Professor Snape,
I have the book. Professor McGonagall supplied me with the permission slip for the Restricted Section, but made it excruciatingly clear that if I were to abuse the privilege, she would have me in detention until I leave school. Before you laugh, she also said if you were to encourage me in taking other books than the one you specifically mentioned she'd drop by your place to stick your nose in the corner for the rest of the day. Her words, not mine! It really is shameful how little trust she has in us. Perhaps we should ask Aidan to take the matter up with her.
Meanwhile, the book is really helping though I don't quite understand how to 'clear my mind'. Is there something I should do? Some meditation technique? Muggles have Yoga and stuff. Perhaps something like that?
Kingsley is a good teacher, and nice too. A lot better than Umbridge. Fortunately, when I mentioned her using a blood quill, Aidan stormed off to Professor McGonagall and took matters up with the Ministry. There has been an inquiry, other students testified and she was sentenced to two years in Azkaban. The Auror department has sent Kingsley 'on loan' to teach DADA until a replacement has been found. It is rather quiet around the castle with no one trying to kill me.
The Slytherins seem to miss you a lot. Last night, Draco Malfoy even managed to be civil to me long enough to ask if I knew how you were doing. Said Professor McGonagall was wary to give out any information regarding you, so I didn't say anything either and just said that you would probably write if you were able. After you took ill, the other teachers are not putting up with much obvious bullying of Slytherins. They do still seem put out, though – at least Professor Trelawny was outvoted as a substitute Head of Slytherin. I wouldn't wish that on anyone! It would be good for them if you could write them.
Sincerely,
Harry.
"Potter."
Harry turned around, just on his way back from his Wednesday session with Kingsley Shacklebolt.
"Malfoy."
"Professor Snape wrote to us." Malfoy seemed unsettled, "to say will be gone for probably most of this year but is doing well. Thanks, I guess."
"Who says I had anything to do with it, Malfoy. Who would believe it, anyway?"
The blonde eyed him shrewdly. "I talk to McGonagall, nothing happens. I talk to you, and the Professor writes to us. All of us have learned from early on that with you, nothing is a coincidence."
Harry shrugged, not knowing how to respond.
"As long as you seem to have some influence," Malfoy continued stiffly, clearly having to overcome a great deal to ask Harry for anything else, "could you ask your Weasel friends to lay off the firsties? Us older ones can handle dangerous stuff, but we're not always around to protect the little ones."
"What do you mean?" Harry asked.
"Two first years ended up in the hospital wing because of their gags," Malfoy kicked an imaginary pebble, "the other firsties are too frightened to walk about the school on their own. Some of us have suggesting targeting the Gryffindor first years but Professor Snape has always expressedly forbidden older years to do anything to the children."
"That would just result in an all-out war," Harry understood, "Look, I'm not – I'm not in any of these pranks, Malfoy. I have enough on my hands as it is. I don't need any more hostility in my life. So, how about a truce? I try and get my friends to lay off, and you try to stop your House from any retaliation. We just – happily ignore each other."
"Fine. At least until Professor Snape is back. Then we'll see what happens."
sssssssss
Harry stormed back into the Gryffindor Common Room to find the twins and Ginny busy on some scheme.
"You put two children in the hospital wing!" he accused, glaring.
"Yeah, wasn't it brilliant? Little snakes didn't know what happened to them," Fred gloated.
"It was dangerous and mean! Slytherin has enough problems with their Head of House gone! Leave them alone, especially the firsties."
Three baffled faces stared up at him. "Of course not, Harry. Snape isn't here to dock points or hand out detentions – never a better time than the present!"
Harry folded his arms and frowned. "You stop harassing them or I'll write your mother."
That got a reaction. Horrified at the prospect, the three glanced at each other. Then Fred began to laugh.
"Harry, Harry, Harry. Blackmail. Such Slytherin tactics, you want to be careful with that."
"I'm not joking, Fred. You will leave them alone or I will write your mother. I swear."
He stormed up to his dorm to shower and read his Occlumency book before he went to sleep.
"Is he serious?" Ginny asked, surprised by Harry's backbone.
"Nah, of course not," the twins grinned, "Come, lets get on with our latest prank…"
ssssssssss
"What on earth is a manicurist's ship?" Aberforth sighed.
"A nailclipper," Severus answered absentmindedly.
