Authors Note:
Gwaine's POV
Flashback/Dream
Gwaine Flashback
A few minutes prior to sundown I left my room feeling terribly nervous. Running through every scenario this dinner could have. Quickly I realized that I had arrived in front of Gwaine's chambers. Hesitantly I knocked at his door but instead of him, Merlin opened it. "Please come in Freya." He stepped aside and now I could see Gwaine sitting at the table. "Merlin is accompanying us tonight, I hope you don't mind." I looked at Gwaine and then at Merlin. It was already making me uncomfortable to talk to Gwaine alone, but now that Merlin was here as well could we even talk about anything? "Of course not." I said keeping my worries to myself.
Gwaine stood up and helped me to my chair. While Merlin served the food neither of us started to eat, which was uncharacteristically enough for Gwaine and there was an unpleasant silence between us. "If you don't mind I will go and fetch some more wine." Merlin interrupted the silence knowing that his presence was making me feel uncomfortable. And before Gwaine could intervene Merlin had already left.
"Why did you ask him to help you?" I asked looking at him with confusion. It took Gwaine a while until he answered. "I don't know, I guess I thought you wouldn't get angry if he was around." He said scratching the back of his head and laughing at what he just said. "I was never mad with you. I was hurt…" Gwaine looked at me, which made me look away. "I know that Uther banished you, but you left without a word and when you helped Leon and me you just ignored me. It made me feel like…" I stopped, trying to shake the thought. "Feel like what?" Gwaine asked, putting his hand on mine. "I felt abandoned. I thought you were my friend." But before Gwaine could answer, Merlin was already back. I took my hand away from Gwaine's grip. "I completely forgot. Arthur wanted me to clean the stables tonight. I'm sorry Gwaine I think I have to attend that matter right now." Gwaine just nodded and Merlin left again.
"Freya." He got off his chair and kneeled in front of me, holding my hand. "I never wanted you to feel that way. You have always been so important to me, which was why I thought keeping my distance was for the best." "What do you mean?" It was the first time I really looked him in the eyes. "You deserve so much better than me." I could feel the heat building up in my cheeks. "Freya, all I ever wanted for you was to be happy and I'm sorry if I caused you any pain, but I don't think we should be friends any longer." "Gwaine…" Besides his words he didn't let go of my hands 'nor did he look away. I felt tears welling up in my eyes. "Freya I'm sorry." That was when he let go of my hand and walked to the door. "Please leave." I felt my heart breaking all over again. I got up and walked out of the door without looking at him.
But the instant that I had entered my chambers the tears started to run down my cheeks and I just felt like they were never going to stop.
_
I felt awful. The look on her face when I told her to leave was breaking my heart. As if it wasn't bad enough that I couldn't tell her how I really felt. Then my door opened and Leon walked in. "Ever heard of knocking Leon?" "I saw Freya leave, so I guess you did as I said?" I chose to ignore him. "Oh come on Gwaine. This was nothing more than a game to you anyway." "Like you would know. I get it, you want to protect your sister and I admire you for that, but you can't lock her away forever." I grew angrier at him with every word we spoke. Who was he to decide who Freya could be with and who not? Shouldn't it be her right to choose? "I'm not locking her away from anything. I'm making sure she doesn't get hurt. But how would you know what that means?" "Because I want the same thing for Freya!" I blurted out. "You don't want her to get hurt? Ever since you left Camelot she has been upset, without any sight of recovery! I didn't recognize her anymore. It was like she was there and I had lost her at the same time. I won't let that happen again! And that's why you will stay away from her."
"I was never mad with you. I was hurt…" Freya's words popped into my head. "Maybe you're right." Maybe it was my fault that Freya was upset. I could've reached out to her when Uther had banished me, yet I didn't._
The next morning I woke up in my bed, still feeling horribly. I couldn't shake the "dinner" from last night. He was so different. It was like the Gwaine that had invited me wasn't even really there. Just then the door opened and Leon walked in. "Good morning Freya." He smiled at me. "Morning." I replied sitting up. Leon sat down at the end of my bed and gave me a concerned look. "What happened?" He asked and this time I really wanted to talk to him. After all I didn't need another secret from him and maybe he could help me. "Gwaine invited me for dinner last night, but it didn't go the way I thought it would." "What do you mean? How did you wanted it to go?" "I like Gwaine. I always have. That's why I was so upset when he had to leave. When he said we would talk about everything, I felt happier than I've had for weeks." "Then what happened?" "He said we couldn't be friends anymore and asked me to leave. That was it."
"I'm so sorry, Freya." Leon held me in his arms. "I guess, I had always hoped that he might have felt the same." I admit. When Leon let go of me he looked like he was in pain. "I have to meet Gwen in a little bit so if you wouldn't mind, I have to change." He hesitated for a moment and then left my chambers.
