Thanks to LadySzmanda , techstu13142 and neveragain77 who reviewed !
Part 2/3 - every one can be taken as a single story .
The final decision
I was sitting today and looking at them both … I made them hate each other and I didn't even notice . Why am I so dumb , it was obvious . Yesterday , from an reason unknown by the others , Greg was sad , very sad and he even yelled at Nick , at his best friend . Unknown reason … I feel it so hard to breathe , is like my lung doesn't want to take air … that I am not allowed to breathe . And it hurts . Too much … is like my body is revolting . I want to cry , I feel guilty , I feel so bad … everything is hating me . I even hate myself for what I've done .
Today I try to reach Greg , to talk to him … but he's avoiding me , like he did all the week . He refuses to go on cases with me . He doesn't look into my eyes anymore . We don't talk often and when we do it , we talk only about the cases . He has become a ghost . Is like he's not eating anymore , he's not sleeping anymore .
One day I saw him walking out of the locker room crying . Not really crying , but his eyes were red . He said it was an allergy , but I didn't believe him . He says he loves me like a friend and I don't buy that either . He … cares for me more than that , is easy to see it in his eyes . I feel his pain inside and it's ripping me apart . It's horrible … I see he turns his eyes when he sees me and Gil together . When he has a case together with Gil he fight to hold back the tears … he just wants to finish quicker and leave the room .
I think he started smoking again . He told me he only smokes when he's sad or stressed . Now he's both . And … he drinks a lot of alcohol . He's killing himself because of me . Me . Sara Sidle , the persons that destroys all the persons she met . I mess all their lives . I destroy their will . I am like a virus .
Greg is the person that helped me any time I needed help , that calmed me any time I was mad . He was the only light in the darkness of the job and made me shine like a star . The Star of Las Vegas world , how he called me . I know he meant … his Star . I am thinking that I was so wrong when I thought he cared for me in any way but like a lover … his feelings were more deep , more powerful than I believed .
I just stay there and look at the ceiling . Is like I hope he is going to tell me what should I do … because I have no idea at all . The room is silent … the TV is turned on , nut I am not paying attention . It does not help with the choice . But , let say I am breaking up with Gil … what is Greg going to say ? That I … never loved Gil , and I will never love him ? That I am a bad woman ? I am , I know it . And Gil … if I will be with Greg he will not feel good … but my heart is telling me that I shouldn't think , I should just act . To close my eyes and open my heart , and see who is there , who is really there . Who really is the one and true love of my heart ? I want to see this … to understand .
Gil … I know him for a long time . He is the one that helped me became a criminalist , that showed me that I can do whatever I want .
But Greg … yeah , Greg . He so sweet . He loves me , he is himself around me . Tears are streaming down my face when I think the pain I provoked in that loveable heart of his . I remember all the times he made life seem so easy to me … with him I feel like flying . And my heart here is going crazy only at the thought of him . I have butterflies in my stomach any time he touches me . I smile when he smiles . I am sad when he is sad . This has to mean something , am I right ? If I don't love him , why do I think at him all the time ?
Yeah , I understood that I love him so much that it hurts … the pain I feel is because I don't have the guts to tell him . I feel powerless , my mouth can speak sometimes when he's with me . I just because I can't say a word . I stop listening to my mind , she's lying . My heart is telling me so … my instinct in telling me the same thing .
I LOVE GREG . It took me to much to realize . Way too much pain for those words . But I love him … this is the final decision . I never realized it before … silly me . But he is the one that really captured my heart … the last thing I have to do is tell him … and hope that I didn't misunderstood somehow his feelings for me .
I love Greg … I love Greg … I love Greg … the words are echoing into my mind . They will until tonight … I feel like a teenager that's in love for the first time . I have five more hours to wipe away the tears , to smile and think what I am going to say to him .
Oh , I forgot … I have to tell Gil we have to break up . It would be sad but … I want Gil to understand that I'm not in love with him . That he's only a friend , a good friend for me … that I don't share his feelings . I know he'll be sad , I know he'll cry . But I just can't be with him …. This would kill them both . He'll find a nice girl after all . He's a good guy . But he's just not the man .
I found the love of my life in Greg . I can't wait to see the reactions tonight .
