Chapter Two
All Or Nothing
One Year Later
Jeff had changed that day. When Nick had been arrested, beaten in front of him and dragged away to be taken to the Capitol and killed – he'd changed. He'd lost his best friend because of his own arrogance and stupidity. And as much as he would like to think it had been an accident that the weapons had been found, he knew it wasn't.
His own mother had turned him in.
According to the gossip that had spread around the district for weeks after the event, Carissa Duval had stumbled across the concealed weapons and immediately gone for Peacekeepers. Nick hadn't had the chance to defend himself before being arrested and taken away – for an idea that wasn't his, and because his mother was more loyal to the Capitol than to her own son.
Jeff had never forgiven her – and he wasn't the only one; few had anything to do with the woman who had given her son up for execution – but he had never forgiven himself either. Primarily it was his fault and he couldn't stand to live with himself. But when he'd stood on the fork in the road, between crippling depression at losing his closest friend or fiery vengeance on the Capitol for taking him away, he'd chosen the latter path without much hesitation. He needed the anger to keep him going and despite all of Joss's attempts to get him to stop, he continued to plot and plan how he was going to take down the people who had taken Nick and his father away from him.
But he was going to much more subtle about it than a rebellion. He knew that the Capitol adored the Hunger Games practically more than anything else. It was their most exciting source of entertainment and their strongest tool against any sort of revolution from the districts. So Jeff had decided that the best way to ruin the Capitol would be to ruin the Games.
But to do that, one had to be in the Games first.
"You seem calm."
Jeff glanced over at his brother as he finished buttoning up his best shirt. Today was the day of the reaping, and he had to look his best for the cameras. The elder boy leaned on the doorframe and watched Jeff as he brushed his bangs out of his eyes carefully, and when he spoke again it surprised the blonde somewhat – he'd thought he'd gone.
"What are you going to do?"
"What do you mean?" Jeff asked innocently. And it could easily have been an innocent question – what are you going to do if they choose you?But Joss shook his head and sighed. "I'm not stupid, Jeff. You haven't been the same after Nick was arrested and you haven't stopped plotting. What are you going to do today?"
Jeff said nothing to that – what was he supposed to say? Lie to his brother? He didn't deserve that. But he wasn't about to tell him that he was going to volunteer in place of the male tribute that was to be chosen that day. However, it seemed that Joss was living up to his claim that he wasn't stupid and a moment later said quietly, "You're volunteering. Aren't you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"You'll die."
Jeff turned to him in anger and snapped, "Thanks for your overwhelming confidence in me."
Joss looked away in disgust – and Jeff swallowed at that sight. His brother was disgusted with him. His own brother, one of the few people he had left. But then he bit his lip and pulled himself together. He had to do this. He had to make the Capitol pay for what they'd done to Nick, and his father, and everyone else they'd ever hurt or killed. And that was a number that no one could ever count.
"At least give Ma a decent explanation when you do it. Maybe you won't completely break her heart," Joss sighed in irritation before stalking away. Jeff leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. His mother. She was far too sick to come along to the reaping which was well known by the Peacekeepers – but it meant he was going to have to say goodbye before he left. He couldn't leave without a farewell.
Quietly, he made his way towards his mother's room and peered inside. The woman was in bed – she wasn't strong enough to get up – and when she heard her son enter she lifted her head tiredly. Jeff felt a stab of guilt seeing his mother's exhausted expression mixed with the pain of knowing she could be losing her youngest today. But no, he had to do this.
"Ma."
"Come here," she whispered and Jeff did as he was told, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking into her eyes. They looked just like Joss's – the elder had taken more after their mother and Jeff after their father – and it was just another stab in the gut.
"I have a terrible feeling about today," Cassida said hoarsely, coughing as she finished. And there was another painful stab. Did she know? She couldn't know. Maybe it was her instincts as a mother, at having watched her two children at the reapings for years until her illness had meant she couldn't leave the house. One had gotten through the years safely. But, Jeff thought, her second child wasn't going to. Not this time.
"Ma, if I don't come back…" Jeff mumbled, barely able to look her in the eye "I-I love you, okay?"
