I have my suspicions otherwise."
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"KP, where's Shego at? Shouldn't she like, be here with Doctor D?"
"Shut. Up. Ron."
"…"
"meany shego… phbbbbt"
"You too, Rufus."
The leader and namesake of Team Possible grit her teeth as the trio made their way down yet another ventilation shaft, turning left. Honestly, why the Space Center didn't just put some nice armed guards at the entrances was beyond her, given how often they got robbed, broken in to, or abducted from it. Twice in two weeks no less… And as to her partner in crime fighting, he was still on her schtuff list. Finally she conceded him the point on the mercenary's absence.
"Probably not wanting to be groped again, and in Greece."
"Mmmmm, grease…"
"…grease…"
"Both of you Shhhhhh!"
They dropped out of the ventilation shaft, and found themselves standing face to face with a squad of red-suited synthos. The lead one was different from the norm, however. It seemed to be designed on a smaller female model instead of the burly big man model of the others.
"Ooooohkay… This is new."
"KP? Is it just me or are these guys a lil more organized than usual?"
"…uh-oh…!"
"I'm beginning to wish Shego was here… these things usually get in her way."
"Kim… scaring your sidekick with talk like that…"
"…scary scary…"
"Well! I mean… One person IS easier to deal with than onetwothreefour… seven! Even for me!"
"But they're not even people!"
"Exactly, let's get em, Ron!"
Ron gave a reluctant sigh and followed his fearless leader into the fray, ducking under a few rubbery crimson fists and bouncing off of one of the goo-filled goons. He yanked Rufus out of his pocket and gave him a shake, spurring the rat into action, his large pearly incisors chomping away. Rufus's Heterocephalus glabber extrimis chisel teeth made quick work of two of the inflatable thugs before he was smacked out of Ron's hand and sent flying, made slippery by glowing green synthoplasm.
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"Wait wait wait, WTF is synthoplasm?"
"It's a super concentrated self-replicating synthetic plasmatic lithium polymer power source."
"Uh… thanks wheels. Now, Kim… these… Synthigoons"
"Synthodrones."
"Right, those… why did they have you so tweaked boo?"
"Yeah Red, You beat those things even easier than the real henchmen. Sup?"
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Realizing that they were outmatched, the synthos' simple programming caused them to produce their energy staves. All except the slender female model. That one produced…
"Energy fans?"
"Dude… that's new."
"and familiar at the same time… hey! I just had a haircut thank you very much!"
"…hey, haircut pbbbt…!"
"Sorry rufus, not all of us are naturally hairless, and… Hey my ponytail!"
"I like it, KP very pixieish! Almost Spritekin even."
"Ron! So not the time!"
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"I wondered about that. You never did really explain where the 3xL went girl."
"Triple extra large?"
"Keep up with the times Felix… she means Long Luscious Locks."
"Right… because I was gonna get that from a math equation."
Monique rolled her eyes and dipped a french fry into her frozen cocoa moo, deftly retrieving a healthy gob of frosty goodness. Then the pointed the bitten off fry at her wheeled compatriot, shaking her head, "Seriously, you didn't notice she lost six inches of hair overnight and never once said why?"
"I thought it was a girl thing."
"Well it is, but still."
"So, wait… the short female goo powered ninja robot cut off your hair, red?"
"Ah, and the blood flow returns to the brain… Seriously Wheels, next time don't look at the Kara Kraft Crypt Defiler spread before trying to hang with the girls."
"It was Kinetic Impact; Femme Charlie and her sniper rifle."
"What eva…."
"Guys, can we focus on my ish?"
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"Little help Kim?"
"Kinda busy here Ron."
SPLOOSH
"How about now."
"Now I have to get the synthogoo out of my mouth, ack!"
"Oh, so Kimmie's not a fan of facials… ooooh, what a shame."
"Shego!"
"You know what they say Princess, there's a sucker born every minute…"
"Yeah, and now we know what she does when her gooey goons fail."
"Wait, where did she come from? I thought she was getting greasy or something?"
"In Greece Ron, I said in Greece."
