In the episode "Just a Rumor" Columbia works to protect Jack from a serious stalker.
It started off as a series of harmless phone calls but usually eager ladies man Jack Ryles quickly became annoyed with it. Being the highly trained pilot he was made it near impossible for him to show his emotions outwardly. He appeared every bit the stern but good-hearted man his friends had seem him be. But Columbia knew better. Her nose picked up on his increased sweat emissions as she heard his normally even heart beat speed up a notch. She saw him, when he thought no one was looking, as he glanced over his shoulder nervously as though he felt someone was watching him. Columbia was but she doubted he'd be reacting to her that way. All the pilots were used to the shuttles sometimes spying on them. The mischievous streak the old shuttle carried from when she was younger reared its head. There was only one way to determine what exactly was wrong with Jack and it involved one of her favorite pranks. Oh Jack better watch out.
Jack was helping prep one of the Lockheeds for a flight. He hadn't been up in a while and hoped the open skies would help clear his head and get rid of all the jitters he'd been feeling. The Lockheed he was prepping kept swinging its head around to look at something but when Jack looked nothing was there. He knew the plane had better senses than him though. "What do you smell girl?" He asked, stroking the Lockheeds' nose. The Lockheed shook him off and stared in the direction of the hangers, lip curled as it assumed a full flehmen position. Something was definitely out there. As Jack looked around he didn't notice Columbia sneaking up behind him. The big shuttle could be quite stealthy when she wanted to be. The Lockheed noticed but when Columbia motioned for her to be quiet, she opted to say nothing. Honestly she was intrigued to see what her pilots response would be. It wasn't often that one of the shuttles managed to spook a pilot as experienced as Jack.
When Columbia's nose touched him, the pilot leaped a good 3 feet off the ground, landing hard on his backside. "Ouch fuck Columbia what was that for?!" He demanded as he rose to face the shuttle. Columbia was laughing so hard her landing gear quivered with the effort of remaining upright. He scowled. "I don't find this funny!" He said. "Oh what are you talking about, it was hilarious!" Columbia wheezed. The Lockheed was laughing too. Jack continued to frown and glare until Columbia recovered enough to offer an explanation. "You've been jittery lately. Something's bothering you." She said. "That's not true!" Jack growled, immediately becoming defensive. This told Columbia she'd hit a nerve. "And before you start lying further I'll let you know that while you can fool your human friends you can't fool me." "Curse your superior senses." Jack grumbled. Columbia just stuck her tongue at him in reply. She waited for his answer. "Okay, fine!" He grumbled, giving up. "There's this girl. She keeps on calling me and I've asked her to stop but she won't. I've gone to her house once when she wasn't there and Jesus the girl is a fanatic." "A fanatic over you, why am I not surprised?" Columbia mused. He smacked her wing. "This is serious!" He hissed. "She's invaded every aspect of my life." The shuttle cowered under the blow before replying "If you can't put up with a peeping Tom, well peeping Lucy in this case, at some point in your life." She sighed. "Nonetheless, if it really bothers you so, I'll do what I can to help." Jack sighed, relaxing a bit. He felt safer knowing he had Columbia on his side. The shuttle was not one to be messed with. "Thanks Collie." He sighed.
A few days later Jack was trying to relax at the beach hut. His home away from home. The only place his stalker couldn't get to as she couldn't get past the gates. Columbia had been there until sundown. She'd wanted to stay the night but Jack insisted she go home. She had a launch in a few days and proper rest was impossible in this cramped space. As soon as Jack heard the unmistakable click of a safety going off from a pistol he instantly regretted sending the shuttle away. Slowly, he turned to face the girl. She wasn't bad looking with wild red hair and big glasses. Moving down from her face he could see she had a nice set of breasts and an even curve to her hips. "Outside Jack, now." She ordered. Hands up the astronaut complied. "It hurt me to see you with that girl, Jack." She whispered. "We'll figure something out, sweetheart just put the gun down." He said. Her hand shook as she kept the barrel level with his forehead.