"I know," was the almost-silent reply "I know."
Jeff wasn't sure what it was she was saying she knew. That he loved her? That he wasn't coming back tonight? He would never know. Cassida smiled and moved her son's bangs from his face again – they were always in the way – before reaching up to kiss his forehead.
"You're so much like your father. Headstrong. Passionate. Unable to keep your emotions contained." The brunette woman sighed, almost to herself. "You feel everything so strongly. Anger, hate, love – there's no middle ground with you. Just like your father. It's all or nothing."
The boy didn't know why she was saying this. It didn't make any sense. It sounded like babble from a woman in constant pain and still suffering the grief of losing her husband. But perhaps, despite the fact she had been confined to her bed for the past three years, slowly losing strength and the will to live, she had known all along what her youngest son was up to. Perhaps she'd known all along the pain that losing his father had caused. The anger. And the way Jeff had expressed it.
Perhaps she knew what he was about to do.
But she couldn't.
"You'll be late."
Jeff nodded and got to his feet, walking to the door. He looked back for a moment when he reached it, seeing the sad smile on his mother's face and suddenly wanting to tell her everything. About the plans he'd made since he was ten, bringing Nick into it, about Nick's arrest being his fault and his current plan to volunteer for the Games.
"Goodbye," Cassida said softly.
It was a very final, very settled tone in which the woman farewelled her son. She had resigned herself to the fact that he wouldn't be coming back, though she couldn't know for sure…
Jeff said nothing of what he was going to do. Instead, he smiled back and replied, "Goodbye Ma. Joss will look after you. Joss will always be here."
The brunette nodded before falling back on the bed gently and dropping off into her sickness-induced sleep. Jeff watched her for a few seconds before turning away and heading for the street.
There were still a few stragglers making their way to the town square, so he wasn't too late. He caught sight of a friend of his, David, and fell into step beside him. He knew Joss would have gone ahead of him and David's only family was his eight year old sister – his parents had died years ago.
"Worried?" Jeff asked, trying to make conversation.
David sighed, glancing down at the little girl holding onto his hand as they walked. "If it's me… there's no one who'll look after her."
"You know I would," Jeff replied, though he knew his friend was in no such danger "And half a dozen others would take her in. Wes, Thad, Cameron… but it won't be you anyway."
"You sound so confident."
Jeff chewed on his lip, not sure how to answer that. So instead he picked up the pace to a jog, calling out, "Come on, or we'll be late."
The three made it to the town square in a few minutes, where David handed his sister off to a neighbour who was kind enough to watch her since she was too young to be reaped. The two boys quickly made their way through the crowd towards the roped-off areas of gathered children. They didn't bother looking up at the stage to see the person from the Capitol that would be up there, or the mentors that would do their best to keep the tributes alive in the Games. It had been the same every year for as long as Jeff had been alive – and for the past seventy years, he was sure. It wasn't about to change now.
He and David stood side by side, and it suddenly struck Jeff that it was the exact spot that Nick had always stood in during the reapings. Since they were old enough they would stand together, holding each other's hands to comfort each other. They'd watched kids they knew being chosen. And eventually they'd watched them die – there hadn't been a victor from 10 in at least fifteen years. But Nick was always there, and now he wasn't. This was the first reaping that he hadn't been at, and it was only just occurring to his closest friend.
Jeff, fixated on that thought and trying to ignore the twisting feeling in his gut, completely ignored the speeches from the various people on the stage. He only looked up and focused when David nudged him, whispering that they were drawing the female tribute's name. He watched the Capitol woman – sky blue skin, aqua wig done in frighteningly long and sharp-looking spikes, bright blue lips and purple tattoos across her face (laughing at the Capitol people never got old, honestly, and Jeff had to bite his chuckle back) – reach her hand into the glass ball of girls' names and pull one out. With a flourish, the woman unfurled the paper and smiled as she read, "Serenade Hight."
A low murmur spread throughout the girl's section and a chunky redhead stepped out to walk towards the stage. Jeff watched her go, vaguely familiar with her. She held her head high with confidence as she passed friends and strangers alike. While she was by no means ugly, her stocky, average-sized frame wouldn't be helping her win any sponsors. The Capitol was all about beauty and it was the slim, tall, pretty, sexy girls that got the attention. Girls like Serenade were left in the background.