The two teens circled around the lone surviving synthodrone and the green villainess. Until Shego caught sight of the target the synthos had been sent for, a pneumatic piston trans-accelerator. She darted left, faking Kim out, and then cut right again, reaching for the mechanical mass of tubing and pipeworks. Ron tried to stop her, but his vision was blocked by an electric purple glowing fan that snapped up in his face and nearly took his nose off.
"Ah! Bright light bright light!"
"Ron, are you okay?!"
"I don't know! I can't see!"
"Watch where you're grabbing then! We don't want a repeat of the last time when-,"
The warning, of course, came an instant too late. Ron, in his blind flailing, grabbed at the first thing to come across his fingers. That thing happened to be one of the pipes on the PPTA device. The female drone, caught between Ron and Shego, sliced its fan upwards, trying to take Ron's hand off at the wrist; but in his chaotic flailing, the blond boy yanked at the right, or perhaps wrong, moment, and the buzzing fan instead hit the pipe Ron had ahold of. The teen boy fell backwards, away from the villains, still gripping the severed pipe in hand.
Shego, still holding the body of the PPTA, sputtered as whatever substance had been inside of it sprayed out all over her. Using her free hand to wipe soggy oily hair back from her face, she glared liquid green death at the teens. She took a step towards them, intent on ending their nuisance once and for all. And that was her first mistake. Shego's foot cut right, underneath her body, sending her to the floor in a lump and landing her in the pool of material leaning from the pneumatic piston trans-accelerator.
"I swear to the heavens if this is that oily stuff again…"
"Shego, whatever you do, don't light up…"
"Yeah, remember what happened last time? I know I do."
"…and the next time I get my hands on you, you're going to lose that hand for it."
"Hey, not my fault your boss can't check for leaks."
"Ron… what did we say about not giving the villains pointers?"
"Awwwe, come on KP… she wants to barbecue me for something that wasn't my fault! Can't we have, like, a clause for that?"
"…claws… claws help…!"
Rufus bounded down out of Ron's pocket and to the tile floor of the lab. On his two inch long claws he ran right past the female synthodrone, who attempted to put its boot down on him, only to plant it in a pool of silicon dimmonium phosphate and repeat Shego's graceless flop, landing with a surprisingly loud sounding thump on the tiles. Rufus, sating away on his rodential claws, arrived at Shego's hands. A quick soccer kick sent the PPTA sliding out of her grasp, leaving a trail of light blue super-lubricant in its trail as it skidded away.
Shego narrowed her eyes at the plumbers' nightmare sitting now out of her grasp. Then she looked down at herself, noting how completely coated in hydraulic hyper-oil she was. She decided to cash it in this time, since there was no way she was going to get to her feet, let alone get safely across the tile floor to the geegaw. So she rolled over onto her back, threw one arm around the flailing synthodrone, which was even more immobilized by its rubbery coating on the oily floor, and blasted the ceiling, watching the rope from the hoverpod descend to them.
"Darn it, stop squirming! It's like trying to hold on to a horny love doll!"
"Ewww, so did not need that image! Sick and wrong!"
"Well, wonder why Shego knows how that feels like… Guess we know how she's been spending her weekends."
"Yeah, you laugh now, Princess… Just you wait until I… ewww I said stop squirming! Drakken you are so going to get it for this one!"
The teens watched as Shego and the red suited female synthodrone clung for dear life onto the ladder of the hover pod, Shego's free arm looped over a wrung and then tangled in two others against the slick hyper-oil coating both she and her goo-filled compatriot. Finally, when they were out of sight, Kim turned and studied Rufus. The perky little rat had got up on two claws and was now skating around the lab like it was his personal ice rink.
"Well, at least this time everyone escaped without being fondled."
"Except for Shego… was it just me or did that wierdo drone seem to like rubbing against her?"
"Ron, that is beyond sick and wrong."
"Wrongsick?"
"Sickwrongsick."
"…pbbbbt android fandroid gropey gropey…"
"Um… one question, KP?"
"Yeah?
"How are we supposed to pick up Rufus now that he's covered in silicon dimmonium phosphate?"
"Uh… very carefully?"
"Dude, this feels so sickwrongwrongsick! Like a banana in health class… Eww Eww Eww!"
"Careful Ron, if you squeeze him to hard he might squirt out and-,"
"…wheeeee…!"