"Jack!" Both the astronaut and the stalker turned at the same time to see Peter running down the slope with Columbia close behind. "She never listens." Jack murmured. "Never." For the stalker, this was unwelcome news and she pulled the trigger. Peter cried out as his leg was hit, his momentum carrying him the rest of the day down. Columbia lost it then, changing course instantly as she charged the stalker. The sight of a raving mad shuttle charging head on at someone was terrifying to most to say the least and the stalker was no exception. In a blind panic she brought the gun around and pulled the trigger a second time. The bang was tremendous. The worst part was, Columbia didn't even make a sound. The massive shuttle came to an instant halt, her landing gear folding up as she collapsed. "COLUMBIA!" Peter somehow found his feet and limped to his downed companion. Jack wasn't far behind. The stalker stood there, stunned at what she had done. Jack made no move to stop her as a third gunshot rang out and her lifeless body dropped to the ground.
There wasn't much blood so finding Columbia's wound was difficult. "Right between the eyes." Jack whispered. "At point blank range, that's a kill shot." "No, no, no." Peter mumbled. As his fingers passed in front of Columbia's nose he paused. "Jack." He began. "She's still alive. Heh, she's still alive Jack!" Jack felt the hot breath as his fingers replaced Peter's. "We have to get her back to base." He said. "And quickly." "Shuttle's have thick skulls but that fail safe won't hold forever." Peter agreed. Help was not far behind them. The sound of the gunshots put everyone on alert and Bull had a truck out there within the hour. Straps were placed over Columbia's head and beneath her wings to help lift her. "On the count of three." Bull said. "One two three." On three they helped guide the unconscious shuttle into the wide load truck bed. Peter climbed into the backseat where he was treated for his own wound while Jack stayed in the bed with Columbia. Jack was a whirlwind of emotions and every ounce of his Air Force training couldn't hold back his tears as they came. "You saved both our asses. Peter's okay. I'm okay." He said. "You just be okay. You here me?" He pressed his hand against her black nose cone, some of the velvety hairs already turning silver with age. "You do not give up. You hang in there." He growled. "You hang in there and we'll take care of the rest."
Columbia was rushed to surgery where they found the bullet lodged 3/4 of the way into her skull. If it'd been any other aircraft they would've been dead for certain. But due to their half warship heritage, shuttles were born with thicker sturdier skeletons than most aircraft. That design may've just saved Columbia's life. Peter and Jack were waiting impatiently outside the ICU when one of the doctor's arrived. "How is she?" Both men asked at once. "She's going to be fine. We got the bullet out and put a temporary graft on the hole it left. It'll dissolve away as the bone heals." The doctor replied. "We're moving her to the pool now. She should be waking up soon." Shuttle's may've been half warship but they were also half plane and the two different types of blood conflicted with each other on many occasions. This was one of them. Shuttles were exceptionally good swimmers but put them in water unconscious and they would wake floundering like drowning hippopotamus as their keen instincts took hold.
Sure enough, as soon as Columbia woke she began thrashing about. There were restraints keeping her in place until she calmed down both for her own safety and that of the hospital. Of these restraints the most important was the muzzle. Columbia could easily bite through the restraints if she wanted to but the muzzle kept her at bay and also allowed people to get in close to calm her without the fear of being bit. Jack stepped into the water with her, getting showered by spray as she thrashed. "Columbia, easy. Easy calm down. You're alright." He said soothingly. Columbia's head snapped around at the sound of his voice and the restraints creaked under the pressure. "It's okay girl. You just came out of surgery. They got the bullet out. Everything's fine now." Jack got in close enough so that he was right under Columbia's nose. The shuttle's red eyes were wide and through the muzzle low growls could be heard. She looked like a frightened, cornered animal. "USSS Columbia Rediva OV-102 of the United States Shuttle Fleet." Jack tried again. Her official name struck a chord with Columbia and she blinked. The fire in her eyes dimmed and she lowered her head, nudging Jack with her nose as calm as a kitten. Jack gladly pet her, reaching up and removing the straps that held the muzzle in place. There was no need for it now. The rest of the restraints were removed and Columbia climbed out of the water. The shuttle shook herself soaking every one else. Peter came forward on crutches and Columbia rested her head over him, enveloping him in a hug. Jack had to smile.