I met Gwen in the throne room. "Good morning your majesty." I curtsied. Mere two weeks ago Gwen and Arthur had gotten married and I couldn't have been happier for her. "Freya please." Gwen stood up and hugged me. "I thought today we could go out for a ride. If you'd like to accompany me." "That's sounds great actually." Together we made our way to the stables but just as we got there, we run into Arthur and the knights. "Guinevere." Arthur face lit up the moment he saw Gwen, which tightened my chest. It was clear to see for everyone how much in love they were. "Freya." "My king." I curtsied for Arthur as well and then my eyes wandered to Gwaine. "Gwen I will go ahead." I looked away from him and walked past Gwen towards the stables. "Gwaine why don't you accompany Freya? I'm sure you could help her with her horse. Merlin you help Guinevere!" Arthur commanded and Gwaine and Merlin went along with us.
As I walked to my horse Gwaine stood across from me. "You don't have to help me. I'm capable of doing this myself." I said a little harsher than I had intended. "I'm sorry about last night." Gwaine eyes were fixated on mine. "There is nothing to be sorry about. You made up your mind and that's fine." I lied, trying to finish up my horse. "Gwaine why don't you come along on our ride? I'm sure Arthur would be happier if we had a knight with us." "NO!" Gwaine and I shouted almost simultaneously towards her. "I mean. I am sorry my queen, but I think my presence on this hunting trip is required. I could ask Sir Percival or Sir Leon." "On second thought I think we might be okay." Gwen looked at me but I tried to avoid her. "Thank you for your help." I gave Gwaine a quick nod and took my horse out of the stable. Gwen followed me and just seconds later we were already on our way. "What happened between you and Gwaine last night? I thought everything would be okay by now." Gwen said after we had paused to water the horses and then I told her everything.
"Freya. I'm so sorry. I really thought that things would get better between you two. He has always seemed so fond of you." Ignoring Gwen's last sentence I laid down on the grass looking up into the sky. I closed my eyes and drifted away without noticing it.
"Well Sir Knight. Where is my beloved brother headed? I'm sure you know of his plans." "I'd rather die than telling you anything." "Well that can be arranged." Morgana was walking up to Gwaine with a box in her hand. I couldn't make out was what in it, but soon after she put it down I could hear his screams. I started to run towards him, trying to cut him loose, but nothing I did was of any help. I couldn't use my magic. I was useless. I took his head in my hands and tried to make him look at me. "Freya… I'm sorry." It was just a whisper but I could still hear him. "Don't give up." I said softly putting my forehead on his. I could sense the pain in him and I wanted nothing more but to stop his suffering.My eyes opened and I was still lying on the same spot where Gwen and I had paused. I had completely forgotten about my dream from just a few days ago. If Gwaine and I couldn't be together at least I could try to spare him a horrible fate. I wouldn't give up. In the end I had to save him.
When I sat up I noticed that Gwen had started to read in a book. "I'm so sorry that I fell asleep. I don't know what came over me." "Don't worry about it." She answered with a smile on her face. We spent almost the entire afternoon at the spot and just as the sky was beginning to turn red, we made our way back home. Once Gwen and I had brought the horses back to the stables, we headed to the castle. "I have to talk to Gaius, so I will see you tomorrow?" "Of course. Good night, Freya." "And thank you for today. I really needed this." I squeezed her hand slightly and then headed to Gaius' chambers.
Softly I knocked at the door. "Come in." Gaius said and I opened the door. What I hadn't realized was, that it was already dinner time and I had just interrupting Merlin and Gaius. "I'm so sorry Gaius, I'll come back later." "Nonsense my dear. Please come in and take a seat." Merlin gave me one of his usual big smiles and I sat down with them. "How can I help you?" Gaius asked putting his fork down. "I really can come back later. I wasn't thinking…" "Freya, you're fine." Merlin assured me. "I was hoping you could give me another one of your sleeping potions." "You still have your nightmares?" "I had one today. I feel like they're coming and going as they please." "I will send Merlin later with a potion." Gaius said. "Again I am really sorry for keeping you from your dinner. And thank you Gaius." I smiled at him. "I will see you later, Merlin." I said goodbye and left. I was thinking about my dream. I knew that not all of my dreams, were just a dream. Deep in my thoughts I didn't realize that I was walking towards someone.
How could I ever make amends to Freya? I didn't want her to hurt because of me. I could see the pain on her face every time our paths crossed and I wasn't feeling any better, I was just better at hiding it. Not paying attention to where I was going I ran into someone. Both of us fell over and just as I wanted to help the other person up – I realized it was her.
"I'm so sorry Freya. I wasn't paying attention." He held out his hand to help me up. But instead of taking it I pushed myself of the ground. "It wasn't your fault. I wasn't paying any attention either. No harm was done." I said quickly, then I walked past him as quickly as I could. If I wanted to save him I needed to get over these feelings. I needed to be able to look at him, talk to him. I needed to be stronger. I needed to be myself again. Not this fragile version of myself.