"Darn," Abe wrote down the word on the magical crossword he was doing. The thing immediately erased any wrong answers, and he whooped in joy when it remained on the paper.
"That is the last time I do the light version with you," Abe complained, "it is far too depressing. What are you doing, anyway?"
"Writing a letter to my House. Encouraging them. Things aren't easy for Slytherins at Hogwarts, and with no Head of House present…"
"So Albus is wrong about you favouring them?" Aberforth doodled on the crossword, which let out an indignant cry at this vandalism.
"Oh, no. I do favour them. And I am probably – no, I am certainly unfair to Gryffindors sometimes. Neville Longbottom, especially, deserves a lot better. You know as well as I do, though, that I have a reputation to maintain if I am to continue my activities in the Order…"
"Albus does not want you to return to those particular activities," Aberforth said, "Hasn't Minerva told you?"
"Albus will change his mind once I am back and he needs information," Snape said, deceptively calm.
"Has he called?" Abe eyed his left arm suspiciously.
"A few times," Severus admitted, "He has undoubtedly heard I am on leave of absence, but no one knows why, exactly. When I was de-aged, it was reported quickly and he did not summon me those weeks. He called the night I…the night I took the poison but I ignored it. I am not certain he will let me live when I do respond."
Aberforth stood up and loomed over the younger man. "You. Will. Not. Respond." He growled, "it is too late now to return even if any of us were going to let you."
"Albus…"
"You are not going back. Albus agrees with that, but even if he didn't, you are not going back."
"The Order needs…"
Aberforth pulled the Potions Master from his chair and shook him. "No. You do not return under any circumstances. If I am not convinced that you will heed us, you do not leave here. The Order has relied on a few efficient members long enough – Moody and the elder Weasley boys have been investigating some Muggle information-gathering methods we can use. It is NOT all up to you, Sev. We have need of your potion skills, of your inside knowledge on how the Death Eaters operate, of your brains. You are far too valuable to the Order. Slytherin House needs you. Not to mention Minnie and Poppy would have my head if I allowed anything to happen to you!"
He let go of Snape and smiled at his confused face. "Besides, who is going to help me with this blasted crossword? No one I know is halfway decent at solving those things!"
"I'm free of the Dark Lord, too?" Snape rubbed his forearm, "not just Albus…I'm free from both of them?"
Amazement was replaced with depression. "No, neither of them would allow it."
"Yes, you are free from them," Aberforth stressed, "Out of danger, no. No one can promise that. Still, it is about time the entire Wizarding World starts working, instead of waiting for a schoolboy to save us. You've done more than your share, let someone else have a go now."
sssssssssss
The prank on the Slytherins during the now poorly supervised Potions Class was a major success, according to the pranksters. Fred, George and Ginny happily high-fived when they heard the strange deformities Madam Pomfrey had to relieve the Slytherins of.
Their happiness lasted until at dinner that evening, THREE Howlers arrived in the middle of the Hall.
FRED WEASLEY! HOW DARE YOU ABUSE A SITUATION THAT IS HORRIBLE ENOUGH AS IT IS! ATTACKING CHILDREN! YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER! IF I HEAR OF ONE MORE INCIDENT, YOU WILL SPEND THE SUMMER CLEANING THE BURROW WITH A TOOTHBRUSH, THE MUGGLE WAY, SUNRISE TO SUNSET.
The other two were very similar. Betrayal was clearly painted on the three faces when they sought out Harry. Who did nothing but shrug.
"I told you what I would do if you didn't stop. Not my fault you can't recognize a warning when you hear one."
From the Slytherin table, Draco Malfoy and his friends smiled in satisfaction.
At the Head Table, Albus Dumbledore's eyes had long stopped twinkling. "I should have protected those children," he muttered, "instead of leaving it to Harry to step in."
He chewed on a bit of beard without noticing. "Sirius is in jail, Harry and Severus want nothing to do with me, most of the school doesn't trust me and the remaining House believes I will let them get away with murder. Something has gone horribly wrong."
ssssssssss
Potter,
Yoga? What in Merlin's name were you thinking? Put those brains to use. Muggles don't have magic. Occlumency is a form of magic. It is your magic that must be taught to form a shield inside your head, like a Protego shield protects your body. The first time often occurs spontaneously as the mind is being attacked, but it can be trained without that. As the most experienced Occlumens are the Headmaster and myself, I think you will prefer the second option.
