Rated M for a reason! Little Children should avert their eyes!
(=^-^=)
Turns out Banner had no intention of teaching us that day. When Tyler came from the bathroom he claimed to have heard Banner fucking Jessica in one of the stalls. Poor kid looked shaken.
Besides that, we were scheduled to set out for the wilderness at dawn. We'd come to a mutual decision to set up camp near the Hoh River for obvious reasons but to begin the trek at the Olympic National Park. If we didn't make it out at least there would be people who knew we'd gone AWOL. Alice and Rose got to Charlie before I could, telling him about the camping trip and how we needed a trip to Seattle for supplies. I don't know what I expected from my dad but it wasn't his damn blasé attitude about the weather. I could catch a serious fucking cold, or at least jungle fever or some shit.
The trip to Seattle was successful enough. We stocked up on hiking gear and provisions to last us for months though it was only a five day trip. Edward tagged along on that particular outing and he was watching me like a fucking hawk.
That night while I was packing my things I really thought about my situation and what the hell I'd gotten myself into. I was Mason's permanent tent buddy without a doubt. I couldn't have switched if I'd wanted to because everyone decided to pair up in couples, stupid love-sick bastards.
It's your fault, Swan. Learn when to shut your damn mouth and we wouldn't be so anxious.
I was right. I only challenged Mason on impulse and now I seriously regretted it.
What if he wants to go all the way with me!
That old woman's voice in the back of my head who sounded like a chain smoker threw a coughing fit as she laughed her ass off.
Sweetheart, you'll be lucky if he decides to sleep 3 feet within your ass!
"Shut the fuck up!"
"What was that, Bells?" Charlie hollered up.
"Nothing, dad!" Jesus fuck, I was losing it! Talking to yourself out loud has never been a good sign.
I threw a bottle of lotion in the bag as the final item, turned the lights off and curled myself into a tight little ball under the covers. I was going to miss this bed so much for 5 whole days.
I dozed off thinking about Mason and sleeping in such a small vicinity with him. It was going to be one long fucking vacation.
"Sleeping bags?"
"Check."
"Tents?"
"Check."
"Bug repellant?"
"Check."
4 o' clock in the goddamn morning doing inventory checks. There was no sun up and the sky was painted a deep blue violet. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned against Mason's Volvo door as I watched Alice and Rose pick things up and set them aside again. It was incredibly dark but I was adjusting. We were all here and accounted for in Alice's driveway. Mrs. and Mr. Brandon had made us a breakfast to die for and packed us each homemade sandwiches, telling us to be careful and stick to the trails. I think we all noticed how Alice's dad eyeballed Jasper like a disease and Jasper's discomfort as a result. He looked like he had to take a shit.
Mason stood right beside me, watching what I was watching and laughing a few times at some of the things called out.
"Toaster?"
"Check."
"Hot iron?"
"Check."
Mind you, there is no electricity in the great outdoors, so why they were bringing things that needed electrical outlets I had no idea. And why they suddenly decided to get a toaster I also did not know.
But I did know that Edward looked fuck-hot this morning. He came looking like a damn underwear model. With clothes on!
Never mind him and all his fuck-hotness, but I realized we had a lot of shit to carry around with us. There was a total of 14 bags. 14. Four of them were Alice's, three belonged to Rose and Emmett each, two for Jasper, and Edward and I had our single luggage.
And that didn't include the two provision bags. Most of it was food and the standard hiking shit, and the rest was the electrical items.
Dumb motherfuckers, I swear to God.
Emmett was in the trunk of his precious jeep finding some way to get all of the luggage to fit, Jasper acting as support for when something needed to be lifted or moved.
It wouldn't be much longer until dawn broke.
I pulled my comforter down from the hood of the Volvo, spread it out on the floor and sat with my legs crossed, my face in my hands.
Only five days, I promised myself. Five days and we can celebrate Christmas in the safety of our warm, cozy home. No trees, or sticks, or grass. I contemplated whether or not I should say a prayer. I didn't know where this sudden need to pray came from but I ignored it for the most part.
We are safe, we will make it. We are safe, we will make it. I was going to need this mantra to survive.
"Why are you rocking?" Edward snickered.
My head snapped up and my cheeks stained red seeing his shoulders bounce with barely contained laughter.
"Because nosy fuckers like you don't know when to not ask questions, that's why."
"Feisty this morning," he said dropping to the floor, sitting cross legged. "Are you PMS'ing?"
"There goes those questions again, and no, I'm not. And I bet if I was you'd draw some sick pleasure from it."
"Don't flatter yourself. Scared?"
"No," I snapped.
"You look scared."
"Your point?"
He shrugged. "I thought maybe I could comfort you."
My face softened a bit and I was kind of sorry for being a bitch now.
"Oh."
"Yeah. You don't have to worry." The corner of his mouth began to curl up in a shit eating grin. "I hear the Olympic Yeti only kills beautiful woman."
I froze.
Did that motherfucker just. . . ?
Oh no the fuck he did not!
I rose to my feet without a word, and he did too, grin still in place.
I got a really good look at his face for a minute because chances were, it wouldn't look that way 30 seconds from now.
I pulled my arm back and snapped it forward as my fist connected with his dick. If there was ever a thing called picture perfect I would have to describe it as this moment right now. Mason's eyes bulged out of his head and his lips pulled into an almost non-existent line as his face turned tomato red.
"Bella," he wheezed and dropped to his knees on the ground, cupping his crotch.
Oh yeah, biatch. Say my name.
"He knew better than to pull out a joke like that," Alice tisked, shaking her head with her palm up towards Rosalie.
"Dumb fucking bastard." Rose was shit talking under her breath as she fished a 20 out of her purse and set in Alice's hand. "I should punch him in the nuts next!"
Alice laughed and wagged her finger. "Don't ever bet against me, doll."
"Hey!" Emmett boomed. "Stop horse-fucking around over there and get your asses in the car! We got land to cover! Let's move, pussies! Move!"
"Shut the fuck up already! We're coming!"
I didn't have to tell Em how retarded he looked with that damn get up of his. He was wearing a camo tank and khaki set with dark round shades on his face and big ass military boots for shoes. As if that weren't enough he went to the trouble of purchasing a whistle and dog tags to go around his neck and drew a thin curly mustache above his lip. Dumb. Fuck.
I pushed Mason's bent over form off my comforter and folded it over my arm. I leaned over next to him and whispered in his ear that I was looking forward to being his tent buddy. He whimpered and turned his face like a bitch.
I climbed into Em's Jeep laughing and rolled my window down.
Jasper helped Edward to his feet and helped him into the passenger seat of the Volvo. Alice rode with Jasper and Edward in the Volvo, and I with Rose and Emmett.
A single black crow came swooping down from the sky and landed on a thin branch of a redwood tree. His eyes blazed with a reddish color as he glared at me and craned his neck. I cringed away from the window and glued my eyes to the windshield as Emmett pulled out of the driveway, Jasper following.
"SO LONG CIVILIZATION!" I never wanted to hit Emmett so bad. "I GOT A DATE WITH NATURE! HAHAHAHA!" And with that we sped down the street lamp lit street onto the highway.
Just before we turned into the fast lane, the crow from before came into my peripheral and he'd brought friends.
What happened next made me close my eyes and engage in a short, quiet prayer.
A flock of about eight birds merged over head and flew in a straight line circling one another over the jeep, making themselves stand out even more against the bluish pink light of the sky and the deep orange of the rising sun. Jesus fuck. I feared for my life.
"Please don't fuck around with this trip, God."