The door to our room opened quietly, yet I could make out the footsteps and sat up straight in my bed. "Is everything okay mother?" I asked into the darkness. She came closer to my bed with a gentle smile on her face. "My Freya. You notice just everything don't you." She chuckled putting her hand softly on my head. "Is your brother asleep?" She asked sitting down next to me. "I believe so." And just to confirm my assumption a loud snore came from the other bed in the room. I couldn't help but giggle. "Freya I wanted to tell you a story." "Mother don't you think I'm a little bit too old for bed time stories? I'm already eight after all." Ignoring my attempts to tease her, she started her story anyway. "About twenty years ago there was a little girl, not much older than you. Maybe about a month older. The little girl always dreamed of seeing the world. To show the world that she was more than just an ordinary girl from the village. But back then she didn't understand just how special she was. She wouldn't for quite some time. On her eleventh birthday, a really rainy spring day, she could feel that something was different. Something that had always been there, but she never fully understood. It was like she could sense the things around her. The change of the weather, the soft breeze that came from her window. Everything felt so much more important to her, much more precious. She started to value the things for what they were. A dragonfly wasn't just a dragonfly anymore. It was a magical creature, showing her around, showing her the wonders of the world that most people wouldn't believe in." I didn't interrupt here. Often she had told me a story of the little girl, but this was much more different than the others. "The little girl had been born with magic, Freya. Something that now is forbidden. The little girl had always kept her powers to her, since her parents never believed in such a thing as magic. They were frightened of it, so she though it would be best to keep her powers a secret. She was afraid of what her parents would think of her, that they would be scared of her as well." She paused for a moment. "Did she ever tell anyone?" I asked. "Only one person. When she was older she got married to a good man and had two children. And her youngest daughter she told about her gift." "Why just her?" I asked again. "Because the mother knew, that her little daughter would understand one day. Because she had the same gift as her mother. She was a sorceress as well and the one thing her mother wanted for her, was that she knew, that magic isn't something to be afraid of. It is something wonderful, if you use it for the right reasons. If you do good things for the people you love and you don't use it for bad." I looked up at her face and I could see a single tear running down her cheek.
"You know I had a dream about Mother last night. Sometimes I really miss them." I put the pillow aside. It was the first time since their death that he admitted that. I knew he missed them dearly, but he tried to put up a strong face for my sake. "I miss them too." I grabbed his hand and gave him a weak smile.
After Freya just ran past me I didn't feel like joining Percival for dinner anymore. Quite the opposite actually. I felt like going to a tavern, drink as much as I could, then go to the next one and continue on until I found my way back to my chambers. Sometimes I missed my old way of living. "What am I doing…?" I whispered to myself, pushing the ale in front of me away. I stood up to leave the tavern and get to my bed. "Sir Gwaine!" The innkeeper called out to me and I turned around before leaving. "Would you mind sending Sir Leon to pick up his sister? I don't trust her to find her way back alone." "Freya is here?" He nodded towards one of the tables. Her head was lying on it with several empty cups around her. "I'll take care of her." I walked towards her and picked her up. "Hold on princess." I whispered into her ear but she was knocked out. I managed to get back to the castle without waking her, as well as not being seen by any guards. "Gwaine what are you doing?" I turned around to see Percival leaning against a wall. "What does it look like?" "Isn't it too early for the wedding night?" A smirk appeared on his face. "Just help me. I need to get her back without anyone seeing her." "What happened?" he asked walking next to me. "She went to the tavern and had too much to drink." "And you just happened to find her?" "Can you just distract Leon? He might be looking for her." "You really take the fun out of this." But he walked ahead, running right into Leon. I could hear them talk just around the corner. "Percival, have you seen my sister by any chance?" He asked and I just hoped that he would come up with a plausible lie. "Didn't she tell you? She…" Don't pause you idiot. "She?" Leon persisted. "She had dinner with Queen Guinevere tonight." I just saw them together. I believe they went out for a walk." "It must have slipped her mind. Well, thank you Percival." "You're welcome. I see you tomorrow at training." Then both of them walked off. "Gwaine." I heard a murmur and looked down but Freya's eyes were still closed, yet she was holding on a lot tighter to me than before. "You really paused?" I asked Percy as he got back. "I was caught off guard. I didn't think I would really run into him." "Thank you, but now let's get her back." Percival nodded and just a few moments later we had made it to her chambers. He opened the door and I brought her to her bed. "Good night." I leaned down and kissed her forehead softly.
I walked out of the castle and made my way to the first tavern. It was the most popular one by far. It was already filled by townspeople. I took one ale and then another. I was sitting alone at one of the tables in the back. I didn't feel like having company. Somehow this felt a lot different than it used too.
