"Wicked heart; evil design"
I confess, I let the trauma of the death of an unknown woman get to me, and I didn't really act like the child I looked like.
I've never thought myself stupid, but looking back, it was probably one of the worst mistakes I could have made.
Circumstance
Mistake II: Different
"I know always that I am an outsider; a stranger in this century and among those who are still men."
-H.P. Lovecraft, The Outsider
I think of my past life often.
I can't help it- even though, logically, I know that there is no use in thinking of what I had lost, I know that I'm never going to go back home where everything was much warmer [happiness and comfort and a feeling of belonging that I can't find here because this isn't home and I'm an outsider and I just don't belong]. Even now, three years since I last saw home, I sometimes get overcome by a wave of sadness. But I don't cry anymore. I haven't since I was ripped from That Woman's stomach. Sometimes, I think I'm going to- but then I find that I can't.
There's nothing left.
And every time I realize that, I want to cry.
.
The village I reside in in my new life is small: I think there are about sixty permanent residents, and only handful of people who travel around on their own. Everyone knows everybody here, and the only time I see a fresh face is when traders pass through and do business with us- but even the traders become recognizable, because it's the same few people that pass through. For the most part, it's actually rather boring- my father keeps me away from any kids my age, and I've been expressly forbidden to explore, or wander about without him beside me. We do have one, yearly festival of some sort, but my father has locked me in the house both times, so all I could do was listen to the festivities. I can't even read in this life- my father has neither the time nor the patience for such things and he probably thinks it's too early for things anyways. Similarly, my comprehension of the language (it sounds japanese to me, so perhaps I'm in a mountain in Japan? Does Japan even have habitable mountains?) is, while probably very good for my apparent age, not quite up to the levels of fluency that older people have.
Another contribution to my boredom is that the location of the village isn't all that great; we live tucked away on a mountain, and there are always these giant thunderstorms that making the journey up to us treacherous. So, we can't exactly visit relatives or hop over to a larger settlement for a night of fun. To top things off, since mountains aren't exactly conductive of plant life, we are very dependent upon the traders that bring us food, spices, cloth, and news, and as a result they charge rather exorbitant prices that I always hear Tomomi, who is our village 'Sendou' and in charge of those types of village matters, argue over with my father and the other three men that frequently accompany my father. The only thing keeping us from starving, I think, is the game that the hunters of our time periodically go out to kill.
Yeah, that's right. Hunters.
I don't know if I've gone back in time, or if I've been reborn into some third-world village on a mystical mountain on an island connected to Japan, but we have a small group of people called 'Chishio'- Brothers of Blood. I'm not exactly sure if they're all related (who knows, this village is small enough- the likelihood that everyone is related to everyone is pretty high. We all look pretty similar, at least), or if 'blood' refers to the fact that they hunt and kill animals. I stay away from them when I can, because they're rather intimidating, and I've never been all that brave. It's kind of difficult though, seeing as who my father is.
My father is, from what I can tell, an influential member of our community. It's not hard to see why; never before have I seen such a logical man. He's impassive, exacting, intelligent, and strong; his eyes hold no compassion for me, his only child. He almost seems to be on a different level from everyone else- it's as if he is a god that is gracing us with his presence for some unknown purpose. There's a constant air of mystery exuding from him, and it makes him untouchable.
I'm terrified of him.
Whenever he comes near, my instincts scream for me to run far, far away. My pulse skyrockets, my breath shortens, and my limbs quake. It's like I'm back in-[don't say it don't remember just stop]
.
They watch Hiruko's daughter constantly.
"Do you think she-"
"It was an omen. She's probably-"
"-that's why she was born, it's her duty-"
"She looks just like her father-"
She's still just a child, but she holds herself like an adult. She's extraordinarily focused for a two-year-old. Most of the time, she seems to be in a place far from their home, a place they can never reach, a place incomparable to their own. It seems to them that she did not think she was one of them, and sometimes she gets send look that seems to say, "I know who you are and what you have done." That one day, she would rip them up and drag them down, and there was nothing they could do.
They're terrified of her.
But, at the same time, they're not. Because she's just a child, and children can be molded. She might not be obedient now, but they can change her, with time.
[Never once did she cry. Though he never admitted it, Hiruko was unnerved.]
A/N: Alright, this chapter was completely different than my original draft... Before, it was kind of an infodump/deep look into the past of her father. I actually liked it quite a bit- but then I realized it would be more fitting near the end of this arc... After you see what he has done, how he acts, then you will finally understand him. I actually kind of like his character, but I doubt you guys will for a good while yet, and perhaps you may never come around.
Anyways, I hope you liked this chapter. I've released a little bit of information, Next chapter will be when she finds out... It should be up soon-ish... Also, I apologize for the two Japanese words in it, but think of them like titles- instead of capitalizing and calling them the Brothers I'm calling them the Chishio. Instead of calling Tomomi the leader of internal and external non-militaristic affairs, I call her the Sendou.