What imbecilic dunderhead came up with TRELAWNY, of all people, as my substitute? It is a good thing she was rejected by the rest of the staff – I am uncertain whether her attempts to lead my House would have been lethal to her, the House, or perhaps even both.
I have been informed of your truce with my House and your attempts to curb the enthusiasm of your friends to take advantage of my absence. Shocking, to say the least. Especially the way you went about it. So very Slytherin of you.
S.Snape.
sssssssssssssss
Harry,
I have conveyed our sorrow to Professor McGonagall regarding her lack of trust in us. I regret to say she was completely unimpressed and merely repeated her previous threats. Aidan seems unwilling to work with her – he was preoccupied with laughing his head off. We are on our own, I fear.
As it turns out, Aberforth Dumbledore is also quite skilled at Occlumency and Legilimency. I have gotten to know him over the past weeks and am assured he is trustworthy. If it is agreeable to you and Kingsley, please stop by at 10 this Saturday morning. We can have an Occlumency lesson then and talk to Aidan in the afternoon. Aberforth will visit you the following week to see how you have improved.
S. Snape
ssssssssss
"Severus." Aidan leaned forward in his chair, "Albus asks for your permission to visit you."
Severus flinched. "Are you going to let him?"
"It is your choice, Severus. If you do not want to see him, he will not be allowed. If you want to see him, but not on your own, we will arrange for that. You just tell me what you need."
"I don't want to feel so miserable again," Severus shivered, "I don't want to…to…"
He took a deep breath and after an encouraging nod from the Healer continued, "He would remind me of what it was like, standing in his office, and then going down with no other option than to die quickly by my own hand, or slowly by Black's."
Staring into the distance out of the window, or rather, at the enchanted wall, he bit his lip. "I know there are several other ways I could have handled it, but at that moment I didn't see any of them. What if he hurts me again and I forget everything you've told me?"
Aidan nodded his understanding. "You won't have to be alone with him, if you do decide to meet with him, Severus. I can arrange to be there, if you wish Aberforth, Minerva or Poppy will be more than happy to come, too. If you don't want to meet with him at all, we'll make that very clear to him. You don't have to do anything you are not ready for."
Personally, the Healer felt unhappy with the prospect of giving the Headmaster any space in Severus' life. If he was honest, he had to admit it was mainly because he simply did not like Albus Dumbledore. He had his patient's wellbeing in mind of course; but Severus, despite his terror and inability to trust the Headmaster, did crave a relationship with the man who for many years, had been the closest thing to a father-figure he knew.
That was what worried him. As far as he could tell, the Hogwarts Headmaster was incapable of being a stable mentor figure to anyone, and would most likely never be. The man regarded the people around him, even the ones he did seem to care about, as objects whose sole reason for existing was to serve as tools in his plans. Empathy and consideration of people's feelings seemed alien to him. Aidan wondered sometimes if in the Muggle world, Albus Dumbledore wouldn't be diagnosed with some sort of autistic disorder. He was sorely tempted to test the theory.
"Before I left Hogwarts, when I just woke up after drinking the poison, he was with me constantly. He even told me he was sorry," Severus was still hesitant, "but that's what he said after the Shrieking Shack too, and he still let Black stay in school with barely a slap on the wrist for punishment. He wouldn't have done anything at all about Black if you and Minerva had not stepped in, would he? He would have said those twelve years in Azkaban should be enough punishment for whatever Black will do in the rest of his life."
Stunned, for this was exactly what Dumbledore had argued, and at the same time pleased that his patient no longer had the desperate need to defend the Headmaster, the Healer kept quiet, letting the Potions Master think.
"It is probably a good idea to see him, but not alone," Severus closed his eyes briefly, "I know it is childish, but I need to know that most people in the room would be on my side for a change. Could you be here, at least? Please?"
"Of course, Severus. I am certain Minerva and Aberforth will want to be here, too."
Severus smiled. "I'd like it if Abe came. I wish I had bothered to get to know him before, but from what the Headmaster said about his brother…I wish I had been wiser. It must have been quite a lonely life for Abe."
