The Royal Dissidia College of Fanfiction

Disclaimers: See the Prologue

Chapter Warnings: Violence against manikins, violence against fangirls, light cursing. Kefka…

A/N: Please continue to send student applications and Baby Behemoths. I love Baby Behemoths!

ETA: Repost due to some errors pointed out to me, everything should be fixed nicely now.

-X-X-X-X-

Chapter I – Welcome to Equal Insanity

Lana groaned softly as she came to, she lay face-down in shallow water, dazed and confused.

"Where am I?" she wondered aloud, slowly getting up and looking around her. She realized she was in Order's Sanctuary, the grey clouds lightly rolling over her head. She appeared to be alone, save for a few manikins… manikins that were quickly advancing on her position, weapons drawn.

Lana paled, quickly moving to run in the opposite direction, ready to cry already. Why was this happening? Perhaps this was a really odd dream brought about by too much Dissidia and soda and she'd soon wake up… or better yet her Firion would come save her!

But neither would be the case. Luckily, someone would be saving Lana, just as soon as she got done chortling at the fangirl's expense.

Lana yelled loudly for help, still fleeing the manikins. Without warning, her boot caught on a small stone and she fell face-first into the shallow water. The manikins were closing in fast as Lana was attempting to scramble to her feet. All seemed lost for our poor fangirl when, suddenly…

"Have some more!" A voice yelled. A swirl of energy came circling around, striking all of the manikins, crumbling the crystal beings into shards. Lana instinctively curled into a ball as she was showered with chunks of crystal and rose petals. Wait… rose petals? Looking up, she hoped to see Firion. Instead the sight of a stern-faced, pink-haired woman greeted her.

"Who are you?" Lana asked, breathing heavily from the exertion. The woman shook her head and snorted softly.

"We don't have time for introductions. You're late as it is, should have woken up earlier. Let's go," the woman said, turning and starting to walk away at a brisk pace.

"Hey! Wait up!" Lana cried, scrambling to her feet and dashing after her rescuer.

-X-X-

"Okay! Who let the Baby Behemoth into the castle?" an annoyed Squall questioned, entering the common room of the Cosmos staff section, a little behemoth happily chewing on his leg, slobbering over the black leather. Zidane and Bartz both had to stifle giggles, neither having brought the Behemoth in but the sight of the normally calm and collected Squall flustered by such a little thing was just too much. Fortunately, it was their new compatriot who saved them, the Lady in Red.

"I was wondering where our little Worrier of Light scurried off to," she said, walking up to Squall and pulling the behemoth off his leg, picking it up like a young girl with her first puppy or kitten.

"Worrier of Light?" Squall questioned, one eyebrow arched.

"Yes, a Baby Behemoth created when someone misspelled the Warrior of Light's name," the Lady explained. Another Baby Behemoth bounded over as she set Worrier down, the two starting to play. "And this one is Khaos, another misspelling."

"Awww, how cute!" Terra declared, having a love of all things fluffy.

"Terra that's a…" Cloud began, but shook his head upon seeing the young woman cuddle the two Baby Behemoths, the two acting like overgrown puppies, nuzzling and licking Terra's face in reply.

"The staff has nothing to fear from Worrier and Khaos, they're only vicious to the students," the Lady stated, standing in an at-ease pose as she looked at Cloud, who nodded. "With hope we should be getting more of these little beasties."

"You lot best prepare yourselves, Lightning and Kain have corralled all our little wayward students," Mateus stated, standing in the doorway to the Cosmos common room. The Emperor has been elected the Chaos side's diplomat to the Cosmos side almost by default. Firion still declared the system that elected him rigged…

"We are prepared," the Warrior of Light replied, nodding curtly to Mateus.

-X-X-

Lana was led to a large castle near Order's Sanctuary surrounded by a lush courtyard of greenery. They entered through an ornate gateway bearing the words "Learning Through Pain," walked across a large cobblestone courtyard and up the front steps of the castle to an elaborate set of doors, opening them to reveal a large, long hallway.

Portraits were hung on the walls; some of people Lana recognized and others she didn't. Part of her wondered who the pretty lady with Cecil was, but the pink-haired woman was moving deeper into the palace and through another set of doors. Lana ran after her, despite the fact her legs were screaming in protest from the previous activity.

Lana had been led into a large auditorium where she found herself in a small sea of people. Noting the pink-haired woman moving up to the front to talk to a man in purple armor with draconic features, Lana sighed and went to find an open seat. She eventually found one where she was sandwiched between two girls; one with large rabbit ears and other rabbit-like features and dressed in black, the other was a regular human dressed in a plain blue tunic. She would later learn the proper term for such bunny girls was "Viera."

"Hello, latecomer," the Viera said, smirking lightly. "Looks like Lightning went easy on you."

"Lightning?" Lana asked. The Viera gave her a funny look.

"You can't be serious," the other girl stated. "Lightning's the best thing to come from Square in years. Finally, a woman we can be proud of!"

"That's enough chatter," a loud voice stated. All eyes turned to the front of the room where a woman dressed in a red tunic with a long, flowing red cape trimmed in gold stood. Clipped in her pixie-cut hair was a red jewel with a long, white feather attached. She was leaning against the podium, two odd purple animals played at her booted feet.

"Welcome to the Royal College of Dissidia Fanfiction, a place to learn and grow your skills in writing and especially when writing about Dissidia: Final Fantasy. I am your Course Coordinator, the Lady in Red, Master Red Mage of this College. All Red Mages will report to me," the woman said. The room remained silent, the students lightly fidgeting in their seats. Lana was slightly confused… what was a Red Mage?

"This is Orientation Week, where you'll have the opportunity to explore the castle and grounds. The only areas off-limits are the Staff Section and the other arenas. The manikin level outside of Equal Insanity is too high to safely allow untrained students out without an escort," the Lady in Red continued. It was at that point a young blond man came running up to the Lady. Armor on his legs make a soft clanking noise.

"Security breech!" He called. "Firion, Laguna, and Tidus have it handled, though. Couple of Sues with the help of a few Manikins got over the wall."

"Thank you, Vaan," the Lady said, waving the young man away. It was then he looked around, realizing there were a shit-ton of hormonal girls between him and the exit… and more than a few were starting to get up.

The two other warriors – Kain and Lightning, Lana would soon learn – drew their weapons, standing between Vaan and the fangirls.

"Teleport!" The Lady in Red cried, one hand placed on Vaan's shoulder. Lana blinked, and in a flash of light, Vaan was gone.

"RULE ONE! NO GLOMPING!" The Lady yelled at the assembled students. "Kefka! Show them what happens to glompers!"

The student body looked up to see the much-hated Mad Mage floating above them, previously unnoticed, permanent grin wider than ever.

"This is gonna hurt," he said, hearing the delicious screams of pain and fear.

-X-X-X-X-

To be continued…