Darkness; there was darkness. No! Actually, it was more like whiteness; an omnipresent light, that burnt intensely and yet did not blind. It was as if the world was out of focus, and yet it also appeared to make the most sense; as if one were regarding the world as it truly is, or how it should be. It was like the world seen through the eyes of a newborn, and Mami found herself in a state of peace, or at least a state of calm. There was nothing around her, but herself, and she could hear only the soothing sound of silence, which was never a true silence when one thinks about it. There is always a humming of some sort. This faint, yet deafening buzzing was interrupted finally by a familiar noise; the sound of music. It was distant initially and she could scarcely hear it, but as it encroached upon her from out of the void, she heard it, but still did not derive any meaning from it, and yet it was so uncannily familiar as if she had heard it before several times, but -
'no, i have heard it before, but when did-?"
And Mami found the source. Looking downward, she fixed her eyes on the blinking light of a car radio. The numbers were backwards. No, forwards. They were forwards. She was in the passenger's seat in the back. She didn't know how long she was there; it didn't occur to ask, not even herself. In fact, it made sense that she would be in this car right now; she was always in this car and always had been in this car; she was alone, except for the song and herself. The sound came from beyond the radio, and it surrounded her from every side; a part of the environment itself. It released a deluge of strong and mixed emotions within her. There was a scent - a familiar odor. Smelt like a pork bun.
She heard a voice, or rather she should have heard one; it was more like she expected a voice. She looked up; her mother was there before her, in the passenger seat, her father beside her in the driver's seat. Her mother reached into the bag and pulled out a pork bun. Mami stared at the pork bun, fixating on it for an eternity. She looked back up at her mother, and her mother mouthed something. She mouthed it again. Mami looked up from her book. She mouthed it again; Mami could hear only her father's song on the radio, but she knew what her mother was trying to say. Mom repeated it as she held the pork bun to her, the sight of which made Mami burst into an uncontrollable and inconsolable sob. She felt the urge to reach her mother suddenly, as if it could be the last time. The young girl held out her hand to try to reach her mother. "Mom!" she tried to say, but found herself unable to produce any noise over the music, cruelly ruling over the environment. She extended her hand further, but could not reach her mother no matter her effort. She tried to scream, "Mom!" but still couldn't produce any sound. She was choking and sobbing painfully. Her mother still tried to hand her the pork bun. Mami was getting closer and closer, and she exerted all her power into her arm; she was so close now; only an inch away.
"MOM!"
A force rocketed into the side of the car. An explosion! Mami could feel the flames slap her across the right side of her cheek as she flew along with the car into the air; her fate forever out of her control. There was no free will anymore. There never was a free will. Glass rained slowly onto her as she felt the car suspend into the air and tumble over. The song hit its crescendo. She recognized the beat clearly now, it synced with the beat of her own heart, and she could understand every word as she rode with the was a loud crashing sound as the car collided with the unsympathetic concrete road, the impact rendering their car a twisted wreck of rubber and steel. Mami tried to get up but she couldn't. She was being held back their car roof, dilapidated on to of her; keeping her prisoner. She could smell the leaking gas and felt the flames. Mami didn't know what time it was or felt it pass, but she knew she had to escape or die. She tried to cry out for her mother, but she couldn't. It constricted her chest tightly; she couldn't breathe. She looked to her side and that's when she saw it - what was once her mother, lying there, staring back at her with a pair of cold, lifeless eyes. Mami cried further; she reached out in vain towards her mother, but the roof restricted her. All the while her mother's stare pierced her, haunted her. She shut her eyes to block it out and to focus on lifting the car roof. She opened them. The corpse of her mother! It had climbed on top of the wreck, and Mami was brought face to face with these dollish eyes that were once her mother's. Mami tried to scream but couldn't. She choked and she sobbed. "I'm sorry" she tried to cry, "I'm sorry." But the judging and unforgiving glare did not release. The more Mami tried to wrestle free, the more the steel and the shape worked together to constrict her, to strangle the life out of her. They did not want her live. Mami could feel her breathe drawing away as if she were going to die, and then there it was! A cat of some kind. Sitting there before her, on top of her, waving its tail proudly. It said something, it could save her. It was too late for her mother but it could save her. This homunculus! It held her tighter as if enraged, but still it's dead eyes did not betray its emotions. Mami was at the point of near death; her blood was boiling. She focused all of her energy on breaking her arm free from the cold clutches of these demonic shapes. And she did! The cat came closer, it's own dead stare looking at her. It was close to her now. The shrew tried to grab her arm; she reached up….
And it had all disappeared from her. The music; the car; the corpse. It was all gone from her. As real as these shapes were, they suddenly vanished back into the dominion of fantasy. Mami looked around in panic. She was in her bedroom. "Mom!" she yelled again, as if she were her, as if her presence still lingered slightly, but to both her relief and despair her presence was absent. Mami breathed deeply and quickly. As she grew re-accustomed to the world, she finally broke down and wept silently to herself; the suppressed tears violently rained down from her eyes; stinging her cheeks like needles as they did so. By the time this had stopped, the glow of the room had changed from darkness to an orangish-blue hue; although, the color of the night was never true darkness when one thought about it. She looked out her window to see the crack of dawn looming over the horizon of towers and spires. The sun rises on Christmas Day! She lay down again, sniveling out the remainder of tears, but did not go back to sleep; not immediately. She lay down for what felt like hours and did nothing as Apollo performed his sacred task. Mitakihara and the world over, children would be gathering and their parents with them to celebrate the survival of another year together, but Mami could not join them. She would spend the holiday alone again as she would the next day and the next day and the next…. She drifted back to sleep again on that thought. At first she resisted Pan's flute, but then remembered the line that her mother used to read her; from her favorite play. "Do not omit the heavy offer of it:/ It seldom visits the sorrow; and when it doth,/ It is a comforter." Mami didn't believe it, but it was a quaint notion, one that helped to lull her back to sleep. As children stirred from their slumbers to rip open presents whose excitement would endure until the fall of night, Mami returned to sleep; dreamless and numb.
All the while Kyuubeh watched from the shadows, with those soulless eyes. He did not interfere.