"Not as much as you might think," the Healer leaned back, cradling his cup of coffee, "At first Aberforth still had his childhood friends from Hogwarts that knew what he was like – wild, perhaps, but honest and loyal. They didn't fall for the 'loopy brother' routine the Headmaster pulled, and Dumbledore wasn't as famous back then – before the fall of Grindelwald. By the time Grindelwald was imprisoned and Dumbledore really started getting a lot of fame, Aberforth had secured his own friends. True, not as reputable as many would have liked and with a certain…disregard for rules and regulations, but friends nonetheless. You must understand that by regarding himself as superior to everyone else, Albus effectively robbed himself of peers and friends – he only has allies and pawns, people who look up to him but are years younger. This is the first time he has ever been seriously questioned about his actions, you must realize. In the end, Albus has led a far lonelier life than his brother."
"When did Abe break his nose?" Severus asked, interested.
The Healer squirmed a little. "That is probably for him to tell. I fear I have said too much as it is, already. Aberforth and I talked quite a bit over the past weeks, and he won't mind that I told you this, but I must respect his privacy. Besides, I can't rob you of all topics of conversation, now can I?"
sssssssssss
Professor,
I can't say that the twins and Ginny are happy with me at the moment, but they deserved what they got. Mrs Weasley is quite scary when incensed, but she has nothing, nothing at all on Mr Weasley! Mrs Weasley just sent a Howler, but Arthur Weasley stormed to Hogwarts when he learned what happened and chewed out his kids in front of the whole Hall. He took all the twins research away and forbade them to start a joke shop until they leave Hogwarts. They were devastated, since they had just found a shop in Diagon Alley. Mr Weasley cancelled the lease and closed down the mail order business they'd been running, saying they need to learn responsibility first. He told Ginny that she will spend the summer volunteering at St Mungo's, to see what damage 'innocent' potions and spells can do.
Occlumency is going very well, according to Abe (he insists I call him that). Kingsley and I spend a lot of time training and last week, he even took me to where the Aurors train. I don't think I want to be an Auror, but it sure didn't hurt to get a few pointers from them. Kingsley's really easy to talk to, too. It's like it matters to him what I think or feel and he offers advice that's actually useful. No one has ever done that apart from you, and I never did take you seriously. Sorry about that. I just didn't understand, in my first year, why you hated me so much. I do now. I mean, you have plenty of reason to hate me now. I hope that someday you'll be able to forgive me, but I wouldn't blame you if you don't. I wouldn't. I don't think I will ever forgive my aunt and uncle for how they treated me now that I understand it was wrong, so I can't expect you to forgive me.
It's a bit of an awkward truce we have, Slytherin and I. The rest of Gryffindor doesn't bother them now, after seeing what happened to the Weasleys, but they avoid them like the plague. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are leaning towards supporting Slytherin, if only to help them now that they are without their Head of House. Do you think you will come back to Hogwarts?
Sincerely,
Harry
sssssssssss
Harry,
Professor Snape asked me to invite you over to St Mungo's for tea and a chat this week. If this is agreeable with you, I will pick you up Saturday afternoon. Feel free to bring Kingsley Shacklebolt if you wish.
Aidan.
ssssssssss
Albus Dumbledore walked into the secure area of St Mungo's. The extreme safety measures made him smile and think of Alastor. Healer Lythe was waiting for him. Finally he would get to see Severus, after so many frustrated weeks of not being allowed to see him, and not even being told how he was doing! Minerva and Poppy were not forthcoming with information at all.
Although underground, windows let in enchanted daylight and in the recreation area the sky had been enchanted like that of the Great Hall at Hogwarts, although the charms here were clearly of a lesser quality. Some doors were locked and spelled shut in addition to several wards placed upon them – they led to the rooms of dangerous patients, either to others or themselves.
"Where is Severus's room?" he asked, curious.
"Nearby," the Healer replied, "but we aren't going there, at his own request. His room is his safe haven in here. We are going to an unused room – somewhat neutral territory. You will not be alone with him either, I believe you have been informed of that."
"Yes, yes, Minerva told me she'd be here too," Albus nodded.
"Not just her," the Healer pushed open a door leading to a short corridor, "through here, Headmaster."