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"So the pump thingy was full of…"
"The super lubricant that Drakken and Shego tried to steal two weeks ago, yeah. One of them got the bright idea that it might be easier to get if it was in a sealed container instead of a beaker."
"Wow Kim… that's actually… surprisingly competent for them."
"Well, it is for Drakken. Shego is actually shockingly competent. Sometimes I wonder if she isn't just a masochist and likes the punishment of working for Drakken and constantly getting spanked by me."
"Now who's being wrongsick, girl?"
Kim nearly sprayed a mouth full of triple-sweet cherry popsi across the table and her friends at that juxtaposition. She had make a series of contorted faces to keep it in as her face turned beet red. She glared first at Monique, for uttering the comment, and then at Felix; who was clearly enjoying imagining… things.
"Well, you're the one who said it, not me, GF."
"Yeah, seriously, what is her game anyway? I mean, she seems so…"
"Evil, corrupt, greedy, witchy, materialistic, amoral, malicious, criminal, crooked, shady, twisted, bent,-"
"Whoa there thesaurus girl… I meant she seems way too capable to be working with Drakken. Or Ed."
"Wait, how are you on a first name basis with Kim's foes?"
"Because they seem to go out of their way to interrupt my game nights with Ron?"
"Felix is right, Mo… Shego could so go solo and be a much bigger threat. The Supreme Threat even."
"Again, wonder why meany greeny does it."
"And what is up with the new drone?"
"Not sure… but I have my suspicions, especially when Shego didn't leave it behind like the others."
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A few days later, the final bell for school rang and released the usual suspects. Except for Ron, who had vanished sometime after fifth period Latin II. The running assumption was he made an early Naco run on 2-for-1 day. With a guest presumably.
"So wait, Geisha Girl is still in town?"
"Worse, she is in town, with LOADS of free time. Whoever hired her just wanted her to do some kind of product testing. And paid her through the nose for it."
"So she's rich, hot, and got a booty that just doesn't stop. Yeah, sounds horrible."
"I swear, I'm going to put a jack stand under you so that people's butts are no longer right at your eye level, Wheels."
"I think that would be a dramatic improvement, Mo… but he's right. It's my problem, not hers."
"And Ron?"
"He's constantly disappearing."
"And Yuri?"
"Yori."
"Who?"
"Ninja Hotness."
"Whoever! The Japanese girl, what's her deets these days aside from mysterious product testing?"
"Well, she's a ninja, Monique. Disappearing is kind of a ninja thing. All I know is that she's at Ron's place a lot, and she takes a lot of showers."
"I… ninja?"
"Kim? I was just joking with the Ninja Hotness. You do know ninja aren't like a real… Wait, never mind, I forgot I was talking to Red Head Possible, She who walks the path of the weird. Of course Ninja are real."
Kim frowned. Okay, so she hadn't strictly revealed Yamanouchi, but she supposed a technical foul was every bit as bad as an actual one in this case. She banged her head against the locker door frustrated, until Monique grabbed her forehead and stopped her. Sighing, Kim finally pulled her head back and rubbed it with a pained expression on her face.
"Okay okay, so anything new with Shego? She still threatening to burn off the hand that rocked her cradle?"
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"Okay, so whatever they want, it has something to do with the Silicon Dimmonium Phosphate. And they want it bad."
"Mmmhm. In organic chemistry, a phosphate, or organophosphate, is an ester of phosphoric acid."
"Uh… yeah Ron. Anyway, they want the hyper lubricant bad. Wade, any ideas?"
"Nothing yet. Nothing Drakken could be working on would have required the pneumatic piston trans-accelerator. So it was definitely the SDP they wanted."
"Pneumatic; containing or operated by air or gas under pressure."
"Uh, thanks for that Ron. So, no ideas Wade?"
"Nope, not a thing. How's mister Grabby hands?"
"I think he's jealous of Shego's new rubber pal."
"heh… speaking off, have you noticed that the new synthodrone seems a little… familiar?"
"Yeah, I had… it, she… whatever, sure has ferociously sharp moves… and those fans… wait. Fans?"
"Yeah, I noticed that too. And Yori is in town, but never around at the same time as the synthos, Shego, and Drakken. Kim, you don't think that potentially…"
"Potentially. Use the adverb potentially to describe something that could happen or might be true. Your backyard leaf burning project, for example, is potentially dangerous."