She reached the stage and stepped up, standing beside the two mentors who would be taking her to the Capitol – Harrow Matlock and Kenna Pry. Kenna had been one of the pretty girls, winning mostly due to her gifts from sponsors rather than any actual talent or killings. In the entirety of the Games she only killed one person - the last boy alive in order to be proclaimed victor. But Harrow on the other hand, had been unnoticed throughout the entire Games process until the arena, where he managed to slaughter four tributes in the run for the Cornucopia and then proceeded to mercilessly hunt down much of his competition. By the end, he'd killed more tributes than any of the others had – they hadn't had the chance.
Whichever way it went for Serenade, Jeff thought, she had a fair chance. With muscles and strength from her work in the slaughterhouse slicing up pigs, she would be good with knives and a potentially dangerous enemy in the arena. But he didn't have much time to think about that – David had latched onto his wrist and he started in surprise. The woman was reaching into the male tribute ball.
Don't worry David. You won't be going anywhere.
He would have a fair excuse for volunteering if one of his friends was drawn. He could say he was defending them, not wanting them to die because he cared for them. The Capitol people would love that. He was so busy thinking about shouting out the second the name was read that he almost missed the reading itself.
"Jeff Sterling!"
He opened his mouth before stopping. That was his name. She'd pulled his name out. He didn't have to volunteer – he was already a tribute. He'd been so focused on volunteering that he hadn't even thought about the possibility of his name being drawn. But then again, with the tesserae he'd taken out over the years, his name was in there quite a few times. It shouldn't be so much of a surprise.
David stared at him before reluctantly pushing him forward. "Go on."
Jeff blinked rapidly before settling into an air of confidence, striding out of the group of boys and making his way to the stage. He knew everyone was staring at him – what would Joss be thinking? He didn't have the time to think much of his brother before he was up on the stage beside Serenade, looking out over the other children – safe for this year.
"And here are your tributes for District 10!" the Capitol woman grinned "May the odds be ever in your favour!"
The crowd began to disperse quickly. Jeff watched David run to his sister and hug her tightly. He watched Cameron throw him an apologetic look as he was dragged away by his father. But then he was pulled away by a Peacekeeper appearing by his side to take him into the Justice Building to say his goodbyes – and he recognised this one. His name is Jace Corn and he was one of the pair that arrested Nick. Jeff glared at him but didn't resist as he and Serenade were led away, into the building and into separate rooms.
It didn't take long for Joss to show up. The door opened and he entered, Jeff looking up from where he was standing in the middle of the plush, expensive-looking room. The brothers stared at each other for a moment before Joss stepped forward and wrapped his arms around the younger boy. Surprised, Jeff just hugged back out of reflex.
"At least you're saved from explaining to everyone why you volunteered for someone you wouldn't have known from a cow in the field," Joss managed to joke despite the situation. Jeff chuckled and let his brother go, looking up at him. There were tears in his eyes and once again, that stabbing in his gut reappeared and Jeff felt terrible.
But he had to do this now. He didn't have a choice anymore. All of this was out of his hands.
"I assume you've got some sort of plan?" the elder asked quietly.
Jeff nodded, swallowing hard past the lump in his throat. "Yeah," he said hoarsely.
Silence. And then, "You're not coming back, are you."
It wasn't really a question at all. Joss didn't want to know the truth but was asking for it anyway and Jeff decided he deserved it. He deserved to know and not have to sit and watch the Games not sure if his little brother would be coming back.
"No."
Joss nodded, biting his lip. "O-Okay. You… you won't tell me what you're going to do?"
The blonde contemplated that for a little while. Would it help Joss or hurt him? But didn't he deserve to know? The conflict kept him silent for a few minutes until finally he just made a decision and hoped it was the right one. He pulled Joss down by the shoulders and, lips by his brother's ear, muttered quietly so any other potential listeners wouldn't hear.
"I… I'm going to fight until I'm the last one left. But there won't be a winner this year, because I'm going to kill myself before they get me out of the arena."
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