The old man stared in shock at the sight that met his eyes. Oh, not the room, that was pleasant enough. Large enchanted window overlooking a garden. Several decorative globes floating lazily across the ceiling. Comfortable chairs. Coffee and biscuits on the low table. The Healer walked in, apparently not leaving. Minerva was there, as he expected, but what made his jaw drop was his brother Aberforth, standing with an obviously nervous and fearful Severus in a corner of the room, a hand on the younger man's shoulder, speaking to him in low, soothing tones, too soft to make out any words.
"A-Abe?"
"Your brother was kind enough to visit Severus here frequently," the Healer commented, his face impassive, "Severus got along well with him as you can see."
By now, the others had noticed their entrance and sat down, Severus sitting on the couch with Aberforth next to him and the Healer in the chair on the other side. Minerva busied herself with coffee before settling down next to the Healer. Dumbledore was left the only other chair, directly across from the couch, the coffee table between him and Severus. He noticed that the other four had their wands whereas he had to give his up at the entrance to the secure ward. The seating arrangement spoke volumes. The three did not welcome him here, wished him far away, and were ready and willing to protect Severus with their lives. The only reason he was here the insistence of the very person they were protecting from him. His head suddenly throbbed. Severus needed protection – from him. That was not how he pictured himself. He was Albus Dumbledore, the benign, kind leader of the Light, admired and loved by his friends and respected by his enemies. Here was a young man who would have been dead at fifteen if it hadn't been for the diligence of his nurse, because of his callousness and blindness.
"I'm too late, I see," he began, pushing the uncomfortable thoughts away.
"How so?" Minerva raised an eyebrow.
"I see my brother has stolen the boy away from me already," Dumbledore said, still a smile on his face but his tone accusing.
"You mistakenly assume that you owned Severus," Aberforth glared at his brother, "I am only trying to provide him with some company, Al. You've had over twenty-five years to build a relationship with him before I met him. Not my fault you didn't use them as you should have. So don't go blaming me for something you did."
Sensing the imminent fight, and Severus' increase in anxiety, the Healer held up his hands. "People, this is not why we are here. Any conflicts you can take outside, AFTER we are done."
Immediately both Dumbledores deflated.
"You are right, of course," Albus admitted. "Severus – I only wished to tell you how terribly sorry I am, for sending you to Sirius, for not checking up on you when you where there, and for not believing you when you told me."
Severus kept his eyes on the coffee table.
"Severus?" Dumbledore pressed.
"Isn't…isn't this the part where you go on about how it was somehow all my own fault, nevertheless?" Severus trembled, "and how I should let go of my grudges?"
"I…must admit I had hoped you would be able to work with Harry and Sirius," Dumbledore nodded, "but I should have realized you and Sirius will simply never get along."
"Perhaps because he tried to kill me, twice!" Severus' face flushed red in anger.
"Now, my boy, that is a bit over the top. I'll admit the prank was over the top, and he certainly should not have mistreated you so…"
"NO! NO, NO, NO!" Severus nearly screamed, "You can't do this! You can't! You are making excuses again! He DID try to kill me, he DID!"
The Healer moved closer, as did Aberforth who carefully slid his arm around the Potions Masters shoulders, preventing him from launching himself at the Headmaster. They spoke quietly to the shaking man while Minerva sent a disapproving glance at the old wizard.
"Really, Albus," her lips so thin they were almost non-existent, "would you come out of your denial? You've read the reports from Australia – Sirius is dangerous. By all accounts he would have killed Severus eventually with his carelessness and hatred, especially with the way you kept forcing them together. If you are going to stick your head up your…posterior, you will NOT be allowed near Severus again."
The Headmaster sagged in his chair. "I thought I knew it all," he muttered, rubbing his forehead, "but what am I now? An old man with a list of sins too long to measure. I can't even apologise and make amends. That is honestly what I came to do, Severus. I am sorry I upset you – you are right, I should not have defended what is unforgivable…"
Severus nearly curled up on the couch, Aberforth and the Healer still staying close.
"I want you to go," he muttered, "I don't want you to hurt me anymore."
"Severus," the Healer said softly, "it's alright to be angry. Is there anything you need from Albus before you can consider letting him come back?"
Dumbledore listened, practically holding his breath.
"I need him to be really sorry, not just blaming everything on me," the Potions Master slowly managed to get himself under control, "I need him to stop hurting me, making me feel like I don't matter. I need him to stop saying that he cares and then do something that shows he doesn't care one bit. That's what I need."