Kim and Wade blinked, one looking up, the other looking askance virtually. Kim leaned over and poked Ron in the cheek with a gloved finger. He promptly fuzzed out of existence before returning.
"It's…!"
"Wade! It's a holo-Ron! Quick, find him! Where's his chip at?!"
"and not a very good one, it's using a Giggle Search instead of an AI matrix to responde to questions."
"Way ahead of you Kim. Searching… searching… uh… still searching…"
Kim waved her hand through the virtual Stoppable a few more times, marveling at how it had sat next to her for the last half hour without her noticing.
"Uh, Kim…. I can't find Ron's chip. Anywhere."
"Wade? How is that Possible? And where is Rufus? And how did I not know that Ron was… not Ron?"
"One question at a time… when was the last time you were with Ron that you were sure it was him? When did you touch him or ask him something only Ron would know?"
"um… uh… Oh! I caught him at Bueno Nacho. And he said that they had hanged the bean-to-cheese ratio in the Enchirito! Rufus confirmed it by rooting around in one."
"When was that?"
"Um… I think… Four Thirty. Right before I had to go on shift at the Club."
"Let me check security footage."
A moment later, grainy security ca footage from the Bueno nacho showed Ron leaving. Then it showed him being snatched away from the camera's view. Then it showed nothing remarkable.
"Replay."
"Replaying."
"Replay."
"Replaying."
"Replay."
"Seriously Kim?"
"There! Freeze and enhance at 16:42:37.2"
Wade zoomed in on the requested frame. Ron's shirt was distended comically towards…
"A black gloved hand!"
"and? Black Gloves are a dime a dozen at Smarty mart… Literally. I just got you two crates."
"Don't tell me that! I specified CB stock numbers!"
"for the same product. Minus the Club Banana Tag."
"Focus Wade… Ron. Missing."
"So who wears black gloves and would kidnap Ron and not want us.. want Me to know about it?"
"Wade. Find out where Yori was at 442 PM today. Please and thank you."
Kim's tone indicated anything but chipper politeness. Wade quickly executed a search, banging away audibly at the keyboards in the background.
"No sign of her."
"When is the last time she is on Camera anywhere?"
"Uh… six am. She made a morning chimichanga run. But even that is sparse. She's a ninja. Avoiding cameras is genetic for her."
"Chimichanga's huh? Ron's favourite breakfast food after my mom's pancakes."
"Kim, why would Yori abduct Ron?"
"Oh, I can think of a few reasons. Keep trying to track his chip."
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"So you want me to…"
"Help me find Ron."
"And when we find him?"
"Oh, you'll probably want to disappear for that."
"Kim. The Guy Code clearly states that a bro will not rat out his Bro."
"That's why Monique is coming… because if Ron is not in trouble… he's going to be."
"Jelly much, KP?"
"I! AM! NOT! JEALOUS!"
"Hmmmm, Pot or Kettle Felix?"
"No comment. Remember, my bits and pieces still have some feeling, and I'd like to keep it that way."
"Smart boy. Mo, hop in. We have a blonde to find."
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Firstly REVIEWS = LOVE
Returning to this after a virtual get-together of the Slash Haven members over skype inspired a binge watch and reminded me how much I'd lost touch with the wry humor inherent in Kim Possible. So, almost 7 years later, here is the continuation of my slapstick pacing experiment. This is always how it was intended to come together, the over-all structure clear in my mind, unlike some other stories that flow more organically and mutate freely as I write(though I did intend it as a two-parter instead of 3). But this story is very much an experimental construct, the dialogue is kept short and "drabble-like" and the action clipped and frenetic, leaving it to the reader to imagine what is going on: Which is why it was hard to get back into the flow of it after a short break, which then became a longer break, which eventually turned in to me losing touch with the humor and the style entirely. Another funny note, when I originally started this story, shortly after KP went off the air in 2007, showing canonical homosexual relationships in any cartoon anywhere was strictly verboten; now, not even ten years later, shows like Legend of Korra have taken it totally mainstream. Seems so odd that Slash Fiction is no longer the act of social rebellion it once was… nice, but also confusing. Look for part 3, the conclusion, soon.
